How much they have, how much they will have but never, ever how much they don’t have. That’s against the rules. To not have sex (let’s admit it, the activity is seen as a commodity in the majority of male minds) is to be a loser. To not drink alcohol is to be a spoil sport, and to not have money…Well that depends on what you spent it on.  I realise that by revealing this truth to the women of the internet world, my male ‘wingmen’ will be preparing some disgusting mixture of what only can  be described as brew for me to ‘longarm’ as punishment. Yet secretly, in the dark corners of pubs and clubs across the world, we all know it’s true, and what’s worse is that we all know that women all know.

When is it that the social dynamics of a ‘group’ are formed? If it’s just two guys talking to eachother then the topics will vary enormously. Depending on the friend it may include work, family, politics, philosophy, and goodness knows what else. If three friends hang out then the range of topics decrease as obviously the number of shared interests also decline. Four friends? Well now it’s reduced to universal interests such as music and sport. When there are five friends or more together, it’s my experience that unless you’re all spending a lot of time together and sharing loads of interests, the universal topics are those that you can all relate to is shagging, spending and boozing.

Take today for example. Brad and I were in the car driving into town to meet two others. Our conversation ranged from University, Archeology, websites, future plans, Anthropology and recent parties. We met two good friends for a game of Squash ( a shared interest). Sadly (or thankfully as some of the worse players *cough* would say) the courts were full so we went to the pub for a drink, or two…Actually three (another shared interest). Conversation included recent happenings and future plans as well as a bit of sport. Then we were met by another good friend and after about twenty minutes I pointed out to the group that all we had talked about was sex. How much we were having, how much we would be having, but never, ever how much we are not having. That’s against the rules.

Yet Is this really all we want to talk about as a group?

There is only so much one can talk about sex, money and alcohol. I’m a strong believer in that if a man talks about sex for more than five minutes, especially if it’s about how good it is or how much he’s getting, it means that it’s complete bullshit. Yet real men don’t blab on about this stuff, real men save the world from an economic crisis, or poverty, swine flu and even AIDs. I’d like you to read this following excerpt from a GQ article that discusses the meaning of ambition,

“Because we’re a shower, us modern men, composed for the most part of grasping, solipsistic knuckleheads, any game of tennis-elbow-foot that begins with the word “ambition” will quickly and inexorably tumble towards “money”, “power”, “success”. This is not how it ought to be. A Maserati is not an ambition. It’s a fast car. Being headhunted by a hedge fund, buying a second home in Wiltshire, picking your third wife from an online catalogue, watching your collection of Guatemalan sculpture appreciate in value, looking on as your daughter wins Wimbledon… these are goals, perhaps, but they are far too prosaic, too small, to be ambitions.”

No. This isn’t all we want to talk about. These self-gratifying instant pleasures are for boys. Curing cancer, creating an artificial black hole and solving the energy crisis is for men. This unwillingness to grow up, to look at our adolescent dream of fast cars, fast women, instant cash and to honestly say they are crap is the problem. This week I read a status, “David is finally twenteen!” Not the first time I had heard this new number popping up as teenagers seek to prolong their lack of responsibility. What’s next, twenty-thirteen, thirty-one-teen?! It’s time to aim higher, to find ambitions with slim lines of success, to put our skills to use and make this world a better place.

I am Generation Y. Many of you are Generation Y. Together we are more connected then any generation before us. We blog, we text, we Twitter, we Facebook, we call, we meet and we all have access to more of the world’s information as well as each and every human being than ever before. Yet just because there are more strings does not mean they are stronger strings. Having 10,000 friends on Facebook means nothing if you don’t have a relationship with any of them. Our quantity of connections have increased with technology, but our quality of relationships have not. Tribes start small. They are built on trust and honesty. This is why you’ll find groups of men who have real ambitions that talk about anything but sex, money and alcohol.

They will be obsessed, they will keep trying until death takes them and even then their message will spread. They will only talk about what they talk about because it’s their ambition. It’s a real man’s ambition.

Yet don’t assume those who only talk about materialistic prospects lack ambition. I think we all have it somewhere, under that layer of false beliefs. We can feel it; that yearning for more yet not in a self-gratified way. Men who talk about sex, money and alcohol do so because they haven’t found their calling. Sometimes it will take a death, other times an inspirational story or an inability to prevent something catastrophic that tears your heart apart. Just try and find it before your time runs out. My ambition is to explore the bigger systems at play in this world. To try and grasp an understanding at what makes us tick, how we as a species dance to the rhythm of life. And now that I’ve said it, we can stop talking about sex, money and alcohol… well, maybe just a little bit.

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To achieve a goal, sometimes it helps to become obsessed with it: to work at it arduously; to think about it all day; to dream about it at night and to talk about it consistently. An obsession can turn into an addiction – it becomes your source of enjoyment and if you enjoy working towards your goal that can only be a good thing, right?

For the last two weeks I’ve been working towards a goal: Gaining an Easter and Summer internship at a major bank in London. It started as just a mild curiosity – a few friends had done and recommended it, pointed me in the right direction and always an optimist I went for it like the carrot and the stick. Finance, I thought, what do I have to learn to be good at this? The answer is, as some investors will heartily answer, everything. Having previously studied Economics, I couldn’t say I was a complete novice to finance, but if I were to accomplish my goal a serious thinking cap had to be put on. So I changed the question to what don’t I know?

Reading through a few copies of Investors Chronicle back-to-back (no mean feat!), I highlighted every term that I didn’t know with a red pen. When I flicked back through the pages, it looked as if someone had had a nosebleed all over my magazines. It didn’t take long to realize that I had to know the basics first to be able to read a similar text comfortably and take some relevant lessons. All new topics, subjects and disciplines have their own language, they have unique vocabulary, jargon, phrases and humourus sayings that without a basic understanding forthwrightly would not come about with ease. For instance, when discussing the stock market you may hear quite often the terms bull and bear. Bull means it’s going up, bear means it’s going down ( created out of the attack styles of the animals).

To realise what you don’t know is a painful, but a very revealing exercise. It not only shows you great weaknesses in knowledge, but also new avenues to explore. With a new exercise book at the ready, I listed all the terms that I did not know and started researching definitions for them. This process is constantly ongoing because with every question answered, a whole new topic is revealed. For example, I’m currently investigating the tell-tale signs of a ‘market top’ – when the stock market is about to reach a peak. One sign is that of liquidity (a whole new topic), another is volatility plus eleven other ‘trading secrets’. It takes a very long time to investigate each of these and if you manage, it I’m sure you (like me) will be starting to become obsessed.

It was only once I started to develop these foundations that I could read a financial text and enjoy it. I actually found myself laughing at some of the quips, to which I then laughed even more – gaining enjoyment out of an obsession. It was at this point exactly that I realized that for as long as my curiosity leads to enjoyment I could accomplish this goal. If you’re not enjoying the journey, then what’s to say you’ll enjoy the result? There are many financiers, or students seeking to be, who have this goal in mind to become super-rich leading to happiness. They work all day and night in boredom and depression trudging aimlessly to a goal which won’t make them happy. At first you may be daunted by the task ahead; finding that you are essentially an infant in this new quest for knowledge and experience is not a pleasant realization. But once the wagon gets rolling, if you’re still not enjoying it then perhaps you should jump off before it’s too late.

Three nights ago, however, I could not sleep. The obsession had turned into an addiction and I was literally having withdrawal symptoms as I tried to get away from my thoughts. A friend had sent me a link earlier that day to Barclays internship webpage, where on it was a podcast from a recruitment employee talking to a bunch of wanna-be interns last year. As I listened to it, I was actually nervous. It was like I was in that room, he was talking to me, and I was shitting myself.

“You should be reading the FT everyday for three months. The Economist every week, and practicing GMAT questions until you can do them blindfolded. You should be able to answer whether you think oil prices will go up or down, and more importantly why. We get twenty thousand applicants to six hundred places, if you want this, you have to fight for it.”

Despite all my previous reading and learning, I did not feel in the slightest confident enough to take these guys and girls on. And I still don’t now…Not yet. It was time to seek help, to surround myself with like minded individuals as I had learnt so many times before in self improvement. I called every friend who had experience with applying or gaining internships, I began to hang out with them, talk to them constantly about it (if they’re reading this now, thank you!) follow up on all their advice, where to go, what to read, what to learn and who to talk to. I spoke to my Dad about it who thankfully works in a relevant sector and so he more than happily dished out countless texts, newspapers and magazines on my desk. Every string was pulled and by the end of the day. I sat there bewildered at the shere volume of stuff I had to sift through. My mind was on overdrive, I felt crap, I felt like I was doomed to fail and that I was being ridiculous to even have the audacity to try.

But then a thought set in: Goals are never easy to achieve, indeed you probably wouldn’t set one if they were. Yet there are some goals that will consume you, or at least try to and that’s what happened to me that night. I’m unsure whether it’s healthy or not to get so involved, so commited but looking back now despite only being three days ago I don’t regret it. I knew how to deal with stress – step back and observe the situation, so that’s exactly what I did. With some deep breathing I meditated until all thoughts came to a calm, then I tried to sleep and failed. Ah well.

This is an obsession now, and since that morning I’ve been growing in confidence as the pieces of this giant jigsaw come together. I have been reading the FT everyday, I will be reading the Economist every week (it comes out tomorrow), I have been reading the Investors Chronicle, finanical texts, practicing GMAT questions (mathematics test used in recruiting for management and financial institutions), learning more and more definitions, financial history and synoptic links but this is only worthwhile if I keep my eye on the ball. Sometimes a goal can go out of focus and it’s important to reign it in. For example, in a game of soccer, you need to keep your eye on both the ball and the goal.

For this reason I’ve also been researching the application processes, calling up all contacts and trying to get work experience to strengthen my CV. Thankfully I’ve gained a week or two at the FT, and may also have a week in Barclay’s. In this world of qualifications there is still a prevalence for the age old saying it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Perhaps most importantly however, I started early. When asking yourself ‘when should I start this?’ The answer is almost always ‘five years ago’. Knowing your deadlines adds to your drive, so if you don’t have one, create one and stick to it. An obsession is diluted with time however, for if I knew I had many years to accomplish this I would by no means be striving so hard to accomplish it. Because I only have until September, I know that every second counted is a second wasted. If you do create a deadline, make it difficult for yourself, make it a challenge.

