By Ian Smith

1. No Fear

Fear creates resistance, resistance creates reluctance, reluctance creates… and well, reluctance creates nothing! When you do not act, you do not gain anything. Even when a man fails, he gains experience. He who doesn’t act gains nothing but a stronger sense of fear. By not acting, you are cementing that fear into your psyche. Most of the times, if you ask strikingly beautiful women if they are approached a lot, she will say no. And if you see the man she is with, you may wonder to yourself “Really? She picked him?” She didn’t pick this man because he has the best looks or the nicest car, she picked him because he had no fear, and he was  one of the few who approached her. Overcome fear, because in all reality, most of the fears you may have are really silly and illogical.

2. No reservations

This is tied closely to having no fear, but instead is more so linked to the fact that men who are successful with women aren’t tied down by much in their lives. Not much holds them back, and therefore they are able to act without being disabled by what are realistically insignificant aspects of their life. For example, I went two years of my life with a suspended license, during which time I was obviously unable to operate a motor vehicle. Some men would have taken this as a fatal blow to their ability to get girls, but instead of worrying endlessly about what I would do, I just acted. Sure, some girls were turned off by the fact I wasn’t able to pick them up for a date or disillusioned with the idea of dating a guy who was unable to drive, but for the most part this was no major roadblock.

I was honest and clear-cut with my situations and they respected the fact that I made no excuses for it. At the end of the day, it didn’t stop me at all. In fact, many of the women enjoyed playing a more commanding role in the relationship. They got to choose where we went when they would come over, and how we got there. I didn’t mind and for the most part, neither did they. Lesson being, we all have our obstacles, whether they are social, family, or material problems, we can’t let them hold us back from getting what we want.

3. Unique

Following the cookie-cutter example of what masculinity should be is only going to get you a certain type of woman and a certain type of relationship. That being, a cookie-cutter one. You are going to land yourself a ‘blah’ girl and a ‘blah’ relationship. People, in general, are drawn to that which they do not know or are unfamiliar with. If you approach a girl with the same old same old, then she is going to be unimpressed and therefore unenthusiastic in relation to you. In my years on the outside, I was told over and over again by the woman I spent my time with that they were impressed by whom I was. They were surprised when they first met me because they had expected something completely different. Once we began to converse, they were taken off guard by the fact that I was a yoga instructor, philosophy major, MMA fighter, and so on. By knocking down people’s expectations of you with a more intense and interesting illustration of the man you are, they will be absolutely drawn in, so that they may learn more!

4. Manners

There is a huge misconception that says that ‘assholes’ get all the girls. I can tell you that nothing is more false than this statement. Sure, assholes get girls, but they don’t get quality women. They get a woman who is masochistic, passive, and too submissive. What is true is that women like the ‘bad boy’ archetype, but they also want that bad boy to be a sweetheart. There is a fine balance one must strike to truly obtain Grade A women. Having good manners are an extremely important part of your persona, no matter what role you play in life. It’s really quite simple, but just like it, in these days good manners are quite rare. This again, makes you not only well-manners, but also unique.

5. Passion

Passion is a strong desire toward something of your liking. When women see a passionate men, they translate that to mean that this man will be passionate about their relationship. Passion is really the great energizer. Say you’re an animal or nature lover or you are passionate about a sport or some other activity. A woman will see that in your eyes, your words, or in your actions and she will know that this can be translated. There are different types of passion, some of which mean different things to a woman. She will see an animal lover or nature lover as a caring and compassionate caretaker, while she will see someone who is passionate about health and wellness as someone who will be a passionate lover. Knowing this can be used to your advantage in many, many ways.

6. Confidence and Competence

Often times, men walk around with a bloated sense of self-confidence when they aren’t competent – or capable – in their abilities. And other times men lack a sense of self-confidence, even when they are in fact competent in many areas of their lives. There is a balance to be struck. You cannot be confident and not be competent, because sooner or later your skills will be discovered. There is also a problem with being competent, and having no confidence. Your abilities will never have the chance to shine if you lack the confidence to display them. Men who are successful with women are both competent in their abilities and confident in themselves.

For instance, if you are an incredibly intelligent and worldly individual, but never speak up in conversation, no one will ever know this. Or if you are not intelligent, but your false sense of confidence leads you to believe you are, chance are that you may find yourself putting your foot in your mouth and showing your ignorance. Confidence drives women crazy, but over-confidence drives them away! Competence is attractive. Everyone loves someone with talents, but without the confidence to shine, those abilities will never come to light. Reflect and find your balance.

7. Honesty

Being truly honest is something that most people have incredible difficulty with. People tell lies all the time, day in and day out. Big lies and small lies. People lies so much, that many times we don’t even realize we are doing it. Whether we are embellishing a story, covering a mistake, or outright lying, it matters not. This makes honesty a rarity in today’s world. When women (or anyone for that matter) are faced with frank honesty, it is a shocker.Especially when it comes to how you feel or what you think about them. As men, we find ourselves hiding our feelings in an attempt not to be vulnerable. But from my own experiences, every time I’m completely honest with a woman, it brings good things to my relationship with her. Whether I tell her “I really like you” (she likes this) or “I am not looking for a serious relationship, but I want to continue to spend time with you” (she might not like this, but she appreciates the honesty), I always have good results. Try telling the truth; but try it all the time!

8. Deep and Simple

I have never been the guy who goes all out in an attempt to try to impress a woman. I don’t wear expensive clothes (for the most part) and my outfits are certainly not straight out from GQ. My cars have never been top-of-the-line. I’ve never confessed my love in a poem or song. I’ve never laid a bed of roses peddles with 1,000 candles in a room for an evening of romance. I’ve never gone over board with anything, though I am indeed romantic and I do get the job done. How? I try to keep my life – and therefore my relationships – as simple as possible. When I tell a woman my feelings, I don’t beat around the bush; I get right to the point. I have my likes and my dislikes, but I keep an open mind. I don’t have a lot of stuff and therefore I don’t have a lot of junk.  There is no much stress about my life, because for the most part, everything is dealt with. People enjoy being around others who are not plagued with problems and complex baggage.

