Personal development books are not novels. They are not meant to be read in one sit. I used to make that terrible mistake of reading a book as fast as I could just so I could get that sense of accomplishment. Needless to say, the books didn’t change my life. Nothing incredible happened after reading “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki or “The Richest Man in Babylon” by George Clason. Perhaps it is because I didn’t make the best use of them. They are called ‘life changing’ books. Yet, I read the books and I didn’t turn into a millionaire. I felt a rush to finish the books and go into the next one to accumulate as much knowledge as possible. As it turned out, this was a gross mistake.

The point of reading a book is not just to read it, finish it, and put it away in your shelf. It’s to extract its wisdom (or the author’s) as much as possible. I mentioned before that it takes a student of great books to become one of great knowledge. I didn’t say it takes a reader. I said it takes a student. A student then not only reads, but seeks to extract every bit of knowledge so that he understands it as much as possible. If it takes highlighting, underlining, circling, putting asterisk or stars, making notes on the side of the book, or discussing it with friends, then he does it. Of what use is a book if you’ll never write or talk about it? I once was reading a book by Jeffrey Gitomer – a master sales trainer – and a family member who passed by saw me reading the book. Jeffrey is known for his portable, smooth, playful looking books. As this family member saw me underline and write several things on it, he exclaimed “Don’t mess up such a nice book like that!”. He didn’t understand.

Some will say “I can’t be on the same book for more than a week!”. Bad. If you’re going to read a book, then take the extra time to actually understand it and apply it. Otherwise you will have wasted valuable time. Yes, I’m aware of some programs out there that work on the subconscious mind and enable faster reading and greater understanding. If you can afford those programs, go for it. But if you don’t, then don’t mind taking 2 or 3 weeks or even a month to fully grasp the concept of a book. Here is what I do:

• I first read the book front to back, highlighting, underlining, making comments on the side as I go.
• By the way, if the author recommends not to exceed one chapter a day, then I follow that. You should too. He/she is the teacher. You’re merely the student.
• I then re-read what I highlighted or underlined along with the writings I made on the pages.
• I might also read the sentences or paragraphs previous to the parts highlighted.
• I make sure I jot down all the book’s suggestions to be applied in actuality. I then work on those suggestions.
• I then go one more time through the highlights and re-write on my journal then best quotes or reminders from the book.
• If something is particularly important or profound, I fold the top corner of the page, so that next time I pick up the book again, I know there is something valuable in that page.

(These simple steps can save you tremendous amounts of time in the future when you need to be refreshed. Try them.)

Something happens when you repetitively read something. You begin to see things you didn’t see the time before. You begin to perceive a particular paragraph or sentence a lot more different than you perceived it when you first read it. Or you now find a topic you ignored before but is deeply important now. For instance, I constantly refer back to “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. And each time, I see something newer and bigger. The book may not change, but my understanding of its wisdom does.

Knowledge in Order

Author, speaker, and University President Nido Qubein brought something to my attention a while ago. He said “Have your knowledge in order. If your knowledge is not order, you become more confused by definition”. How true is that! The libraries and bookstores of America are filled with books of financial freedom, happiness, personal development, and relationships – yet, we lack these very same things today, perhaps more than before.

What happens when you read a book on finances and then one on relationships? Correct, your mind shifts its focus. While it’s great to open your mind by reading on a variety of topics, it’s more important to grasp on one topic first then move to another. Failure to do this will result in constant shift of focus. Not good.

Here is how it works: Read books from the same philosophy in sequence.

For example: Now that I’m fully done reading Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits, I move on to another one his books “Principle Centered Leadership”. I could have chosen “First Things First” or “The 8th Habit”. But I think this choice will increase my personal understanding of Covey’s philosophy, if read next. For you, it might be a different book. Follow your instinct.