Obsessions get things done. Perhaps in a month’s time I’ll look back and say, you call THAT an obsession?! Yet at least I know that I’m enjoying this journey despite it’s pressures and that’s the crucial part. An obsession is only bad if it’s a) detrimental to your health, b) causing negative effects to third parties or c) something you don’t enjoy. I don’t think I’ve ever been so engulfed in something that isn’t love before. It’s a good feeling, waking up with a purpose, a goal and direction for the day and so I highly recommend it.

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BBC reports that positive statements make you feel worse. But what if you’re stating the wrong things?

Self help is sometimes given a bad name. On July 3rd, the BBC reported that Canadian researchers found that ‘those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves.’ (read article here)

Yet I believe this only happens when one tries to motivate themselves to do things that are not  in their true interests or they don’t combine positive statements with active progress.

A UK psychologist said people based their feelings about themselves on real evidence from their lives- whenever we feel that we have low self esteem, it’s based on real life experiences. Sounds obvious to me. So simply saying repeatedly to yourself, “I am confident. I have high self esteem” without real evidence will not work. Repeating positive statements derives from Victorian Samuel Smiles 150 years ago in his book ‘Self Help’.

Autosuggestion, made more popular by Napoleon Hill in ‘Think and Grow Rich’, is a ‘term that applies to all suggestions and all self-administered stimuli that reach ones mind through the five senses. Stated in another way, autosuggestion is self-suggestion.’

Hill noted more than 70 years ago that ‘the mere reading of the words is of no consequence unless you mix emotion, or feeling, with your words.’ In what seems like a forerunner to the Canadian research, he writes, ‘If you repeat a million times the famous Emil Coue formula, “Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better”, without mixing emotion and faith with your words, you will experience no desirable results.’ (italics included). Faith is belief, and as we’ve already noted belief comes from real life experience. In order to believe you are ‘getting better and better’ you have to prove it to yourself by making active progress.

• Relevant forum post: Think and Grow Rich Book Club

What do I mean by active progress? This entails that you are making a conscious effort to improve your circumstances. That you are not just repeating positive statements, but combining them with different activities with the aim to further your position.

Imagine for an instant that you’re terrible at making money. You’ve never earnt much, you’ve always spent more, you can’t save nor invest. You believe you’re renegade gambler, and everyone else believes it too. Just by autosuggesting ‘I will make some money, I will save, I will invest’ will not get you anywhere. You will not have faith until you actually start earning and saving: Make active progress.

• Relevant forum post: Use the power of now

Simon Gelsthorpe, a psychologist with Bradford District Care Trust and spokesman for the British Psychological Society, said self-esteem was based on a range of real life factors, and that counseling to build confidence – rather than telling yourself things are better than they are – was the solution.

Find your true interests and say the right things

Many self help guides simply explain to tell yourself that you are confident before and after you sleep. Yet what if confidence (or whatever the subject matter is) is not your true interest? How do you find what’s really the cause?

To find your true interests or where your problems lie ask yourself for the evidence. Let’s assume again you believe you’re terrible at making money. Where’s the evidence? At first you may think that the evidence is on the bank statement, but actually this does not show directly that you are bad at making money. How many times have you really, really tried to make money? How many times have you developed a plan to provide positive value to others, executed it, and failed to earn? List your real evidence and then take a step back.

• Relevant blog post: Explore the Ego

For every single thing listed explore it and ask yourself why you failed. It may be the case that you lacked confidence to make that one sales approach, or that you messed up your organisational roles. Perhaps you didn’t have a well defined goal, or that someone else in your team didn’t pull their weight. Either way a new true interest has been found. It’s not that you need to learn how to make money, it’s that you need to improve your confidence, organisation or motivational skills. Autosuggesting these right things will have a far greater impact as you have evidence and thus faith.

True interests help stick you to that goal

It is often the case that we set ourselves goals that dwindle out of existence. I’ve experienced this over and over again (some of which you can read in my online journal) because I haven’t aligned myself with true interests. How many times have you woken up one day and said, right this is it. I’m going to be dedicated to this goal until it’s achieved! Only to give in ten minutes later? Images of resisting video games to revise during high school exams pop up here. Once a true interest has been found you must set a clear, defined goal.

Napoleon Hill has these three steps for autosuggestion:

1. Go into some quiet spot (preferably in bed at night) where you will not be disturbed or interrupted. Close your eyes and repeat aloud (so you may hear your own words) the written statement of the amount of money you intend to accumulate, the time limit for its accumulation, and a description of the service or merchandise you intend to give in return for the money. As you carry out these instructions, see yourself already in possession of the money. For example: suppose you intend to accumulate $100,000 by the first of Januray, five years hence, and that you intend to give personal services in return for the money in the capacity of a sales representative. Your written statement of your purpose should be similar to the following:

‘By the first day of January 20… I will have in my possession $100,000, which will come to me in various amounts from time to time during the interim. In return for this money I will give the most efficient service of which I am capable, redering the fullest possible quantity and the best possible quality of service as a sales representative of (describe the service or merchandise you intend to sell). I believe I will have this money in my possession. My faith is so strong that I can now see this money before my eyes. I can touch it with my hands. It is now awaiting transfer to me in the proportion that I deliver the service I intend to render in return for it. I am awaiing a plan by which to accumulate this money, and I will follow that plan when it is received.’

2. Repeat this programme night and mornign until you can see (in your imagination) the money you intend to accumulate.

3. Place a written copy of your statement where you can see it night and morning. Read it just before retiring and upon rising until it has been memorised.

• Relevant forum category: Effectiveness, Goals and Intentions

Conclusion

Those with low self esteem will not feel better until they address the right problems, find their true interests and then make active progress towards them whilst repeating positive statements. Saying ‘I am confident’ will only work if you have evidence and thus faith. Even if it’s only the tiniest of things that you’ve done, saying it then will have a far greater weight and influence because no matter how small, it’s significant. Positive thoughts need actions to anchor them. So now that you’ve read all this – and I thank you – do you think that you’ve ever ‘suffered’ from self help?

• Relevant Wikipedia page: Neuro-linguistic programming (anchoring)

Join our PUA Lifestyle Facebook Group to gain access to exclusive content, and to receive notifications of new articles via Facebook email. Meet other readers, discuss the latest and much, much more. Take a look at our online forum to see what the PUA Lifestyle gang are getting up to and join nearly 2000 others on Twitter following @DanielBecerra

“The Law of Attraction is the compliance between the Universe and your most intense thoughts and feelings”

- Daniel Becerra

I must confess that I’m absolutely excited. Had you seen me an hour ago, you would’ve thought that I have lost it. Or that overwhelming euphoria took over me. It did. I was jumping around my room, smiling, and extending my arms to the sky in absolute joy and as I type this, I’m still smiling. What happened? For the first time since I began to immerse myself into personal development, I caught a glimpse of what the ‘Law of Attraction’ really is, how it works, why it works, and more importantly – how it has worked for me so far. My intent with this article is to help you see how the ‘Law of Attraction’ has also worked on YOU. I believe it will be easier for you to identify with what I write because I’m just like you, I don’t posses a huge bank account (yet), I’m a university student, and I still have plenty of questions about life.

How It Happened

First of all, there are two things I ask of you: one is that you keep an open mind as you read and the second is that you do your best to come back to this article when a realization or breakthrough comes along. For me, the realization came to me as I watched the movie ‘The Secret’‘. The movie centers on one subject ‘The Law of Attraction’. Hold this thought for a second, because I would like to point out that the way I came to watch this movie was actually through the ‘Law of Attraction’ itself. I suggest you rent or buy the DVD as it will make more sense if you do. I also suggest that you google ‘The Law of Attraction’ and read on it as much as you can. Whatever deepens your understanding of it, do that, for the benefits will

be tremendous.

Everything in my life is the consequence of the ‘Law of Attraction’.

- Daniel Becerra

From this website, to the books I read, to the university I attend, and the people I meet – everything, absolutely everything is the consequence of the ‘Law of Attraction’. The movie explained it in a way that really made sense to me after everything I have read and done in my personal growth journey. In a way, the movie complemented my studies. I now see the ‘Law of Attraction’ working in ALL my personal successes and failures and that of the people that I’ve studied or read from. I see it in quotes of the great ones. I can see through people’s writings whether or not they understand the law of attraction. It’s a skill that I certainly didn’t have before – the ability to know who understands this ‘secret’.

What is the Law of Attraction?

“It is impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law” – The Ten Commandments Movie

The first thing you need to understand about the ‘Law of Attraction’ is that it’s exactly the first part of the phrase – a law. Not your typical traffic law that can be broken, but a real law. A law is defined as something that just is. It just happens whether anyone likes it or not. It can’t be changed and it can’t be helped. That’s a law and just like the ‘Law of Gravity’, the ‘Law of Attraction’ is always working. This law is really one of the greatest laws of them all, and once you understand it, you can consciously and deliberately set the course of your life. Re-read that sentence one more time – consciously and deliberately are the key words.

Understanding that attraction is a law and not a choice is key to the second part of understanding the law of attraction – that it can make you or it can break you, that whatever you consciously or subconsciously decide to attract, that will come.

You can choose your thoughts, but you cannot choose the consequences of those thoughts.

Choose your thoughts carefully.

Why? The Law of Attraction doesn’t distinguish good from bad. It just makes it so that whatever you think (constantly) becomes reality. Whatever you think about, it will come, whether it’s good for you or not – it’s not up for choice, it just is. Remember the old saying “Thoughts drive actions and actions drive results”. Add to that one word – feelings. “Thoughts and feelings drive actions and actions become results”. Negative feelings (sadness, fear, pessimism, anguish) drive negative results (more sadness, failure, bringing a team down). Positive feelings drive other actions that brings us MORE on those positive feelings. This sounds nice, right? but..

How does it manifest?

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is what personally sealed the deal for me. Once I understood this, everything clicked. The movie uses the analogy of “Aladdin and the Lamp” in which Aladdin asks a ‘genie’ to grant him three wishes. The movie then leads us to think of the genie as the ‘source‘, you can call the source God or the Universe or both. I personally prefer to call it both, for my beliefs tell me that God created the universe and as a consequence, God works through the universe to make things happen for you. Hence why the Bible scripture says “Ask and you shall receive”. What you choose to be your ‘source’ is up to you, though. The point is that the universe will re-arrange itself so that things begin to happen for you.