From my ow personal experiences, complexity creates confusion. Every time I tried to juggle multiple relationships with women through lies and deceit, it came crashing down like a house of cards. But every time I was simply honest with these women and told them I wasn’t about to be exclusive, it was smooth sailing. It seems the simpler I keep things, the easier it is to meet new and exciting people. Perhaps it is because the more complex our lives are, the more we have to focus on life stuff; but the more simple our lives are, the more we can focus on other things – like getting girls! Try reducing all aspects of your life to minimums. Because with that reduction in both physical and mental “stuff”, there is a creation for new growth and opportunity to flourish.

9. Worldly Knowledge

No matter what you think, women do not want to talk about sports all the time (if ever!). Nor do they wish to talk about the inner workings of your last drunken fiasco with your buddies. Sure, they will talk about it from time to time, just like you will listen to her beef with her girlfriends. The idea is to make yourself knowledgeable – to some degree – on all topics. Politics, philosophy, current events, pop culture, science and technology, music, history, and so on. The more you know, the more you can talk about, and the greater your chances of having a meaningful conversation with the beautiful woman of your choice. Even if you are chasing an airhead, if you are able to relate to her (even if she can only talk about say, pop culture) you will be able to develop a rapport with her and therefore, create a relationship with her.

10. The X-Factor!

I’ve heard it a million times, and any guy who has been successful with women in the past can verify this one for me. “There is just something about you that I can’t put my finger on, but I like you” – She says. Whether it’s your kind heart under a rough exterior or witty attitude and ability to think on your feet. Or the way you walk, the way you talk, or the way you look into her eyes while she is talking. There is always something that each of us have. Reflection is the key here. What is that makes you, you? The problem of the guys who don’t get any, is that no one notices their X-factor. No one notices it because they haven’t noticed it, so they can’t show it! I could tell you mine, but it’s top secret. Find your x-factor!

By Ian Smith

I’m a firm believer that there is a definite rhyme and reason to the way the universe works. While I am fairly certain that it isn’t set in stone, and that many things – including humans – create fluctuations in the way the world unfolds.

The events and situations we face everyday are cleverly disguised opportunities to realize, develop, and exercise our true potential. Now what exactly do I mean by ‘true potential’? Well, that’s simple. Each and every human being on the is planet – regardless of their physical, mental, or emotional limitations – has an indescribable capacity do to basically anything and to become anyone.

Keeping this in mind, reflect upon your own situation. I will reflect upon my own current situation to serve as an example.

- I founded this website to assist people in growing and becoming true men, while in the process allowing myself to do the same. However, I am going to prison very soon. My potential to do what I love and what also helps me become a better person on a daily basis is going to be severely cut off. I won’t be able to log-on and interact with you fine gentlemen. However, will I let this limit me? Indeed it won’t. I have taken the time to make things work, regardless of the shit I must go through. I have found care-takers and placed my faith into the co-founders and other leaders of this website to ensure it runs for everyone to use. For my own growth, I will handle that in many ways, making sure not to waste my time idly as I sit behind bars.

- Over the last few years, I have spent time on a daily basis improving my physical health. I look back at the kind of shape my body was in before, or even look around at countless people around me and I’m appalled by an overwhelming lack of respect, care, and knowledge of healthy living. When I noticed this about myself, what did I do? I didn’t feel bad for myself because I was a flabby mess, I got into a routine right away. Now here I am today, in amazing shape. I can’t remember the last time I fell ill, or wasn’t able to accomplish something physically. That is potential. Potential to be excellent.

- In high school, I was a run-of-the-mill student. I got C’s and B’s with no effort. Despite recommendations to try harder from family and teachers, I ignored them and continued doing what I was doing. Soon enough I realized that stupidity and mediocrity aren’t cool. So I started a new. Upon entering college I opened my mind, focused my intellectual energies, and started to pay attention and ask questions. And before I knew it, I was leading discussions in class, getting strait A’s, and discovered a new-found desire to learn everything I could. Today, people commend me on a regular basis about my intellectual prowess.

None of these things came easy. Nothing was given to me, and chances are, nothing will be given to you. Even when it is, you’ll wind up going back and doing it for yourself later (if you want to really know and grow). So what’s the lesson here?

Realize your true potential. If you want something, then GET IT. Don’t bullshit. Don’t sit idly resenting those who have it easier than you. Stop feeling bad for yourself. And don’t get discouraged by an overwhelming task that confronts you. You want to be an astronaut? Then be an astronaut. You wanna be the man that everyone loves, then BE that man. But get ready to WORK for what you want, because that’s just half the FUN. You can guess what the other half is!

Namaste.
Ian Smith.

Side-note: Ian Smith is already in prison, but this article is so inspiring that I decided to dig through the old files and pull it out. This guy is one of my best friends and a mentor to me.
- Daniel Becerra

Model: Our very own Kris Hansen

Fellow Members, I pose a question for you all.

What is a man?

Now obviously, there are simple answers to this question. Biologically, it doesn’t too mean too much to be a man; you need just to be born with the correct chromosomal match up. But this isn’t what I’m talking about; I am referring to a much deeper question. So before you continue reading this article I ask that you stop for a minute or two, and write down (or type on a notepad document) the qualities and virtues of a man. And while you write down these qualities, briefly think about why those qualities are important in being a man. Again, take your time with this, and please, think deeply when searching for these answers.

What makes a man a real man?

What I can tell you first and foremost is that the measure of a man is nothing in the material world. You are not a man because you are strong, because you are rich, or because you are powerful. While these are qualities of a man and in most cases, desirable ones, they are not essential to being a real man. The list of the extra qualities is extensive, and while they are things some of us may strive for, I repeat, they are not what it means to be a man.A man is a being of virtues, values (not value – value is something that is perceived andobjective, thereby always changing), and other fundamental properties, which I will discuss.

1. Virtue (ver-choo) noun – 1. Goodness; morality; Chasity. 2. A good moral quality, as in justice, 3. Excellence; merit; efficacy. 4. Being of a standard of rightness.

Virtue comes from the Latin root virtu- or virtus, meaning manliness, strength, and rightness. So what does it mean to be a righteous man? What are the virtues one should desire to embody? Well, there are many, to name a few:

Strength - While this can mean physical strength, more importantly it means inner strength. The type of strength that will get you through tough times, through problems, the type of strength we know as courage. The kind of strength that can show vulnerability and gentleness because they aren’t afraid of their inner side.

