How much they have, how much they will have but never, ever how much they don’t have. That’s against the rules. To not have sex (let’s admit it, the activity is seen as a commodity in the majority of male minds) is to be a loser. To not drink alcohol is to be a spoil sport, and to not have money…Well that depends on what you spent it on.  I realise that by revealing this truth to the women of the internet world, my male ‘wingmen’ will be preparing some disgusting mixture of what only can  be described as brew for me to ‘longarm’ as punishment. Yet secretly, in the dark corners of pubs and clubs across the world, we all know it’s true, and what’s worse is that we all know that women all know.

When is it that the social dynamics of a ‘group’ are formed? If it’s just two guys talking to eachother then the topics will vary enormously. Depending on the friend it may include work, family, politics, philosophy, and goodness knows what else. If three friends hang out then the range of topics decrease as obviously the number of shared interests also decline. Four friends? Well now it’s reduced to universal interests such as music and sport. When there are five friends or more together, it’s my experience that unless you’re all spending a lot of time together and sharing loads of interests, the universal topics are those that you can all relate to is shagging, spending and boozing.

Take today for example. Brad and I were in the car driving into town to meet two others. Our conversation ranged from University, Archeology, websites, future plans, Anthropology and recent parties. We met two good friends for a game of Squash ( a shared interest). Sadly (or thankfully as some of the worse players *cough* would say) the courts were full so we went to the pub for a drink, or two…Actually three (another shared interest). Conversation included recent happenings and future plans as well as a bit of sport. Then we were met by another good friend and after about twenty minutes I pointed out to the group that all we had talked about was sex. How much we were having, how much we would be having, but never, ever how much we are not having. That’s against the rules.

Yet Is this really all we want to talk about as a group?

There is only so much one can talk about sex, money and alcohol. I’m a strong believer in that if a man talks about sex for more than five minutes, especially if it’s about how good it is or how much he’s getting, it means that it’s complete bullshit. Yet real men don’t blab on about this stuff, real men save the world from an economic crisis, or poverty, swine flu and even AIDs. I’d like you to read this following excerpt from a GQ article that discusses the meaning of ambition,

“Because we’re a shower, us modern men, composed for the most part of grasping, solipsistic knuckleheads, any game of tennis-elbow-foot that begins with the word “ambition” will quickly and inexorably tumble towards “money”, “power”, “success”. This is not how it ought to be. A Maserati is not an ambition. It’s a fast car. Being headhunted by a hedge fund, buying a second home in Wiltshire, picking your third wife from an online catalogue, watching your collection of Guatemalan sculpture appreciate in value, looking on as your daughter wins Wimbledon… these are goals, perhaps, but they are far too prosaic, too small, to be ambitions.”

No. This isn’t all we want to talk about. These self-gratifying instant pleasures are for boys. Curing cancer, creating an artificial black hole and solving the energy crisis is for men. This unwillingness to grow up, to look at our adolescent dream of fast cars, fast women, instant cash and to honestly say they are crap is the problem. This week I read a status, “David is finally twenteen!” Not the first time I had heard this new number popping up as teenagers seek to prolong their lack of responsibility. What’s next, twenty-thirteen, thirty-one-teen?! It’s time to aim higher, to find ambitions with slim lines of success, to put our skills to use and make this world a better place.

I am Generation Y. Many of you are Generation Y. Together we are more connected then any generation before us. We blog, we text, we Twitter, we Facebook, we call, we meet and we all have access to more of the world’s information as well as each and every human being than ever before. Yet just because there are more strings does not mean they are stronger strings. Having 10,000 friends on Facebook means nothing if you don’t have a relationship with any of them. Our quantity of connections have increased with technology, but our quality of relationships have not. Tribes start small. They are built on trust and honesty. This is why you’ll find groups of men who have real ambitions that talk about anything but sex, money and alcohol.

They will be obsessed, they will keep trying until death takes them and even then their message will spread. They will only talk about what they talk about because it’s their ambition. It’s a real man’s ambition.

Yet don’t assume those who only talk about materialistic prospects lack ambition. I think we all have it somewhere, under that layer of false beliefs. We can feel it; that yearning for more yet not in a self-gratified way. Men who talk about sex, money and alcohol do so because they haven’t found their calling. Sometimes it will take a death, other times an inspirational story or an inability to prevent something catastrophic that tears your heart apart. Just try and find it before your time runs out. My ambition is to explore the bigger systems at play in this world. To try and grasp an understanding at what makes us tick, how we as a species dance to the rhythm of life. And now that I’ve said it, we can stop talking about sex, money and alcohol… well, maybe just a little bit.

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BBC reports that positive statements make you feel worse. But what if you’re stating the wrong things?

Self help is sometimes given a bad name. On July 3rd, the BBC reported that Canadian researchers found that ‘those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves.’ (read article here)

Yet I believe this only happens when one tries to motivate themselves to do things that are not  in their true interests or they don’t combine positive statements with active progress.

A UK psychologist said people based their feelings about themselves on real evidence from their lives- whenever we feel that we have low self esteem, it’s based on real life experiences. Sounds obvious to me. So simply saying repeatedly to yourself, “I am confident. I have high self esteem” without real evidence will not work. Repeating positive statements derives from Victorian Samuel Smiles 150 years ago in his book ‘Self Help’.

Autosuggestion, made more popular by Napoleon Hill in ‘Think and Grow Rich’, is a ‘term that applies to all suggestions and all self-administered stimuli that reach ones mind through the five senses. Stated in another way, autosuggestion is self-suggestion.’

Hill noted more than 70 years ago that ‘the mere reading of the words is of no consequence unless you mix emotion, or feeling, with your words.’ In what seems like a forerunner to the Canadian research, he writes, ‘If you repeat a million times the famous Emil Coue formula, “Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better”, without mixing emotion and faith with your words, you will experience no desirable results.’ (italics included). Faith is belief, and as we’ve already noted belief comes from real life experience. In order to believe you are ‘getting better and better’ you have to prove it to yourself by making active progress.

• Relevant forum post: Think and Grow Rich Book Club

What do I mean by active progress? This entails that you are making a conscious effort to improve your circumstances. That you are not just repeating positive statements, but combining them with different activities with the aim to further your position.

Imagine for an instant that you’re terrible at making money. You’ve never earnt much, you’ve always spent more, you can’t save nor invest. You believe you’re renegade gambler, and everyone else believes it too. Just by autosuggesting ‘I will make some money, I will save, I will invest’ will not get you anywhere. You will not have faith until you actually start earning and saving: Make active progress.

• Relevant forum post: Use the power of now

Simon Gelsthorpe, a psychologist with Bradford District Care Trust and spokesman for the British Psychological Society, said self-esteem was based on a range of real life factors, and that counseling to build confidence – rather than telling yourself things are better than they are – was the solution.

Find your true interests and say the right things

Many self help guides simply explain to tell yourself that you are confident before and after you sleep. Yet what if confidence (or whatever the subject matter is) is not your true interest? How do you find what’s really the cause?

To find your true interests or where your problems lie ask yourself for the evidence. Let’s assume again you believe you’re terrible at making money. Where’s the evidence? At first you may think that the evidence is on the bank statement, but actually this does not show directly that you are bad at making money. How many times have you really, really tried to make money? How many times have you developed a plan to provide positive value to others, executed it, and failed to earn? List your real evidence and then take a step back.

• Relevant blog post: Explore the Ego

For every single thing listed explore it and ask yourself why you failed. It may be the case that you lacked confidence to make that one sales approach, or that you messed up your organisational roles. Perhaps you didn’t have a well defined goal, or that someone else in your team didn’t pull their weight. Either way a new true interest has been found. It’s not that you need to learn how to make money, it’s that you need to improve your confidence, organisation or motivational skills. Autosuggesting these right things will have a far greater impact as you have evidence and thus faith.