The Universe will re-arrange itself?

Yes, you read that right – the universe will re-arrange itself. How? You don’t need to know how. Just trust that it will happen. This is where skepticism may come in, don’t let it. Accept right now that there is a HIGHER POWER. THIS is the secret. This is the essence of ‘the secret’.

The secret is that the universe is like your genie, it serves you – for good or for bad.

Work in harmony with it.

The universe will make its moves one by one so that the end result of your thoughts is your thoughts themselves. In other words, the universe will make things happen for you – if and only if – your faith remains strong; if your thoughts, feelings, and faith remain the same despite adversity and temporary defeat. From a theological perspective, God will reward your faith if you trust Him long enough. I can attest to this personally as I know that ever since I have begun to follow God, things have seemed to begin happening more and more often for me.

Your duty then is not to re-arrange the universe to make things happen for you, but rather act when the universe tells you to act. Do you ever feel an urgency to do something that’s good, yet there is a bit of fear? That happens to all of us. Don’t let that fear paralyze you, go with your instincts; it’s at this moment that the universe is setting things for you so things begin to go on your favor – but you just need to make that move.

The Time Issue

“There are no impossible goals, only impossible deadlines” – Brian Tracy

How long will your thoughts and feelings take to manifest? I know not. I don’t think anyone does. So how can you know that it will happen? Faith. How can you estimate how long will it take to happen? Well, that’s in direct relation to your alignment with your desires. So if you’re making $10,000 and you have this burning desire of making $100,000, it might not happen over night because the circumstances will not allow it to happen that fast. Chances are you will be led to books, people you will meet, ideas, seminars, opportunities, etc. These events will undoubtedly lead you to your $100,000 – if your faith remains there, that is. Someone in a foreign country that desires with all of his heart to triumph, yet his country doesn’t let him, will probably be presented with the opportunity to travel to one that does. And we see these cases all the time, cases of successful immigrants who had their FAITH TESTED – their faith won, and so did their pockets.

I would like you to take this concept and transfer to the setting of goals. This is a case in which you can easily and clearly see how the law of attraction takes place. What do you think happens when someone writes down his or her goals and puts them in front of his or her face every single day? Right, the belief that one will achieve those goals increases and so does the speed at which the universe works for you. And remember, your thoughts and feelings drive your actions and your actions drive your results. When you write down your goals, you’re simply setting a stand; and upon them, you will feed your faith, thoughts and feelings. Your goals serve you as a constant reminder of the things you wish to attract. They are no longer ‘wishful thinking’, they become – as Napoleon Hill would say – burning desires. Vision boards and daily visualization also serve this process, they remind you, they feed your desires, they make them stronger. The universe takes notice of this, of your desire getting stronger and in turn, will respond faster. It’s not just you who does it. Remember the secret – there IS a higher power.

In the earlier example of an immigrant with unwavering faith having his goals reached, we mention that he or she might have to go through several forms of adversity – one of them, and not the least, is coming to another country – and we understand that because of this adversity, it should take him longer to reach his dreams that someone who has been in that country for a long time (although the case is often the opposite). In the case that it does take him longer than he or she expected, you can use this phrase “There are no impossible goals, only impossible deadlines”. In short, if you don’t meet your goal on the deadline, simply set a new deadline, not a new goal. This is why experts often encourage to set goals that are realistic to your current position, so that you’re less likely to suffer disappointment and more likely to believe that you can achieve it. These experts understand the law of attraction whether they are aware of it or not.

The more you believe and the less your faith diminishes, the faster the universe will work for you.

Remember this timeless truth

The same happens with a negative thought or feeling. Luckily, if you have a negative thought, it doesn’t turn into reality right away; in fact, it taks longer to become reality. As the movie explains ‘We’ll be in trouble if it did’. So if you think once that your partner might be seeing someone else on your back,  it doesn’t mean that it will automatically happen – thank God! But if you keep thinking that long enough, eventually you will drive him or her to do exactly that.

What Should Someone Think?

“Ask and you will receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened” – Matthew 7:7, The Holy Bible

I or anyone else can’t tell you what to think, but I’m here to share with you the “how” to think. Think positive. Think things that evoke positive feelings. That sounds pretty vague, so let’s explore it deeper. Think about the difference of saying ‘I don’t want to be alone’ and ‘I have great people in my life’. The first only calls for more loneliness, the second only attracts more great people into your life. Can we go a bit further to say that the first statement may not make you alone but that it will bring that person bad people, bad relationships, bad everything? Can we even go even a bit more to say that if the person, instead, takes the time to define what a “great person” is, then he or she is most likely to attract that person, simply because he or she is more clear about what a great person is? Yes.

I’ll use a story at this point (later I’ll share a lot more). I have a female friend who is just plain gorgeous. And I mean, gorgeous. She is not the playboy style gorgeous, she is the gorgeous who looks good with make up or without it. She’s gorgeous in an adorable way. I think you get it. Yet, she doesn’t feel beautiful. She doesn’t perceive herself as beautiful and all the time she tells herself “I don’t want to be alone” or “I’m destined to be alone” or “I only have bad luck with guys”. The result? Despite she being an amazing and gorgeous woman, the guys she attracts are just that – douchebags. She has GREAT guy friends though. Friends who will die for her, friends who respect her, friends who cook her breakfast and take her out and sleep by her side, yet the guys who approach her for romance end up being douchebags.

The interesting thing is that she always tells herself and others that her friends are wonderful, but that the guys she meets are just messed up. Can you see how the law of attraction works there? I can bet you anything that if she used the same feelings and attitude she uses to describe her friends to describe the guys she attracts, then she will attract one hell of a guy.

On the other hand, I have a friend, let’s call her Megan, who may not be as gorgeous as my other friend (her looks are good, just not as much as my other friend), yet she is now engaged to one hell of a man. When I first met the guy, I couldn’t be happier for my friend Megan as I knew she was in good hands. Later, I had a conversation with Megan and she explained to me something she had done years ago. She had written on a piece of paper all of the traits that she wanted her husband to have. She took the time to do so because she understood the importance of settling for nothing less than what you deserve. Some years into the relationship, she took the paper from her drawer and went over the traits she had written years ago. The result made her smile from ear to ear as she was able to put a check next to every single trait that she had written. She had found him, or rather, he found her. She had attracted what she intended. She is planning to show him the paper right after they get married. Megan constructed part of her future. It wasn’t an accident, it was planned.

The universe says ‘Your wish is my command’. So yes, be careful what you wish for.

It is true. The world is designed to work for you.

Megan made good use of the law of attraction, my other friend did not. The ‘Law of Attraction’ does not distinguish. You may as well say that when you have good feelings, you call upon God, and when you have bad feelings, you call upon Satan. It’s okay to see to fall a bit on the dark feelings, but it’s not okay to let them overwhelm you! Take my word for it: You can be gorgeous, but not beautiful. Beauty – despite being on the eye of the beholder – has one universal quality and that is, that one must first find herself beautiful so that others can see her as beautiful too. Sure, Megan could have given up on finding a guy like this. Sure, she could have been scared to give herself to him. Sure, there was fear and almost disbelief as to what she found. But that’s where faith comes in. Did Megan have problems with her boyfriend at some point? Of course. Did she give up? No. Did he give up? No. Now, don’t we all have problems with our partner? Yes. But why do we give up? The excuse of “I’ve been hurt in the past” no longer applies. Today, that’s pretty much everyone’s case. I can tell you a hundred cases of people who have experience tremendous amount of adversity and yet have come back. Your suffering is not so unique, realize that.

The Difference Maker

“Here is what’s pity – someone who inherits a million but doesn’t become a millionaire in his mind” – Jim Rohn

What makes the difference? How do you go from ‘wishful thinking’ to ‘burning desire’? How do you know when you’re ready? I mentioned before that the ‘x’ feeling is key. There is an identity shift and once you have it and for as long as you keep it, you’ll get what you want. Sure, everyone wants something, but how badly do they want it? How do these two different views relate to the ‘Law of Attraction’? Does the ‘Law of Attraction’ accept one but not the other? These are all valid questions, especially the last one – does the law of attraction work on ‘wishful thinking’ even though it’s positive?

Well, does it? Think about it. If you think ‘I wish I had that car’. I think the universe wouldn’t take that statement as serious as “I drive this car”. The universe moves at our speed and at our desire. I’d dare to say that the law of attraction does respond to ‘wishful thinking’ but it responds to it so slowly that there is more chance of disappointment and one will never get to see his ‘wishes’ come true. A burning desire on the other hand, is on constant movement, on constant demand, on constant action, and therefore the universe responds a lot quicker. So if you want to see your ‘dreams’ come true and not to remain ‘wishes’ forever, you gotta act and dream big. Yes, it is true, the law of attraction works only with your hand and feet – don’t fall cocky though, accept that you cannot do things alone, not without the help of the universe or God. A friend of mine put it best when he said “You can try all you want and work as hard as you want, but if God doesn’t help you, it will not happen”. This is true, if it wasn’t, miracles wouldn’t occur.

So here is the key: Get in the feeling that you want and act as if it was there, even if it’s not there yet. Jamie Craven did this to improve his fitness and the results were astonishing. Do you want to be loved? Act as if you were already loved. Do you want to attract people in high energy for one night? Then get into high energy for that night? Do you think that it’s coincidence that confident men attract confident women? Of course it’s not coincidence. It’s designed that way, it’s the law of attraction. Do you think it’s coincidence that millionaires have a different mindset that poor people? Of course not. Do you think a millionaire becomes a millionaire by coincidence? Of course not. They first became millionaires in their mind. THIS is the law of attraction.

The law of attraction responds to the feeling.

Get that feeling and act upon it.

Look, if you’re talking to a female that you wanted and you feel something inside you telling that NOW it’s the moment to make the move, then NOW is the moment to make the move. The universe is telling you to make the move now, all you gotta do is make the move. Move at the speed of the universe, don’t delay, don’t doubt it. Don’t let the fear paralyze you. If an idea comes through your head while you’re showering that will make your organization extraordinary, then act upon at the idea. The universe or source is rewarding you with that idea through the law of attraction because you wanted it… because you asked for it… because it was in your mind.. and that which you thought about most… can now become reality.

