By Daniel Becerra

Recently a lot of controversy has been stirred over my Facebook and Twitter updates – I can see why . I mentioned that “Revenge is sweet. Always get even” and the messages started flying in. Some criticizing, others supporting, others wondering who I was seeking to get revenge from. Of course, I will not mention any names, yet. Before I even continue, I clarify that most people have a negative notion of the word revenge, they think of violence or even death – that is not in any way, the revenge I advocate.

However, I AM of the idea that if someone attacks you, then you gotta attack back, only ten times harder. It serves for two reasons – one, to get back at that person; and two, for anyone else watching. When you make others respect you, they don’t mess around with you as much, if at all. Truth is, the higher you climb, the harder others will try to bring you down, and not always through clean tactics. I wish I could tell you that people are always nice to each other, but that’s not always the case. Sadly, a lot of people are out to there to get each other. Yes, there is good and evil; and you gotta do everything in your power to love and protect the good, and despise and fight the evil to the best of your ability. Not your typical advise, right? But it’s what works in the real world. If you let evil wander around, then you might as well become its ally.

Picture this scenario: Someone bullies you, and you do nothing about it. That bully will think he or she can do whatever they want with you. And worse, with others. That doesn’t benefit you, nor others. On the other hand if you get back at that bully, he or she will think twice about bullying you or anyone else around you. Again, violence may not be the way to go about it. I rather use my intellect to get revenge. Remember me for this, your knowledge and ‘I don’t give a ****’ character are both great assets in seeking respect and revenge.

It’s simple, you just gotta be as tough as nails. You gotta stand up for what you believe. You want to develop the ability to be tough and nice when the situation calls for it. If someone disrespects you, your organization, or a loved one – even if it’s out of negligence – then be tough and put that person in place. The key is to do it with class, not in an asshole way. There is a big difference between them. Of course, sometimes, it is easier to think the second, but don’t let those emotions get the best out of you. Be like a dad, even if it hurts you to do certain things, go ahead and do them anyway; it’s for your protection and of those close to you; and maybe even to teach a lesson to the bully.

Self Empowerment and Revenge

I’m a steward. I empower myself so I can pass it on to others. And I’m willing to make sacrifices so that most benefit, even if it means getting rid of one person or two. Empowering yourself is not a selfish act. Because of my career path, I am constantly working around people and I have a tendency to advise people when asked. I have mentored some and entered relationships with women that I have helped grow. But it has already happened that some turned their back on me. How? Disloyalty.

I cannot tolerate disloyalty. If someone does something for you, give them thanks – appreciate them. It affected me when I invested time in someone without expecting anything in return just to see no signs of gratitude or completely indifference when I’m going through bad times. It just kills my inspiration and I don’t need that, therefore I get rid of them. On the other hand, I go out of my way to help people who are there for me at all times. It’s just the cost of having a real friendship. I personally get tired of an ungrateful attitude.

Take for example a woman that I was dating not too long ago. I invested time on this girl. I spoke to her about being always prepared, about realizing that our actions always have consequences that we are not even aware on, about leadership and love. I spent time with her when she was going through bad ones. I made her smile through it. We had a great time together, full of humor and good experiences. But in the moment I needed her the most (right after receiving some of the worst news I have received) she consciously decided to get drunk and completely ignore me. That’s pure negligence and stupidity. After that, not only I couldn’t trust her, but I couldn’t respect her either. She called me the next day apologizing as she did once before, but this time I wouldn’t take it. I wasn’t an asshole, but I told her the truth “I don’t trust you nor respect you. You’ve, indeed, disappointed me”. She has been calling a couple of times but I never pick her calls no more. She texts me asking to talk or get together, I never respond.

Did it hurt? Of course. It’s not easy cutting people out of your life. Make no mistake about it. I’m not saying I’m a cold-hearten bastard and just kick people out of my life and feel nothing inside. It actually hurts – a lot. I make tough choices, even if I mourn over them, because some things just need to be done. You just can’t afford some people who have given themselves to a dark side of their nature.

Now if a good person (not a bad one, never forgive a bad one) makes a mistake and they make a sincere apology, forgive them and move on. But my advise is to never trust them again – unless, of course, they consistently try to gain your trust back. Remember Lincoln’s words “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than anything else”. Are they worth your trust? As good people as they can be, can you afford to trust them? Be wise here.

Oneness and Revenge

You have probably heard me talk about oneness, and that concept may seem contradictory to revenge. That’s not true. While oneness recognizes that we are all one, oneness also seeks to exclude those that damage the entire body. Your best defense is sometimes a good offense. You want to be on the offense when others try to damage you or beat you. There are certain things you just cannot afford to let happen, for the sake of oneness. Protecting yourself and getting revenge is not a selfish act, it’s an act on behalf of oneness because you exclude the evil.

The point is simple, if someone wrongs you badly (to the extent of causing you to lose plenty of things you have) and you do nothing about it, then you’re no longer kind or nice, you’re just a loser. And of course, you go against oneness. You gotta help protect the good, this can mean both actively working on yourself and actively working against those who work against oneness. Please, for your own sake, do not confuse kindness with weakness. Kindness is letting other people where they go wrong, even if it requires a bit of a tough attitude. Weakness is letting people walk over you. Be kind, not weak. If you have a good reason to get revenge or to go tough on them, then by all means, do it. But don’t be tough if you don’t have a reason to be it.

It can be hard to start getting revenge, and it can be hard to kick people out of your life who hinder you more than help you. But you got to do it. Exercise your courage and view things on the perspective that benefits everybody. It will benefit you for you will have less hindering people in your life. And it will benefit those who hinder because they will learn a lesson. Hopefully the pain of regret will soon exceed their pain of change. Begin bit by bit if you have to. Begin saying “NO” to small things a hindering person may repeatedly do, then build your confidence up. Again, don’t let people walk over you. If it’s worthy of getting even, go for it.

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By Daniel Becerra

“…The mouth speaks of what fills the heart.” – Matthew 12:34, The Bible

The Bible tells in the book of Matthew that as Jesus went recruiting his disciples, it took no more than three words to get his followers. “You, follow me”. And so they followed. Now, isn’t that short? When was the last time you used three words on somebody to get them to take action? Think of kids or even you three or four years ago (or even now). Somebody would begin talking to me and after two minutes, I would say ‘How long will this last!?’. Do you remember that? When you felt adults took all the time of the world to tell you something that they could have told you in two minutes… do you remember that? I certainly do. Funny thing is that as I’m growing into an adult, I too tend to make things complicated. I too tend to say unnecessary things to convey something. Though I’m happy to say it’s certainly less than before, I still need to work on it a bit, and don’t we all!? Einstein had it right when he said “any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex, but it takes a touch of genius to move in the opposite direction”.

Say a Lot and Talk Little

Your goal ought to be to say a lot and talk little, not talk a lot and say little. Your goal is to be precise enough to drive them to action. Long gone are the days where you can afford to waste time. You only get to make a first impression once and you gotta make sure you don’t screw up. For instance, you’re invited to a meeting, a conference, or a panel, and you’re asked for your opinion. Right there lies a tremendous opportunity for you to grow your business, network, or meeting someone that can change your life and if I was you, I wouldn’t mess with it. What would you do? Mumble through and give an overused, phony opinion or will you speak passionately and confidently while you let the best of your wisdom come out? It’s a simple concept – you need to be able to say a lot by talking little, and not the other way around. When you meet that good looking girl, you want to be able to convey the best of your personality in few words rather than telling the whole story. When you say “Come over here” you’re communicating more than just wanting her to get closer to you. Depending on how you say it, you could communicate dominance and strength or you can communicate insecurity and weakness.