You should choose a book that roots on the same philosophy – and usually that happens to be by the same author. If I read Stephen Covey and then go Napoleon Hill, then there is a distortion there. Even if they both write on personal development, their philosophy is different. It’s very tempting only to read those ‘bestsellers’ with millions of copies, but don’t fall on the trap. There are some great books out that are complementary to those bestsellers. They just never reach the recognition they deserve since other book by the same author might be his best work. Read them all. Not just the most recognized. You’ll be amazed at what you find.

Sharing Ideas. Sharing the Books.

This could go under the suggestions for better understanding of your reading, but since I’m witness of how powerful this is, I decided to elaborate a bit more.

A great man named Jim Rohn once quoted “When you share an idea with ten people, they may hear it once, but you hear it ten times. That’s good”. This statement inspired me to share my quotes and insights with everyone I meet online (Twitter, Facebook) or off it. I recently started sharing my own short quotes and they have been receiving good comments and appreciation. This is only one good side effect, the other is that I get to read that idea again and the mere fact that I share it with others pushes me a bit more to deeply understand them. After all, what would I do if someone asks me ‘Can you elaborate on that?’.

If you’re comfortable, share the books too. Give them to a friend and let him or her know that you’d like to discuss the book later. I have talked to friends who have read the same books I have and it’s amazing how much a different perspective can make yours stronger. So don’t fall shy of joining a book club or asking a friend to join you.

I hope you have gained conscience of how critically important it is to use books the right away. Do you have any other suggestions? Feel free to share them!

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This book is amazing. It’s a book that will give you a deeper understanding of communication in relationships. Of course, not just “communication”, but REAL communication (identification). If you have ever wondered why you kept doing things to show your love for somebody only to then find out that person didn’t feel loved at all by these actions. Yet, when someone else did another small detail – which seemed smaller in your eyes – it meant the world to that person. What is it about people that makes us respond to certain things very well? And very lightly to others?

Traditional dating ‘experts’ will tell you that what matters behind every action is the intention. Well, that’s nice, tell that to the one who is doomed to fail in relationships forever. While the intention matters, the way you communicate your love matters even more. Dr. Gary Chapman calls this the Five Love Languages. He presents this statement “You gave her flowers, when she really wanted was a hug. You kissed her when what she really wanted was a home cooked meal… It’s not your love, it’s your love language!”. The point is simple, we have different love languages and we respond to different things. If we learn to communicate in the love languages of our parents, friends, potential business partners, and so on, we are ensured to enrich our lives with fulfilled relationships. Here are the five love languages:

Words of Affirmation

Do you know someone who responds to words of encouragement really well? Or someone who constantly needs to be reminded that he or she is loved? On the other hand, have you ever told someone ‘I love you’ and even if it was true, he or she just didn’t believe it? All verbal expressions matter, but they matter more to certain people. Some of us respond better to words of affirmation, while others do not. Try saying phrases “Girl, you look beautiful tonight”. “You’re looking sharp!”. “Boy, do you ever know how to dress to impress!”. “Your work out is really beginning to apy off”. Of course, your words need to be sincere. You won’t tell someone he looks sharp when his shirt is wrinkled or not properly tucked in. Use what Tom Church said “Be honest in your confidence, and be confident in your honesty”

Quality Time

Sitting at the beach and watch the sun come down while youre talking about your childhood experiences. Or sit under the stars and talk about your dreams and vision of the future. Cooking a meal together and having a small food fight. Having silly games that bring you back to childhood for a minute. Having thought-provoking conversations. All of these thigns can be considered as quality time, and while there are countless others, you should not ignore trying a variety of different things.

Acts of Service

One of my ex-girlfriends recently told me “I loved when you used to take out the trash” with a big grin. Quiet a girlfriend, right? Some people just respond better to those kind of things. Most of us are plain flattered when someone does something for us, but there are certain acts of service that REALLY flatter other people. For instance, my aunt feels loved when I cook instead of having her cook. My friends love when I invite them to eat a home-cooked meal. Simple little details ca REALLY mean a lot. Just yesterday I bought a 30 cent scantron for a friend because I knew she had forgotten hers and she was so thankful and felt so loved. What did it cost? 30 cents. What were the results? Priceless.