The Law of Attraction and Me

As I said at the beginning, I don’t posses a huge bank account (yet), I don’t own a mansion, as of right now, I don’t even own a car. You can almost say that by ‘standard’, I’m not ‘successful’; but I tell you this, I’m already successful in mind. And for as long as I’m successful in the mind, I’ll be good. Even if I go broke in the future, I won’t be worried if I still have my mind. The only thing that will worry me is my successful mind turns into a poor mind. The good thing is that I will always have the ultimate saying to whether or not my mind is successful. And that is exciting. So exciting that I jumped around in joy as I had this breakthrough. However, that’s not what I’m most excited about; what I’m most excited about is that I’m now able to share this message with you, with ‘my people’, with the young adults.

My goal is that, as I share these experiences with you, you become aware that you can begin NOW to use the Law of Attraction and have abundance in your life early in life. The younger you get started, the better. I don’t intend a small life for myself. I intend full abundance in all areas from my relationships to my home and joy in my career. I want to live the life of giants like Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, or Charlie Jones. I want to have the confidence and wisdom of the Donald Trumps and the attitude of the Benjamin Franklins, that’s what I want. Of course, when you look at my current situation and at the situation of these giants, you ask yourself “How would he ever get there?”. My answer is “Law of Attraction”, then I’ll continue “And then I’ll trust myself to follow up on it”. I don’t know the exact steps, but I do know that the steps will be shown to me as I go along. In fact, the steps are already showing, they always have been showing (we just don’t realize it) and those are the ones I will write about, to show you proof that the Law of Attraction is working in my life AND yours. With this, you should be able to understand the law of attraction and officially begin to do what my goal for you to do is, and that is to deliberately and consciously create your destiny.

Side Note: Wherever part of the world you’re reading from, I’d want to confirm your suspicion that I don’t know what you’re going through or what you current situation is, I don’t; but at the same time, I want to reaffirm to you that the law of attraction, the universe and God can make things happen for you, if you want it bad enough. It may take longer, but the result is there. The process is the same for everybody. You and I have more things in common than you can imagine, I promise you.

Given that the law of attraction is always working, I’ll only use my ‘career path’ for the most part. If I tried to describe my entire life through the law of attraction I may take a book or two. So let’s begin…

At the age of fourteen, I knew I wanted to do something big, but more than anything, meaningful. I saw suffering around me as I grew up near a poor neighborhood. I saw my parents struggling financially despite being considered ‘Upper Middle-Class’. I knew I wanted to do something. At times, I just wanted to make problems disappear – of course, I couldn’t. At fourteen, I didn’t know what could I possibly do to help people with their lives, to do something meaningful. I didn’t really understand leadership or courage. To be sincere with you – if you’re in a first world country, consider yourself lucky, because third world countries don’t get to see much of this courage or leadership explained, if even lived. There just isn’t much to look up to. I know I certainly didn’t see it in Peru. It makes sense then, that a failure to shift consciousness leads to stay in the same pattern in which we are currently trapped.

I didn’t know how, but I knew I would. I didn’t know what career, but I knew the meaning behind it.

- By Daniel Becerra

I didn’t know why, but somehow I ended up in the United States. My aunt made me an invitation out of the blue and in less than a few months, I was already in the United States. That may not seem like much. Thousands of people fly into the United States everyday, so what? For me, it was different. I had just flew into a country or territory that would give me the wings to start the career that would fulfill the meaning I was seeking. I didn’t know at the time, but I was attracting my thoughts, my constant thoughts, into reality. At the age of 14, it’s very rare to improve people’s lives, so I couldn’t do it. I needed the training, the people, the experiences, the field, the customers, the understanding. It’s a long process, but that process was just getting started – and that’s what mattered. Again, I didn’t know it then, but I can see it now.

It wasn’t all pretty, and your journey won’t be it either. Without my parents, my brothers, my friends, my food, and my city, I felt out a place – even more, without the language. People call it “culture shock”, I call it “pain”. That’s one thing about the ‘Law of Attraction’, even though the universe will work in your favor to make your desire come true in the most harmonious way, the truth is that you will suffer some bit – but I never gave up. I don’t have much to complain to be sincere. Yeah, I didn’t get along with my uncle. Yeah, I didn’t have my immediate family. Yeah, all that, but I had things that plenty of people in my country and around the world didn’t have – I had food, clothing, housing, and more important, internet .

Eventually after almost a year of blaming myself for not going back (and at the same time attracting all kind of bad things), I turned things around because the dream I had outgrew the pain inside. I remembered everything I wanted to do. Except that now I was 16, going 17 and I had better thinking. It wasn’t great, but it was better than at 14. I knew at some point that I wanted to speak in public and teach people and help them in this way. I can’t remember how I arrived to this, but I knew this is something I wanted to do. And the strangest thing happened – I met Ian Smith. Not to say that Ian Smith is strange (just a little bit), but strange because out of that encounter would be born everything that exists today for me and this website. The Law of Attraction put Ian Smith in my life.

Ian is a person I needed to run into in order to get started. Together we decided we would start a website and begin a movement for ‘Modern Men’. Ian didn’t give me the wisdom, fulfillment, or the abundance I seek. In fact, we were both pretty broke when we met and pretty confused too. But he did help me build the idea!. I attracted Ian into my life through my constant thoughts and feelings. This is what I mean by the ‘universe re-arranging itself’. How else is it possible that two strangers that, at the naked eye, come from two complete different backgrounds, come together to the same place, learn from each other and eventually go on to lead a movement? It’s only possible through the law of attraction! Ask yourself, right now, who did you attract into your life because of your constant thoughts? I recently attracted a woman into my life who is just as philosophical as me. I’ve been wanting that. We knew of each other and but it wasn’t until recently that we took notice of each other and now we discover similarities that we had no clue existed before. Who are you attracting? Whether it’s for your career, your personal growth, your romance, or whatever. Who are you attracting? Now ask yourself what thoughts led you to attract that person? What thoughts were you having when you attracted that great person? or that bad person perhaps? The results and realizations you get will be pretty astonishing.

Later as my writing began to take off, so did my head. While I was confident, I still had fear. I need guidance – specifically, spiritual guidance. I couldn’t sleep for several ideas and I just knew I needed a spiritual guide, a mentor. And guess what? My thoughts were so powerful that God/Universe brought me a spiritual guide through the law of attraction. I attracted this spiritual guide because of my constant thoughts and I didn’t even know it at the time. Does it ever surprise you when you’re thinking about someone you haven’t spoken in a while and all of the sudden you receive a text message, a call, or an email from them? I recently received a text message from a girl I haven’t spoken to in a long time, and frankly all I was desiring was to know that she was alive and almost by magic, a couple of minutes later, she sent a mass text message. She is alive. That’s the law of attraction. It made things happen so that I received a text message from her. From a Theological point of view, one might say that God worked through someone to do this. Both points are valid. Yes, it might seem a bit hard to believe at first, but it’s reality.

The higher power is real

Trust it

Later when the website began to develop less, but more loyal readers, I needed more help to materialize my vision. I knew I needed pictures for the website, I knew I needed someone who knew about marketing and getting traffic in and all that technical aspect. I certainly know close to nothing about these things, but two of the guys that I have ‘mentored’, if you will, have offered to 1) Give photographs for free, and 2) Help me with the traffic and technical things, even with new ideas to grow the website, and even become a writer. The first is Calvin Wallace, the second is Tom Church (You can find them both in the ‘Contact Us’ Page). I attracted these guys, unintentionally, into working with me through the law of attraction. I didn’t know it then, but I know it now. When they read this, they’ll know it too .

I later went on to learn about money and entrepreneurship, but of course, I didn’t know where to start. But through the Law of Attraction, I was led to books, and people, and seminars that would eventually lead me to other people and other seminars and other tapes and opportunities for me to capitalize on and fulfill my dream – to employ my talent, my gift, my passion.

Another example just took place few days ago. I had been wanting to get my hands on the best-seller book of all the time “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren, but until now, I hadn’t. I thought about it often, I just hadn’t made the move just yet.  In the meantime, I joined a church. This one is for college and university students so it’s a perfect fit, and here is the deal: I was enthusiastic from the get go. I just wanted to learn and I was willing to listen. And one pastor of the church took notice of it and when I approached him to ask what he thought I should do next. He replied “First read ‘Purpose Driven Life’” he continued “And then we’ll have you join one of our programs”. I said “Yeah, I’ll be pleased to read that book as soon as I get the chance to buy it”. He said “Oh, we have them here, follow me”. And so I followed him. And when we arrived to the pack of several copies of the book, he looked at me and said “You know, I’ll buy it for you”. My first response was “No way, no”. He insisted by saying “I’ll pay for it if you promise to read it”. I replied back “I’ll read it but are you sure you want to do this?”. He nodded. The result, I got a book that I badly wanted for free. That, my friends, is the law of attraction taking place.

Even more interesting is perhaps the way I came to understand the ‘Law of Attraction’. On the last weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about setting some strong goals and really build incredible momentum, enough momentum so I reach my ‘dream university‘. And at some point, I’m hanging out at my computer, looking over at my Netflix (the movie service) account. I had a plan for 2 DVDs a month, which makes sense because during university session, I don’t get much free time. I can’t explain what but something took over me, it urged me to upgrade my plan to unlimited DVDs per month for a few dollars extra, and this is when… at this particularly moment ‘The Law of Attraction’ in a quite mysterious way was taking place. I acted upon that feeling and for a reason that I cannot explain, I decided to search ‘The Secret’ and placed it on the next DVD being delivered. Here is what’s interesting though – I had seen the book ‘The Secret’ in my university’s bookstore before. A friend of mine has the actual movie. I know of friends who’ve read it, but for some reason, it never caught my attention. I never put ‘The Secret’ on my ‘reading list’. Never. Yet, some impulse drove me to rent it and rent it soon. And as I watched it, everything began to make sense.

I doubt the movie would’ve made sense a year ago, or even 6 months ago. How could it? I didn’t have the experience or knowledge for it to make sense. But it does make sense now. I caught a glimpse of the law of attraction and I know it’s real. Now I know that the more I use the law of attraction, the more I’ll understand it. Understand one more time that the secret can make you or break you. Your job is to learn to use it to your advantage, not against you. There is plenty of other examples I can write about, from the girls I have met to the guys who have become brothers to me, to the speaking opportunities I have been given to the positions I have filled, but I hope that what you read was enough. I encourage you to examine your life just a lil bit, take 2 minutes, that’s all and ask yourself… how did I end up here? What thoughts did I have that led me here? Certainly some people are luckier than others as they are born in richer or stronger families, but that’s just luck. Intelligence and burning desires overcomes luck – never forget that.