Taking out the clutter

Almost two years ago I introduced a friend of mine to sales and he in his eagerness to learn, bought a voice recorder and recorded my presentation. To my fortune, that day I made two huge sales right in front of him and I was so proud of myself that I couldn’t wait to listen to the recording and study it. My pride didn’t last long as I began listening because soon enough those annoying “Umms” and “Ahh” and “ehhh” and “something like that’s” were there. Horrible. I’m asking you to become conscious of the words you throw. If you catch yourself saying “Umm”, stop, think over what you will say and then say it. Do not speak until you clearly know what you will say. Don’t feel alone on this, I used to (and still struggle not to) make this mistake all the time, just look at my videos and you’ll notice.

But clutter doesn’t only mean “umms” and “kindas”, it also means all the unnecessary words you throw around. Now it’s not just a matter of annoying noises, but a matter of preparation. Will Smith has a great quote “Always be prepared, so you don’t HAVE to get prepared”. This means, WRITE down your questions, edit them, rehearse them, and then rehearse them again. Feeling lazy to do that? That may just mean you don’t want it bad enough. Writing and editing this series of articles alone has taken me over 48 hours. I have to be sure I communicate the point across with accuracy – without boring people out of their mind.

Profoundness

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” – Lao Tzu

One of my favorite speakers of all times is the legendary Jim Rohn; his thoughtfulness and fatherly love is shown in simple statements. Statements such as “It’s not so much what I’m earning here, it’s what I’m learning here. It’s not so much what I’m getting here, it’s what I’m becoming’. You can actually watch him explain that here. It takes a lot of thoughtfulness and passion to say such sophisticated statements. It also takes a lot of study. The ideas don’t appear out of the blue, they are collected through a lot of reading and writing (Are you reading at least one book per month?) Learning to inspire is by far one of the best paying skills in today’s market and it will be for a long time. Steve Pavlina is another guy who is thoughtful and profound in his statements. Just look at their success today. Profoundness is not easy to reach, but the results are far more worth than the effort made.

Faith and Belief

Now, please, do not misunderstand. You do not have to be Jim Rohn-like-profound. I use the word ‘profoundness’ but it can be changed by ‘thought-provoking’ or ‘act-provoking’. Jesus’ disciples were so inspired by His teachings and actions that they spread his word after His death, and what a great job did they do! How? They believed. You don’t have to be super profound, but you DO have to believe. Nothing in the world can make up for real, substantial belief. If you really believe it, it shows. It is ridiculous to communicate something you don’t believe in. Just like not all the training in the world will help you reach fulfilling success unless you believe in what you do; not every tone and word in the world will help you to communicate unless you believe in what you say. Sure, you can get away with it for a bit, but once the lie is uncovered, you’re done.

There is not one specific trait for profoundness. It could be sweet as if it came from a little girl’s unconditional love or it can come from a professor who uses coffee and cups to explain life’s meaning.

Voice Inflection

“The sound of the human voice betrays the speaker, for the sound comes from the soul, while words fly off the tongue.” – Unknown

How often do you think about the sound of your voice? Let me tell you, not enough. Just like the belief and the words matter, the inflection in your voice also matters. It’s one of those things we all need to work a little on. Your voice is important. It can bring people closer to you or drive them far away. Yes, it is important. REALLY important. Think of the last time someone’s voice annoyed you so much, you just couldn’t wait to get away from that person. See how important voice is now? With your voice, you can bring people up or bring them down. And again, there is no secret formula. Speaking loud will not bring them up or speaking low will not bring them low. You can whisper and give people something to ponder for the rest of their lives – so drop that non-sense.

The secret to effectiveness is to speak from your heart. Immerse in your feelings and speak from your heart. Let the best of you take over and fear nothing. It can come in a soft-spoken manner or in a loud exclamation. The result is the same – others taking action. The biggest challenge is not to ‘learn’ to speak from your heart, but rather, to un-learn the need to hide what you really want. If it took you years to shut everything you wanted to say, why not take a  bit to unlearn it?

Emphasize the right words

The passion has to be found in your speaking and therefor certain words need to be emphasized. The ‘punch line’ as it’s called is critical. For instance, I have this line I usually throw “I’d be a great boyfriend, I think“. And when I say “I think” I throw a little funny tone. This humorous statement is much more powerful than “I think I’d be a great boyfriend”. The great comedian Henny Youngman became famous with his punchline “Take my wife, please“. It wasn’t “Please, take my wife”. Out of all things to be lazy about… it should not be language. For – as I said before – they can work miracles.

So practice, practice now. Start recording your voice and go crazy. Sing, recite and say the weirdest things you wouldn’t dare to say in front of others. Do it all while in solitude. I record myself several times before I throw a new line. I recently have adapted the whole ‘Heyey! Giiirl!’ and the responses are mind-blogging. I got it from Will Smith (from the famous Fresh Prince), but if you know me (and my accent) you can only imagine how the combination of that tone and my accent would sound. Record yourself reading. Record yourself speaking. Record yourself modifying your voice. It will feel like a waste of time at the beginning, BUT if you practice for at least 30 minutes weekly, it WILL pay off.

A Final Note

Learning to say a lot while speaking little is one those benefits experts talk about when they say ‘work on yourself’. It’s one of those untangible things that really make a difference wherever you go.  Just really think about it – in every ocassion that you speak or act, there lies an opportunity to get noticed. Every single statement you make could have a tremendous impact in people’s lives. I would want that, wouldn’t you?

“The glue that holds all relationships together — including the relationship between the leader and the led is trust, and trust is based on integrity.”

“For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe” – H. L. Mencken

Trust is the most essential component of any relationship – business or romantic, it makes no difference. Trust has to be there. Many components can be there, but if trust isn’t one of them, not many things will get done. For instance, a girl may find you attractive, but if she doesn’t trust you, you are not going anywhere with her. You may have a million dollar idea but if the people who can help you don’t like you AND trust you, you will not go too far. Trust doesn’t pop out of the blue;  it’s built with questions and acts.

The deeper and more personal the questions and acts are, the more trust that will be built. Fear not asking personal questions. Do not just settle for the superficial ones. Ask for opinions, ask for feedback, ask them to be sincere. Don’t just ask them how many siblings they have, ask them how close they are. Ask her first if she is comfortable with you asking. You may begin with “Do you mind if I ask you something more personal?”. Don’t go straight into a super personal question, let the ball be on the other person’s court. If she feels comfortable with you asking that, she’ll give you the green light to keep going.

First Truth: Trust yourself.

“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

As mentioned in the article of leadership, you cannot trust others until you trust yourself – let alone others trusting you unless you trust yourself. That won’t happen. When you go ask for that sale, dive in with conviction and power that you trust in yourself and your product, and more important that the customer will benefit for it. When you go for that girl, go in there convinced. Trust yourself. Trust that you ARE indeed the best option for her, because indeed you ARE the best option for as long as you believe it.

Trust your belief system. There is no way to fool your beliefs. How could you? If you don’t believe that you can sell, then you won’t sell. If you don’t believe you can get that girl, then you won’t. The opportunities and signs will be there, right in front of your face, and yet, you won’t see them because your belief just doesn’t let you see them. Beliefs are that powerful. There are several things that affect your beliefs, but the most important of them all is the people you associate yourself with. Do your family members believe in succeeding? Do you enjoy your work and workplace? Do you believe in your boss or manager? Do you believe in what you do? If you don’t believe in it and if you don’t love it enough, then you will not get others to trust you there. Never, ever, ever.

Trust your thoughts. If you’re thinking about something, dive in. Take action soon enough before you become too doubtful. With time, you’ll be sharp enough to make the decisions that are best for you.