Receiving Gifts

Some people just love receiving gifts. For them, it’s the way they feel loved and connected. It’s their channel to their soul. Don’t be scared, you do not have to buy expensive gifts. If you’re struggling financially,c creativity and being street-smart can get the job done. Common sense will tell you what you can give according to your income (and also what the other person deserves). Expressing love and affection for someone by buying them a necklance of diamonds within a week is not really love; it’s self interest. A love note in the mail. A rose. Now, from person experience I will tell you, if you give a gift and you nail exactly what she loves or likes, then you’re in for a big treat. The rewards will be huge. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Invest in your love and relationships for they will pay off very well.

Physical Touch

A rub in the shoulder. A slight spank in the butt, and yes pardon the bluntness but I love to do this . Holding hands from the car to the entrance to the mall. Putting your arm around her as you walk. Picking her up  as she screams for you to bring her down and so on. All of these are examples of physical touch and some people respond to it very well. Learning how to touch someone is an art. There  is no specific way to touch everyone, we all respond different to touch in different places, so investing the time to learn where your partner likes to be touched is so crucial. Don’t be afraid to touch people of the same sex. For instance, a manly touch on the shoulder is a great way to make someone feel more familiar with you. Some guys do not react well to it and that’s alright, not everyone will. Just like not every girl you meet will react well to a certain touch. Learn what turns on and off who.

The outcome you will get from investing in this book will far exceed the effort you do to get it. Buy it, read it, and let it change your love life.

There is a good reason why ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ has sold near 10 million copies in the United States alone and several more million around the world (The book has been printed in 40 territories and 42 languages), and on top of that it is been considered the best-selling memoir of all time. The reason, I believe, is that it is celebrates the life of a beautiful being who faces death, and yet, for him, it was not the end, but the beginning of a new process. His death sentence, was not the end, it was the beginning. I should also mention that it was Morrie’s story that inspired to begin asking questions like “What is close to your heart?”, “What does really matter to you?”,and so on.Morrie Schwarts was a professor in Brandeis University and one of his fortunate students is the author of the book, Mitch Albom. In fact, Morrie was Mitch’s favorite professor Mitch became deeply close to Morrie, and he grew in his college years along with his professor, friend, and mentor, Morrie. Beyond all of the profound lessons that I will share in the next couple of paragraphs (which will be mostly quoted from the book itself) I can only say that I felt a bit of jealousy because I haven’t yet met a professor or adult like this. While I have read from plenty of them, I’m still to meet and spend much time with a true role model. Now, I originally planned to write about many of the lessons that Morrie shares with Mitch  as their last thesis (the book) was developed, but that would give too much away, therefore I’ll only touch on the subject that made the most impact on me and I bet will make an impact on you as well. The subject: Dying is not a sad thing, living unhappily is.

God knows that there were times where you and I have been through what seemed to be ultimate pain. I said “seemed” because the pain we feel to be ultimate is not so ultimate once we meet someone who got involved in a terrible car accident where the other person died and you have to carry with that death on your soul everyday. Now, that is only type of experience. There are parents who lost their sons, or a wife who lost her husband, or vice-versa. There are some pains that are harder to overcome than others, but the truth remains that there is no pain that never goes away. All sort of pains eventually die off, and they die off faster if you work on your soul to heal the pain, rather than just waiting for time to do so, or to pretend that there is no pain at all. The saying of “just keep living your life” is not the best advise you can give to someone.

The biggest pain, however, is living unhappily. Because no matter how much pain you go through your life, you will die. I will die. We will die. There will be a time where anyone who reads this article, will die. And that must be the suckiest part about life, but we have to accept it. It’s not like we can’t change anything about it anyway. Well, Morrie Schwartz – this incredible being – teaches us that since we all will die, then we might as well LIVE IT BIG while we are alive. Now, what does LIVING IT BIG mean? Have as much as fun as you can? Yeah, but not exactly. To Morrie, living it big means living happily and with a sense of purpose and contribution. I was amazed as to how – regardless of his sickened condition – he still contributed to the world (he came out in a night show called “Nightline” three times), to the people that read the book (he was aware the book would be published), and to Mitch, changing his life forever. I mean… the mere fact of this writing should tell you that Morrie Schwartz made a lasting impression on me and I never even met him! That’s how you know when something or someone is important

You’ll have to read it to understand because no review will ever come close to demonstrate his incredible wisdom. Buy the book, read it, highlight the parts that you like, then re-read it, and then rent the movie. You’ll love it.