I highly encourage you buy or rent the movie (do it legally!) and that you keep an open mind. There are several things in the movie that are not covered in this article (one of them being that only you can make yourself happy). The movie is, of course, not complete either. There are many things for you to learn outside it, but it will spark up enough curiosity for you to go after that knowledge. Go after that knowledge.

Good luck. Much love. And remain faithful!

Those of you who are well read in self-improvement material will be accusing me of stealing this concept from Stephen Covey. And I’m guilty as charged. I had to share this with you though:

Covey explains that urgent matters are those we write on to-do lists, post-it notes, stickers on the fridge and highlighted scribbles on last night’s Thai takeaway napkin. Urgent things must be done ASAP, they have deadlines and consequences. Yet important events take a lower priority. These include building relationships with friends, family, colleagues and even your pet dog. Important issues may sound trivial, (who would consider taking out your neighbour’s trash to be urgent? ) but they hold a stronger significance than sending that email to a business consultant before dusk.

Imagine a regular scenario in life whereby your girl friend plans a dinner for you both. The day arrives and whilst you’re at work the boss asks you to stay behind to discuss next month’s profit forecasts. Two options go through your mind: On the one hand you can gain greater respect and trust from your boss if you stay behind, possibly get to know him better at a personal level to further your financial career. On the other hand you say ‘no’ and go to dinner, thus showing your partner that she comes first which develops your relationship with her. It’s a tough choice, one that you should think about before making a firm decision.

What’s Urgent and What’s Important is the question you need to answer. Can the profit forecasts be discussed early morning the next day? Can the dinner be re-scheduled with minimal fuss? What does your girl friend think? Ask these questions then make a decision. If you decide to continue with the pre-arranged plans i.e. the dinner, then explain to your boss the truth: That you had already promised to take her out for dinner, and that you shall present the forecasts tomorrow morning at breakfast.

Important issues often regard family. Many of PUA Lifestyle readers are studying at University, and it is a familiar occurrence when a parent or loved one asks for a phone call soon. Yet when you wake up and look at your never ending scroll of a to-do list: assignments, revision, reading, tutorials, partying and sex, the phone call to Mum is the last thing on your mind. It’s the most important though. Family is your back bone and it is important to maintain regular ‘emotional bank deposits‘. Carrying out these important issues are crucial in determining your characteristics. By doing the important rather than the urgent, you develop trust with others; trust which grows slowly and strongly.

The same applies with friends. Imagine that your best mate is feeling a bit crap. His girl friend has just dumped him publicly over Twitter, and the last thing on his mind is to go to the party happening that night. This party is huge, all your other best friends, the chick that you’ve wanted for months, the best DJs, free drinks and you’re a VIP. Your other mates say that’s it’s imperative that you come, it’s absolutely needed, wanted, desired, and absurd if you don’t go. After all, SHE’s GOING TO BE THERE. Staying with your best mate is important, going to the party is urgent.

Your best mate tells you not to be a wet-bag and to go to the party. So you take his advice and go. Turning up with smiles and laughs your friends ask you of your mate. They’re glad you came, but slightly surprised you left him. Then the girl of your dreams walks straight up to you and asks where your best mate is…”You left him at home? Oh…” and then walks off. You’re muttering out, “he said I could go…he said he didn’t want me…come back!” But it’s too late. If you had stayed back, yes your other friends would have given you a tiny bit of stick, but they would all be appreciative of the fact that if it were them in a similar scenario, they could trust you.

In your job, whether it be a corporate firm or your own small-scale business the same principals apply. Lunch with a regular customer, or three phone calls to potential new clients? It’s important to maintain good relationships with existing customers, and it’s urgent to find new ones. I hope this message is becoming increasingly clear now, and that you find it pretty easy to determine which option you should choose.

Urgent matters have short term benefits. Important affairs have long term benefits. Handing in that essay on time will stop you from sticking out like a sore thumb, but talking to the professor for an hour after the lecture will perch you high on a pedestal. Going to the gym will prevent the loss of synchronization with your protein shake diet, but walking in the park with your sister will develop your relationship. Next crucial episode of Desperate Husbands or a conversation with your house mate? Urgent or Important? Covey says that it’s all about growing from independent to interdependent.

I received  an email from a certain girl back in England a few weeks ago explaining that she had a formal to attend yet had no date. She had asked several guys but they had all been taken, and this is a beautiful girl so it was quite surprising news. Being on the other side of the world I wondered how I could help, and the answer was obvious: Change a few flights and make a dream come true. I told her not to ask anyone else, and to trust that I would be there. What I sacrificed is irrelevant because I knew what was important to her and I.

As Daniel explains in Ten Tips For Finals Week,

“Learn to say ‘no’ to those things that are not important to you, so that you have enough power and time to say ‘yes’ to those things that ARE important.”

Distinguishing between these two variables is an important part of developing your characteristics. You can be the man that always have things done on time, you always perform well at work and you always go to parties…Or you can be the man that everyone trusts when they really need you, that they respect for prioritising relationships over social status, and admire for taking the time to understand before seeking to be understood.

It’s important that you Facebook this post, but it’s urgent that you re-tweet it on Twitter. What’s it to be? Use the handy buttons below!

By Daniel Becerra

Recently a lot of controversy has been stirred over my Facebook and Twitter updates – I can see why . I mentioned that “Revenge is sweet. Always get even” and the messages started flying in. Some criticizing, others supporting, others wondering who I was seeking to get revenge from. Of course, I will not mention any names, yet. Before I even continue, I clarify that most people have a negative notion of the word revenge, they think of violence or even death – that is not in any way, the revenge I advocate.

However, I AM of the idea that if someone attacks you, then you gotta attack back, only ten times harder. It serves for two reasons – one, to get back at that person; and two, for anyone else watching. When you make others respect you, they don’t mess around with you as much, if at all. Truth is, the higher you climb, the harder others will try to bring you down, and not always through clean tactics. I wish I could tell you that people are always nice to each other, but that’s not always the case. Sadly, a lot of people are out to there to get each other. Yes, there is good and evil; and you gotta do everything in your power to love and protect the good, and despise and fight the evil to the best of your ability. Not your typical advise, right? But it’s what works in the real world. If you let evil wander around, then you might as well become its ally.

Picture this scenario: Someone bullies you, and you do nothing about it. That bully will think he or she can do whatever they want with you. And worse, with others. That doesn’t benefit you, nor others. On the other hand if you get back at that bully, he or she will think twice about bullying you or anyone else around you. Again, violence may not be the way to go about it. I rather use my intellect to get revenge. Remember me for this, your knowledge and ‘I don’t give a ****’ character are both great assets in seeking respect and revenge.

It’s simple, you just gotta be as tough as nails. You gotta stand up for what you believe. You want to develop the ability to be tough and nice when the situation calls for it. If someone disrespects you, your organization, or a loved one – even if it’s out of negligence – then be tough and put that person in place. The key is to do it with class, not in an asshole way. There is a big difference between them. Of course, sometimes, it is easier to think the second, but don’t let those emotions get the best out of you. Be like a dad, even if it hurts you to do certain things, go ahead and do them anyway; it’s for your protection and of those close to you; and maybe even to teach a lesson to the bully.

Self Empowerment and Revenge

I’m a steward. I empower myself so I can pass it on to others. And I’m willing to make sacrifices so that most benefit, even if it means getting rid of one person or two. Empowering yourself is not a selfish act. Because of my career path, I am constantly working around people and I have a tendency to advise people when asked. I have mentored some and entered relationships with women that I have helped grow. But it has already happened that some turned their back on me. How? Disloyalty.

I cannot tolerate disloyalty. If someone does something for you, give them thanks – appreciate them. It affected me when I invested time in someone without expecting anything in return just to see no signs of gratitude or completely indifference when I’m going through bad times. It just kills my inspiration and I don’t need that, therefore I get rid of them. On the other hand, I go out of my way to help people who are there for me at all times. It’s just the cost of having a real friendship. I personally get tired of an ungrateful attitude.

Take for example a woman that I was dating not too long ago. I invested time on this girl. I spoke to her about being always prepared, about realizing that our actions always have consequences that we are not even aware on, about leadership and love. I spent time with her when she was going through bad ones. I made her smile through it. We had a great time together, full of humor and good experiences. But in the moment I needed her the most (right after receiving some of the worst news I have received) she consciously decided to get drunk and completely ignore me. That’s pure negligence and stupidity. After that, not only I couldn’t trust her, but I couldn’t respect her either. She called me the next day apologizing as she did once before, but this time I wouldn’t take it. I wasn’t an asshole, but I told her the truth “I don’t trust you nor respect you. You’ve, indeed, disappointed me”. She has been calling a couple of times but I never pick her calls no more. She texts me asking to talk or get together, I never respond.

Did it hurt? Of course. It’s not easy cutting people out of your life. Make no mistake about it. I’m not saying I’m a cold-hearten bastard and just kick people out of my life and feel nothing inside. It actually hurts – a lot. I make tough choices, even if I mourn over them, because some things just need to be done. You just can’t afford some people who have given themselves to a dark side of their nature.

Now if a good person (not a bad one, never forgive a bad one) makes a mistake and they make a sincere apology, forgive them and move on. But my advise is to never trust them again – unless, of course, they consistently try to gain your trust back. Remember Lincoln’s words “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than anything else”. Are they worth your trust? As good people as they can be, can you afford to trust them? Be wise here.

Oneness and Revenge

You have probably heard me talk about oneness, and that concept may seem contradictory to revenge. That’s not true. While oneness recognizes that we are all one, oneness also seeks to exclude those that damage the entire body. Your best defense is sometimes a good offense. You want to be on the offense when others try to damage you or beat you. There are certain things you just cannot afford to let happen, for the sake of oneness. Protecting yourself and getting revenge is not a selfish act, it’s an act on behalf of oneness because you exclude the evil.

The point is simple, if someone wrongs you badly (to the extent of causing you to lose plenty of things you have) and you do nothing about it, then you’re no longer kind or nice, you’re just a loser. And of course, you go against oneness. You gotta help protect the good, this can mean both actively working on yourself and actively working against those who work against oneness. Please, for your own sake, do not confuse kindness with weakness. Kindness is letting other people where they go wrong, even if it requires a bit of a tough attitude. Weakness is letting people walk over you. Be kind, not weak. If you have a good reason to get revenge or to go tough on them, then by all means, do it. But don’t be tough if you don’t have a reason to be it.