True interests help stick you to that goal

It is often the case that we set ourselves goals that dwindle out of existence. I’ve experienced this over and over again (some of which you can read in my online journal) because I haven’t aligned myself with true interests. How many times have you woken up one day and said, right this is it. I’m going to be dedicated to this goal until it’s achieved! Only to give in ten minutes later? Images of resisting video games to revise during high school exams pop up here. Once a true interest has been found you must set a clear, defined goal.

Napoleon Hill has these three steps for autosuggestion:

1. Go into some quiet spot (preferably in bed at night) where you will not be disturbed or interrupted. Close your eyes and repeat aloud (so you may hear your own words) the written statement of the amount of money you intend to accumulate, the time limit for its accumulation, and a description of the service or merchandise you intend to give in return for the money. As you carry out these instructions, see yourself already in possession of the money. For example: suppose you intend to accumulate $100,000 by the first of Januray, five years hence, and that you intend to give personal services in return for the money in the capacity of a sales representative. Your written statement of your purpose should be similar to the following:

‘By the first day of January 20… I will have in my possession $100,000, which will come to me in various amounts from time to time during the interim. In return for this money I will give the most efficient service of which I am capable, redering the fullest possible quantity and the best possible quality of service as a sales representative of (describe the service or merchandise you intend to sell). I believe I will have this money in my possession. My faith is so strong that I can now see this money before my eyes. I can touch it with my hands. It is now awaiting transfer to me in the proportion that I deliver the service I intend to render in return for it. I am awaiing a plan by which to accumulate this money, and I will follow that plan when it is received.’

2. Repeat this programme night and mornign until you can see (in your imagination) the money you intend to accumulate.

3. Place a written copy of your statement where you can see it night and morning. Read it just before retiring and upon rising until it has been memorised.

• Relevant forum category: Effectiveness, Goals and Intentions

Conclusion

Those with low self esteem will not feel better until they address the right problems, find their true interests and then make active progress towards them whilst repeating positive statements. Saying ‘I am confident’ will only work if you have evidence and thus faith. Even if it’s only the tiniest of things that you’ve done, saying it then will have a far greater weight and influence because no matter how small, it’s significant. Positive thoughts need actions to anchor them. So now that you’ve read all this – and I thank you – do you think that you’ve ever ‘suffered’ from self help?

• Relevant Wikipedia page: Neuro-linguistic programming (anchoring)

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I saw a man get hit by a car yesterday afternoon. It was a small hatchback, silver in colour that wasn’t traveling fast but enough to cripple a surprised pedestrian with a walking stick. There was no screech of the brakes, but rather a dull thump followed by a shriek from the young girl behind the steering wheel. I witnessed this from the other side of a two part road crossing, and wondered why out of the five people standing near him, not one had seen if he was alright yet. Putting my hand out to stop oncoming traffic I ran towards him, and despite being one of the furthest away, arrived first. Later on Twitter I ranted,

This was shortly replied by my good friend @ajhenry,

Although I had heard of the ‘bystander effect’ many times before, I hadn’t ever been consciously aware of it. By definition it refers to a social phenomenon in which individuals are less likely to offer help in an emergency situation when other people are present. The probability of help is inversely proportional to the number of bystanders. In other words, the greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that any one of them will help.

Explanation of The Bystander Effect

As @catfishmaw explained, since the Kitty Genovese case – stabbed to death in 1964. The killing took half an hour, with 38 witnesses and not one intervened or even called the police – there has been huge amounts of psychological research in this area. Social psychologists have managed to demonstrate the effect within ‘labatories’ and now focus on two factors.

Firstly is the case of pluralistic ignorance. What happens is that people ‘monitor the reactions of other people in an emergency situation to see if others think that it is necessary to intervene. Since everyone is doing exactly the same thing (nothing), they all conclude from the inaction of others that help is not needed.’ Sounds bizarre but thinking about it you see the phenomenon everywhere. Imagine you’re inside a shopping centre, a fire alarm goes off but if no one else leaves, then neither do you. What about on a rugby pitch? A member of the other team has broken through your line of defense, if no one else is chasing him, it’s far less likely you will too.

What about a fight outside a nightclub? There are bouncers there, alongside with members of the public – you feel much less inclined to involve yourself than if it were just you. Yet in actual fact this is another reason why people may not help. ‘They may assume that other bystanders are more qualified to help, such as doctors or police officers, and that their intervention would be unneeded.’

The second major factor is known as diffusion of responsibility. During an accident, people assume that someone else is going to intervene and so are less inclined to act individually. This happens on a regular occasion within the London Underground. If a man jumps on the tracks, people at the other end of the platform feel less responsible to react because there are others closer to him.

Of course there are other possible reasons. For example bystanders may feel that it would be a risk to get involved – they might get hit by the train as well. Or that they’d lose face with friends, family and colleagues. This latter motive is very common especially when concerned with interrupting rowdy, anti-social behavior. How many times have you sat on a train and listened to Chavs (don’t know what this is?) ‘pump’ out their tinny (what they think is good) drum and bass on their phone, talking with vulgarities about one of their mate’s sister or mum? More importantly, how many times have you wanted to get a baseball bat of your own and clobber them over the head, but only to be stopped by a friend who is saying, ” don’t do it, just ignore them” ?

To make matters worse these days, there are many laws that may make the witness liable to prosecution. This worsens the bystander effect as people fear having to go to court etc. However, in some European countries (mainly the non-English speaking ones) they have a Good Samaritan Law which neutralizes this threat.

How To Diffuse The Bystander Effect

As @henryaj said, the best way of stopping the bystander effect is to be aware of it. But do you guys think about this? Have you ever experienced something like this? I have a feeling that every time you see something happening that requires assistance from other people, check to see if the bystander effect is taking place. If no one is doing anything, that does not mean nothing needs to be done. Be aware and take action as an individual. Don’t wait for the group, because the group is waiting for you. What other methods do you think exist that could prevent the Bystander Effect?

When you are the victim requiring assistance, point to an individual and ask for their help specifically. When the man was hit by the car, I experienced this for when asked, “has anyone called an ambulance?” no one replied. Only when I turned to a lady on my right and requested that she personally dialed for emergency services  did she act. So when you need help, shout out “hey you, in the red t-shirt, please stop this chav from punching me!”

Make a habit out of taking action. Now you know why people don’t, it serves as a motive for you to act. Be a good samaritan, help save a life.

Other Reading

• “Don’t Just Stand There – Do Something”, Safety Canada, January 2004.
• The Bystander’s Dilemma, Greater Good 3(2), Fall/Winter 2006-2007.
• “I kept saying, ‘Help me, help me.’ But no one did.” by Tara McCartney, The Guardian, August 4, 2005.

It’d be very interesting to see your views on this topic, especially any similar experiences or just points of view. If you’re reading this article on Facebook, then please comment here. Don’t forget to check out our free online forum with over 1,400 members.