Second Truth: Trust others first, and yes, it is risky.

“Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him.” - Booker T. Washington

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” – Frank Crane

I have been let down, burned, and slandered several times, especially when I first began my ‘career’. There was a gentleman who consulted with me several times through email about issues that he had and I gladly helped. One day, he asked to be part of the ‘team’ and I told him no because he wasn’t mature enough yet. He became angry and cut off any communication. Weeks later he started posting that I was scamming people and I was only interested in money. There have been other times where I trusted girls, co-workers, and even friends for this website, only to be let down. Yet, today I’m beginning to see much more positive results. I’m more often blessed than disappointed. I have met extraordinary people who I’ve become really close with and all because I began trusting them. I trusted them before anything without expecting anything in return. And boy, it has paid. You see, there is something magical about the people you attract. The law of attraction doesn’t fail; you attract that which you think of most often.

The most important component in Trust: Honesty.

“The man who cannot endure to have his errors and shortcomings brought to the surface and made known, but tries to hide them, is unfit to walk the highway of truth.” - James Allen

There are two types of honesty – one with others and one with yourself. The former is easier, the latter is complicated. It’s a lot easier to be honest when everyone is seeing what you’re up to, but it’s more tempting to cheat while you’re by yourself. You can justify your dishonesty in whatever way you want and no one will judge because you’re all there by yourself. For instance, you can go talk to that girl because of all the pressure your friends are putting on you, but will you do it once you’re by yourself? You may not cheat on your exams, but are you stealing essays from the internet for your homework? If so, are you really being honest? You can post all you want about your achievements, but are you really doing productive things when you’re alone? How real is your honesty? Tom Church mentioned in his amazing article “Honesty and confidence”, “Be honest in your confidence, and be confident in your honesty. I’m glad to have him as a friend, I couldn’t have put it better myself!

Here are some things you can do to begin exercising your honesty, and thereof, your trust. Have a conversation with a trustworthy friend and ask him to be completely honest with you about how you behave. What things you can improve. Recall old scenarios and bring the truth out. Keep in mind, not necessarily your best friend or the person who won’t hurt you, but rather someone who you can trust being honest – in short, someone who can get down to business. Keep your cool as there may be plenty of stuff you won’t like. Don’t be a douche by starting to yell at them for telling you the truth. Let them speak, do not cut them off. LISTEN. Oh, there, listen is another essential key to trust. Are you listening well?

Be honest to yourself when being alone. Do not give in the temptation. For instance, two days ago I fell into juvenile behavior by watching pornographic content. I have made a commitment to not do it, and although I have reduced it dramatically, I still fall every now and then. What about you? Are you telling someone something but doing something else when you’re alone? Telling someone you read when you didn’t read anything? I know it’s tempting, but do not give in! If you didn’t read, tell that person you didn’t read. Better a small disappointment now followed by great pride in honesty, than you being disappointed at yourself and no pride of honesty at all.

Trust Violation

“If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens,regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” – Abraham Lincoln

Once trust is violated, it’s very unlikely to return. If you’ve been bankrupt before, how long was it before banks and companies gave you credit? 7-10 years? If you have hurt someone before, how long was it or what did it take for that person to trust you again (if that ever happened)? You may talk to someone, you may be even friendly with someone, but can you trust someone who broke the trust you had in him or her? Trust is that important. I can only remember the redhead girl that I so much loved. We both broke each others’ trust and even though the effort was made, no one could trust each other anymore. The relationship of course went downhill. If trust evaporates, you can BET the relationship will die. It’s quite simple, yet so difficult to understand, even more accept. Trust is precious, take good care of it.

And yes, I still encourage you to trust others, no matter how risky it is. They can violate your trust, but so can you. I write this so that you get an insight into how hard it would be for someone to regain your trust. If it’s hard for someone to regain your trust, wouldn’t it be hard for you to regain someone’s trust as well? The answer is yes. NOTE: It’s hard, but not impossible.

Trusting bit by bit

“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Question for you – Do you go tell someone you just met your most obscure secret? Of course not, you wouldn’t tell some things in a lifetime, there are things she can tell right away like how many siblings she has or what she does for a living, but there is usually a process – luckily, you can get better and faster at it. Bit by bit, people will trust you. They test the waters first. They want to feel safe. When women sleep with you, they first need to feel safe and secure. They need to know you won’t make a huge deal out of it, that you won’t brag about it, that you won’t give her any STD’s, even more important, that your attitude toward her won’t change after sleeping together, that either you won’t leave her or that you won’t become obsessed with her. How long it takes her to trust you with this is an estimate of how long it will take for her to trust you with sex.

Some girls take a little longer to trust and that’s alright. Be patient. Some customers take longer to say “Yes” to your order and that might be because they have been hurt in the past or because they need extra re-assurance that what you’re telling is truth. Character, integrity, and honesty will get the job done here. If you really have their best interest at heart and you persist long enough, you’ll get what you want, and help them get what they want at the same time. On that note, whenever someone begins to compare you to another person, then you’re in trouble, buddy. She trusts that person more than she trusts you. You better get going on that case

Credible VS Incredible

Passionate: Whenever I coach someone (contact me for this, I had stopped for a while but I have re-taken it now), we deal with “Credible Vs Incredible”. You can do one credible thing and build trust one brick at the time, slowly… OR you can do one incredible thing and build an entire wall quite rapidly. Ever wondered why sticking up for what you believe to be right (especially when it involves danger) is so attractive? There is your answer. You do not need to do incredible things everyday, of course, but I suggest you exercise your courage often and develop your passions – when combined, these things will be extremely attractive. Or maybe if you’re familiar with the seduction community and its tactics, then you know how effective real alpha behavior is.

Genuine Surprise: Equally or even more effective is the act of surprise. Surprising someone (in a genuine way) builds trust. Do you think sending a ‘Thank You’ card when that person is not expecting it leads to trust or makes trust stronger? Yes. Do you think sending your girlfriend flowers when she is not expecting will make her love/like you more? Yes. Surprise her. This is a good time to ignore the idiotic ‘rules’. Fear nothing. I can remember vividly when I received a huge thank you card for my efforts – I trust that person even more now. If you feel like you could surprise someone and make that person’s day, then go ahead and do it. The price? Anywhere from 3-20 dollars. The outcome? Priceless. It’s simple, go and do it.

Superior skills: We are all fascinated by people who are really good at what they do. If you’re into the pick-up-community, you would definitely trust the ‘sound’ names such as David DeAngelo, Neil Strauss, or Mystery (if your favorite is not here, pardon me, I haven’t read on the community in months). If you want to learn to dance, you would trust someone who is really good at it. If I had to recommend a dance coach, it would be Crimson Lena Mortimer, that girl can shake it! . The examples are countless, but the point is one only – superior skills lead and build trust and admiration. We trust those who have superior skills on a particular area.

Boldness and being fearless: You know that dude Jeff Hardy from WWE? Girls dig him. They love the guy. He seems fearless. You know that guy in the club who will take a woman away from a group, when she was previously surrounded by 10 or more guys? Do you know that bar scene from the movie ‘Hitch’? – THAT kind of move. That’s bold. That’s creative. That’s authentic. My friend, Nick Krygier, shared a story with me about a beautiful girl in a nightclub being surrounded by 5 guys. One of his friends stood in front of the group and said something ridiculously bold to the girl; he did loud enough for her and all the guys to hear. He attracted her within seconds. He WOW’ed her. She trusted him from there on. A couple of more ‘girl tests’ and she was his. I met one of my girlfriends at the mall. She was working behind the counter. I walked up to say and after a few words, I looked back and there was a long line of people waiting to be served. I said “I’m leaving as soon as I get her number”. With that, I turned around and said “What’s your number?”. She trusted me from there on, and two days later we were on a ‘date’. Do I make myself clear here? Boldness and creativity. No need to be an asshole, just be bold.