Discipline – Before you accomplish any goals or get anywhere with personal development, or becoming a man, you need to have the solid foundation of discipline that will keep you on track when the path gets bumpy with roadblocks, laziness, discouragement, or anything else that might knock you back into average-ness.

Balance - One of the most important qualities of a man is his degree of balance with all of his activities, qualities, skills, and everything else in his life. I’ve come across countless men who were very good with women in bed, and as a result had awesome sex lives, those same men however, had no idea how to create, nourish, nor sustain a meaningful relationship with a woman. As a result, they were very lonely, unhappy, and unbalanced. I’ve met many men who were in extremely good shape physically, but had horrible mental/emotional issues that were ignored; therefore though they looked good, were very unhealthy on the inside. The examples run on and on. Embrace your yin and your yang, your positive and negative attributes, and so on.

Control of Emotions – The idea that men are strictly rational beings, and aren’t capable of emotions is extremely misconstrued. We have been socially conditioned to hide our emotions, the most important of them being love, for the fear we may be seen as weak or feeble. Let your emotions show, learn to love those emotions, the good and the bad, learn to embrace them and finally to control them. The next time you feel angry or sad, let the feeling of the emotion brew within you, breath, and then let it pass. How did that feel? Do not be afraid of them, and certainly do not act irrationally on them. Do no let your emotions control you. You control them.

Acceptance and Tolerance - So many people in the world today are, unfortunately, so intolerant and close-minded that they don’t want to hear what people with other views have to say or how other people feel. People are intolerant of other cultures and societies without knowing anything about them. Prejudgment runs rampant and it causes nothing but confusion and more problems, not to mention, it makes you look like a jerk when you can’t sit down and have a conversation with someone you disagree with. Close-mindedness will make you likely to make an ignorant comment without your knowing, possibly offending someone you may wish to befriend.

Vision – The ability to see where you’re going. Where you’re going right now matters little to nothing compared to where you’re going. I was broke, literally broke and in debt, but I had this vision and it let it be well known, always – it was that vision that allows me to enjoy a great life today. The man who is going no where in life gets nothing. The man with plans achieves them, forever growing in a positive way. You don’t have to sabotage yourself into constantly growing, but you do need to remain aware of what your vision is.

Passion - Every successful person will tell you this. It’s a law. My passions are personal development, life, and people. Everything I do revolves around my passions. Because my passions are positive, my life remains that way.

Gratitude - If you can’t appreciate what you have, how can you truly have anything at all? Life is full of wonderful gifts. The man who knows this posesses riches beyong imagining.

Wisdom - Socrates called ‘Wisdom’ the greatest virtue of them all. Wisdom is understanding of all things, it is education mixed with intellectual and reflection. Wise individuals rarely find themselves in a situation that they can not handle. I think the book ‘Way of Peacefull Warrior’ by Dan Millan states a quote that represents wisdom perfectly. “Knowledge is knowing, wisdom is doing”, that is wisdom.

By focusing on developing these virtues (and others), rather than material objects, you are truly developing who you are as a man. Can you think of any other? If so, write them down as comments.

By Ian Smith

Today, I needed to write about something that is very important to me – and should be very important to all of you. I’m going to try to keep this as structured as possible, but I will be ranting. So hang with me here.

Everyone walks a different path through life. That being said, everyone is going to have different experiences through life. Some easier than other, some more difficult than most. However, no matter who you are, you will face adversity at some point in your life. The thing that separates the best from the rest, is how you react to this adversity.

Like I said, how will you react to the ‘daily struggle’? Will you let it overwhelm you and get the best of you? Will you let adversity define who you are? Or will you FIGHT to be the best – no matter what? Will you lay down and die? Feel bad for yourself? Or stand up tall, fists clenched, ready to tackle anything stopping you from achieving excellence? Will you woe in self-pity asking ‘why me’? Or will you stare it right in the face and scream “BRING IT ON!”?

There are two options. Only two. Fight….or Die. There is no middle path here. There are no negotiations. There is no easy way out. Life is not a lazy river made for you to float around until the end of days. Life is a war.

But that’s the beauty of it. Accept it.

Take every situation you face and make the best of it. Focus your creative energies on solutions, growth, and conquering these mountainous adversities.

Here are some examples from my own life, where I have taken lemons and created delicious lemonade from them.

1) 3 Year Suspended License – Due to recent events, my license has been stripped from me for three years. Now, many people would find that as an excuse to become lethargic, lazy, and to watch tons of T.V. It seems like it would be a good one “I can’t get to work it’s too far, I don’t have a car/ride”. Instead, what do I do? I bought a bike, and I ride my ass everywhere. I rely on nobody for a ride, or to help me. I get up early every morning and ride – rain or shine – to work, school, and anywhere else I need to go to remain a productive member of society.

Great things have come of this. 5 months into doing this, I have dropped 20lbs of fat from my body. Magically, I have a 6-pack. My legs have gone from two flabby meat sticks to two rock hard limbs. My endurance has sky-rocketed. I have also learned many things: I can ride a bike like a champion and do a variety of neat tricks, I ride at night a lot and have spent much of my time looking at the stars as I ride in the deserted streets of my town, it also gives me plenty of time to sit and think about whatever is on my mind at the moment. While everyone is busy whining and moaning about gas prices (not so much now), I ride on happily by as the cash in my pocket continues to stack up! This list goes on and on and on.

2) Tragic automobile accident – For most of you, this may be a shocker. Last year, I was involved in a tragic automobile accident that took the life of an innocent young man. My life was spared, for reasons that still elude me to this day. And because of this, I have been charged with Vehicular Manslaughter of the 2nd degree. A serious charge that carries with it a 5-10 year prison sentence. Admittedly, this is by far the most intimidating form of adversity I have ever faced. There are so many levels on which this effects me as a person.

The guilt, remorse, and grief of knowing that someone died as a result of a dire mistake I made will haunt me for the rest of my days. The fear and unknown of going to prison haunts me every single waking hour. The pain I have caused in the hearts of his family, friends, and loved ones is indescribable, it simply cannot be put into words how bad I feel for all of this. I meant none of this, I love humanity, I would never intentionally set out to hurt anyone – let alone cause their untimely death. However, I have done so – mistake or not.