It can be hard to start getting revenge, and it can be hard to kick people out of your life who hinder you more than help you. But you got to do it. Exercise your courage and view things on the perspective that benefits everybody. It will benefit you for you will have less hindering people in your life. And it will benefit those who hinder because they will learn a lesson. Hopefully the pain of regret will soon exceed their pain of change. Begin bit by bit if you have to. Begin saying “NO” to small things a hindering person may repeatedly do, then build your confidence up. Again, don’t let people walk over you. If it’s worthy of getting even, go for it.

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By Daniel Becerra

This is not an either-or matter. Do not be fooled by the title. This article aims to clear up one of the things that I am sure has happened to you, is happening to you, or will happen to you.

What happens when you want to improve all areas of your life and you simply just don’t know where to begin? What happens then? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had so many things you wanted to improve that at the end you just ended up confused and improved nothing at all? Or what about wanting to improve one aspect of your life more than the others, yet you were afraid you wouldn’t take good care of the others? It has happened to me and plenty of people I know and if it happens on this side of the world, I’m sure it happens on your side as well.

What does it come down to? I will call it “Focus vs Balance”, I’ll explain why now. For sake of understanding, I will call “Focus” the one thing that you have decided to improve the most, the one thing that you want to improve in this new year, or maybe in the next 6 months. And ‘balance’ will be not messing other aspects of your life because you’re ‘focused’ on another particular aspect. For instance, someone who is trying to do a lot of business may have a tough time finding the time to exercise or to spend time with his family and so on. Or if you’re studying or working for long amount of hours, then you may not have an awful amount of time to hang out with friends.

The Focus

There is a difference between focusing and balancing. FOCUSING is a special focus. It’s that SHOULD turned into a MUST. It’s that one thing you must do everyday because it’s what is most important to you at the moment. I find that the best option is to select one aspect of your life that you will FOCUS on and let every other aspect just balance. What do I mean? For instance, the aspect I will focus next is Finances and Wealth. I plan to read books on how to earn money, read biographies of self-made millionaires or billionaires. I plan to do experiments, write on my journal about it, and so on. Does this mean I will drop public speaking (Toastmasters), this website,spirituality, friends, and school? Of course not (even if it means researching until 2 am, and waking up at 8 am). Although if I did and focused entirely on finances, then I’d learn much faster. But I will not do that because other things also need to be done. I think Zig Ziglar said it best “Do what you need to do, so later on you can do anything that you WANT to do”. No matter how much you hate it, some things just need to be done.

There is a need to be clear about what aspect of your life you will FOCUS on next and more importantly for how long will you do it. Some people FOCUS for a period of one year, others for 6 months, others for 3 months. You have to commit these periods and whatever aspect you work on to paper. That is how it’s done. Write it in your journal or Google Documents which is free and you can put as much as you want. It was stated before, when you commit things to writing, that is a sign that you’re taking your studies seriously. So right now (or as soon as you finish reading this article), I would like you to do this:

* Take out a piece of paper. Draw a triangle. Flip it over, so that the widest part is at top and the peak of it on the bottom.
* Divide it into anywhere from 4-10 parts. These parts will be the aspects of your life. You can break it into whatever number of aspects you want to break it. If you visit the forum, then you can have a clear idea of how to break it down.
* Take your time on deciding what truly is the most important for you to DO right now. It may surprise you that you will actually take some time doing this.
* The most important part should be on the top, and then work your day down.

You can see what it will look like if you look at the Cone of Learning. So let’s say that the most important thing to do right now for you is your college education. Then that should be on top. It will signal that’s the most important thing for you and the area where you will spend more time. In other words, it’s your top priority. Other areas will follow, of course. Here is the trick though, every other aspect of your life must be improved as well, because you cannot improve your work if you don’t improve your family or social life, they actually complement each other. Just like your fitness level complements your productivity in the workplace or at home. In God’s infinite wisdom, when we improve one area of our life, others improve as well. They all are connected. The trick is in doing all of them, but putting more time in that aspect that is really important. For instance, my cousin is a relatively muscular guy and he exercises, no doubt that’s important. If you look at me, however, I am not muscular , but I do exercise, a relatively fewer amount of time because that is not my priority. I get enough exercise to keep my head clear but not to grow massive muscle. In my cousin’s case, he exercises to grow massive muscle, and reads enough to keep himself hungry for knowledge. See the difference? My cousin’s priority is obviously different than mine. His is fitness, mine is knowledge. We both do exercise and read, but at different levels.

Another example, I remember clearly the days where my good friend Jamie Craven took seriously his goal on losing weight and gain enough muscle to make it as a model for a prestigious brand, as an underwear model. Did he do it? Of course! Not only did he go from slob to sexy, but also he was featured in a prestigious magazine. We spoke often during those days. He spent hours researching, feeding his mind with the knowledge required for that specific goal. He read everything from how many calories each food has, how many snacks to have, what burns more calories, and so on. He took notes. He asked people. In short, he took seriously. That aspect of his life (fitness) was his priority at that point. (And boy, he made it clear!). But he still made time to hang out with people, talk to friends, feed his mind with other knowledge, help in the website, and so on. He focused on something, and he just…

Let the rest balance

Jamie just let the rest of it fall into place. He did what mattered the most first and still kept with all of his other responsibilities. Follow his example. As busy as your schedule may get, you will notice that when you put your FOCUS first, all the other things will balance. Like I said for me this year, it’s about Wealth and Finances, so I will do whatever it may take to work on it. I’ll do whatever it takes so that I find time for everything else I have to do. For instance, I’m also studying the Bible and reaching a new level on my spirituality, so if I find it hard to read the Bible during the day, then I’ll make the effort to wake up earlier just so that I can catch a glimpse of it. On days where I’m busy and I don’t get much time to read, then I could buy an audio on businesses while I exercise. There are so many alternatives. When it’s a must, you will find your way to get it done and all the other commitments will take place on its own.

If you want it, you’ll find the way, believe me. On the other hand, if you don’t want it enough, if you don’t have a clear sense of purpose and mission, then you’ll find yourself wasting more time, and you won’t even be busy! As corny as it may sound, it’s not the circumstances but rather how you adapt to them. Listen to motivational stuff while you exercise, clear your room, or drive. Wake up earlier to finish a task you may not get enough time for otherwise. Read that book with your girlfriend and ask her to test you on it. Exercise with your girlfriend to kill two birds at once. If you’re trying a new diet, ask her for support and to check on you. There are so many ways, you just have to get creative to find them. I’m not sure who said it, but the message was clear, if you want to get creative, you must remain positive, and if you want to remain positive, you must remain DOING things!

Ultimately – time management is a myth. You cannot manage time. It’s the only thing you will never have control over. What you can manage is your priorities and that you make sure that you commit to them. Something magical happens when you put your priorities first. It’s as if everything was just on your side. Do not focus on time management, it’s a waste of time. (See what I’m saying?) Focus on flexible planning, focus on prioritizing, focus on getting others to hold you accountable, focus on developing a sense of purpose, focus on those things, and time will be your friend, rather than your enemy. Lastly, commit it to writing. I cannot stress that enough. Commit it to writing. When you write it, you focus. When you focus, you balance it. When you balance it, you have amazing time management. That means you’ll have time for the things that matter. And when that happens, you’ll experience… happiness.

No doubt, journals are crucial. After I recorded the video Clarity in 2009 (mind the bad lighting for this one), I received some emails specifically about the journal part. Like I said in the video, I understood the importance of journals, but I wasn’t necessarily using it to its full potential. This article explains how I made transition, it’s pretty lengthy (2956 words), but it’s worth reading it. It took me almost 7 hours to finish it. If you don’t have the time to finish it now, feel free to print it out and take it for reading somewhere else.

I first began to journal with the Lifestyle Challenge that Ian Smith and I created almost a year ago. Later, I was reminded of it when I attended a seminar hosted by SUCCESS magazine (excellent event). I actually got a free ‘Jim Rohn Leadership’ journal there and I began to jot down thoughts, ideas, and emotions on it; but after a while, I grew less motivated to do handwriting. So I moved on to computer journal and I started my journal in a Word document, but still I lacked a bit of discipline in keeping up with it, although both forms DID help me bring more clear answers to the questions that before wandered in my head without answers, or sometimes, questions that I asked other people, yet their answer wouldn’t satisfy me. But when I really started getting the hang of it (you never get the hang of it the first time), I started asking questions in such a way that I would answer my own questions, either as I wrote, or later on in a sudden moment. (By the way, now I use Google documents, it is much easier to keep up with and it allows you to do an easy ‘Search’ function.)

There is some sort of magic that takes place when you ask yourself well-worded questions – well, it’s really the beauty of the mind and body. These well-worded questions not only help you connect with yourself, but also to really connect with others. We have a journal section in our forum that members use to track their progress or tell a particular story. And it won’t take too many questions to ask so that you know that the use of a journal is incredibly efficient. For one, many of them share that writing their story made them realize something they hadn’t realized before. Second, one member’s journal entry can be read by others, making them closer and also, seeing a real life experience (it’s a lot easier to learn that way, instead of the ‘do this, do that’). I think it’s safe to say that in this forum, members know each other better than in any other . Now, let’s explore what well-worded questions are, and why they are so efficient.

Well-Worded Questions

The first thing we need to realize is that well-worded questions do not give immediate answers. In fact, most of your initial answers will only serve to clear up that which doesn’t work. Well-worded questions are true seekers. They find what is true for you. You can also use well-worded questions or well-worded statements to make someone else find what’s true for them, and you watch, they will love you. Only you can ask yourself these questions. You WILL meet some great people who will ask you great well-worded questions and will change your perspective completely, but that will not always happen. For most of your life, it has to be you who does it. Yes, there will be a point where you can ask questions to others that are so deep, that will have powerful realizations, but it all must begin with you.