Passion and Kindness: Nate Trimmer is an incredible guy. He is part of the world wide organization ROTARAC. I met him in my Business Law class. I knew I ‘could’ trust this guy from the get-go. There was just something about him that told me this guy was trustworthy and I was correct. Nate is very passionate about serving others and volunteering his time for others. Actually, as I write this (February 14, 2009 at 1:09 AM) he is in Mexico, probably sleeping now, but in the morning he’ll be providing medicine to kids in poor areas of Mexico to make sure they don’t get deadly diseases. I tell you, I TRUST a guy like that. What makes me trust Nate Trimmer more? We have to read the Wall Street Journal for that same class (Business Law) and what does he do? He brings the paper to campus everyday and saves it for me to just pick it up. Isn’t that incredible? I’m very thankful to him and I let him know it more often than not. I value his friendship, and again, I trust him. Nate too is beyond credible, he is an incredible being.

Genuine Friendliness: Shaun McMillan is my spiritual mentor. He doesn’t charge me a dime and I have written briefly about him in the article “The Principle of Love”. Shaun met me (He found me) during week of welcome (the week where there is sign-ups for clubs and orgs in University) and there was something about this guy that had “Genuine caring” written all over him, so I decided to meet up with him a week later. Now, we meet up weekly (to the best of our ability) and he makes it so easy for us to meet. We have served food to each other and so on. Sometimes I feel the burden of becoming more spiritual and responsible, and Shaun lets me know it in a very subtle way. However, I know and I trust that he has my best interest at heart. His friendship meets no requirement or condition and I can be absolutely sincere with him. His spiritual advice is also sound. He has helped me regain my faith in God (You gotta meet people like Shaun to realize that God does exist). For that, I trust him. Shaun – in short – has acquired trust with me because of his genuine caring and friendship. He too is incredible.

Fear not a single thing. Speak when you want to be heard. Act when you want to get things done. Train yourself when you need to succeed. Be genuine and do good without expecting things in return or recognition. Don’t just be credible, be a bit incredible too.

Trust dictates your reputation

Word of mouth is the most powerful maker or breaker of them all. This website has gained its readership based on the trust the original members have toward it. That built a reputation. They told their friends about it and more people kept on coming. Plenty of successful bloggers have followed the same procedure. These are the nice type of stories. There are also the not-so-nice stories, such as the type of stories when a man gains horrible reputation because of cheating or because of his failure to keep promises. Your reputation is in direct proportion to the level of trust people have in you. Unfortunately, it takes some time to build trust, but only one minute of wrong thinking to destroy that trust, and maybe a lifetime to regain it – indeed, the finest things are hard to keep, even harder to be regained. Don’t believe it? Would you want someone who is always clingy and coming back despite how bad they are treated? There is your answer.

Exercises:

1. As usual, I’ll emphasize the use of a journal. When you discover things by yourself, you actually discover them; unlike discovering them by just reading them from me or anyone else. Take the time (and I REALLY mean take the time) to write down a list a characteristics of what makes the relationships with the people you trust, trustworthy. In short, why do you trust them? Why do they trust you? Write it down in a journal… It won’t take more than 5 minutes. I’ll still be here by the time you’re done.

2. Now that you have these traits or principles, how would you apply them to your life? How can you gain more trust with the girl sitting next to you in class? What kind of deep, personal question can you ask her during class so that she’s convinced to see you AFTER class? What can you do to establish trust with a customer in 30 minutes instead of 3 hours? How can your friend trust you more? Do you have the guts to trust something in them, so that they can trust you back? Can you tell her “You look great today!” so that they can see you trust yourself? Write all of these things down!

The Art of Asking Questions to Build Trust

I have written about this several times here and even made videos on it here, and also here. The art of asking questions is truly a remarkable skill given that very few people have it. I’m far from being an expert on it, I’m a beginner student but I can tell you from personal experience that writing down my questions, preparing them, and practicing my delivering have made a difference. Write down your questions, just like you’ll write down your responses and punchlines. Be a student. Practice your delivery and record yourself. Test them and see what you can do to improve your effectiveness in this art.

Some powerful questions to ask are:

* Tell me something really close to your heart
* What is one thing that absolutely needs to be there for you to connect with a guy?
* What is one thing that always makes you excited? How often do you do it?
* What was the happiest day of your life? Ask her to be descriptive
* How is the relationship in your family?
* What does your ideal date look like? Ask her to be very descriptive
* What is your dream? How do you plan to go about it?
* Can you give me your honest opinion on my personality?
* What’s your view on religion? spirituality? politics?

There are plenty of them and you can make them as you study your personality and the type of girl you want to attract. It goes without saying that common sense should tell you if they are being honest with you or not, if they are really thinking about it or not, and so on. If they are not responding well, you’re not asking the right way. Learn the right way.

A Superior Level of Trust

You know you’re trusted when you begin to receive emails, phone calls, letters that ask for advice. I’m far from that, but I can use some examples. I obviously get emails and phone calls and what not, but I’m little, I’m a newbie. Let’s talk about the big guys, the guys that inspire thousands and that thousands TRUST even though they may have never met them. There is Anthony Robbins, Jim Rohn and so on. However one guy who I take my hat off to, and would delightfully applaud is Mr. Charlie Tremendous Jones. This guy IS truly incredible – incredible as a person, role-model, and speaker. I made a video to express my condolences for his death. Check out his website and you can listen to one of his presentations for free. Buy his book “Life is Tremendous” and learn to live in a TREMENDOUS way.

Moving on… you will get to a point in which people will seek to you for advice time and time again. There will be a point where you can touch people with your wisdom, your personality, your character. There will be a time where very few people will be able to escape your influence. There will be a time when the guy you look at in the mirror can smile back and be proud of the reflection. It will happen. I promise.

Special thanks to the beautiful Crimson Lena for her picture.

I must confess I was nervous to do this, but it helped to then figure “Why not write about it in the blog, so that everyone becomes aware of the importance of sales!?”. And so I will do. Keep in mind that I’m not trying to give you a course on sales, but rather on why ‘sales’ are so important and why ‘sales’ is part of YOUR daily life. As the great Zig Ziglar would say “Selling is everything. And everything is selling”. Yes, everything is selling. As a matter of fact, I’m selling you right now. I’m selling the idea that everything is selling and oh, you’ll buy.

I’m a salesman in Business and Life

I’m very proud to tell you that this website was constructed all upon sales, even though we haven’t sold any single product nor do we charge a single dime for the content. How is it sales then? I was sold in the idea that the blog would reach more people. I sold Ian on the idea that I would take care of things and he bought, and now I’m delivering. We sold you on the idea that we would deliver amazing content and you bought, and now we are delivering. That’s business. Let’s talk about life. I sold my aunt earlier that I would cook the meal today and she bought – I delivered what I sold, even though it didn’t taste as good . I sold this girl that if we met up tomorrow, we would have a great time together – she bought. I sold my professor earlier through an email so I could get extra time – he bought twenty minutes later. Have you ever ‘sold’ like this? Of course you have. This is the good side of sales.