Note from Daniel:

Tom, great write up for this article. The bystander effect is really quite something. I too have had experiences in which people just didn’t seem to react. Once as I stepped out of a club, one car recklessly hit a parked car from the side and just took off. I was two blocks away when I saw this and everyone just looked and commenting on what they should do. I immediately ran toward the car to check if there was people inside. Fortunately there was no one. I talked to the people watching and had them call the cops since some of them thought they read the driver’s plates. I was dumb-founded by the experience. So I talked to a friend about it. We realized it’s not only to save lives but for many other things. We came out with the following analogies:

With girls: Often we see that girl getting yelled at by her boyfriend/husband. This should be stopped. It happens quite often and it’s good to know that there are people who stop a guy who is being rude. However, there is also the girl who is uncomfortably sitting by a guy who’s boring her to death and she is just being nice. You can save her from boredom and bring her a new experience. Every guy in there knows that she’s bored. The problem is that they too wonder ‘Will I bore her?’. If you can be that guy who overcomes the ‘bystander effect’, then you’re really making something happen with the girl.

With family: How often do we witness injustice in the family? It might not be violence, but injustice is just as bad. When you see your aunt being nice to one of your cousins and mean to the other, then you know something is wrong. Overcoming the ‘bystander effect’ calls for action in important situations. Family is surely one of them. Do something.

There are plenty of other cases (job, school, etc) but the point is that overcoming or being aware of the ‘bystander effect’ is power. As Tom said, next time you see a situation that may call for your action, ask yourself ‘who’s falling in this bystander effect?’. Then tell yourself that it won’t be you.

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• I was reading my travel diary last night, and I came across an interesting statement that I had forgotten: People shape your world.

The journal entry talks about how I met someone who had just broken up with her boyfriend, and a friend of hers told me it had been a waste of time. Yet I disagreed, writing ‘Everyone you meet changes your perception about something, and so even when they have left, you still ‘have’ a part of them because their thoughts alter your view of the world. For example, if someone teaches you the star constellations, every time you see the stars, you will see them differently. If someone’s favorite color is yellow, you may find more beauty in yellow things. So it’s never a waste. With knowledge comes beauty as well as wisdom.’

Finding the right people

There are some that will alter your perception of world in a negative way. This is a parents nightmare. Your kid starts hanging out with ‘bad influences’ and before you know it school grades have gone down, but nights out are on the rise. At work, there are those that’ll bitch to you about colleagues, or moan about pay. These people won’t help you further your career so watch out. In life there are friends that’ll inspire you, and there are some that’ll deepen the rut in which you’re stuck. Finding the right people to shape your world is crucial to a positive change in perception.

What do the right people wear?

It’s impossible to tell from first glance who the ‘right people’ are. So give everyone a chance. Assume rapport from the moment you meet them and ask questions. Get to know them and establish the truths behind the customary half-truths that we all give during first encounters. I heard once not to trust men wearing ties, but at school everyone had to wear a tie, at work everyone wears a tie, at formal gatherings all men wear ties…So I decided not to trust the man who told me this rule. Only once you feel that you have gotten to know someone; their beliefs, lifestyle, habits, characteristics etc. can you decide whether or not to follow their shaping. Although, just by this encounter they will have already changed your perception of the world in strange ways.

Who shapes the world: Them or me?

It’s your perception that is being changed and it’s your brain doing the changing. The people you meet simply send inputs. These inputs (e.g. information about star constellations) are simply bits of data that are organized and interpreted by you. They are seen through your lens.  Each bit of data or input affects the outcome of every other bit of data received or about to be received. Say for instance you learn that Christopher Columbus was a great man. He traveled the world and conquered great lands. When you read about other travelers Columbus comes to mind, and you begin to develop a great interest in traveling, the old colonial days and history. Then you learn a different truth: Christopher Columbus was a bad man. He promoted slavery, racism and killed thousands of natives as he stole their land. All previous interests are now in jeopardy; when you meet other travelers you wonder about their intentions; when you watch colonial history programs there is a side of you that questions the evil, the darkness.

It’s you who decides how to interpret the ‘truth’. Which is why Judges in Courts of Law dedicate their lives to finding out all different sides of the story to gain a balanced argument.

Look out for the invisible man

However it is often the people you don’t meet that shape your world the most. How many times on the dance floor have you laughed at someone trying to do the moonwalk? You can thank (the now deceased – may he rest in peace) Michael Jackson for those times. Are you living above the poverty line? It could be the case that you have Gordon Brown to thank, for he has brought over 600,000 children and a million pensioners out of poverty. Do you understand the concept of gravity? It was Sir Isaac Newton that brought this comprehension into your life. The people that work behind the scenes (including your parents) are the ones that really shape your world. They’re the ones that work to make it a better place, to help you climb the steps of life.

More paint means more colors

Entertain your mind with as many opinions (and thus people) as possible. The more you have, the more shape your world will take. The more shape, the more beauty. Read enough, listen intensively, watch carefully, live large. These are the words that’ll enable your world to take shape.

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“The Law of Attraction is the compliance between the Universe and your most intense thoughts and feelings”

- Daniel Becerra

I must confess that I’m absolutely excited. Had you seen me an hour ago, you would’ve thought that I have lost it. Or that overwhelming euphoria took over me. It did. I was jumping around my room, smiling, and extending my arms to the sky in absolute joy and as I type this, I’m still smiling. What happened? For the first time since I began to immerse myself into personal development, I caught a glimpse of what the ‘Law of Attraction’ really is, how it works, why it works, and more importantly – how it has worked for me so far. My intent with this article is to help you see how the ‘Law of Attraction’ has also worked on YOU. I believe it will be easier for you to identify with what I write because I’m just like you, I don’t posses a huge bank account (yet), I’m a university student, and I still have plenty of questions about life.

How It Happened

First of all, there are two things I ask of you: one is that you keep an open mind as you read and the second is that you do your best to come back to this article when a realization or breakthrough comes along. For me, the realization came to me as I watched the movie ‘The Secret’‘. The movie centers on one subject ‘The Law of Attraction’. Hold this thought for a second, because I would like to point out that the way I came to watch this movie was actually through the ‘Law of Attraction’ itself. I suggest you rent or buy the DVD as it will make more sense if you do. I also suggest that you google ‘The Law of Attraction’ and read on it as much as you can. Whatever deepens your understanding of it, do that, for the benefits will

be tremendous.

Everything in my life is the consequence of the ‘Law of Attraction’.

- Daniel Becerra

From this website, to the books I read, to the university I attend, and the people I meet – everything, absolutely everything is the consequence of the ‘Law of Attraction’. The movie explained it in a way that really made sense to me after everything I have read and done in my personal growth journey. In a way, the movie complemented my studies. I now see the ‘Law of Attraction’ working in ALL my personal successes and failures and that of the people that I’ve studied or read from. I see it in quotes of the great ones. I can see through people’s writings whether or not they understand the law of attraction. It’s a skill that I certainly didn’t have before – the ability to know who understands this ‘secret’.

What is the Law of Attraction?

“It is impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law” – The Ten Commandments Movie

The first thing you need to understand about the ‘Law of Attraction’ is that it’s exactly the first part of the phrase – a law. Not your typical traffic law that can be broken, but a real law. A law is defined as something that just is. It just happens whether anyone likes it or not. It can’t be changed and it can’t be helped. That’s a law and just like the ‘Law of Gravity’, the ‘Law of Attraction’ is always working. This law is really one of the greatest laws of them all, and once you understand it, you can consciously and deliberately set the course of your life. Re-read that sentence one more time – consciously and deliberately are the key words.

Understanding that attraction is a law and not a choice is key to the second part of understanding the law of attraction – that it can make you or it can break you, that whatever you consciously or subconsciously decide to attract, that will come.

You can choose your thoughts, but you cannot choose the consequences of those thoughts.

Choose your thoughts carefully.