In the spirit of Morrie Schwartz, I wish you all the best.

By Daniel Becerra

Steve Pavlina gets to the core of Personal Growth, not just the surface. His book ought to be an award.

I’m honored to be review this book, and although it is a little late, I wanted to make sure that I’m absolutely fair with what I’d write. I have read the book “Personal Development For Smart People” by Steve Pavlina, twice. The first time to learn as much as I could, the second time to check for anything I may have missed. It took me longer than I expected. As you will learn when you buy this book, it is necessary to stop, clear your mind, absorb the concepts, and then continue to fully grasp the philosophy of this book. So much is cramped on it, that is hard not to miss something at first sight. Not to praise Steve, but credit should be given where it’s deserved.

As a young man fascinated by personal development, I can tell you that this book has exceeded my expectations by far. In order to make things easier for you, I will not describe the principles of the book in this blog (although they will later be discussed in the forum), but rather I’ll give you a different perspective and why I believe this book is a must in every library. Not just a self-improvement one, but in all Universities, High Schools, and maybe even Middle Schools. Although I believe this book is not for everyone, I will urge every single person who a) Has a minimum curiosity of living a fulfilling, conscious life; b) Has been into Personal Development for some time now; c) Doesn’t believe in Personal Development, to read this book. Although Steve does an genius work in bringing the seven principles of conscious growth (truth, love, power, oneness, authority, courage, and intelligence), I think that he excels furthermore in connecting all of them. And even beyond that in connecting all the Personal Development philosophies out there.

I can not think of it in any other way, his book is what connects the dots. It really makes sense as you read it. Yes, it is packed with helpful information about self-growth, journaling, goal setting, life purpose, and so on; but what is amazing about this book – in my opinion – is that it connects everything together in such a beautiful way. It connects things not just within the book, but with everything that I’ve read before. I furiously wrote ideas, realizations on my journal (which hopefully should soon be switched to a software journal ) as I read the book, and I assure you that if you find a quiet, peaceful place to read this book, your experience will be similar to mine.

As Steve puts it on his book’s cover. The book is a guide for conscious pursuit of personal growth. I’m almost sure that you will be inspired by the book’s content, but realize that inspiration comes from realizing your possible greatness, and Steve Pavlina’s book does that magical thing – it enables you to realize your greatness. I have personally been more than inspired to keep blogging more actively, to keep reading Personal Development books to the kids I mentor (even if the staff wants me to read them fairy tales), to work on my speaking skills, to contribute to others by living – by really LIVING. As I read the book, I realized that conscious growth is harder than what I thought. It surely takes some serious self-discipline and guts to passionately do the things you love (at least for me). It is very easy to get distracted when so many things are available to you, but with the guide of a great book, things can be done much easily.

The two chapters that really hit home for me were “Chapter 12: Relationships” and “Chapter 13: Spirituality”. If you’re a pick up artist, social skills master (or whatever you ought to call yourself), you shall read these two chapters – they will change your life. As a former Atheist, and now possibly becoming a Christian (not sure yet), the chapter on Spirituality has made it clear to me that no matter what religion I stand on, I’m still me. Furthermore, it has confirmed that spirituality is on giving, loving, and thanking. I’m very thankful for that. As a social skills blogger and coach, I tell you that I knew little to nothing before reading this book. Yes, sure enough I have skills, but it all makes much more sense once you learn how relationships align with Truth, Love, and Power.