For months afterwards, I felt like nothing mattered anymore. I sat in a puddle of self-pity asking myself over and over again “Why me? Why me? Why did this happen to me?” Until one day I realized how lucky I was, how lucky I was to still be here, despite whatever else I had to face in the coming years. I was still alive. I was here. And nothing could be better than that. Upon further thought on the subject, I realized that great good could come from this most terrible of tragedies, and that I owed it to not only myself – but more importantly – the young man who perished that day. I owed it to him, and his family to create a better world from this. And that is what I will do forever more.

I started with myself first. I needed some work. So I got to work and revamped myself in every way possible. Once I was able to workout again, I got into a regiment that has sculpted my body into a highly tuned biological machine. Then I worked on my inside. The guilt. The fear. The pain. The negativity. I became stronger through all of this. I looked deep inside for the answers, and low and behold they were all there. Every single one of them was there. And those questions I couldn’t find complete answers for, I looked elsewhere to friends, family, and fellow humans for help. And they helped, with great pleasure. People have flocked from all over to help me through this tragedy. Teachers, friends, family doctors, family friends, loved ones, new friends, and even complete strangers.

Despite the fact that I am going to prison, I have continued to remain a productive member of society. I attend college as a full-time student, I have an internship, two jobs as a waiter and a yoga instructor, volunteer at a hospital, I write for the school newspaper, I run this website to help myself and others grow, and still manage to find time to hang out with the people I love.

Once I had worked on myself, it was time to give back to the world. I needed to tell my story, the tragic story of how this accident happened. While I am ashamed of my actions, I know with every fiber of my being that it was without intention and I know that great things can be learned from them. So I tell everyone I meet about who I am. I have no secrets, only stories. I publicly speak to students and other young people so they do not have to make the same mistake I did. And you know what? It feels AWESOME. The feeling I get telling my story (even though it is a sad one) is absolutely AMAZING. This has made me a better, stronger person, and I hope that by telling other people it will do the same for them.

Those are only two forms of adversity I have faced in my life. And despite the worst of it, great things have come from them. Sure, it sucks that I have to deal with it. But one thing I have learned from this is that someone else will always have bigger problems than you will. So learn to love your problems for what they are – embrace them – and conquer them!

Much love everyone.
Ian Andrew Smith.

R.I.P.

Words: Ian Smith

Note: Ian Smith is already facing time prison, but he is still an active person by writing letters to us and ocassional articles for this website. We all owe a great deal to him.

By Ian Smith and Daniel Becerra

As a personal development student, and someone who has come to understand the PUA community – I have made some (what I think to be) valuable observations of some very common mistakes made by men who emerge themselves in the PUA world.

1) Not Everyone is trying to “AMOG” you – This I think, is one of the most common mistakes I’ve seen overall. I see posts, threads, and articles all the time posing questions or situations where the author is simply over-reacting. I’m not suggesting that people aren’t going to try to show dominance over you in social situations because this does happen all the time. However, you have remember to take a joke sometimes. You don’t always have to take a comment as an attack on your social character. If someone says “Nice earing fag” then that’s definitely a situation where you would want to take the offensive and shoot back. However, I can say with a pretty high degree of certainty that most of the time, other men aren’t consciously trying to AMOG you. So instead of always being in attack mode towards other men in social situations, befriend them and joke with them.
2) Just say hello - This relates closely to my last post entitled “Don’t over-complicate things”. Again, I see dozens upon dozens of threads and posts by people asking for “openers”. I find this so silly. Sure, these canned openers can work. But seriously, it’s not natural to store these sound bites in your head. And it isn’t worth worrying about. Whatever happened to smiling and saying “hi”? You don’t have to make it such a production, you can, but you don’t have to. People are more receptive to social contact than you think, you don’t have to put on this big show of opening when in reality, chances are she won’t remember what you said a week from now. So instead of worrying yourself sick about which opener to use, just walk up to her and say what you want – whatever that may be.

3) Lose the attitude - As a side effect of learning this occult knowledge, PUAS tend to turn into giant douchebags. While this may be a vast generalization, I have found it to be relatively correct. They go from a shy, timid man who can’t muster up the balls to squeak out a peep to a woman into a raging douche who puts on a top-hat and one too many silver rings who all the sudden is convinced that every woman wants him and every guy wants to be him. This “I’m the shit” attitude isn’t attractive, and quite frankly it’s annoying as hell. In most cases, despite their best efforts the attitude comes across as try-hard or a huge over-compensation for a deep rooted problem. Just be humble in your thoughts, words, and actions.

4) Learn the difference between cocky/funny and cocky/not funny - There is a MAJOR difference, please just learn it for you own good. As much respect as I have for David DeAngelo, I think his ‘creation’ turned into a monster, even though I’m sure that was not his intention. Try use self-deprecating humor, that is, smiling at yourself, but not sabotaging yourself. Hank Moody from Californication is such an example of self-deprecating or cocky/funny humor.

5) Live in the moment - Another side effect of having all this knowledge is that men tend to spend their time analyzing mistakes and planning for the future (creating routines and lines) instead of living in the moment. Self-reflection is good and so is planning for the future, however, this can get out of hand very quickly. Enjoy your time in the now. When you’re in a social group, stop thinking so much, stop worrying about what was just said and how to properly respond or if you responded correctly. Like I always say, roll with the punches and live in the NOW. There is a balance between the three, find it, and embrace it.

6) Stop dedicating SO much time to one aspect - Being successful with women is NOT the most important thing in your life, end of story. You can’t argue otherwise. While sometimes it may seem like it, they are merely a desire – one of many. This stuff really isn’t that hard guys, I hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. Dedicate some time to it, and take a break. Go live a bit. Go develop other aspects of your life. Go to the gym, go read a book, go learn how to cook some new foods, go play frisbee, whatever it is you may want to do. This is possibly the greatest pitfall. I see people with 1000′s upon 1000′s of posts in a very short amount of time and I can’t help but wonder….what are they doing with their life? This stuff is great guys, it works, and it helps. But it is only one facet of an amazing world that is endless in possibility and infinite in wonder.