Why? The Law of Attraction doesn’t distinguish good from bad. It just makes it so that whatever you think (constantly) becomes reality. Whatever you think about, it will come, whether it’s good for you or not – it’s not up for choice, it just is. Remember the old saying “Thoughts drive actions and actions drive results”. Add to that one word – feelings. “Thoughts and feelings drive actions and actions become results”. Negative feelings (sadness, fear, pessimism, anguish) drive negative results (more sadness, failure, bringing a team down). Positive feelings drive other actions that brings us MORE on those positive feelings. This sounds nice, right? but..

How does it manifest?

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is what personally sealed the deal for me. Once I understood this, everything clicked. The movie uses the analogy of “Aladdin and the Lamp” in which Aladdin asks a ‘genie’ to grant him three wishes. The movie then leads us to think of the genie as the ‘source‘, you can call the source God or the Universe or both. I personally prefer to call it both, for my beliefs tell me that God created the universe and as a consequence, God works through the universe to make things happen for you. Hence why the Bible scripture says “Ask and you shall receive”. What you choose to be your ‘source’ is up to you, though. The point is that the universe will re-arrange itself so that things begin to happen for you.

The Universe will re-arrange itself?

Yes, you read that right – the universe will re-arrange itself. How? You don’t need to know how. Just trust that it will happen. This is where skepticism may come in, don’t let it. Accept right now that there is a HIGHER POWER. THIS is the secret. This is the essence of ‘the secret’.

The secret is that the universe is like your genie, it serves you – for good or for bad.

Work in harmony with it.

The universe will make its moves one by one so that the end result of your thoughts is your thoughts themselves. In other words, the universe will make things happen for you – if and only if – your faith remains strong; if your thoughts, feelings, and faith remain the same despite adversity and temporary defeat. From a theological perspective, God will reward your faith if you trust Him long enough. I can attest to this personally as I know that ever since I have begun to follow God, things have seemed to begin happening more and more often for me.

Your duty then is not to re-arrange the universe to make things happen for you, but rather act when the universe tells you to act. Do you ever feel an urgency to do something that’s good, yet there is a bit of fear? That happens to all of us. Don’t let that fear paralyze you, go with your instincts; it’s at this moment that the universe is setting things for you so things begin to go on your favor – but you just need to make that move.

The Time Issue

“There are no impossible goals, only impossible deadlines” – Brian Tracy

How long will your thoughts and feelings take to manifest? I know not. I don’t think anyone does. So how can you know that it will happen? Faith. How can you estimate how long will it take to happen? Well, that’s in direct relation to your alignment with your desires. So if you’re making $10,000 and you have this burning desire of making $100,000, it might not happen over night because the circumstances will not allow it to happen that fast. Chances are you will be led to books, people you will meet, ideas, seminars, opportunities, etc. These events will undoubtedly lead you to your $100,000 – if your faith remains there, that is. Someone in a foreign country that desires with all of his heart to triumph, yet his country doesn’t let him, will probably be presented with the opportunity to travel to one that does. And we see these cases all the time, cases of successful immigrants who had their FAITH TESTED – their faith won, and so did their pockets.

I would like you to take this concept and transfer to the setting of goals. This is a case in which you can easily and clearly see how the law of attraction takes place. What do you think happens when someone writes down his or her goals and puts them in front of his or her face every single day? Right, the belief that one will achieve those goals increases and so does the speed at which the universe works for you. And remember, your thoughts and feelings drive your actions and your actions drive your results. When you write down your goals, you’re simply setting a stand; and upon them, you will feed your faith, thoughts and feelings. Your goals serve you as a constant reminder of the things you wish to attract. They are no longer ‘wishful thinking’, they become – as Napoleon Hill would say – burning desires. Vision boards and daily visualization also serve this process, they remind you, they feed your desires, they make them stronger. The universe takes notice of this, of your desire getting stronger and in turn, will respond faster. It’s not just you who does it. Remember the secret – there IS a higher power.

In the earlier example of an immigrant with unwavering faith having his goals reached, we mention that he or she might have to go through several forms of adversity – one of them, and not the least, is coming to another country – and we understand that because of this adversity, it should take him longer to reach his dreams that someone who has been in that country for a long time (although the case is often the opposite). In the case that it does take him longer than he or she expected, you can use this phrase “There are no impossible goals, only impossible deadlines”. In short, if you don’t meet your goal on the deadline, simply set a new deadline, not a new goal. This is why experts often encourage to set goals that are realistic to your current position, so that you’re less likely to suffer disappointment and more likely to believe that you can achieve it. These experts understand the law of attraction whether they are aware of it or not.

The more you believe and the less your faith diminishes, the faster the universe will work for you.

Remember this timeless truth

The same happens with a negative thought or feeling. Luckily, if you have a negative thought, it doesn’t turn into reality right away; in fact, it taks longer to become reality. As the movie explains ‘We’ll be in trouble if it did’. So if you think once that your partner might be seeing someone else on your back,  it doesn’t mean that it will automatically happen – thank God! But if you keep thinking that long enough, eventually you will drive him or her to do exactly that.

What Should Someone Think?

“Ask and you will receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened” – Matthew 7:7, The Holy Bible

I or anyone else can’t tell you what to think, but I’m here to share with you the “how” to think. Think positive. Think things that evoke positive feelings. That sounds pretty vague, so let’s explore it deeper. Think about the difference of saying ‘I don’t want to be alone’ and ‘I have great people in my life’. The first only calls for more loneliness, the second only attracts more great people into your life. Can we go a bit further to say that the first statement may not make you alone but that it will bring that person bad people, bad relationships, bad everything? Can we even go even a bit more to say that if the person, instead, takes the time to define what a “great person” is, then he or she is most likely to attract that person, simply because he or she is more clear about what a great person is? Yes.

I’ll use a story at this point (later I’ll share a lot more). I have a female friend who is just plain gorgeous. And I mean, gorgeous. She is not the playboy style gorgeous, she is the gorgeous who looks good with make up or without it. She’s gorgeous in an adorable way. I think you get it. Yet, she doesn’t feel beautiful. She doesn’t perceive herself as beautiful and all the time she tells herself “I don’t want to be alone” or “I’m destined to be alone” or “I only have bad luck with guys”. The result? Despite she being an amazing and gorgeous woman, the guys she attracts are just that – douchebags. She has GREAT guy friends though. Friends who will die for her, friends who respect her, friends who cook her breakfast and take her out and sleep by her side, yet the guys who approach her for romance end up being douchebags.

The interesting thing is that she always tells herself and others that her friends are wonderful, but that the guys she meets are just messed up. Can you see how the law of attraction works there? I can bet you anything that if she used the same feelings and attitude she uses to describe her friends to describe the guys she attracts, then she will attract one hell of a guy.

On the other hand, I have a friend, let’s call her Megan, who may not be as gorgeous as my other friend (her looks are good, just not as much as my other friend), yet she is now engaged to one hell of a man. When I first met the guy, I couldn’t be happier for my friend Megan as I knew she was in good hands. Later, I had a conversation with Megan and she explained to me something she had done years ago. She had written on a piece of paper all of the traits that she wanted her husband to have. She took the time to do so because she understood the importance of settling for nothing less than what you deserve. Some years into the relationship, she took the paper from her drawer and went over the traits she had written years ago. The result made her smile from ear to ear as she was able to put a check next to every single trait that she had written. She had found him, or rather, he found her. She had attracted what she intended. She is planning to show him the paper right after they get married. Megan constructed part of her future. It wasn’t an accident, it was planned.

The universe says ‘Your wish is my command’. So yes, be careful what you wish for.

It is true. The world is designed to work for you.