Just for the note, I would like to repeat that I honestly believe this book is not for everyone. In a nutshell, it IS for smart people. And by smart I obviously don’t mean 4.0 GPA in school, but rather an open mind, and willingness to experiment. This book can infuriate some people who are afraid to face their fears in one way or another, so be aware when you read those reviews from other people.

Also, Steve’s book is not just empowering, it’s also humorous. If not, just ask him about the time he did Calculus with crayon on a card box. Or you could also ask him about training to run the LA Marathon so hard just to find out that the marathon was the same he was supposed to get married (an evil eye is enough to make a smart decision) . I had a good laugh at those particular stories.

“Personal Development For Smart People” will have a special place on my tiny book shelf and the phrase “Awesome – 5 out of 5″ will be written on a Sticky Note attached to it. I recommend you read his book description, as this review is for it has done for me (it can do the same or more for you), not for its content (too many bloggers have done that already).

(To steal the words of Steve Pavlina) Live Consciously.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

1- Get in shape: Any man can sweep off any woman off her feet, true, but, it doesn’t help you if you’re overweight or scrawny. This doesn’t mean turn into a meathead muscle machine but get yourself into a routine, the internet is a huge resource to find out information about getting into the perfect shape. Don’t do it just for women (or men), do it for yourself. Your body deserves to be treated correctly. Run, jog, swim, lift weights, watch what you eat, stop smoking cigarettes, don’t drink as much, don’t do drugs as much. A woman loves a man who is physically attractive, once again, your body isn’t going to get you the girl, your brain and what you say is. But it will surely help. The resources are out there available – use them.

2- Get the correct amount of sleep: Doing so will not only improve the way you look, it will improve your memory and all other brain functions. In turn, making you wittier, funnier, cockier, whatever. Also, it will keep you from getting sick. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve blown it with cause I was sick and gave it to them. Its such a turn off, both ways.

3- Change your hairstyle: Go for something new, if it doesn’t work, it’ll grow back. Don’t go for the run of the mill buzz-cut or slicked hair. Go to the barber shop and look in a magazine and find something. Trust me, it’ll work. Facial hair as well, grow out some sideburns, cut them off, grow a goatee, cut it off, go clean shaved, or try looking scruffy. You’ll find something that works for you.

4- Get some new clothes: As much as I don’t like buying into the fashion world, it helps. So get some new outfits, even if it isn’t your style, you’d be surprised what a couple new threads will do for your confidence and the ladies love it, even if you don’t. Dress as if you’re already the person who you want be.

5- Educate yourself: Instead of spending three hours a day sitting in the PUA forums and reading new crappy canned methods. Pick up a book, newspaper, or internet article and educate yourself. Women love smart men, that’s a fact. You don’t have to be Einstein. I’ve heard countless guys whining “My life is boring, I don’t have anything to talk about”. This is in your hands, you’ll have plenty to talk about if you just read three books on psychology, history, science, current events, or whatever else you find intriguing. Reading not only furthers your knowledge, it enhances your vocabulary – which again you don’t need to be a human dictionary, but eliminating “that sucks” and “cool…” and “nice…” and “kinda…” and other countless boring words from your speech and replacing them with advanced words makes you more attractive. You can count on that. In addition, reading will further your ability to speak properly and aid in your grammar. Nobody likes to be around the guy that says “like” and “uhhh…” and other filler words every 15 seconds when he is speaking. You want be attractive? Intelligence is one quality every single girl will list when asked about what they look for in a guy. It will also enhance your humor and will allow you to capitalize on more opportunities. Why? Because you’re now far more intelligent.

6- Mirror effective personalities: Now, don’t be a mirror of the people. But mirror their good qualities and add them to your arsenal. Whether its a T.V. character who has a good cocky/funny attitude or someone you meet who you just thought was an interesting person. Nobody on this Earth is a completely original person, everything we say and do is picked up by others, usually subconsciously. So be conscious of it, and you’ll find great success. For example, I mirrored many of the qualities that a character named Dr. Cox on the T.V. Show Scrubs displays.

7- Talents: Everyone has a few, find them.