Second, these questions take some time, do not give up. At the beginning you will ask questions that are not so appealing, but with time you will ask yourself some killer questions. You must immerse yourself into your journal. You will feel silly at the beginning, but that will evolve, sometimes in the course of 5 minutes, sometimes in the course of 5 days. For instance at the beginning, I asked myself ‘How can I make this routine work?’, but of course, I didn’t find any inspiration for the answer, yet as I kept writing, the questions evolved to ‘Why a routine?’, ‘What makes a routine work’?, ‘Can I use something else besides it’?, ‘Why am I so worried about making this work?’, ‘Why do I want it to work?’, ‘What will I accomplish if it works?’, ‘If it works, is it fulfilling’? you know the rest of the story. It’s a funny feeling, really. When you begin writing these questions, you actually find it a bit hard to stop at times and others, hard to continue – keep going, the answer will pop up. Here are some questions directly pulled out from my journal. It is safe to assume that the wording of these questions are appealing to me. And they may not be appealing to you, but they will get the point across.

I began with these questions

Are the people in my life real?
Am I being completely honest with them?
I want a beautiful girlfriend with a certain number of traits. What are those traits?
Am I being thoughtful to my friends?
Am I being as human as I can be?
Am I constantly seeking to make friends?
Why am I so focused on making friends?
I have to talk to more people. Attend to more events. And be THERE.
What do I want my life to be like? What do I want my life NOT to be like?
Am I understanding people more each day?
Am I identifying with them?
Am I being true to my family? Am I calling them enough? And doing enough for them? Am I being a good son? A good brother? A good role model?
Am I ready to commit?

Here is how they evolved

* How can I be completely honest with people? Why do I need to be honest with people? What will be the consequences if I’m not honest with them?
* How can I meet AND keep the woman I will deeply fall in love with?
* How can I be more thoughtful to them? What are some good and simple ways to show appreciation to them? ‘Thank you’ cards, random text messages wishing them a great day or good luck on their exam when they are not expecting it, an email with an e-card that makes the smile, treat them to a nice dinner every now and then.
* How is one more human? How does one get rid of the masks we are conditioned to have? What will happen if I’m not human? What will happen as I become as human as I can be?
* I wanted to seek to make friends, why? How will I make friends? What traits do I want these friends to have? How will I keep a great friend? What will be the nature of a friend relationship? It’s clearly not someone who only comes to see you when there is a beer at home. How then?
* How can I understand people more? What questions or statements I can make to understand them more? To get to know them more? To get them to trust me? How will I know once they have understood me? What will happen when I have the ability to understand people more? What will happen if I don’t?

The list goes on, but I’ll cut it off there for now, or the article will be too long. I think you can see some notorious differences. The first entry was a sort of auto-evaluation, it’s a way of getting in touch with truth. It will help you figure out where you stand. This is not science, by the way. You don’t have to be a super genius to answer those questions, but you do have to trust your instinct. Don’t sabotage yourself over the answers either. I wrote the answers separately, of course. Those answers (some that can come in writing, others come in your head in an instant) led me to write down other questions, better questions. And as I wrote those questions, more interesting things happened. What happened? I got answers. And these answers gave me me a clarity that I hadn’t felt before. I’m more driven. I’m more determined. And I gotta tell you, while the journal didn’t do it all by itself, it certainly was one of the most influential parts of it.

Note: It is obvious to assume, that you must use your own questions.

By the way, it doesn’t always have to be those kind of ‘generic questions’. You can also apply them for whatever instant moment you want. For example, in sales, there is this saying that goes “He said something, but he was saying something completely different”. This simply means, someone can say something, but they mean something completely different. Well, I kept asking myself “How can I figure out what he is saying, instead of what he says?”, there were plenty of answers that begun with the list of patterns on the movements every prospect would make. So I wrote those down, then I wrote down how I worded the questions I asked (I must say sometimes we don’t realize how poorly we ask questions), and then I begun to see patterns that allowed me a bit of more success and understanding in sales. It’s the same with the opposite sex, especially women *cough*. Write down your questions, and stay on them until your questions are so powerful and specific that you can not help but to be inspired by them.

The Answers to your questions

If you thought the questions were tricky, wait until you try to come up with your own answers. It can be a lot trickier and a lot more frustrating. For instance, once I wrote this question “Why is it that I stop trying when I see something getting away from me?”. This was not really the proudest moment in my life, but I share it here because I know there will a be reader or two who can relate to this question. The answers that came up at first were vague. They were usual one-liners. ‘I’m scared’, ‘I’m not used to this’, ‘Maybe I don’t have interest’, and obviously none of the answers felt right. I remember this particular question took me days to figure out. I would write and think about it, often. More often than usual. The answer came to me one day when I asked my dearest friend “Tell me one thing about me that I probably don’t know”. She took a couple of seconds to make up her mind and study my face and she calmly said “I think… that when you commit to a relationship, your vulnerability will show and you will become weak. That’s why you don’t commit to many. Other people may buy it, but not me”. I had my answer.

That answer by my friend was key. I can clearly remember saying “She told me this and how true is that? She probably knows me better than I know myself, how many things about myself am I not aware? How could she know this? What experiences have we had that can lead her to this conclusion?” Well, we did date shortly and later slept together several times, not just that, but we’ve had those intelligent conversations often. So she does know me pretty well. I remember saying “So, it is true. I’m afraid”. Beautiful, I was sure now and I just needed to know why. As I was in the treadmill one night, the answer popped into my head. “You’re scared because you’re afraid of investing time again and not seeing results”. Now, this sounds like a pretty common answer, duh, but there is a big difference when the answer comes from WITHIN rather than outside. Huge difference. The answers from outside helps you memorize and act it out to go from there, while the answers from inside help you to realize and live it out. What a difference.

Be aware, as you write, some ideas will come to you in crystal clear words and you’ll have an ‘Aha!’ moment, others will be pretty blurry in your mind and your job will be to write it down until you figure it out. For instance, if you ask yourself “What does a magic moment look like?”. You can surely picture a magic moment in your head (Chances are you’re picturing one right now) but can you live that magic moment at once? Maybe not. If I asked you to describe how a magic moment can occur, then you may have a bit of trouble doing so, even when you can see it clearly in your head! Isn’t that crazy? But if you begin to write, and write, and write, you will get to a point where you can actually describe and feel pretty accurately how that magic moment can be created. You will have gone from imagining a magic moment to having enough knowledge and within-education to know how to CREATE that magic moment. In other words, you will take the invisible and make it visible.

The difference that makes the difference

Writing it. Writing it makes the difference. Someone said it “Writing is the beginning of wealth”. I’m by no means very wealthy, but writing has enriched my spirit so much. When you write it, you remember it. It’s so crucial. Jim Rohn said it “If an idea is worth listening to, worth reading, worth remembering it, then it’s also worth capturing it in your journal. And there are many reasons for making the effort to capture good ideas, not the least is the simple fact that the simple act of writing something on paper helps to make the idea firmer in our mind.” Of course, it’s not just ideas, but questions, quotes, pictures, and realizations too. Write down everything as it comes into your mind. Don’t focus about organizing it by segments. Let it flow and soon you’ll be more organized than you can imagine. My entries actually have quotes all over them, because I will happen to read something and I just know I have to write them down because if not now, they will be helpful later. You can go back to your past journal entry pretty easily and see how you thought back then and compare it to how you think now, or you can check for unanswered questions that you’d like to answer now. You can check it for a great idea that you couldn’t apply at the moment, or you forgot to apply it, but now you’re free and able to apply it. But if you had never written that idea down, you could never apply it – then or months later.

I will re-state the question I asked in the video I linked you earlier, What could be more important than improving things so that they give you the best result? What could be more important than writing down my questions to ask the next girl you meet, or the next prospect you’ll help? What could be more important than writing down your presentation or a new funny line or a new way to make her day, or his day? What could be more important than understanding yourself? Is it worth doing so? You better believe it. Whether you want to improve your dating life to get one girlfriend or if you want to live it like a playboy, the advise is the same, get a journal and write on it. If you’d like to share a public journal – one than you can always easily go back to – then join our forum and I’ll create one for you. If not, go ahead and use Google documents, it’s the best that I found. If you can afford it, I recommend “The Journal” software too.

I encourage you to be a professional. A professional is a serious student, one that studies his or her entire life, not just one who goes to work everyday for a paycheck. Be a serious student of your life by jotting down ideas, quotes, feelings, questions to your personal life, questions for your relationships, your goals, and even to-do lists. When I’m outside, and I hear something amazing (it happens often when you expose yourself) I write it on my cell phone and when I get home, I write it on my computer. You should do the same. I used a pocket-notebook before for notes outside home but I have switched to cell phone now – you know, technology . If you’re going to attend an important event where there will be need to use something besides your cell phone, and cannot take a laptop, then definitely take a notebook. You’ll be amazed at how many ideas you can collect in a week when you begin to write them down. Write them, before you forget them. There is nothing as effective as the answers that you can come up with, because you will feel an automatic drive to apply them. There is no telling in what you can realize when you write. There is no telling in what you can become if you keep a journal. There is no telling what you can do if you live as a serious student. I know you want to be one. If you finished reading this, then you definitely want to be it. Congratulations.

By Daniel Becerra

Silence is death. When we keep things to ourselves, then they become missing truths, and a missing truth is equivalent to a falsehood. Through personal experiences and the testimonials of many people around the world, it is safe to assume that not speaking up means pain and sabotage, and even beyond that, it means not growing, ever. The trick, of course, is in learning to speak up to yourself and to others so that you do more good than damage. Let’s explore how not speaking up can damage and has damaged the world.

Health

In the 1970′s, AIDs entered a nation but no one spoke about it. It could have been fear, it could have been shame. We waited for a leader, but none came. The President of the Nation did not dare to speak up! It wasn’t until too many deaths from all walks of life took place. It was a moment where artists, doctors, children, and the elder came together for one common goal: To speak up. It was the act of speaking up, world wide, that enabled treatment of AIDs. It gave hope. And it all began with speaking up.

Your body needs proper feeding and proper cleaning, as do your mind and spirit. Do not wait for something horrible to occur to take action. Exercise regularly. While many people will argue that you have to push yourself to truly develop physique, I will argue against that and tell you that 30 minutes of running or fast-paced walking (as in being out of breath a bit) combined with proper nutrition will do you plenty of good. Keep in mind that what the type of exercise you do is not nearly as important as what you eat. Recognize the truth of your body, what you like about it, and what you dislike about it. If you have some symptoms of illness, don’t stay quite, speak up. If you fear you may have caught something in a sexual encounter, fear nothing and go get checked.