There is another side of selling and this is the one that most people are familiar with – the unethical one. Today’s culture makes it easy for us to notice the bad, but almost impossible to notice the good. News speak of ‘scams’ in which a salesman tricked someone into something, but news don’t tell you of the salesman who dug long and hard for the perfect house a family desired. Or how a salesman went out of his way and time to solve a family’s problem. News don’t speak of that. To top it off, the ‘classic’ called Death of a salesman gave the sales person in America the worst image. The novel exemplifies everything a salesperson does not stand for. I have no idea what Arthur was thinking when he wrote it, but surely I wouldn’t like the people I surround myself with to think that way.

Sales People Make It Happen

Do you realize that there wouldn’t be free enterprise without sales people? Do you realize that Disneyland, Six Flags, the nightclubs you go to, or the restaurants you frequent most often wouldn’t be there if someone hadn’t sold on the idea of them? What if you’re preparing a project right now and you were to need a white board as part of it. You would need to go buy one to the store, right? When you go, there is ‘security’ that you’ll find one, right? Who do you think put that board there? Who was the brain behind all of that? Who sold the store owner on the idea that this white board will be bought? You got it, a salesperson did.

Profit is the essence of a company or business. If there is no profit, then the business dies. And if the business dies, people lose jobs, and people lose jobs the economy goes down, and if the economy goes down… well, you know the rest. It is sales people that makes things happen. Jesus, the most inspiring to ever live, was a salesman and the most effective marketing manager that ever lived. He taught his disciples what was on his mind and heart, and after his death, they went on to spread this message all over, and rather quick! Because of this holy ‘salesman’, there is conscious spirituality all over the world today.

There are many sales representative who are pushy, aggressive, and downright careless. On top of this, they are mainly driven by the money and disregard what their costumers’ problems may be. These sales people give the worst image to the hard workers that make things happen. Their behavior harms a country, the sales people, and more important the customers. They harm the attitude customers have toward sales people. When the media portrays these type of sales representatives, it is no surprise that the image of sales people has been downgraded.

There is little that can be done about these sales representatives, so I won’t make a ‘call for action’, but I do would like to remind you that there are also great salespeople out there and that we do care for your well being and satisfaction. Forget not that they play a key role in the economy – from the sales representatives who knock door to door to the high level executives who must sell their ideas in order to negotiate.Treat them with respect as there is honor in being a salesman.  As a salesman myself, I would like to apologize for all the unethical sales representatives one may have to deal with. I promise you, not every sales representative is that way.

A Little Reminder and Tip

This is not just for sales people or business people, so pay close attention. There is no such a thing as a business relationship, there is only relationships. No one will make business with you if they don’t like you AND trust you. A successful business person is not feared, but rather loved. Now, with that in mind, whenever you meet someone whose influence you can benefit from, get their address and within one or two days send them a “Thank You” card. They sell these ‘Thank You” cards everywhere, you can get 20 of them for 6 or 7 dollars. Send one to someone you would like to stay in touch with, and watch what a difference that little card will make. Don’t do emails, unless it’s absolutely necessary.

In hope that your attitude toward salesmanship has become or increase more positive – I wish you to create an excellent week.

Love is the moving force.

When I first signed up, it was to do 6 days a week, on average 45 hours or more. However, this week my manager has been informed by head office to cut labor substantially. As a result, the average working week is now 22 hours. Hardly enough to maintain a decent standard of living.

Luckily though, I’m traveling soon and so I’m literally walking away from my problems. Which lead me to wonder, to what extent would you be willing to walk away from it all? I recently read in ‘Style’ magasine (part of The Sunday Times) of three families who packed their bags and moved abroad to more prosperous locations such as Dubai and Beijing. They chose these locations as it had a greater demand for their expertise than their home country (UK), thus higher wages. These stories reminded me of the forum thread ‘Change or Die‘ where Ian Smith explains that change should be ‘welcomed and embraced’…

It’s strange how migration has always occurred, and always will. Yet as humans we feel the need to stay in the same place, in order to feel stable and secure. We like a home, a town, a county, a country and a continent. We like our finite borders starting with walls and doors and ending with international borders alongside mountain ranges. The solar system, galaxy, universe…all individual entities with their own boundaries to give us a sense of scale and security.

But contrary to our efforts of developing comfort in the form of security, we actually make it harder for ourselves. By creating all of these fixed places, we gain a belief of belonging, and thus an unwillingness to move when the hard times come. And as it just happens, this time, to some of us, has come.

So with knowledge now in view, are you willing to pack up your bags and leave? To move to a new country, a new continent or even a new world? At first it would be difficult, the change in atmosphere, culture and society. Alongside dealing with the guilt of deserting friends and family, but would it be worth it? Should we simply pack up and leave? Or should we stay, address the problems that sometimes are unsolvable and get over the emotional pain.

There are always going to be the masses of people that agglomerate. Similar groups of people tend to stick together – financial levels, languages, appearances, religions, and ways of thinking. Depending on the time-scale you look at, they tend to stay in the same place over the course of a few generations, but there are the odd few that scatter around, inhabiting one place, then moving on to the next. Constantly re-adapting to the new environment, making new friends and keeping in contact with the old.

Perhaps those that change locations constantly just when a problem arises are a symbol of human nature. We tend to exploit natural resources, until there are none left, then we move on. Sustainable development is a long way off from reality. But in a world of nearly 7 billion people, the ultimate question is can one man make a difference?

The answer is a resounding ‘yes’. Think of Ghandi, who motivated 2 million people to think in unison. Think of Barrack Obama who got more students to vote than ever before in American history. Think of every religious figure, dead or alive that develop desire and action within millions. If you have the dream, you can do it.

Equally, if your ambition is create a family, to live in emotional satisfaction within the short time that we have, then you can do that. You can leave the problems behind, you can follow demand and ensure that you are always financially secure. Accept that belonging and boundaries are simply psychological constraints and you can ride the wave of life. Every hiccup and bump will be glided over beneath the great wave as you constantly evolve.

So which is it to be? There are three options, will you:

1) Stay in your current location and suffer from the crisis?

2) Move to a new place where there is demand for your skills?

3) Stand up and sort the problem out for yourself?

When I read the book Why We Want You To Be Rich - written by Donald Trump & Robert Kiyosaki – they stressed the importance of investing, not spending, two things: Time and Money. I re-read that chapter many times and each time I read it, I wrote down new possible ways on how to invest time and how to invest money. After I did that, I wrote down what possible results the different types of investing could have and how would this affect the rest of my life. I want to share with you some of that stuff.

As I began writing on how the two things could relate to each other, I quickly got to the conclusion that time and money are related even more than most of us think. We have all heard that time is money, time is gold, time is every thing – but no one ever tells us how to use that time and much less how to use the money that can be made with a good use of our time.

Money

What I learned is that it’s very easy to fall into the trap of wasting your money. Most of us have been doing it for years now, it began with our parents and they passed it on to us, our friends then helped us build that money-waste habit and the habit was completed by the many “Waste your money on me” commercials. For instance, how many people do you know that work anywhere from twenty-five to forty hours per week to earn an income of 500-800 dollars, which is later wasted on fast food (which we learned from our parents, go out with our friends to have and see on commercials daily), an annoyingly loud stereo system for their cars, and other stuff that never gives you a returning income? If you went to High School like me, you should know plenty of them. This phenomenon is so common that is considered to be normal and anyone following this pattern is just another human being, but great achievers see opportunities where others do not.

For instance, instead of buying a combo for 6 dollars in your near-by Carl’s Jr or McDonalds, you can go to your local Gas Station and buy a small snack or an energy bar, which has the following benefits to it: Healthier, cheaper, gives you more energy. Now let’s look at the results this little change would have. Becoming healthier will prevent you from missing work, writing, playing sports, waste time laying down on bed resting and so on. If you buy cheaper things you’re automatically saving money, no brainer. If you have more energy as a result of healthier food, then you perform better, you think clearer and you go through your day with contagious radiant positive energy – on the other hand, fast food will only make you tired and sleepy. Small change, great positive result.