7) Communicate, not entertain - Humor is great, but you are not there to entertain, you’re there to communicate, identify, and later commune. Don’t speak too much. Let her speak. Listen. Part of being interesting is showing interest in other people, put some effort into it. Keep in mind that anyone can forget the things you said, but no girl will forget how you made her feel. So rather than learning all these great lines that will create certain responses, learn why those responses occur and the lines, actions, or whatever will come out naturally. Of course, I’m not suggesting you manipulate anyone, but I am suggesting that you take the time to learn why things work the way they do. As Jim Rohn said “When you have enough why’s, the how’s will come”. Other techniques such as peacoking can be ridiculous if misused. I apologize if you wear a dildo to a nightclub, but that is just obscenely childish. Moderate them. Remember that you’re not there to entertain, you’re there to communicate.

As men, and as humans in general we should constantly be striving to drastically improve and expand ourselves in every area of lives. One should be the master of not only his physical, but his mental, intellectual, and spiritual realms. No human is complete without these. There are specific things in life that can and will enrich your lives in one or more of these areas. Please realize, that not all of these need to be done to be a complete person, there are many different paths to take. Please also realize I am just serving a few examples that work in my life, there are many more positive activities and things of the sort you can bring into you life to be the best man you can.

1) Health and well being - I strongly feel that my physical body is the most important aspect of my life, because as far as I know, nothing else in my life can exist without it. My thoughts, emotions, mental health, are all dependent on me being alive and well in the physical realm of existence.

- Physical Fitness is one essential part of my life, I maintain an active lifestyle in general, but make it a point to workout at least once a day, however it is usually twice. Initially, some people have trouble enjoying working out, but I have learned to love it. And you should too. Your body is your gift from whatever God/Power you feel created you. Take care of it, learn about anatomy and physiology, appreciate the fact that you are, by far, the most complex life-machine on the planet. Your body is THE pinnacle of evolution on this planet. You can run, jump, swim, fight, play, act, dance, do back-flips, play guitar, and so much more. Enjoy this. Strive to get in the best shape of your life, in any way you can. Explore your options. Weight lifting, martial arts, yoga, pilates, sports, iso/plyometrics, calisthenics, cardiovascular, you name it, you can do it. All of these wonderful activities will bring discipline, energy, and an over increase in well-being and life expectancy.

- Maintaining a healthy lifestyle doesn’t just include physical fitness, you should stray away from unhealthy activities, foods, and habits as well. I quit smoking cigarettes, by far one of the best things I’ve ever done. They are completely and utterly pointless. They have no positive effects on your body, they are a complete waste of money, they smell horrible, they pollute the environment, and they fund big corporate interests that don’t care about you as an individual. Stop eating crappy food. Learn to appreciate all the wonderful healthy foods that this world has to offer. Fruits and veggies are an untapped resource among most men. Why? They are delicious, they are great for you, they are cheap, and easy. Stop eating genetically modified foods or foods that are over processed, both of these will deteriorate your body and overall physical over long periods of time. Don’t watch T.V or play video games that often, neither of the two are very productive activities, and lead to a lazy and rather unhealthy lifestyle.

2) Mental and Intellectual- Just as important as your physical health, is your mental health. And just as equally important as that is your intellectual capabilities. You can be a strong and good looking as you want, but if you are a nut-job or a emptied-brain person, you’re not going anywhere with yourself. But think of the possibilities that open up to you as a beautiful, healthy, wise, and clear-minded person. The sky is truly the limit in these cases.

- Mental Health is absolutely key. Ninety five percent of people have some sort of mental blockage that warps and distorts their world view in some way. We all have things thrown in our path from time to time, but we need to move past petty arguments, past experiences, embarrassments, wrongdoings, and things of the sort. Most people tend to suppress things like these which throw them into your subconscious where they will continue to haunt you until you acknowledge, accept, and release them. Fears, regrets, feelings of hatred and other negative emotions will only limit you as a person. They cause all sorts of mental instabilities which are then reflected from your inner world, to your outer world. Causing psychical discomfort of all sorts from violent anger to dramatic fits. I used to be a very angry, pessimistic person at one point, because I had not accepted the my past and I wasn’t ready to face my future. But once we acknowledge these negative forces within ourselves, we can move past them and continue with our lives in a positive and productive direction. All of this is very general, but I think a lot of you may know exactly what I’m getting at.

- A smart man, will dominate in any situation, guaranteed. And I’m not talking book-smart. I’m talking about savvy, wise, men who have their wits sharp and their eyes open. Real life smarts. A jack of all trades, someone who knows whats going on at all times, whether it is in his small social circle of friends at a party, or the latest political-world news. You can’t react if you don’t know what is going on. Learn everything you can. Whether you are really interested in it or not, chances are, you’ll use it down the road. I used to be forced to help my step-father do all sorts of home-improvement as a kid, but guess what? When I ever had a woman (or even another clueless man) who needed their lawnmower, sink, toilet, light fixture, dishwasher, water heater, etc fixed, I could handle the job with ease. That is an example of things that women especially look for when finding a real man. That serves as just one example, we can also look into the fact that any woman I have a conversation with, that has some brains about her, is getting herself into a deep, meaningful, and exciting conversation. Why? Because I’m intelligent. I read a lot. I do a lot. I speak a lot. I take knowledge from anything and anyone I can. You can take lessons from other people’s mistakes, misfortunes, good behavior, good examples, successes, failures, anything. Just pay attention, analyze, and store.I’m telling you, this stuff is simple.

3) Spiritual and Religion - A complete man must have some sort of structured world view. I encourage anyone who has studied or followed a certain religion their whole lives to seriously consider looking into others. Please do not limit your spirituality to the doctrines of a certain school of thought. Just as you don’t want to limit yourself in any other area of life. If you’re a Christian, pick up a few Eastern religion books, even if it is just to have a browse. Chances are you are going to find something in there that will help you in one way or another.

- Spirituality is an awesome part of human existence. We are the only species on this planet to ponder such deep thoughts like the meaning and/or purpose of life, our creation, demise, etc. A well-rounded man has his feet planted firmly on the ground, but his head should remain in the clouds, metaphorically speaking. Whether you are a materialist, dualist, taoist, pagan, christian, jew, muslim, or whatever else you can come up with, enjoy the fact that you are a deep thinking mammal who can indulge in such spectacular activities. The path to enlightenment is different for each individual, blaze your own path, and you shall find the answers you seek. I cannot say much more about the joys of spirituality, because it is something that is better understood when it is explored and felt, rather than dictated.