Megan made good use of the law of attraction, my other friend did not. The ‘Law of Attraction’ does not distinguish. You may as well say that when you have good feelings, you call upon God, and when you have bad feelings, you call upon Satan. It’s okay to see to fall a bit on the dark feelings, but it’s not okay to let them overwhelm you! Take my word for it: You can be gorgeous, but not beautiful. Beauty – despite being on the eye of the beholder – has one universal quality and that is, that one must first find herself beautiful so that others can see her as beautiful too. Sure, Megan could have given up on finding a guy like this. Sure, she could have been scared to give herself to him. Sure, there was fear and almost disbelief as to what she found. But that’s where faith comes in. Did Megan have problems with her boyfriend at some point? Of course. Did she give up? No. Did he give up? No. Now, don’t we all have problems with our partner? Yes. But why do we give up? The excuse of “I’ve been hurt in the past” no longer applies. Today, that’s pretty much everyone’s case. I can tell you a hundred cases of people who have experience tremendous amount of adversity and yet have come back. Your suffering is not so unique, realize that.

The Difference Maker

“Here is what’s pity – someone who inherits a million but doesn’t become a millionaire in his mind” – Jim Rohn

What makes the difference? How do you go from ‘wishful thinking’ to ‘burning desire’? How do you know when you’re ready? I mentioned before that the ‘x’ feeling is key. There is an identity shift and once you have it and for as long as you keep it, you’ll get what you want. Sure, everyone wants something, but how badly do they want it? How do these two different views relate to the ‘Law of Attraction’? Does the ‘Law of Attraction’ accept one but not the other? These are all valid questions, especially the last one – does the law of attraction work on ‘wishful thinking’ even though it’s positive?

Well, does it? Think about it. If you think ‘I wish I had that car’. I think the universe wouldn’t take that statement as serious as “I drive this car”. The universe moves at our speed and at our desire. I’d dare to say that the law of attraction does respond to ‘wishful thinking’ but it responds to it so slowly that there is more chance of disappointment and one will never get to see his ‘wishes’ come true. A burning desire on the other hand, is on constant movement, on constant demand, on constant action, and therefore the universe responds a lot quicker. So if you want to see your ‘dreams’ come true and not to remain ‘wishes’ forever, you gotta act and dream big. Yes, it is true, the law of attraction works only with your hand and feet – don’t fall cocky though, accept that you cannot do things alone, not without the help of the universe or God. A friend of mine put it best when he said “You can try all you want and work as hard as you want, but if God doesn’t help you, it will not happen”. This is true, if it wasn’t, miracles wouldn’t occur.

So here is the key: Get in the feeling that you want and act as if it was there, even if it’s not there yet. Jamie Craven did this to improve his fitness and the results were astonishing. Do you want to be loved? Act as if you were already loved. Do you want to attract people in high energy for one night? Then get into high energy for that night? Do you think that it’s coincidence that confident men attract confident women? Of course it’s not coincidence. It’s designed that way, it’s the law of attraction. Do you think it’s coincidence that millionaires have a different mindset that poor people? Of course not. Do you think a millionaire becomes a millionaire by coincidence? Of course not. They first became millionaires in their mind. THIS is the law of attraction.

The law of attraction responds to the feeling.

Get that feeling and act upon it.

Look, if you’re talking to a female that you wanted and you feel something inside you telling that NOW it’s the moment to make the move, then NOW is the moment to make the move. The universe is telling you to make the move now, all you gotta do is make the move. Move at the speed of the universe, don’t delay, don’t doubt it. Don’t let the fear paralyze you. If an idea comes through your head while you’re showering that will make your organization extraordinary, then act upon at the idea. The universe or source is rewarding you with that idea through the law of attraction because you wanted it… because you asked for it… because it was in your mind.. and that which you thought about most… can now become reality.

The Law of Attraction and Me

As I said at the beginning, I don’t posses a huge bank account (yet), I don’t own a mansion, as of right now, I don’t even own a car. You can almost say that by ‘standard’, I’m not ‘successful’; but I tell you this, I’m already successful in mind. And for as long as I’m successful in the mind, I’ll be good. Even if I go broke in the future, I won’t be worried if I still have my mind. The only thing that will worry me is my successful mind turns into a poor mind. The good thing is that I will always have the ultimate saying to whether or not my mind is successful. And that is exciting. So exciting that I jumped around in joy as I had this breakthrough. However, that’s not what I’m most excited about; what I’m most excited about is that I’m now able to share this message with you, with ‘my people’, with the young adults.

My goal is that, as I share these experiences with you, you become aware that you can begin NOW to use the Law of Attraction and have abundance in your life early in life. The younger you get started, the better. I don’t intend a small life for myself. I intend full abundance in all areas from my relationships to my home and joy in my career. I want to live the life of giants like Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, or Charlie Jones. I want to have the confidence and wisdom of the Donald Trumps and the attitude of the Benjamin Franklins, that’s what I want. Of course, when you look at my current situation and at the situation of these giants, you ask yourself “How would he ever get there?”. My answer is “Law of Attraction”, then I’ll continue “And then I’ll trust myself to follow up on it”. I don’t know the exact steps, but I do know that the steps will be shown to me as I go along. In fact, the steps are already showing, they always have been showing (we just don’t realize it) and those are the ones I will write about, to show you proof that the Law of Attraction is working in my life AND yours. With this, you should be able to understand the law of attraction and officially begin to do what my goal for you to do is, and that is to deliberately and consciously create your destiny.

Side Note: Wherever part of the world you’re reading from, I’d want to confirm your suspicion that I don’t know what you’re going through or what you current situation is, I don’t; but at the same time, I want to reaffirm to you that the law of attraction, the universe and God can make things happen for you, if you want it bad enough. It may take longer, but the result is there. The process is the same for everybody. You and I have more things in common than you can imagine, I promise you.

Given that the law of attraction is always working, I’ll only use my ‘career path’ for the most part. If I tried to describe my entire life through the law of attraction I may take a book or two. So let’s begin…

At the age of fourteen, I knew I wanted to do something big, but more than anything, meaningful. I saw suffering around me as I grew up near a poor neighborhood. I saw my parents struggling financially despite being considered ‘Upper Middle-Class’. I knew I wanted to do something. At times, I just wanted to make problems disappear – of course, I couldn’t. At fourteen, I didn’t know what could I possibly do to help people with their lives, to do something meaningful. I didn’t really understand leadership or courage. To be sincere with you – if you’re in a first world country, consider yourself lucky, because third world countries don’t get to see much of this courage or leadership explained, if even lived. There just isn’t much to look up to. I know I certainly didn’t see it in Peru. It makes sense then, that a failure to shift consciousness leads to stay in the same pattern in which we are currently trapped.

I didn’t know how, but I knew I would. I didn’t know what career, but I knew the meaning behind it.

- By Daniel Becerra

I didn’t know why, but somehow I ended up in the United States. My aunt made me an invitation out of the blue and in less than a few months, I was already in the United States. That may not seem like much. Thousands of people fly into the United States everyday, so what? For me, it was different. I had just flew into a country or territory that would give me the wings to start the career that would fulfill the meaning I was seeking. I didn’t know at the time, but I was attracting my thoughts, my constant thoughts, into reality. At the age of 14, it’s very rare to improve people’s lives, so I couldn’t do it. I needed the training, the people, the experiences, the field, the customers, the understanding. It’s a long process, but that process was just getting started – and that’s what mattered. Again, I didn’t know it then, but I can see it now.