Another example would be using money to buy a book. When you buy a book, you’re buying knowledge and insights into the mind of a man/woman who is or has been successful in life. There are exceptions, of course. Buying a book is really exploring the mind of a successful individual and when you begin to adopt this habit, successful thoughts and habits begin to build within you. It can also enhance your mind’s creativity and perspective. For instance, I’m currently reading a very long book called “Shantaram” – which Nick recommended – and even though it’s a story, the book is so rich in content that one must take break in order to absorb everything the book has to offer. Since reading this book – which is the life of a prisoner on the run and the things he learned in India – I have noticed that I have stopped giving importance to things that before got me upset, since the book shapes my belief that someone always has it worse. I have also developed a deeper respect, curiosity and admiration for the Indian Culture. Reading a book is in short, a vitamin for your mind. It will pay off as you grow up and there is knowledge from many sources into your head. You will become more eloquent and people will respect you for that. You will have more chances of landing a job. You will get more in life by simply dedicating yourself to read. Now isn’t that a great investment of your money?

Other things that you can invest your money on – leaving aside stocks, bonds, real state since I know nothing about them – are technology, good clothes and other reliable accessories. For example, an IPod and its dock would allow you to listen to music while you exercise, which will pump you up, in consequence, having a better , more extreme workout. A good, nice looking tie will give you that edge that you need to impress someone you meet in a Business Gathering. Nice shoes say a lot about a man, why carry bad ones?

Stop wasting your money on things that will never give you a positive return. It doesn’t mean that you have to cut them out completely, but you should certainly consider on reducing them. It’s not only that you will get more in return, but you will also develop a habit that not many people have, yet they complain about why they can’t get more money.

Time

Time is in direct proportion to money. For example, right now I’m blogging and I know that with time, my skills for blogging will improve and that will allow me to have an income, even when I’m sleeping. So in my world, I’m investing my time effectively. The way you spent for time will dictate the amount of money you get. I mentioned the books earlier, if you buy a book, you must obviously read it, there is a good investment for your time. Another good investment for your time and one which I recommend dearly is writing and keeping a journal. It may take you 30 minutes to 1 hour a day, but it’s one of the most productive things I’ve ever experienced. Looking back to your thinking and writing is learning from yourself, and that habit is one that very few people have.

In my post “As good as the best”, I wrote about the importance of dedicating those 3-4 hours to your growth and that, under no circumstances, you should stop doing it. Take my word for it, investing time on yourself is the biggest investment of them all. Remember “You can get more money, but you can’t get more time”. The wiser your time is spent, the more money you will get. Dedicate time to exercising. Dedicate time to reading the book and the news. Dedicate time to writing. Dedicate time to cultivate gratitude in your life. Dedicate time to learn about how to save time. For example, I’m currently using “Flock” which I learned from the Thirty Day Challenge (all because Chikito pressured me to it! ) and it has been fantastic so far. When mastered, it can save me about an hour between blogging, reading the news, listening to music, uploading pictures and so on. And the best of all is that it doesn’t freeze my computer. I would go as far to say that learning how to save money time pushes you to think more on your own, there is another good result!

Learning to invest your time correctly is without a doubt the most effective thing you can do. Time used wisely can create money. Time used wisely can get you a better social life. Time used wisely can get you more quality girlfriends. Time used wisely can get you in peace with yourself. Time used wisely can give you more energy and motivate you through the day.

I don’t recommend any particular time management program, I think that’s nonsense. You already know what you should be doing, you just don’t do it. Simply grab a journal and write down the things you must do for the day and began working on them. Once you’re done with one task, cross it and move to the next one. Developing this habit will help you to just dive yourself at things without thinking too much (which is a waste of time) and therefore less fear, less confusion, less over-thinking occurs. If you need remainders for certain things, buy a calendar in B&N, I have a Garfield Calendar (I just love Garfield ) hanging on my wall across my computer chair, it’s hard not to see it. If you can’t afford a calendar, put a reminder alarm in your phone. If you don’t have a cellphone, go to Google Calendar, set up an account and it will give you a buzz whenever you have to do something. There is really no excuse!

A Final Note

Make a commitment to yourself starting today. This morning when I woke up really early because I wanted to attend a seminar, I realize how looking forward to things the next day motivates you to wake up earlier and radiates you with energy. This is obvious, but now grab that principle and apply in the following way – what if you had something new to face everyday as you wake up? If everyday of your life had an exciting moment to it, wouldn’t you wake up with energy and determination to yourself?

You know how you’re on time for a meeting with your boss or your girlfriend, you know that feeling of urgency? Adopt that feeling to improving your life. Don’t miss a day of dates with yourself. Don’t miss one. Remember that YOU! are the most important person in this world. Not your boss, not your girlfriend, YOU! If you don’t miss an appointment with your boss, why would you miss one with yourself?

To quote Eminem – The opportunity is passing, will you capture it or will you let it go?

The world is yours for the take.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

By Daniel Becerra

“Do little things that no one else seems to want to do, and be patient, success finds you! That’s a law of life”
- Charlie Tremendous Jones – Motivational-Humorist Speaker

“I was not only applied to school, by doing all my homework and studying for my exams. I also read books on my free time, books that weren’t required. I learned from my father that I had to do more than the rest in order to be better than them”
Donald Trump – Real State Multi-Billionaire, TV Show Star, Best Selling Author

It has taken me a lot of reading and learning from many successful people – not motivational speakers – but rather real successful people to begin seeing common patterns that they all shared in common, patterns that define their leadership and success, not just that, but also I’m beginning to take a closer look at those who stand out the most in their own category. For example, if we look at the computer’s marketing, we would look at Microsoft and Apple, right? If we look at search engines, we have Google who currently dominates, followed by MSN, YAHOO and then AOL. So you study Google and if time allows you also study AOL (given that it has gone downhill recently) to see where it failed. If you’re going to look at the Real State Market, who do you look at? Donald Trump. If you’re looking at athletes, would you study Bruce Lee and Michael Jordan or would you study the guys who never shine, yet were the teammates or friends?

One arguably unfair thing in life is the following: one person gets recognized the most. A group may get recognized, but there will always be a leader and someone who is the best at doing whatever that group does. If you don’t believe that only one person gets most of the glory, then ask yourself this: “Besides, the Mount Rushmore National Memorial (see picture above), where else have you seen a monument for more than one person?” Nowhere. And funny thing is, these people never worked together. Ok, that takes care of the point I’m trying to make. There will always be one who stands out the most and according to the notes, steps and actions I’ve taken (which by the way, truly make a difference) the number one thing that separates the best from one who was part of being the best is this: being willing to do what others don’t do, can’t do or won’t try to do. While you keep yourself from vigorously following this principle, you will keep getting similar results to the rest of people around you. The amazing thing about this is that the more you grow, the more challenges you will find – this happens by law, because there will always be someone who tops you in one way or another, always. That’s really exciting in my opinion.

For example, when I first read “The Game”, I automatically felt the drive to compete with other people, improve myself as much as I had to, just so I could reach to the book’s characters’ level. So each time I got a chance, I would observe what other people did. I would observe and make mental notes of their body language, the way they said things, they way they looked at girls in the eyes, their walk, their hand movement and all of the stuff that made the difference. It went even further with time, while some guys were really good in a particular style, others were really good with what, at first sight, would seem two completely different things. They were both completely different, but they both had very subtle commonalities. For example, I’m a not-so-hyper-guy who excells in conversations with people in general and I’m proud to say I get the results because of that. I don’t walk in any special way or dress like a rockstar – as a matter of fact, I haven’t bought new jeans in a while. Yet, I do quite good. Then I meet Chief, this really high energy guy who dresses hard-rock like, shades and is always smiling and talking loud. He is on his journey to success as well. He moves his hands differenly, his voice volume and tone are different, his looks are different, his walk is different – so what could he and I have in common? We both find ourselves comfortable in whatever style we have and feel no pressure to fit in another group.