8- Work on your manners: I have seen dozens upon dozens of random guys and even my friends blow it with a gorgeous girl because they didn’t cover their mouth when they sneezed or coughed. Say “Bless you”, “Thank you”, “You’re welcome”. Hold doors open for people, let someone walk in front of you instead of being the jerk who pushes through. There are dozens of common courtesies that many people just forget to do. At the end of the day, a girl wants a man she can be proud to be around, and one that will treat her with the respect she deserves. Don’t lose your cocky & funny attitude or whatever your game plan is, but be a genuinely respectful person and it will surely pay off. This can be one of the greatest form of value, given that very few people practice it.

9- Develop your knowledge and skills in interesting areas of human interest: While I don’t recommend all of them, they are certainly nice to have under the sleeve. They are not needed, but they are just general knowledge. So don’t rant: “I would never do that!”. You don’t have to.

10- Magic Tricks - I don’t know any, but I can shuffle a deck of cards 8 different ways, and when I play games at college, girls are amazed that there are more than 2 ways to shuffle a deck. Instant conversation starter and attention grabber.

11- Tarot Cards/Runes - Even though I have grown to hate them from doing so many reads, I keep a deck visible in my room at all times. They cost no more than 25 dollars and it comes with a book. It’ll take you a few weeks to get the hang of them, but do it anyway. Countless girls have been dazzled by my reads on them. I’ve even done reads on guys at a party and had a group of girls waiting in line to be next. Cut it off and tell them you’ll do it later, they will bug you for your attention and wait for you while you walk away and go interact with someone else. (In love and war, everything is fair)

12- Astrology: Pick up a couple books on astrology (I recommend Sextrology and Astrologically Incorrect For Lovers). Learn your sign and the general details on women signs, you won’t need to learn any other guy ones obviously. I’ve met many beautiful women with just asking them when their birthday is, don’t ask the sign, know what dates correspond and you’ll knock her socks off. A nice trick to have under the sleeve, but again, it is not necessary. And no, do not make this a priority.

13- Psychology: I go to college, and I honestly couldn’t even give you a ballpark figure on how many women are Psychology majors. You don’t have to be Seigmand Frued, but if you can hold an intellectual conversation with a women about psychology, she’ll love you forever. They don’t even have to be Psychology majors. All girls love psychology. It’s what they do. They are natural psychologists. Even if you don’t use it to converse about, use it to your advantage, you’ll be able to read social situations hundred times better with even a basic understanding of psychological theories.

14- Philosophy: It will open your mind in more ways than you can imagine in turn making you a more intelligent being. You will not only learn Philosophy, but you will live it.

15- Sports: Some girls love sports. Even if you hate them, know something about them. Thirty minutes of ESPN.com won’t kill you. If you don’t use it with a sports girl, use it to befriend the five guys that are surrounding her.

16- Politics: Again, you’d be surprised how many women are Political Science majors. Myself, I love politics, some people hate it. But if you can converse or even school a girl on the current political disaster we call our government, she will find you attractive. (Warning: Some people get very heated while engaged in political debates, never loose your cool because you’ll just look like a jackass)

17- Music: Develop your taste in music to include more than crappy mainstream rappers and pop music. Listen to all types of music, my old roommate knew the words to more songs than I can even begin to name. Everything from Johny Cash to N*Sync, seriously, his current girlfriend was so amazed by his musical variety that I think that was their first deep conversation. That has the word “Value” written all over it.

18- Interesting General Facts: Learn interesting facts of all types. If you meet a girl from Alaska, “Did you know that the Alaskan coastline makes up more than half of the entire US coastline?” I met a woman from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil the other night and told her how much I loved the statue of Christ the Redeemer that sits atop the Corcovado Mountain and how beautiful the view is looking down into the city. She was absolutely stunned that I even knew that it was there, I didn’t even have to tell her that I have never actually been there. She was too busy drowning in my words as I continued the conversation. Simple facts like this will separate you from the other one hundred guys she sees and meets that day.