It wasn’t all pretty, and your journey won’t be it either. Without my parents, my brothers, my friends, my food, and my city, I felt out a place – even more, without the language. People call it “culture shock”, I call it “pain”. That’s one thing about the ‘Law of Attraction’, even though the universe will work in your favor to make your desire come true in the most harmonious way, the truth is that you will suffer some bit – but I never gave up. I don’t have much to complain to be sincere. Yeah, I didn’t get along with my uncle. Yeah, I didn’t have my immediate family. Yeah, all that, but I had things that plenty of people in my country and around the world didn’t have – I had food, clothing, housing, and more important, internet .

Eventually after almost a year of blaming myself for not going back (and at the same time attracting all kind of bad things), I turned things around because the dream I had outgrew the pain inside. I remembered everything I wanted to do. Except that now I was 16, going 17 and I had better thinking. It wasn’t great, but it was better than at 14. I knew at some point that I wanted to speak in public and teach people and help them in this way. I can’t remember how I arrived to this, but I knew this is something I wanted to do. And the strangest thing happened – I met Ian Smith. Not to say that Ian Smith is strange (just a little bit), but strange because out of that encounter would be born everything that exists today for me and this website. The Law of Attraction put Ian Smith in my life.

Ian is a person I needed to run into in order to get started. Together we decided we would start a website and begin a movement for ‘Modern Men’. Ian didn’t give me the wisdom, fulfillment, or the abundance I seek. In fact, we were both pretty broke when we met and pretty confused too. But he did help me build the idea!. I attracted Ian into my life through my constant thoughts and feelings. This is what I mean by the ‘universe re-arranging itself’. How else is it possible that two strangers that, at the naked eye, come from two complete different backgrounds, come together to the same place, learn from each other and eventually go on to lead a movement? It’s only possible through the law of attraction! Ask yourself, right now, who did you attract into your life because of your constant thoughts? I recently attracted a woman into my life who is just as philosophical as me. I’ve been wanting that. We knew of each other and but it wasn’t until recently that we took notice of each other and now we discover similarities that we had no clue existed before. Who are you attracting? Whether it’s for your career, your personal growth, your romance, or whatever. Who are you attracting? Now ask yourself what thoughts led you to attract that person? What thoughts were you having when you attracted that great person? or that bad person perhaps? The results and realizations you get will be pretty astonishing.

Later as my writing began to take off, so did my head. While I was confident, I still had fear. I need guidance – specifically, spiritual guidance. I couldn’t sleep for several ideas and I just knew I needed a spiritual guide, a mentor. And guess what? My thoughts were so powerful that God/Universe brought me a spiritual guide through the law of attraction. I attracted this spiritual guide because of my constant thoughts and I didn’t even know it at the time. Does it ever surprise you when you’re thinking about someone you haven’t spoken in a while and all of the sudden you receive a text message, a call, or an email from them? I recently received a text message from a girl I haven’t spoken to in a long time, and frankly all I was desiring was to know that she was alive and almost by magic, a couple of minutes later, she sent a mass text message. She is alive. That’s the law of attraction. It made things happen so that I received a text message from her. From a Theological point of view, one might say that God worked through someone to do this. Both points are valid. Yes, it might seem a bit hard to believe at first, but it’s reality.

The higher power is real

Trust it

Later when the website began to develop less, but more loyal readers, I needed more help to materialize my vision. I knew I needed pictures for the website, I knew I needed someone who knew about marketing and getting traffic in and all that technical aspect. I certainly know close to nothing about these things, but two of the guys that I have ‘mentored’, if you will, have offered to 1) Give photographs for free, and 2) Help me with the traffic and technical things, even with new ideas to grow the website, and even become a writer. The first is Calvin Wallace, the second is Tom Church (You can find them both in the ‘Contact Us’ Page). I attracted these guys, unintentionally, into working with me through the law of attraction. I didn’t know it then, but I know it now. When they read this, they’ll know it too .

I later went on to learn about money and entrepreneurship, but of course, I didn’t know where to start. But through the Law of Attraction, I was led to books, and people, and seminars that would eventually lead me to other people and other seminars and other tapes and opportunities for me to capitalize on and fulfill my dream – to employ my talent, my gift, my passion.

Another example just took place few days ago. I had been wanting to get my hands on the best-seller book of all the time “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren, but until now, I hadn’t. I thought about it often, I just hadn’t made the move just yet.  In the meantime, I joined a church. This one is for college and university students so it’s a perfect fit, and here is the deal: I was enthusiastic from the get go. I just wanted to learn and I was willing to listen. And one pastor of the church took notice of it and when I approached him to ask what he thought I should do next. He replied “First read ‘Purpose Driven Life’” he continued “And then we’ll have you join one of our programs”. I said “Yeah, I’ll be pleased to read that book as soon as I get the chance to buy it”. He said “Oh, we have them here, follow me”. And so I followed him. And when we arrived to the pack of several copies of the book, he looked at me and said “You know, I’ll buy it for you”. My first response was “No way, no”. He insisted by saying “I’ll pay for it if you promise to read it”. I replied back “I’ll read it but are you sure you want to do this?”. He nodded. The result, I got a book that I badly wanted for free. That, my friends, is the law of attraction taking place.

Even more interesting is perhaps the way I came to understand the ‘Law of Attraction’. On the last weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about setting some strong goals and really build incredible momentum, enough momentum so I reach my ‘dream university‘. And at some point, I’m hanging out at my computer, looking over at my Netflix (the movie service) account. I had a plan for 2 DVDs a month, which makes sense because during university session, I don’t get much free time. I can’t explain what but something took over me, it urged me to upgrade my plan to unlimited DVDs per month for a few dollars extra, and this is when… at this particularly moment ‘The Law of Attraction’ in a quite mysterious way was taking place. I acted upon that feeling and for a reason that I cannot explain, I decided to search ‘The Secret’ and placed it on the next DVD being delivered. Here is what’s interesting though – I had seen the book ‘The Secret’ in my university’s bookstore before. A friend of mine has the actual movie. I know of friends who’ve read it, but for some reason, it never caught my attention. I never put ‘The Secret’ on my ‘reading list’. Never. Yet, some impulse drove me to rent it and rent it soon. And as I watched it, everything began to make sense.

I doubt the movie would’ve made sense a year ago, or even 6 months ago. How could it? I didn’t have the experience or knowledge for it to make sense. But it does make sense now. I caught a glimpse of the law of attraction and I know it’s real. Now I know that the more I use the law of attraction, the more I’ll understand it. Understand one more time that the secret can make you or break you. Your job is to learn to use it to your advantage, not against you. There is plenty of other examples I can write about, from the girls I have met to the guys who have become brothers to me, to the speaking opportunities I have been given to the positions I have filled, but I hope that what you read was enough. I encourage you to examine your life just a lil bit, take 2 minutes, that’s all and ask yourself… how did I end up here? What thoughts did I have that led me here? Certainly some people are luckier than others as they are born in richer or stronger families, but that’s just luck. Intelligence and burning desires overcomes luck – never forget that.

I highly encourage you buy or rent the movie (do it legally!) and that you keep an open mind. There are several things in the movie that are not covered in this article (one of them being that only you can make yourself happy). The movie is, of course, not complete either. There are many things for you to learn outside it, but it will spark up enough curiosity for you to go after that knowledge. Go after that knowledge.

Good luck. Much love. And remain faithful!

In times of testing things quickly spin out of control. All of us have moments in our lives where pain and suffering occurs, perhaps not physically but mentally, psychologically, spiritually, financially or socially. Our minds get buried in the depths of turmoil, and reactionary negative emotions are created. Sadness and depression can follow suit, like two lurking devils ready to jump. When they do, it’s difficult to shake them off, or even to create the energy in order to at least try. This blog post is about taking a time out, observing the current depressive situation and creating the energy to turn things around for the better.