Well, I just did a mini-writing on social skills, but whatever. Getting back to my original point, it is those observations that allowed me to make a difference and improve faster than the rest. I really believe that it was these observations that allowed me to see beyond what was being offered. While many of the people I knew (who were in their PUA journey as well) read lines, routines and were hungry for every bit of knowledge from a “Guru”, I was out there willing to do more than just waiting for the information to come. They thought we were at the same level, because we all exposed ourselves to danger – but the difference maker was that little thing that they didn’t do but I did. Observing deeper, taking the time to actually make observations gave me a headstart. Keep in mind, that there is also a lot of guys out there who will mix theories and create their own, but this is – I believe – a bit better, but no where near as good as making your own observations and finding what works for you.

Another example is one that I’m currently experiencing right now, and one thing that I’m certain Ian was experiencing on the last couple of months previous to his departure. I began reading, exercising and simply just being out there. I focused not on the big unique goal, but rather on doing small things everyday, and just not doing them, but doing these small things the best I could them. Like someone once said “Do the things that are easy to do and easy not to do”, I focused on THAT. Results were visible not too long after I began applying myself. For example, I worked on my first impression skills for a while now and close to every time I talked to someone from a Network Marketing company, they all tried to hire me. I had to decline, given that network marketing is not something I want to do right now. Someone would introduce me to another person or a group of people for that matter and within seconds I could have them not just engaged, but also interested. On my writing too, right now I’m pushing myself to write articles every single day and so far, it’s working. Let’s see if I can continue this beyond two days. Same thing with the work out, I’m lifting and doing cardio 4-5 days per week and it gives me more energy and allows me to think more clear. Those little things are really making a difference and bit by bit, it begins to build – eventually showing in a big fat progress.

To be the best, you have to do things that others are not doing. If you’re not reading, begin reading. If you’re not exercising, begin exercising. If you’re not writing on your journal, begin writing on your journal. Combine these three things, how much of your time can these take? If you take 1 hour to read every single day, another 2 hours to exercise and perhaps 30 minutes to write on your journal, then those could be the most three productive hours of your time. Remember, time is more important than money. You can get more money, but you can’t get more time. So if you can’t get more time, then use that time wisely by really working on yourself. Those 3 and a half hours used to develop your physic and intelligence will be much more productive as time goes. YOU! will become a much more valuable person, and remember this: The more valuable you become, the less selling/convincing/working you have to do, BY LAW. Why? Because you become more valuable than other people! Automatically setting you up to get greater jobs, benefits, attention, etc.

For example, I began working on my first job- it was for the Los Angeles Times, knocking on doors selling subscriptions. While I used this as a source to get an income, you can rest assure that I hated it, I wanted a better quality job, so I was presented with the opportunity of working for a networking company, a very challenging one. I was able to keep up with this company because I became more valuable than the rest of the kids that worked in the L.A. Times with me. So while they kept making about 150 per week, I was making a bit over 300 per week. Can you tell what difference it can make to work on yourself?

Devote time to yourself, and internalize that you’re the most important person in this world, above all. A meeting to an activity to improve yourself should be as important to you as a meeting with your boss would be. You wouldn’t miss a meeting with your boss, so don’t miss a meeting with yourself either – why? because you’re your own boss.

I have decided that tomorrow’s article will be on how to really work on yourself. Until tomorrow. I hope that you have enjoyed

It was a pleasure writing for your soul, mind and eyes.
Sincerely,
Daniel

Quote to ponder
“I would rather have a human friend, than a solid, unbreakable statue”
- Some dude in a hispanic movie.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

“Reputation is what others perceive you as being, and their opinion may be right or wrong. Character, however, is what you really are, and nobody truly knows that but you. But you are who matters the most”
- John Wooden, Legendary Basketball Coach

“Leadership is to listen to your followers, and then open the door for them to lead themselves. The secret is empowerment. The main incentive is genuine caring and recognition”
- Denis Waitley, Poet, Lyricist and Motivational Speaker

“Leadership is the resource that is needed the most”
- John Addison, CEO of a multi-billion dollar company

The thought of being called a “leader” is surely a delightful one. It’s amazing on its own, isn’t it? – To be called a leader means not that you have the skill, but rather the trust, empowering attitude, and determination that others admire and follow, and often times – wish they had. To be a leader also means that there is more responsibility on your shoulders. Keep this in mind everyday of your life: the great things in life are hard to get and even harder to keep. Being a leader is an everyday challenge, an art on its own, simply put: a privilege, not a reward. For the last couple of weeks and for the rest of my life I’ve decided to cultivate the traits of a leader, regardless of where I am or what I do.

Be aware, though, that to be a leader doesn’t mean you have to have hundreds of people behind you. As Nick Krygier said to me once, “You gotta be careful with [the] meaning you give to words. They can mess you up.” So being a leader also applies to leading your relationships and by leading your relationships, I don’t mean that “you decide, you take, you drive and so on”. No. That’s not leading, that’s your perception of leading. Leading, my friends is making others feel special; leading is opening others’ doors so that they can believe in themselves, and subsequently in YOU!

Previous to being told “Daniel, you’re in charge of the website now”, I had no idea how challenging it would be to keep up with over 300 or so ferocious readers (now a couple of thousands more). Previous to beginning my workshops, I had no idea how challenging it would be to empower guys into believing in themselves and taking action. More importantly, previous to being my own leader and assuming full responsibility for my life, I had no idea how challenging it would be to back up my thoughts. In short, good leadership is challenging, but certainly not impossible. Keep in mind that we all lead in life, it’s just that some lead for good, while others lead for bad. A good leader is not an average achiever, it takes more than average to be considered a leader and it takes almost nothing to be considered average. Keep that in mind.

Since Ian Smith has left, it has become harder and harder for me to run this website. He and I were such great friends that together we led hundreds of loyal souls into reading our thoughts almost daily. When a member didn’t message him, he/she messaged me and vice versa. We shared ideas together; we spoke on the phone almost daily about life’s stuff and of course, the website. Every day we had ideas that we would try implementing later for the website’s improvement. Things were great. Eventually, bit by bit, things went downhill, we started getting less active users, less participation, and things began to seem messy. The two of us – and everyone making decisions for that matter – seemed to have great ideas and intentions, but for some reason when we tried to implement them, they would work momentarily, not work at all or work against us. By the time Ian left, we were already suffering of low participation and there was nothing I feel I could do besides encouraging others to post, including the other decision makers. My requests seemed to be ignored and I bet I came off as arrogant, rude and prickish. I mean, who was I to tell what to do? I didn’t do it before, why would I do it now?

You see, I was given the role of the website’s leader – officially or not – I was now in charge of leading hundreds of online users into personal empowerment, and at that moment, all I had was the will and desire – but I lacked the knowledge and strategy. That taught me a very important lesson on leadership.

“Whether you like it or not, will is not enough. You must lead with example. As whatever relationship you have with someone is a direct reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.”

