By Tom Church

The family is your backbone. It’s your integral support system that will hold you up when you’re sad, stoop down when you want to go low, and stand strong when you’re stretching high. Daniel and I discussed this briefly last night, how family love is essential to having the strength to go the extra mile.

Living at home, growing up with my parents has been such an experience. Hitting puberty and going through the related usual conflicts, looking back now, although only a year or so ago, they seem so petty. Increasingly as we age, as I wrote in the forum thread Separation and Connection, we seek independence, we actually enjoy responsibility and not having to rely on others, we become separated in our efforts from those that we love the most: our family.

For instance, regarding the conflicts explained above, over the years, I began to spend more and more time in my own bedroom, rather than in the living room, kitchen or the garden. Isolated, I would listen to my music, watch what I wanted, play games, hang out with my friends, in my own space, separated from everything else with physical walls and doors. Parents will tell you that this always happens with teenage boys, they spend all day in their rooms, doing goodness knows what (MSN and Facebook probably).

As it happens, I think my time has come to open the door once more, and start enjoying the company of the people around me. And not a moment too soon. You see, it was only about two weeks ago, when I was sitting at my desk, having just finished a graphic design piece, when I just didn’t know what to do – and I felt alone. You go through that stage, where when hanging out with friends, especially for guys, you have to do something. Whether it’s play football or go to the bar, watch a film, listen to music, have a debate…there’s always a purpose to your meetings. Yet as one ages, or gains more social experience, the realisation occurs that these purposes meant nothing.

I can’t remember many of the films I watched, nor the lyrics of songs, or words of a debate. But I do remember who I was with, and that I enjoyed myself with them. And that’s the important thing.

I’ve always been slightly envious of the way women in general can meet up and just enjoy each others company together. Ever since early childhood, the girls would have pajama and slumber parties. Followed later by more of the same and girly lunches, coffees, gossips and catch-ups. And from what I have now realized, it’s because women understand the real emotional importance of these social events. They don’t have to do something to meet up, because they know that simply being with their friends and family make them happy.

Although there are multiple scientific theories and explanations as to why girls are more in ‘tune’ with their emotions then men, I do believe that after a while, men (like myself) do come to the same conclusion: That we need our closest friends and family to go the extra mile.

Think about it, Men continue to meet up with their friends in pubs to share a drink, or for lunch, or even a game of football, well into old age, and even until death. But rather than the game, drink, food, or debate being the focus, this shifts and it’s the company that we as men enjoy, just as much as women do. It’s out of habit, routine and tradition that we continue to do things. And the sooner that one realizes that it’s the people around that support and motivate you, the more you will enjoy every single social interaction.

I find myself no longer wanting to sit in my room; listening to my taste in music and learning only what interests me. Rather, I prefer to stand in the kitchen, and help my Mum prepare the food. I might dislike cooking (or more washing-up), but it’s not what I’m doing that’s important anymore. It’s who I’m with because when the time comes for me to pull up my socks and get down and really do some hard grafting work, it’s this loving support I’ll have in mind.

So I started writing this article with the importance of family in mind, but as I contemplate this thought, the argument that your close friends are also your family becomes ever stronger. When I look back to the problems I’ve had in the past: relationships, financial, social, and philosophical; it’s my closest friends that have consistently been there, as well as my family. And that’s a beautiful thing; knowing that the only difference between my friends and my family are that of DNA, and geographical location.

And in fact, as we all know, the vast majority of our DNA is shared anyway, so in essence we are family. Within this last year, I’ve witnessed this in my own life more than ever before. Whether it’s because I had a weekend job, or because I wasn’t allowed I’m not sure, but whilst in education, I never really ‘hung out’ at other people’s houses much. Similarly to the above description, socializing always involved doing something. A feat that actually became a weakness of mine – I was never comfortable not doing something. But in this last year, I’ve been to more people’s houses simply to spend time together than I ever have. And remarkably, I enjoy these times more than when an activity is involved.

This furthers the belief that one should focus on the building of relationships within your life, before seeking for new ones. Strengthen your backbone before you grow heavy legs and arms. So although you may not be ready for it, be accepting to the idea of opening your door once again, and embracing the love of your family because it will always be there. There is no hurry, because it waits patiently. Take it slow, and remember that it doesn’t matter what you do, it’s the who that’s important. Think about what steps you can take to strengthen your family love. It may be small things like leaving your door open at night, using your laptop in the living room with others around than upstairs in your room, or simply making your sibling a cup of tea.

Each time you do something to strengthen your relationships, ask yourself why you are doing it, find your motives, desires and embrace the answer because it’s these thoughts that will give you the energy and the drive to storm through any form of resistance and to become the success that you want to be. By reading to the end of this post, you’ve already shown yourself that you have the initial interest, so now trust your instincts, have faith and take action.

I hope you have found that by reading this article, it helps you embrace your family love, as writing it has for me.