At the lowest of moments, you may be feeling that there is a lack of love in your life. Yet this is not true. There is love everywhere. Everything and everyone shares love for you: Your parents (dead or alive), your siblings, your friends, even the PUAlifestyle team wants to share love with you. The paintings and the pictures radiate love, the carpets and the curtains have love for you. Love is everywhere, you only have to look hard enough. We all need love, we all want it. Some may deny it but deep down there is unsettling unrest. When feeling depression, recognize this desire and embrace it. Take this moment to breathe in, to surface and to watch the sun rise with all it’s glory, enlightening the love available for you to embrace and to return. You are loved, remember that.

Recognize your achievements. Often when everything around us goes wrong, it feels horrible. It’s like you’ve done nothing right, that nothing ever goes the way you want it, nor even the way it should. All efforts to rectify the situation either fail or make it worse, and it’s not just a hole you’re digging, it’s a cavern. Once again however, think about the following. This very second you are reading fluent English. There’s a success. You are reading it off a computer, so you have capital, on the internet thus access to a second world full of information. There are two more achievements. You have survived in a world full of ups and downs, you have overcome every obstacle thrown at you to date. You have smashed through every wall of resistance to get to where you are now standing. That is a mighty success.

You are educated, with the ability to communicate, befriend, socialize, learn, love and be loved. You are beautiful both in physical form and mentally. You deserve to be in this world. You belong here. Achievements are littered across your past, but we tend to ignore them, searching instead for a distant goal that is quite hazy even to the wisest of men. When feeling low, lift your head and start recognizing your journey thus far. It hasn’t been easy; nothing is easy, but it has happened nevertheless. You have achieved a great deal! Give yourself a pat on the back, smile and take the time now to appreciate and be thankful for the amount of hard work you have already given. By reading this now, you are a winner. Opportunity awaits winners.

As a winner you belong in this beautiful world. You should be here, you ought to be here, you deserve to be here. To wake up everyday to see the sun rise into the vast open skies is a privilege given to you, it’s colors radiating across the cities and fields. So create a sense of belonging, because without it you will drift. Understand that as a human, a beautiful creature either in Gods view or as a result of evolution you are wonderful and belong to the tribe. This tribe is wherever you seek it. They are in the offices, the schools, the parks, the libraries, the clubs and even the dumps. We are all part of a tribe, and this tribe is interdependent with the horn of plenty.

Life; this force of great joy and perceived evil, will throw many hardships at you, some of which you may be feeling now. These hardships most often come in the absence of things: money, possessions, family, friends, work, a spouse and pleasure. For a happy life, one where you make balanced choices that are central to your core you must take all of these on board. When lacking money, look at what you do have. Do you have a family? Do you have a friend? Do you have work? Do you have a spouse? And then look at your abilities: Are you able to create a family? Are you friendly? Can you work? Are you able to love, and be loved?

Every characteristic that you already inhabit will help you stay balanced during times of hardship. Friends will help, family will love and pleasure will be found in different ways. There are always solutions to every problem, and things are only a problem if you look at them as such. Remember that everything ALWAYS turns out OK. Take comfort in your strength. You have already climbed each and every hurdle that life has tested you with. You have become stronger with each falling, you have got back up again, and will continue to do so because you are a survivor, you belong here in this world, you deserve to see it’s beauty and magnificence, you deserve to be here.

This hardship, and everyone after it will only make you stronger.  As a person, as a friend, as a lover, a parent and a child you will grow. With desire comes the ability to create belief and faith. These three combine to develop an unbeatable force that will lift you out of any crash, bust, low or depression to soar high into the skies of opportunity. Here you can find your passion, your call for life and it’s purpose.

Ask not what your purpose is in life, but what life’s purpose is for you.

Hard work pays off. Writing and thinking instead of just watching and hoping pays off. Preparation and dedication instead of leaving things to chance pays off. It may not be right away, but it will pay sometime, someday – do not worry, because it will. However, even then, suggesting that you work hard and that you dedicate time to thinking, preparing and writing does not cut it. There are strategies, there are ways of doing things correctly.

The pain of ignorance can bite you badly if you ignore it long enough, and the hardest part is that ignorance can be there even when we don’t believe it’s there. One of the most common mistakes is being just a follower and not a student. You will hear someone say “I’m a student! I read plenty of books on plenty of topics!”. Yes, you read them, but the question is “Do you study them?”. It is easy to get caught up reading plenty of stuff and yes, some stuff will stick in your unconscious and you will act accordingly, but that’s your unconscious and it’s only triggered on certain occasions. The best things happen when you design them intentionally. Not many great things occur because of luck, if any! Therefore changing your thinking, behavior, and beliefs will take more than just reading books. It will take right strategies and procedures. It will require you to be a serious student, and not a serious follower. The difference is key.

Let me show you the Cone of Learning.

Yes, the cone dates to 1969, but the measurement is still pretty accurate. Common sense should tell you the same thing. Don’t you remember more when you watch a movie than when you read it. Don’t you learn more about something when you see it done instead of just being told how it’s done? Chances are you do. Now, if you KNOW that reading is the most passive way of learning and realizing, then why are you only reading (Also, why is the school system still using reading as its number one source of learning?). I have advised my readers for a while now to not just read what I write, but THINK as they read what I write. Charlie Tremendous Jones taught me this through his books and presentations and it has changed my life. Chances are that a day from now you will not remember a single thing from this article, but you WILL remember what you thought of it. Therefore, think through it, rather than at the end of it. When you just read, you memorize; but when you think as you read, you REALIZE. Reading is just the beginning of the learning process! Get excited because there is a lot more to it than just reading!

It is not surprise that more often than not a person who has been working for years with little college education is more qualified than fresh college graduate with no job experience. Real learning comes from withIN and not from a book. The book is simply an incentive, but they can be magical. I love books for this reason, they will help you see things as the author saw them, and that alone saves so much time. Of course, it goes without saying that you need to study what you read and not just read it. Take notes, discuss the book with someone, listen to it on audio if you can, record your own notes from the book, stimulate what the book or article suggests to do, and then do the real thing. THAT is studying.

Statistics show that students who take notes, record heir notes, and discuss a subject in group are more likely to get better grades in college and university – that should tell you something. If you’re serious about REALLY becoming more sophisticated on your languages and manners, then take notes. If you’re serious about REALLY improve your dating life, then hang around the people who have a great dating life.

Getting a Mentor

“In order for you to be a compelling person you have to put yourself in a compelling situation.” – Dr. Renford Reese

If there is anybody who influences you in a positive way in any aspect of your life, you have the chance to become a better person; but you have to MEET and GET TO KNOW that person. So show interest and approach that person, email them, be interested in who they are and request them to mentor you, to teach you things. Once I discovered the incredible power of just asking someone to shed some wisdom in me, it made a remarkable difference. Books are a beginning and they will put you in the track to change your mindset and as your mindset changes, so will your ability to attract people who think like you. Engage this people and learn from them.

Be a student, and not just a follower. Be serious and you will succeed.

]]> http://pualifestyle.com/blog/student-not-follower/feed/ 1 http://pualifestyle.com/blog/embrace-family-love-to-go-the-extra-mile/ http://pualifestyle.com/blog/embrace-family-love-to-go-the-extra-mile/#comments Sat, 31 Jan 2009 20:17:26 +0000 TC http://pualifestyle.com/blog/?p=1330

The family is your backbone. It’s your integral support system that will hold you up when you’re sad, stoop down when you want to go low, and stand strong when you’re stretching high. Daniel and I discussed this briefly last night, how family love is essential to having the strength to go the extra mile.

Living at home, growing up with my parents has been such an experience. Hitting puberty and going through the related usual conflicts, looking back now, although only a year or so ago, they seem so petty. Increasingly as we age, as I wrote in the forum thread Separation and Connection, we seek independence, we actually enjoy responsibility and not having to rely on others, we become separated in our efforts from those that we love the most: our family.

For instance, regarding the conflicts explained above, over the years, I began to spend more and more time in my own bedroom, rather than in the living room, kitchen or the garden. Isolated, I would listen to my music, watch what I wanted, play games, hang out with my friends, in my own space, separated from everything else with physical walls and doors. Parents will tell you that this always happens with teenage boys, they spend all day in their rooms, doing goodness knows what (MSN and Facebook probably).

As it happens, I think my time has come to open the door once more, and start enjoying the company of the people around me. And not a moment too soon. You see, it was only about two weeks ago, when I was sitting at my desk, having just finished a graphic design piece, when I just didn’t know what to do – and I felt alone. You go through that stage, where when hanging out with friends, especially for guys, you have to do something. Whether it’s play football or go to the bar, watch a film, listen to music, have a debate…there’s always a purpose to your meetings. Yet as one ages, or gains more social experience, the realisation occurs that these purposes meant nothing.

I can’t remember many of the films I watched, nor the lyrics of songs, or words of a debate. But I do remember who I was with, and that I enjoyed myself with them. And that’s the important thing.

I’ve always been slightly envious of the way women in general can meet up and just enjoy each others company together. Ever since early childhood, the girls would have pajama and slumber parties. Followed later by more of the same and girly lunches, coffees, gossips and catch-ups. And from what I have now realized, it’s because women understand the real emotional importance of these social events. They don’t have to do something to meet up, because they know that simply being with their friends and family make them happy.

Although there are multiple scientific theories and explanations as to why girls are more in ‘tune’ with their emotions then men, I do believe that after a while, men (like myself) do come to the same conclusion: That we need our closest friends and family to go the extra mile.

Think about it, Men continue to meet up with their friends in pubs to share a drink, or for lunch, or even a game of football, well into old age, and even until death. But rather than the game, drink, food, or debate being the focus, this shifts and it’s the company that we as men enjoy, just as much as women do. It’s out of habit, routine and tradition that we continue to do things. And the sooner that one realizes that it’s the people around that support and motivate you, the more you will enjoy every single social interaction.

I find myself no longer wanting to sit in my room; listening to my taste in music and learning only what interests me. Rather, I prefer to stand in the kitchen, and help my Mum prepare the food. I might dislike cooking (or more washing-up), but it’s not what I’m doing that’s important anymore. It’s who I’m with because when the time comes for me to pull up my socks and get down and really do some hard grafting work, it’s this loving support I’ll have in mind.

So I started writing this article with the importance of family in mind, but as I contemplate this thought, the argument that your close friends are also your family becomes ever stronger. When I look back to the problems I’ve had in the past: relationships, financial, social, and philosophical; it’s my closest friends that have consistently been there, as well as my family. And that’s a beautiful thing; knowing that the only difference between my friends and my family are that of DNA, and geographical location.

And in fact, as we all know, the vast majority of our DNA is shared anyway, so in essence we are family. Within this last year, I’ve witnessed this in my own life more than ever before. Whether it’s because I had a weekend job, or because I wasn’t allowed I’m not sure, but whilst in education, I never really ‘hung out’ at other people’s houses much. Similarly to the above description, socializing always involved doing something. A feat that actually became a weakness of mine – I was never comfortable not doing something. But in this last year, I’ve been to more people’s houses simply to spend time together than I ever have. And remarkably, I enjoy these times more than when an activity is involved.

This furthers the belief that one should focus on the building of relationships within your life, before seeking for new ones. Strengthen your backbone before you grow heavy legs and arms. So although you may not be ready for it, be accepting to the idea of opening your door once again, and embracing the love of your family because it will always be there. There is no hurry, because it waits patiently. Take it slow, and remember that it doesn’t matter what you do, it’s the who that’s important. Think about what steps you can take to strengthen your family love. It may be small things like leaving your door open at night, using your laptop in the living room with others around than upstairs in your room, or simply making your sibling a cup of tea.

Each time you do something to strengthen your relationships, ask yourself why you are doing it, find your motives, desires and embrace the answer because it’s these thoughts that will give you the energy and the drive to storm through any form of resistance and to become the success that you want to be. By reading to the end of this post, you’ve already shown yourself that you have the initial interest, so now trust your instincts, have faith and take action.

I hope you have found that by reading this article, it helps you embrace your family love, as writing it has for me.

When I first signed up, it was to do 6 days a week, on average 45 hours or more. However, this week my manager has been informed by head office to cut labor substantially. As a result, the average working week is now 22 hours. Hardly enough to maintain a decent standard of living.

Luckily though, I’m traveling soon and so I’m literally walking away from my problems. Which lead me to wonder, to what extent would you be willing to walk away from it all? I recently read in ‘Style’ magasine (part of The Sunday Times) of three families who packed their bags and moved abroad to more prosperous locations such as Dubai and Beijing. They chose these locations as it had a greater demand for their expertise than their home country (UK), thus higher wages. These stories reminded me of the forum thread ‘Change or Die‘ where Ian Smith explains that change should be ‘welcomed and embraced’…

It’s strange how migration has always occurred, and always will. Yet as humans we feel the need to stay in the same place, in order to feel stable and secure. We like a home, a town, a county, a country and a continent. We like our finite borders starting with walls and doors and ending with international borders alongside mountain ranges. The solar system, galaxy, universe…all individual entities with their own boundaries to give us a sense of scale and security.

But contrary to our efforts of developing comfort in the form of security, we actually make it harder for ourselves. By creating all of these fixed places, we gain a belief of belonging, and thus an unwillingness to move when the hard times come. And as it just happens, this time, to some of us, has come.

So with knowledge now in view, are you willing to pack up your bags and leave? To move to a new country, a new continent or even a new world? At first it would be difficult, the change in atmosphere, culture and society. Alongside dealing with the guilt of deserting friends and family, but would it be worth it? Should we simply pack up and leave? Or should we stay, address the problems that sometimes are unsolvable and get over the emotional pain.

There are always going to be the masses of people that agglomerate. Similar groups of people tend to stick together – financial levels, languages, appearances, religions, and ways of thinking. Depending on the time-scale you look at, they tend to stay in the same place over the course of a few generations, but there are the odd few that scatter around, inhabiting one place, then moving on to the next. Constantly re-adapting to the new environment, making new friends and keeping in contact with the old.

Perhaps those that change locations constantly just when a problem arises are a symbol of human nature. We tend to exploit natural resources, until there are none left, then we move on. Sustainable development is a long way off from reality. But in a world of nearly 7 billion people, the ultimate question is can one man make a difference?

The answer is a resounding ‘yes’. Think of Ghandi, who motivated 2 million people to think in unison. Think of Barrack Obama who got more students to vote than ever before in American history. Think of every religious figure, dead or alive that develop desire and action within millions. If you have the dream, you can do it.

Equally, if your ambition is create a family, to live in emotional satisfaction within the short time that we have, then you can do that. You can leave the problems behind, you can follow demand and ensure that you are always financially secure. Accept that belonging and boundaries are simply psychological constraints and you can ride the wave of life. Every hiccup and bump will be glided over beneath the great wave as you constantly evolve.

So which is it to be? There are three options, will you:

1) Stay in your current location and suffer from the crisis?

2) Move to a new place where there is demand for your skills?

3) Stand up and sort the problem out for yourself?