This simple thing – as cheesy as it sounds – applies not only to leading a group of readers into following, but also to your relationships, finances and social life. For example, when I first started meeting a lot of girls and getting into casual relationships I began to notice a common pattern. Most of the girls I would date ended their relationship with me in less than a month, or in some cases I would end it because they just seemed distant. Either way, they started to get distant from me before I became distant from them. For months, I tried to convince myself that things just didn’t work out and in my head, I said “Next!” It wasn’t until I met an amazing girl who changed my life for the better that I realized that I was a weak leader. Let me explain, if a leader must lead by example, then I would have to show with example that whatever thing she did wouldn’t get me angry or jealous because a leader doesn’t try to fix you. A true leader will open the doors so that you can see where you made mistakes yourself! By the time she met me, she was still dating another guy (although the relationship was basically dead). She never told me about it, she broke up with him and we went on to our relationship once I felt ready. Once I found out about it, my first thought was “How could she do this!?” but then my leader instinct kicked in saying “You have done this before, you have gone over to what makes you happy, even if that involves other sort of pain. Be the leader and she will follow.” So I did. Rather than getting angry and controlling – like I did in my previous quick relationships – I said “That’s okay, I’ve been there before as well”.

A new opportunity was born and she trusted me now more than ever. Want to develop real trust in your relationship? Remember this: Lead with example. If you trust yourself, she will trust you. You can’t trust her if you don’t trust yourself. Much less can she trust you if you don’t trust yourself. You can have a fake feeling of trust but it all fades as soon as adversity comes. You see, a leader performs even if he/she doesn’t feel at his/her best. Michael Jordan didn’t get to where he was by sitting down when he wasn’t feeling well. Word is, on his final championship he was suffering an extremely painful stomach problem, yet he knew his team needed his leadership at that moment- so against all adversity, the guy delivered, he inspired his team and soon enough they had the cup on their hands.

Going back to the website’s case, the urge to either lead this website or let it die put me in a position of desperation, frustration and rage. Many of my friends laughed about it, saying that I shouldn’t stress too much in making people participate – and you know what? They were right! Even someone who showed no title of leadership knew this. Close to everyone knew it, except me. One of my best girl friends (and girlfriend) said to me “Do what you gotta do and they will follow, I bet you”. She wasn’t lying. When I made great articles and simply encouraged others to post, traffic and participation went up high, when I stopped performing, I realized the entire website stopped performing. If you don’t believe this, then you better believe it now: When you grow, the world around you grows. That is powerful! Can we get this printed out somewhere? When you grow, the world around you grows. Ask yourself the following: Has there been times where you took strength out of nowhere and the people around me just fed off that energy and strength, ultimately leading you and your people to get what we wanted? If you can recall at least one occasion, then you, my friend, have been a leader.

Your leadership relies entirely on your character. So before I explain leadership, let me explain to you what character means (again, remember what Nick said to me). Character, as Basketball Coach Legend John Wooden puts it, is who you truly are. Nick Krygier gave an amazing example on one of his slides for the seminar, so I’m going to steal that. He says “If I asked you ‘Who are You?’ you would answer to me by telling me your name, your job and perhaps your hobbies – but what would happen if I take everything away from you, what would be left?” (As I read this in his slide, I paused for a moment in my head) “Your character, the only thing no one can take away from is your character, because your character is formed inside. It’s not external, it’s all internal and even if someone rips you apart you will still have that character.” *claps!* So, what am I saying here? Think about it for a second… That’s right! A leader does not need a title or possessions to be a leader. You have the power to step up and be a leader at any moment. You are designed to be a leader.

Unfortunately society has trained us to be self-destructive and without going too far into it, I will tell you this: It doesn’t matter. Life isn’t fair and it will never be. Nothing will ever go right and whenever it seems to go right, then something will happen and a new test will be presented to you. If things went right, then you wouldn’t have to do anything for yourself. As Charlie “Tremendous” Jones says“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” Does this make sense? If not, just read this ==> Life isn’t fair, get used to it and just do your best to live up to the challenges it throws your way.

A leader has an uncommon positive attitude on adversity

Let’s begin with what makes a leader, a great leader. We’ve all heard the expression “Never give up”. And as wise this advice is, is not giving up enough? In my opinion: no. To be a leader and a true achiever, you must, not only never give up, but you must always perform even when times seem not to be “right”. As a matter of fact, it is when times are not “right” that one can separate true leaders from aspiring leaders. (Again, an aspiring leader doesn’t need to own a company, but he must be a leader all throughout). Think of it like this, if a true leader didn’t stop trying even when his finances were bad then why stop trying when you get rejected by just one girl. In other words, if you can’t handle ONE woman rejecting you, how could you handle having that woman in the first place? To face (not escape) the fear of rejection, you must first assume the role of a leader. You must accept that – for one, you cannot control another person’s actions, but you can certainly open the doors to get to know a leader inside you and inside them. And next, you must accept that it’s perfectly fine to be a leader who has fear, it’s whether or not you overcome this fear what will make you a leader. Women are no exception to this.

You see, it is my belief that the key to get a girl (also known as “not being flaked on or dumped”) is to not only see an individual in constant growth but also an individual that brings growth in her.

Whooo! Boy! You see, I believe women can be as great leaders as men are. Times have changed, women can do anything a man can, end of story. But in a relationship, YOU! (the man) must lead and again, not in the way of “I drive, I take, I command, I decide” but rather by allowing her to see the potential in her – whether it’s achieving something or being a great sexual creature. And just for the note, the way you bring growth in a woman is not by lecturing on growth. How many guys have I taught that began reciting the same principles that I explained to them in hope of bringing growth in their girls? Plenty, really. I tell you this, the way you bring growth in a woman is by leading her and letting her innovate. For instance, if you try to manipulate an interaction by lines and routines, it might work, but what growth are you bringing in her? None. But instead, if you push yourself to have high standards (by growing), then there will be growth she must go through before she can meet YOUR principles. It is this same instant for growth that will make your woman feel more like a woman and you more of a man. A relationship, my friend, is one of the finest ways of getting to know more of yourself.

Apply now that same principle to your group of friends. Why were you given the position of group leader (assuming you were)? I know that I am, for the most part, the leader in a group. People expect me to make decisions and it certainly wasn’t always like this. When I started giving value to other people, people valued me more, but when I kept giving value even when it seemed no one could have any, then I became the leader. Think about the times you have been a leader and you’ll begin to see a common pattern. Now ask yourself this, can I be a leader in the near future? If your answer was no, ask yourself the same question again.

To get that girl, to land that job, to get those followers behind you, you must always perform at your best no matter what the situation is, and more importantly, you must always see yourself through the eyes of the people you’re leading. If you were them, what would you expect of yourself?

A final note on leadership

Starting today the first thing you can take towards leadership is assuming leadership of your life. For example, if you’re reading from me or any other write expecting them to change you or give you steps that will make it for you – then you’re automatically blocking yourself from leadership, no matter how successful you’re at modeling that method. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with modeling a method to then find your own way of doing things; the problem comes when your mentality is “taking another’s method for your own”. Each day, every day, I work on my writing so that it looks less like I’m telling you what to do and more like “How are you going to do it?”

Why? Because a good leader opens the doors for you and lets you innovate. A true leader lets you discover on your own. I realize I’m far from being a great leader, but by writing this post I hope to have woken up the giant inside you. My first step was to admit that leadership of this level develops on its own. I’m still working to bring this website up again and I’m aware that starting today, my leadership skills lies purely on what do I do to offer value to others. Starting today, I know that if I want this website to grow (as I promise to Ian that it would) I must grow by myself and continue to add value to the life of others. Those who understand and know what they want will follow.

I urge you to begin to develop the traits of leadership that lead people into greatness. For, leading people into failure, happens as a natural consequence of not growing. Always, always grow.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook