The mobile phone is man’s new best friend. When he’s bored, the phone can entertain, when he’s alone, the phone can connect, when he’s in need, the phone can help, and when he wants, the phone can provide.

But many men (and women for that matter), fear the telephone call. After breaking through every wall of resistance, after conquering every other competitor, and after a painful, awkward silence of asking for her number, you’re left with 11 or so digits scribbled down in your hand.

All that work: the approach; building rapport; having good manners; being nice to her friends; winning them over; removing the cock-blocker, whilst being honest, is for nothing unless you call that number.

This post is about gaining the confidence to pick up the phone, and dial the number. It will remove all fears, and doubts, and give you the understanding that you already have all the necessary tools at your disposal.

It’s a sad state of affairs that the only (main) way to connect with someone after an initial meeting is by phone. You’re future is in the hands of those reception bars displayed. But think of it this way, back in the old days, you wouldn’t have asked for a telephone number, oh no, you would have said, “well hopefully we’ll see each other around, toodaloo”. And then you’d have to let everything afterwards happen by chance.

Or, perhaps you would have asked for her address. Can you imagine asking someone that now? They’d think you were out to kill them. So count yourself lucky that we now have methods of connection just by digits and email addresses. You know you can do it, you’ve typed numbers in the phone a thousand times before, this is no difference. The only thing stopping you is your fear. Want to be a master of your destiny? Then pick up that phone and call the number.

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Still need more confidence? Try this exercise:

The best way to achieve your goal, is to imagine you’re already in possession of it. Close your eyes, and visualise yourself. You’ve already typed the number, and you’re talking into the phone. You hear yourself laugh, you hear her laugh, listen to what you both say, listen deeply to the tone of your voice, the speed, the rhythms and the mood.

Keep doing this until you can feel your breathing slow, and your heatbeat remains steady. Repeat the visualisation over and over again until you’ve memorised exactly what happens, until you can see it clearly infront of you. It doesn’t matter if it takes 3 attempts, or 100 attempts. Keep doing it. Your conscious mind will get through the barrier into the subconscious, and your thoughts will be turned into action.

Now, with this faith and knowledge that you have already made this phone call 100 times, you can make it into action. You don’t need a plan, you don’t need ‘material’ – your subconscious will provide all of that.

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You make that call because you have a desire. You have a goal and a dream, and the only way to make it a reality is to type in those digits and press the green button. Remember this goal as you speak, keep it in mind, and don’t beat about the bush. There is one rule of every phone call you’ll ever make you should know. A rule that took me a long time to realise and understand:

• Only make a call when you have positive value to give.

When you call, forget the bullshit that others say about having material, routines, jokes and gossip stacked up and ready for when the conversation runs dry. All this stuff is already there, you already have a decade or more of experiences to fall back on. And these experiences are real. They’re your own truths that portray you for the man you really are. When the time comes for your story to be told, tell it. You may be thinking, when you have a conversation, you simply don’t get the impulses, or connections to tell the story. i.e. nothing reminds you of the event, so you don’t tell it.

That’s because you aren’t listening, or rather you’re listening too hard. When an impulse comes, it’s a faint, distant tremor at the back of your mind – literally. It’s simply a few neurons firing up, then dissipating just as quickly. With practice, you can listen to these, allow them to fire up and then jump on them, seizing the opportunity and reminding yourself of the event as you bring it from the subconscious to the conscious mind. It’s a skill that’s easy, and quick to develop. Look around you right now, everything has a story. The paint on the walls, the photo frame, the picture, the PC or mac, the speakers, the floor…they all have stories.

Just by looking around, you’ll probably find over a thousand stories. So worrying about running out of things to talk about is nonsense. You’ve already picked up the phone, you’ve got a goal, be polite and get on with it.

“Hello?” She says.

“Hey Sammy, it’s David from last night at Bar Mambo’s.” He replies.

“Hey! How’s it going?”

“Sweet as thank you…” and this is the moment of choice.

It’s at this point, 4 seconds within the phone conversation that you can decide whether you want to be direct and ask to meet up right there and then, or to get some dialog going. If you’re choosing out of fear, forget it. You’re doomed. Fear is utter crap. It’s an illusion that holds you back. It’s a lie, created by you, for you. So what, you run out of things to talk about and there’s a silence. A silence that lasts six seconds. Who cares? That’s it, an absence of sound that can actually be beautiful, peaceful and a sign of true friendship. Make that choice, but make it from love.

Got positive value to give? Then have a conversation. Don’t have positive value to give just yet? Well, be direct, organise to meet up sooner rather than later, at a time when you do have positive value to give. She’s been kind enough to give you her number which, means that she does want to talk to you again. In fact, it wouldn’t be surprising if she’s just as nervous as you are. So enjoy the fact that already you have something in common, and give both of you the respect of being honest.

But what exactly does this positive value mean? Quite simply, if you have faith that you can make her day better emotionally, intellectually, spiritually or otherwise, then you have positive value to share! On the other hand, if you’re feeling a bit down, and you think that you might actually bring her down with you, then leave it. Wait until you’re in a great mood, and use your faith to share goodwill.

Asking For A Second Date

Or a first…depending on the circumstances. Lot’s of people wonder what’s the best way to go about it. Some spend hours deliberating over their choice of words, the angle of approach, indirect or direct, but hell, you could have your answer within five seconds. All you have to do is ask…

“Sweet as thank you. I really enjoyed last night, so I’m calling to invite you out (again) later this week.”

Read the entirety of the conversation written above from “Hello?” In total, it lasts about six or seven seconds. That’s it, there in front of you is the way to ask for a second (or first) date. Read the line above out loud. It sounds a bit weird doesn’t it? It doesn’t sound like you, and that’s because it isn’t. Say it in your own words, but notice how when you remove the pauses, the ‘errs’ and ‘ums’ the whole things seems so much more direct and powerful.

When you desire something enough, you won’t hesitate. By pausing, slurring your words, and putting a few ‘hmms’ in there, you’re showing her that you’re hesitant. That means that you don’t have a great enough desire, you don’t know exactly what you want, and thus you can’t trust yourself. If you can’t trust yourself, then how can you expect her to?

Don’t soften the blow of rejection by building a cushion to land on prior to asking. Scrap the, “I was just wondering…if you’d care to…fancy…whether…interested in…perhaps…possibly…by chance…” and take the bullet. If she say’s “no”, then you’ll just have to find another girl out of the 3.4 billion women in the world who will say “yes”. Or, you could try again next week.

Imagine a fight, between two men. The winner gets the girl. Before you engage in the fight, you get a bean bag and put it down where you might fall. Then you pick up nice soft gloves and put them on, then you put on your safety hat, eye goggles and cricket box. The other guy stays bare knuckle and hits you square on in the face whilst you trip over your own bean bag. Smooth. By no means am I saying that you should stage fights to win girls, but just grow up a bit. Life is too short to mess around.

So I hope this post has removed any doubts you may have had previously about making that phone call. Just picture yourself in the position of your desired state…you’ve already made the call, you’re talking right now. Let your thoughts turn into actions, and press that green button! Come on, she’s waiting.