4) Friends and Networks: Another enabling factor, a very important one are your friends and networking capabilities. For instance, if I want to go on a second date and need a good place, I have the restaurant I work at. It’s extremely nice, I am extremely close with the bosses, and its an overall great place to be; sports players and big shots in there all the time. Or one of my buddies has a massive house. We all have connections like this, and if not, they are easy to obtain. If you don’t have good friends, and all they do is sit around all day, tell them to follow, or get out of the way. Your friends will make you or break you. There is no need to be a prick but you must be learning to drop some people who are a negative influence on your life. Find people who are on the go, always doing something fun. Do little things like have a conversation with the cops that you see in your local convenience store or the male or female sitting next to you on the bus. The more people you know, the more you are capable of. I can just think back to what a good networking move it was to speak with my now very close friend, Daniel Becerra. I think you all get the point.

5) Activities, Hobbies, and Talents: The more you keep yourself active, the more opportunities you will be presented with. Simple things like going to the gym, playing basketball, being active in your community, going with friends to local parks and city gatherings, and so much more. All of this will open you up to more and more experiences. One of the coolest chicks I met was on a white water rafting trip, I didn’t plan on meeting any women there, but it turned out we had many similar interests and bonded quite quickly during the trip. Even if you don’t meet any women during all this, it is something to talk about and use as a demonstration of value, and shows a fun on-the-go action packed life. Something that is very appealing to most people these days.

6. Possessions: Many (not all) people place a high value on what kind of possessions a man has in his life, whether it be money, a good job, a nice car, or whatever. For example, my friend drives a porsche, and when we go out, it doesn’t take much to get a conversation going with some girls. In fact in most cases all it takes is rolling down the window at stoplights, parking lots or leaving clubs. Now, obviously not everyone can have a Porsche, but there are things everyone can do that will enable you to have an easier time. Having a nice house, that is decorated with passion. A well-kept bedroom with true character. All of these things are qualities of a tremendous lifestyle. Whether you like to admit it or not, we live in a material world – so if you’re going to play the game, then play it right. Make sure you have nice things, and when you have nice things, keep them nice. This is one very important aspect of building ‘The Lifestyle’.

Overall, a fun, enlightened lifestyle is one that will not only enable you to attract fun, enlightened people, but also keep them in your life.

Words: Ian Smith.

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.

1- Get in shape: Any man can sweep off any woman off her feet, true, but, it doesn’t help you if you’re overweight or scrawny. This doesn’t mean turn into a meathead muscle machine but get yourself into a routine, the internet is a huge resource to find out information about getting into the perfect shape. Don’t do it just for women (or men), do it for yourself. Your body deserves to be treated correctly. Run, jog, swim, lift weights, watch what you eat, stop smoking cigarettes, don’t drink as much, don’t do drugs as much. A woman loves a man who is physically attractive, once again, your body isn’t going to get you the girl, your brain and what you say is. But it will surely help. The resources are out there available – use them.

2- Get the correct amount of sleep: Doing so will not only improve the way you look, it will improve your memory and all other brain functions. In turn, making you wittier, funnier, cockier, whatever. Also, it will keep you from getting sick. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve blown it with cause I was sick and gave it to them. Its such a turn off, both ways.

3- Change your hairstyle: Go for something new, if it doesn’t work, it’ll grow back. Don’t go for the run of the mill buzz-cut or slicked hair. Go to the barber shop and look in a magazine and find something. Trust me, it’ll work. Facial hair as well, grow out some sideburns, cut them off, grow a goatee, cut it off, go clean shaved, or try looking scruffy. You’ll find something that works for you.

4- Get some new clothes: As much as I don’t like buying into the fashion world, it helps. So get some new outfits, even if it isn’t your style, you’d be surprised what a couple new threads will do for your confidence and the ladies love it, even if you don’t. Dress as if you’re already the person who you want be.

5- Educate yourself: Instead of spending three hours a day sitting in the PUA forums and reading new crappy canned methods. Pick up a book, newspaper, or internet article and educate yourself. Women love smart men, that’s a fact. You don’t have to be Einstein. I’ve heard countless guys whining “My life is boring, I don’t have anything to talk about”. This is in your hands, you’ll have plenty to talk about if you just read three books on psychology, history, science, current events, or whatever else you find intriguing. Reading not only furthers your knowledge, it enhances your vocabulary – which again you don’t need to be a human dictionary, but eliminating “that sucks” and “cool…” and “nice…” and “kinda…” and other countless boring words from your speech and replacing them with advanced words makes you more attractive. You can count on that. In addition, reading will further your ability to speak properly and aid in your grammar. Nobody likes to be around the guy that says “like” and “uhhh…” and other filler words every 15 seconds when he is speaking. You want be attractive? Intelligence is one quality every single girl will list when asked about what they look for in a guy. It will also enhance your humor and will allow you to capitalize on more opportunities. Why? Because you’re now far more intelligent.

6- Mirror effective personalities: Now, don’t be a mirror of the people. But mirror their good qualities and add them to your arsenal. Whether its a T.V. character who has a good cocky/funny attitude or someone you meet who you just thought was an interesting person. Nobody on this Earth is a completely original person, everything we say and do is picked up by others, usually subconsciously. So be conscious of it, and you’ll find great success. For example, I mirrored many of the qualities that a character named Dr. Cox on the T.V. Show Scrubs displays.

7- Talents: Everyone has a few, find them.

8- Work on your manners: I have seen dozens upon dozens of random guys and even my friends blow it with a gorgeous girl because they didn’t cover their mouth when they sneezed or coughed. Say “Bless you”, “Thank you”, “You’re welcome”. Hold doors open for people, let someone walk in front of you instead of being the jerk who pushes through. There are dozens of common courtesies that many people just forget to do. At the end of the day, a girl wants a man she can be proud to be around, and one that will treat her with the respect she deserves. Don’t lose your cocky & funny attitude or whatever your game plan is, but be a genuinely respectful person and it will surely pay off. This can be one of the greatest form of value, given that very few people practice it.

9- Develop your knowledge and skills in interesting areas of human interest: While I don’t recommend all of them, they are certainly nice to have under the sleeve. They are not needed, but they are just general knowledge. So don’t rant: “I would never do that!”. You don’t have to.

10- Magic Tricks - I don’t know any, but I can shuffle a deck of cards 8 different ways, and when I play games at college, girls are amazed that there are more than 2 ways to shuffle a deck. Instant conversation starter and attention grabber.

11- Tarot Cards/Runes - Even though I have grown to hate them from doing so many reads, I keep a deck visible in my room at all times. They cost no more than 25 dollars and it comes with a book. It’ll take you a few weeks to get the hang of them, but do it anyway. Countless girls have been dazzled by my reads on them. I’ve even done reads on guys at a party and had a group of girls waiting in line to be next. Cut it off and tell them you’ll do it later, they will bug you for your attention and wait for you while you walk away and go interact with someone else. (In love and war, everything is fair)

12- Astrology: Pick up a couple books on astrology (I recommend Sextrology and Astrologically Incorrect For Lovers). Learn your sign and the general details on women signs, you won’t need to learn any other guy ones obviously. I’ve met many beautiful women with just asking them when their birthday is, don’t ask the sign, know what dates correspond and you’ll knock her socks off. A nice trick to have under the sleeve, but again, it is not necessary. And no, do not make this a priority.

13- Psychology: I go to college, and I honestly couldn’t even give you a ballpark figure on how many women are Psychology majors. You don’t have to be Seigmand Frued, but if you can hold an intellectual conversation with a women about psychology, she’ll love you forever. They don’t even have to be Psychology majors. All girls love psychology. It’s what they do. They are natural psychologists. Even if you don’t use it to converse about, use it to your advantage, you’ll be able to read social situations hundred times better with even a basic understanding of psychological theories.

14- Philosophy: It will open your mind in more ways than you can imagine in turn making you a more intelligent being. You will not only learn Philosophy, but you will live it.

15- Sports: Some girls love sports. Even if you hate them, know something about them. Thirty minutes of ESPN.com won’t kill you. If you don’t use it with a sports girl, use it to befriend the five guys that are surrounding her.

16- Politics: Again, you’d be surprised how many women are Political Science majors. Myself, I love politics, some people hate it. But if you can converse or even school a girl on the current political disaster we call our government, she will find you attractive. (Warning: Some people get very heated while engaged in political debates, never loose your cool because you’ll just look like a jackass)

17- Music: Develop your taste in music to include more than crappy mainstream rappers and pop music. Listen to all types of music, my old roommate knew the words to more songs than I can even begin to name. Everything from Johny Cash to N*Sync, seriously, his current girlfriend was so amazed by his musical variety that I think that was their first deep conversation. That has the word “Value” written all over it.

18- Interesting General Facts: Learn interesting facts of all types. If you meet a girl from Alaska, “Did you know that the Alaskan coastline makes up more than half of the entire US coastline?” I met a woman from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil the other night and told her how much I loved the statue of Christ the Redeemer that sits atop the Corcovado Mountain and how beautiful the view is looking down into the city. She was absolutely stunned that I even knew that it was there, I didn’t even have to tell her that I have never actually been there. She was too busy drowning in my words as I continued the conversation. Simple facts like this will separate you from the other one hundred guys she sees and meets that day.

By Ian Smith

Many of the men that I have met, taught, and befriended have been close to giving up due to the fact that they weren’t catching on as fast as others. They become very frustrated and talk about quitting, thus returning to their underachiever ways and just crawling back into their holes. Very quickly, I would like to go over a few examples of famous people who achieved great things in their lifetimes. They all could have quit when they faced the challenges of life, but they didn’t, and it paid off.

1) The basketball super-stars Michael Jordan and Bob Cousy were both cut from their high school basketball teams because they weren’t performing well. Jordan once said, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed.”

2) Abraham Lincoln, (our fellow on the left side), a hero of the civil war and one of the greatest American Presidents ever, went to war as a captain and was demoted to the rank of a private. He was a terrible businessman and failed miserable at law as well. When he tried his luck in politics, he was destroyed and mocked in his first attempt to run for congress. He was defeated in his first 5 attempts at any type of public office. However, this did not discourage him, he went on to live forever in the history books of the world with his radical stance on keeping the country united, no matter what.

3) WWII hero Winston Churchill failed the 6th grade. He lost every election for public office until the age of 62. He later wrote in his memoirs, “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up.” If he would have given in, the course of world history would have been quite different, perhaps WWII wouldn’t have ended the way that it had.

4) The great philosopher Socrates was called “an immoral corrupter of youth” because he asked questions and provoked thought that was not good for the rulers at the time. Even after he was sentenced to death for his so-called crimes, he kept teaching and seeking enlightenment. His story and teachings have inspired great minds that followed him for 1,000s of years.

5) The famous psychologist Sigmund Freud was booed and mocked from the podium when he first presented his ideas to the scientific community of Europe. He returned to his office and kept on writing, eventually becoming the founder of many theories that set-up the structure for psychology as we know it today.

6) Charles Darwin turned down a up a medical career and was told by his father, “You care for nothing but shooting, dogs and rat catching.” In his autobiography, Darwin wrote, “I was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect.” Clearly, if he had accepted failure and went the way that everyone said he should have, the world would not be the same today.

7) Thomas Edison’s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 10,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 10,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 10,000 steps.” This ‘non-productive’ man has changed the world forever, because he didn’t give up.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” – Confucius

9) The scientific, philosophical, and social genius Albert Einstein did not speak until he was 4-years-old and did not read until he was 7 years of age. His parents thought he was mentally challenged and one of his teachers described him as “mentally slow, unsociable, and adrift forever in foolish dreams.” He was expelled from school several times. He did eventually learn to speak and read. Even to do a little math. And quantum physics.

10) Henry Ford’s initial designs failed and he went dead broke over 5 times before he developed the highly successful Ford Motors Company.

11) R. H. Macy, the founder of Macy’s Departments stores, failed seven times before his store in New York City caught on, and when it did, he became ridiculously rich.

12) When the Bell telephone was struggling to get started, its owners offered all their rights to the Western Union company for $100,000. The offer was laughed at and replied with “What use could this company make of an electrical toy?” I guess the joke is on them now.

13) “Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly.”
- Robert F. Kennedy

14) “It’s not whether get knocked down or not, it’s whether you get back up.”
- Vince Lombardi

15) Baseball Hall of Famer Babe Ruth is famous for his past home run record, but for decades he also held the record for most strikeouts. He hit 714 home runs and struck out 1,330 times in his career. The man who broke his record for home-runs, Mark McGuire, also broke his record for strike-outs. Funny, huh?

16) Baseball Hall of Famer Hank Aaron went 0 for 5 his first time at bat with the Milwakee Braves. Later to become one of the biggest sluggers of all times.

17) Johnny Unitas’s first pass in the NFL was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. Joe Montana’s first pass was also intercepted. And while we’re on quarterbacks, during his first season Troy Aikman threw twice as many interceptions (18) as touchdowns (9) . . . oh, and he didn’t win a single game. You think there’s a lesson here?

18) After Carl Lewis won the gold medal for the long jump in the 1996 Olympic games, he was asked to what he attributed his longevity, having competed for almost 20 years. He said, “Remembering that you have both wins and losses along the way. I don’t take either one too seriously.”

19) The first time Jerry Seinfeld walked on-stage at a comedy club as a professional comic, he looked out at the audience, froze, and forgot the English language. He stumbled through his act, was booed terrible, and walked offstage. He returned the next night, started fresh, and was wildly loved by the audience.

20) Beethoven couldn’t hold the violin properly and played his own compositions instead of improving his technique. His teacher called him “hopeless as a composer.” And, yet he went on to write five of the greatest symphonies of all time, while completely deaf.

21) Various Paris art dealers refused Picasso shelter when he asked if he could bring in his paintings from out of the rain. Stupid move on their part, yes?

22) Van Gogh sold only ONE painting during his life, and it was to one of his friend’s sisters for 50 bucks. One painting out of over 800 that he painted in total throughout his lifetime.

23) The famous poet Emily Dickinson had only seven poems published in her lifetime. Now, you can’t open an American Literature textbook without reading her name several times.

24) Twenty-seven publishers rejected Dr. Seuss’ first book, To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. He goes down in history as THE CHILDREN’S STORY writer.

25) American Philosopher and Writer Jack London received six hundred rejection slips before he sold his first story. He later goes on to write such famous novels as “The Call of the Wild” and “White Fang”.

I hope these 25 examples shed some light for those of you who find yourself frustrated with failure. There are countless other stories of success through staying on track and not letting failure get in your way. Feel free to add them or comment on the ones I have provided.

Now, don’t you ever give up.

Words: Ian Smith

By Ian Andrew Smith

A problem I see among many people who have embarked on personal development journey – in whichever are of their life they choose improve – is that in becoming fully conscious of the aspects within that area (PUA for example). The trend is that most will tend to over-complicate the whole situation.

This idea applies to many different forms of personal development, but I will further explain it in terms of becoming successful with women.

In other words, by dedicating so much attention and energy to learning how to be successful with women, we cloud the issue with over-rationalization and too much thought. The side effects of this include nervousness/anxiety, going down the wrong path (usually as result of second guessing yourself), loss of intuition, dedicating too much thought to something that isn’t complicated, wasting your time, and so on.

Contrary to what most guru’s in the community would have you believe, there is no right way – there is a general wrong way – but in reality there is no right way to do things. Only a ball-park figure of what works, but for the most part this is a rather ambiguous thing outlined only lightly by a medley of tested social theories, attitude, situational factors, and accepted/unique patterns of behavior – among other things. With this in mind, you should feel liberated to take that playbook you’ve been clutching onto and studying endless and chuck it the fuck out the window.

I can say this, because I’ve seen both ends of the spectrum, extensively. Before discovering the PUA community, I had tremendous success with women from a very early age. Once I discovered the community I re-learned everything in depth, and became completely conscious of what I was doing. I stayed away from routines and methods, but I understood the theory behind it all and applied it to my life. Soon, I noticed that I was beginning to drive myself berserk with the endless amount of thought I was putting into everything. Instead of picking up the phone and calling when _I_ felt like it, I was waiting 3 days like a jerk-off because some other jerk-off declared some kind of golden rule. Instead of telling a woman how absolutely beautiful I thought she was, I was busy conjuring up new ways to ‘neg’ her. And instead of learning to be real with people, I was learning how to manipulate them.

About 6 months ago, right around the time I launched my own personal development website, I came to the conclusion that while knowing this information certainly helped me, the way I was applying the knowledge was in fact detrimental to my persona. So I stepped back, keeping the rough outlines of what works in social situations, and began doing what I had done all along. And that was to be myself.

But now I knew one essential thing. People are people; there is no reason for all these rules and procedures for social interaction. No-one is going to hurt you, and if they do, that’s only because you let them. Now, I have more success than ever with both men and women. I bought a girl I have been seeing for less than a week a nice arrangement of Oriental Lilies the other day. Is it because I’m a sucker? No. It’s because I felt like it, and she’s a delight to be around. Why the hell not? Did that make her think I was a chump? Of course it didn’t. She jumped and smiled with joy and told me I just made her week, which is exactly what I wanted to do.

It’s all about how you handle things. Keep it simple guys. With the right attitude, perspective, and ideas you can do anything you want. Don’t concern yourself with all these guidelines, methods, routines and what have you. Find that ball-park figure, and once you do, embrace it. Then let it all go out the window. I’ve got dozens of stories of outrageous ways I’ve brought women into my life, and I can assure that not one of them starts with “Hey Ladies, can I get your opinion on something” (not that this won’t work, because we all know it does)

Have faith in yourself and just do it. If you’re nervous about this beautiful woman you see, GOOD! That means she’s worth your time. So feel the fear and do it anyway. Life is all about ‘just doing it’. So relax, throw your hands up, and enjoy the ride. And let the sillies do the over-rationalization while they try to figure out why the women were more receptive to the guy who speaks his mind instead of them, the guys who rehearsed out a conversation ahead of time and are baffled at why it didn’t go as planned.

Again, this lesson applies to all walks of life.

Namaste.

**Note** I’m not implying we shouldn’t rationalize and analyze situations, there’s a difference between healthy thinking and excessive thinking. One promotes growth, one stunts it.

Words: Ian Smith

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.