Someone once told me that God or life gives you situations in which you’re able to solve or prevent a particular mistake, but if you don’t fix that mistake, a greater one can occur. You don’t want to happen. Fix one thing at once. Speak up to it. Do not stay silent. If you do, no one can help you but yourself, and opposite to popular belief, you can not do everything on your own.

Social Skills and Relationships

When proper communication lacks in a relationship, then both sides suffer. I have found myself in this situation several times way too often and I can honestly say that I’m just beginning to learn. I’ve never had those deep meaningful conversations, in which we explore each others’ side of the story, with a partner before. I’ve had plenty of them with friends, which is why I’ve kept friends for longer than I have kept lovers. The reason why I have never had those type of conversations with lovers before is because I never tried hard enough to keep someone in my life, but it wasn’t until now that I realize that communication is so important. Not the communication of “where I am”, “what you do”, and the like, but rather the communication that leads to identification and communion.

It all begins with speaking up. Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right in a relationship that is just forming or has existed for a long time, then say it. You don’t need the right words, but you do need the right attitude, if you work with your partner, friends, lover as a team, rather than rivals, the words will flow naturally. I recently was in a situation in which me and this beautiful girl told each other everything that we wanted to tell each other and the wall that had separated us is falling down bit by bit, and we are connecting a little more each day. Sure, there are still many things that disconnect us, but they will be solved.

As a man, you’re to prove your unconditional love and strength. You must lead and assume the consequences of whatever actions you may take. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, you must be willing to risk losing her if you truly want to win her. When you speak up what you feel, there is a chance that an hidden truth will create risk, but risk is necessary. You must go through that risk of losing her to bond stronger. Again, trust your instincts. They may fail you once, or twice, but they will be of great power once you begin to exercise them regularly. Speak up.

If you’re trying to improve your social skills, that is approaching, talking, flirting, seducing, and so on, then be true to yourself and admit what is it that you need to work on. Get a friend or wing man and agree to point out each others’ mistakes truthfully. In the process of getting a wing man, you have to be really careful about how honest this individual is to himself.

Personal Development

Nothing attracts more failure in personal development than not truly acknowledging your own truths. Whatever situation you’re in right now, you must accept it and begin with it no matter how awful or dim the future looks from that perspective. This was one of my biggest blocks. I couldn’t gather up enough guts to acknowledge my faults to myself, let alone to others. Furthermore I couldn’t do enough things to fail to show me some truths that I couldn’t see. Until recently, I have been sharing my shame and faults with others and it’s working so well. Of course, there is resistance for some, but others are encouraging me and congratulating me.

Despite other people’s reactions, the outcome for you will always be positive if you accept the status quo as something that can be improved, not the end of the world. Stay true to yourself and if you believe in a God, stay true to him as well.

There is a price to personal development and truth and that price is this: In order to really learn something, you have to immerse in it. You have to make it a habit. It’s not a thing that you do every now and then. You have to become it. Just like when you learn language, you learned it because you spoke it so often and within a couple of years (maybe 10) you had an almost full grasp of it. Same applies with any other area, it takes time and persistence. I found that it is really easy to sit down, read some books every now and then of great content and do nothing about my personal growth. But when I became completely immersed in it by reading for long amounts of time, listening to presentations, writing about it, and so on, I actually begin to take action. I could feel the drive in me, and it all occurred because I became immersed in it. Getting immersed to improve in something is not an option, it’s actually the only path. As one of my friends said when I asked him about his successful life, and he said “You have to be committed”

A Final Note: Don’t you stay silent

You can build your power by beginning to speak up now, one inch at a time, by stating what appeals to you and what does not. If it feels like too much of a step to say “Enough is enough!” all at once, then begin by listing down things you dislike about whatever it is you’re trying to get rid of. Soon enough, you will have enough reasons to kick it out of the window and out of your life. But again, even writing those things down slowly takes commitment, for which, you can use some help by immersing yourself in whatever area you’re trying to improve. Buy books, listen to tapes, join a club for the purpose you’re pursuing. People who share a common goal can be of extreme help when it comes to build power.

I hope that you realize that staying silent can kill. It can kill a relationship. It can kill your health. It can kill your growth and dreams. I can not think of any other way to emphasize it more. Speak up!

By Daniel Becerra

I’m stoked for the guys that have recently been writing their goals and sharing them with us, absolutely stoked! As a result I have the urge to share some stuff regarding goal setting and achievement. It’s a dirty little trick, a faster way of achieving your goals, not a slick or lazy way, but rather an intelligent, unique approach to it. Goal setting has been covered to death in other places in a peculiar way, that includes deadlines, where to tape them, how many times to read them and so on. This is a different approach.

This website is for intelligent people. My definition of intelligence is the ability of solving problems, therefore an intelligent person is one who solves problems well, or works on himself to solve those problems constantly. An intelligent person is also looking for way to getting an edge and more important, an intelligent person always aims high. He/she aims not to just solve a problem, but to also get the best result out of it. Intelligent people aim high, even though they know they might miss because they know that if they aim low, they can easily hit it – but they can’t call that success. For example, a student who can easily get an A in a regular class, decides to put himself to the test and go to the honor class. That student is aiming high, that’s a sign of real intelligence. Having that in mind, the first step is to aim high, to think big, to dream big and to never deny yourself the things that you want – no matter how unreachable they may seem at the moment.

Now hold that thought (of aiming high) there. Hold it, make a mental note of it. It’s important as we continue.

Awareness and Intelligence

Intelligence – in my opinion – is developed as you make decisions. Notice I say intelligence, not knowledge. The more decisions, the more intelligent you become. The harder you try and fall, the more intelligent and experienced you become. It is great to fill your brain with information. We all do that. But information only raises our level of awareness. Making a decision raises our level of intelligence. For example, if you read enough about Pick-up, to the point in which you have a clear understanding of it, then you’ll be able to detect the signals of a woman being attracted to you or you can detect that she is intentionally dressed up to attract other males. These are things you hadn’t noticed before, you now do – that’s awareness. But awareness isn’t enough.

It is when you act on this awareness that you become intelligent. When you make the decision you become intelligent. Chances are, your decision will not be right, but once done, you can make it right, because it’s your decision. You understand the root of it, you know what you want the outcome to be. You have a first step and a goal, point A and point B. It will take only a couple of steps and adjustments to get to point B. Let’s use the example above. If you notice a signal of attraction and decide to act upon it, chances are that your calibration (performance) will be a bit off or you can even make it good enough, but you know it can be better. You know that if you adjusted some things, then you can develop bigger trust, stronger bond, stronger sexual tension and so on. The decisions you make to get better results are in direct proportion to your intelligence. This is exactly why a large part of intelligent people are so successful. Because they began by making a decision, and chances are that they were not right, but they made them right along the way. Again, intelligence is not the amount of knowledge you posses, but rather your ability to get what you want with the knowledge you posses.

Now, bring that thought of aiming high back again and see how that concept and developing your intelligence are related. The higher you aim, the more driven and motivated you will become. So decision making (intelligence) will get you to your goals, not at once by the way – never at once, but the funny thing is that they are directly proportional to your goal achievement. Meaning the more decisions you make, the more intelligent you become and that intelligence becomes even more productive as you continue to make decisions. Make a decision today and carry it. You’ll be wrong – most likely – (as we all are) but it only seems wrong at that moment, because if you live by that decision, you will eventually get to achieve your goal. Bit by bit, you will achieve more goals.

The Dirty Little Trick

Let’s get to the good stuff. The long essay above is an introduction to this. It was needed. So take the time to read it thoroughly. In my post How to get started and not stop, I wrote about that moment in which you know that you have it. That moment in which you know you’re ready and that finally you know you will not stop. That moment is a defining one and it’s a key thing in what I’m about to explain – so hold it in mind.

Side effects is the dirty little trick. Side effects are often ignored. For instance, working solemnly on your game to get a better dating life, instead of working on yourself is such a dumb thing to do. Because while one allows you to develop in more areas than the other, you still get the same (or better) results, so why wouldn’t you take the one that develops more areas? Think about it for a second. A modern man will attract women in multiple places because he has his life in order, he aspires and works to achieve more, he is in good health, he has a social life, he is intelligent and so on. These are the conditions that one must show while working on their “game”, while the person who works on his “game” may achieve showing signs of that condition, they will not only be temporary, but also they will be just an illusion, because he focused on creating the illusion of these conditions to get specific responses from women, rather than getting the real conditions themselves.

Take this example a little further and you will understand. If your goal was to have a real better dating life, then the side effects of that goal once achieved would be: Not chasing women, because if you have a great dating life, then why would you chase. Not being afraid of rejection because you know (from your real life situation) that another one will come. And so on.

Another much better example is the following. I’ll use my good friend Jamie “Chikito” Craven. If you haven’t noticed yet, the guy has gone from chubby to incredibly fit. . Take him as an example. When he made the decision to lose weight and become fit, what determined his improvement was not the ability to lift a weight or do some sit ups because these are skills that can be easily developed. What determined his improvement was his identity shift. His brain. His mind. You get it. If you were to put Jamie’s identity into a fat person’s body, his mind will automatically look at that new over-weighted body and say “Oh my God! This is not me! I gotta exercise, I gotta start my diet and I’m starting right now!” Where as to another identity would say “Oh, it’s not that bad”. Do you see the difference? Jamie’s identity would not accept that body as his, therefore he would work extremely hard to get to his desired shape. He would avoid fast food, change the entire food in his household, get a gym membership and so on. Do you see how this gap is closing?

It is imperative that before setting to achieve a goal, we have absolute clarity what our goal is. Clarity is powerful and it will drive you to your goal and you will feel when you’re on the right track.

A Final Note

You will know that you’re going to achieve it once you feel the urge to do it. That feeling is key. You will know what I’m talking about. That feeling is the identity shift. This is why I said that it’s okay to fail, but you must try again. Eventually when you try again, you will be hooked.

Start looking for the side effects of your desired goal. Once you recognize them, work on them and soon you’ll find yourself achieving your goals faster. See those traits in the people that are successful in doing what you wish you did well. If you want to improve your fitness, look for the side effects of a person who achieved his goal in fitness. If you want to improve your social skills, looking for the side effects of a person who has achieved his desired goal. Do that and you’ll have a sweet shortcut, and an edge that will give you such an advantage over the competition. The more side effects you detect, the more gap you will close. And once you detect them, don’t forget to write them down.

Model: Our very own Kris Hansen