No doubt, journals are crucial. After I recorded the video Clarity in 2009 (mind the bad lighting for this one), I received some emails specifically about the journal part. Like I said in the video, I understood the importance of journals, but I wasn’t necessarily using it to its full potential. This article explains how I made transition, it’s pretty lengthy (2956 words), but it’s worth reading it. It took me almost 7 hours to finish it. If you don’t have the time to finish it now, feel free to print it out and take it for reading somewhere else.

I first began to journal with the Lifestyle Challenge that Ian Smith and I created almost a year ago. Later, I was reminded of it when I attended a seminar hosted by SUCCESS magazine (excellent event). I actually got a free ‘Jim Rohn Leadership’ journal there and I began to jot down thoughts, ideas, and emotions on it; but after a while, I grew less motivated to do handwriting. So I moved on to computer journal and I started my journal in a Word document, but still I lacked a bit of discipline in keeping up with it, although both forms DID help me bring more clear answers to the questions that before wandered in my head without answers, or sometimes, questions that I asked other people, yet their answer wouldn’t satisfy me. But when I really started getting the hang of it (you never get the hang of it the first time), I started asking questions in such a way that I would answer my own questions, either as I wrote, or later on in a sudden moment. (By the way, now I use Google documents, it is much easier to keep up with and it allows you to do an easy ‘Search’ function.)

There is some sort of magic  that takes place when you ask yourself well-worded questions - well, it’s really the beauty of the mind and body. These well-worded questions not only help you connect with yourself, but also to really connect with others. We have a journal section in our forum that members use to track their progress or tell a particular story. And it won’t take too many questions to ask so that you know that the use of a journal is incredibly efficient. For one, many of them share that writing their story made them realize something they hadn’t realized before. Second, one member’s journal entry can be read by others, making them closer and also, seeing a real life experience (it’s a lot easier to learn that way, instead of the ‘do this, do that’). I think it’s safe to say that in this forum, members know each other better than in any other :). Now, let’s explore what well-worded questions are, and why they are so efficient.

Well-Worded Questions

The first thing we need to realize is that well-worded questions do not give immediate answers. In fact, most of your initial answers will only serve to clear up that which doesn’t work. Well-worded questions are true seekers. They find what is true  for you. You can also use well-worded questions or well-worded statements to make someone else find what’s true for them, and you watch, they will love you. Only you can ask yourself these questions. You WILL meet some great people who will ask you great well-worded questions and will change your perspective completely, but that will not always happen. For most of your life, it has to be you who does it. Yes, there will be a point where you can ask questions to others that are so deep, that will have powerful realizations, but it all must begin with you.

Second, these questions take some time, do not give up. At the beginning you will ask questions that are not so appealing, but with time you will ask yourself some killer questions. You must immerse yourself into your journal. You will feel silly at the beginning, but that will evolve, sometimes in the course of 5 minutes, sometimes in the course of 5 days. For instance at the beginning, I asked myself ‘How can I make this routine work?’, but of course, I didn’t find any inspiration for the answer, yet as I kept writing, the questions evolved to ‘Why a routine?’, ‘What makes a routine work’?, ‘Can I use something else besides it’?, ‘Why am I so worried about making this work?’, ‘Why do I want it to work?’, ‘What will I accomplish if it works?’, ‘If it works, is it fulfilling’? you know the rest of the story. It’s a funny feeling, really. When you begin writing these questions, you actually find it a bit hard to stop at times and others, hard to continue - keep going, the answer will pop up. Here are some questions directly pulled out from my journal. It is safe to assume that the wording of these questions are appealing to me. And they may not be appealing to you, but they will get the point across.

I began with these questions

Are the people in my life real?
Am I being completely honest with them?
I want a beautiful girlfriend with a certain number of traits. What are those traits?
Am I being thoughtful to my friends?
Am I being as human as I can be?
Am I constantly seeking to make friends?
Why am I so focused on making friends?
I have to talk to more people. Attend to more events. And be THERE.
What do I want my life to be like? What do I want my life NOT to be like?
Am I understanding people more each day?
Am I identifying with them?
Am I being true to my family? Am I calling them enough? And doing enough for them? Am I being a good son? A good brother? A good role model?
Am I ready to commit?

Here is how they evolved

* How can I be completely honest with people? Why do I need to be honest with people? What will be the consequences if I’m not honest with them?
* How can I meet AND keep the woman I will deeply fall in love with?
* How can I be more thoughtful to them? What are some good and simple ways to show appreciation to them? ‘Thank you’ cards, random text messages wishing them a great day or good luck on their exam when they are not expecting it, an email with an e-card that makes the smile, treat them to a nice dinner every now and then.
* How is one more human? How does one get rid of the masks we are conditioned to have? What will happen if I’m not human? What will happen as I become as human as I can be?
* I wanted to seek to make friends, why? How will I make friends? What traits do I want these friends to have? How will I keep a great friend? What will be the nature of a friend relationship? It’s clearly not someone who only comes to see you when there is a beer at home. How then?
* How can I understand people more? What questions or statements I can make to understand them more? To get to know them more? To get them to trust me? How will I know once they have understood me? What will happen when I have the ability to understand people more? What will happen if I don’t?

The list goes on, but I’ll cut it off there for now, or the article will be too long. I think you can see some notorious differences. The first entry was a sort of auto-evaluation, it’s a way of getting in touch with truth. It will help you figure out where you stand. This is not science, by the way. You don’t have to be a super genius to answer those questions, but you do have to trust your instinct. Don’t sabotage yourself over the answers either. I wrote the answers separately, of course. Those answers (some that can come in writing, others  come in your head in an instant) led me to write down other questions, better questions. And as I wrote those questions, more interesting things happened. What happened? I got answers. And these answers gave me me a clarity that I hadn’t felt before. I’m more driven. I’m more determined. And I gotta tell you, while the journal didn’t do it all by itself, it certainly was one of the most influential parts of it.

Note: It is obvious to assume, that you must use your own questions.

By the way, it doesn’t always have to be those kind of ‘generic questions’. You can also apply them for whatever instant moment you want. For example, in sales, there is this saying that goes “He said something, but he was saying something completely different”. This simply means, someone can say something, but they mean something completely different. Well, I kept asking myself “How can I figure out what he is saying, instead of what he says?”, there were plenty of answers that begun with the list of patterns on the movements every prospect would make. So I wrote those down, then I wrote down how I worded the questions I asked (I must say sometimes we don’t realize how poorly we ask questions), and then I begun to see patterns that allowed me a bit of more success and understanding in sales. It’s the same with the opposite sex, especially women *cough*. Write down your questions, and stay on them until your questions are so powerful and specific that you can not help but to be inspired by them.

The Answers to your questions

If you thought the questions were tricky, wait until you try to come up with your own answers. It can be a lot trickier and a lot more frustrating. For instance, once I wrote this question “Why is it that I stop trying when I see something getting away from me?”. This was not really the proudest moment in my life, but I share it here because I know there will a be reader or two who can relate to this question. The answers that came up at first were vague. They were usual one-liners. ‘I’m scared’, ‘I’m not used to this’, ‘Maybe I don’t have interest’, and obviously none of the answers felt right. I remember this particular question took me days to figure out. I would write and think about it, often. More often than usual. The answer came to me one day when I asked my dearest friend “Tell me one thing about me that I probably don’t know”. She took a couple of seconds to make up her mind and study my face and she calmly said “I think… that when you commit to a relationship, your vulnerability will show and you will become weak. That’s why you don’t commit to many. Other people may buy it, but not me”. I had my answer.

That answer by my friend was key. I can clearly remember saying “She told me this and how true is that? She probably knows me better than I know myself, how many things about myself am I not aware? How could she know this? What experiences have we had that can lead her to this conclusion?” Well, we did date shortly and later slept together several times, not just that, but we’ve had those intelligent conversations often. So she does know me pretty well. I remember  saying “So, it is true. I’m afraid”. Beautiful, I was sure now and I just needed to know why. As I was in the treadmill one night, the answer popped into my head. “You’re scared because you’re afraid of investing time again and not seeing results”. Now, this sounds like a pretty common answer, duh, but there is a big difference when the answer comes from WITHIN rather than outside. Huge difference. The answers from outside helps you memorize and act it out to go from there, while the answers from inside help you to realize and live it out. What a difference.

Be aware, as you write, some ideas will come to you in crystal clear words and you’ll have an ‘Aha!’ moment, others will be pretty blurry in your mind and your job will be to write it down until you figure it out. For instance, if you ask yourself “What does a magic moment look like?”. You can surely picture a magic moment in your head (Chances are you’re picturing one right now) but can you live that magic moment at once? Maybe not. If I asked you to describe how a magic moment can occur, then you may have a bit of trouble doing so, even when you can see it clearly in your head! Isn’t that crazy? But if you begin to write, and write, and write, you will get to a point where you can actually describe and feel pretty accurately how that magic moment can be created. You will have gone from imagining a magic moment to having enough knowledge and within-education to know how to CREATE that magic moment. In other words, you will take the invisible and make it visible.

The difference that makes the difference

Writing it. Writing it makes the difference. Someone said it “Writing is the beginning of wealth”. I’m by no means very wealthy, but writing has enriched my spirit so much. When you write it, you remember it. It’s so crucial. Jim Rohn said it “If an idea is worth listening to, worth reading, worth remembering it, then it’s also worth capturing it in your journal. And there are many reasons for making the effort to capture good ideas, not the least is the simple fact that the simple act of writing something on paper helps to make the idea firmer in our mind.” Of course, it’s not just ideas, but questions, quotes, pictures, and realizations too. Write down everything as it comes into your mind. Don’t focus about organizing it by segments. Let it flow and soon you’ll be more organized than you can imagine. My entries actually have quotes all over them, because I will happen to read something and I just know I have to write them down because if not now, they will be helpful later. You can go back to your past journal entry pretty easily and see how you thought back then and compare it to how you think now, or you can check for unanswered questions that you’d like to answer now. You can check it for a great idea that you couldn’t apply at the moment, or you forgot to apply it, but now you’re free and able to apply it. But if you had never written that idea down, you could never apply it - then or months later.

I will re-state the question I asked in the video I linked you earlier, What could be more important than improving things so that they give you the best result? What could be more important than writing down my questions to ask the next girl you meet, or the next prospect you’ll help? What could be more important than writing down your presentation or a new funny line or a new way to make her day, or his day? What could be more important than understanding yourself? Is it worth doing so? You better believe it. Whether you want to improve your dating life to get one girlfriend or if you want to live it like a playboy, the advise is the same, get a journal and write on it. If you’d like to share a public journal - one than you can always easily go back to - then join our forum and I’ll create one for you. If not, go ahead and use Google documents, it’s the best that I found. If you can afford it, I recommend “The Journal” software too.

I encourage you to be a professional. A professional is a serious student, one that studies his or her entire life, not just one who goes to work everyday for a paycheck. Be a serious student of your life by jotting down ideas, quotes, feelings, questions to your personal life, questions for your relationships, your goals, and even to-do lists. When I’m outside, and I hear something amazing (it happens often when you expose yourself) I write it on my cell phone and when I get home, I write it on my computer. You should do the same. I used a pocket-notebook before for notes outside home but I have switched to cell phone now - you know, technology :).  If you’re going to attend an important event where there will be need to use something besides your cell phone, and cannot take a laptop, then definitely take a notebook. You’ll be amazed at how many ideas you can collect in a week when you begin to write them down. Write them, before you forget them. There is nothing as effective as the answers that you can come up with, because you will feel an automatic drive to apply them. There is no telling in what you can realize when you write. There is no telling in what you can become if you keep a journal. There is no telling what you can do if you live as a serious student. I know you want to be one. If you finished reading this, then you definitely want to be it. Congratulations.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.

There is a good reason why ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ has sold near 10 million copies in the United States alone and several more million around the world (The book has been printed in 40 territories and 42 languages), and on top of that it is been considered the best-selling memoir of all time. The reason, I believe, is that it is celebrates the life of a beautiful being who faces death, and yet, for him, it was not the end, but the beginning of a new process. His death sentence, was not the end, it was the beginning. I should also mention that it was Morrie’s story that inspired to begin asking questions like “What is close to your heart?”, “What does really matter to you?”,and so on.Morrie Schwarts was a professor in Brandeis University and one of his fortunate students is the author of the book, Mitch Albom. In fact, Morrie was Mitch’s favorite professor Mitch became deeply close to Morrie, and he grew in his college years along with his professor, friend, and mentor, Morrie. Beyond all of the profound lessons that I will share in the next couple of paragraphs (which will be mostly quoted from the book itself) I can only say that I felt a bit of jealousy because I haven’t yet met a professor or adult like this. While I have read from plenty of them, I’m still to meet and spend much time with a true role model. Now, I originally planned to write about many of the lessons that Morrie shares with Mitch  as their last thesis (the book) was developed, but that would give too much away, therefore I’ll only touch on the subject that made the most impact on me and I bet will make an impact on you as well. The subject: Dying is not a sad thing, living unhappily is.

God knows that there were times where you and I have been through what seemed to be ultimate pain. I said “seemed” because the pain we feel to be ultimate is not so ultimate once we meet someone who got involved in a terrible car accident where the other person died and you have to carry with that death on your soul everyday. Now, that is only type of experience. There are parents who lost their sons, or a wife who lost her husband, or viceversa. There are some pains that are harder to overcome than others, but the truth remains that there is no pain that never goes away. All sort of pains eventually die off, and they die off faster if you work on your soul to heal the pain, rather than just waiting for time to do so, or to pretend that there is no pain at all. The saying of “just keep living your life” is not the best advise you can give to someone.

The biggest pain, however, is living unhappily. Because no matter how much pain you go through your life, you will die. I will die. We will die. There will be a time where anyone who reads this article, will die. And that must be the suckiest part about life, but we have to accept it. It’s not like we can’t change anything about it anyway. Well, Morrie Schwartz - this incredible being - teaches us that since we all will die, then we might as well LIVE IT BIG while we are alive. Now, what does LIVING IT BIG mean? Have as much as fun as you can? Yeah, but not exactly. To Morrie, living it big means living happily and with a sense of purpose and contribution. I was amazed as to how - regardless of his sickened condition - he still contributed to the world (he came out in a nightshow called “Nightline) three times), to the people that read the book (he was aware the book would be published), and to Mitch, changing his life forever. I mean… the mere fact of this writing should tell you that Morrie Schwartz made a lasting impression on me and I never even met him! That’s how you know when something or someone is important :)

You’ll have to read it to understand because no review will ever come close to demostrate his incredible wisdom. Buy the book, read it, highlight the parts that you like, then re-read it, and then rent the movie. You’ll love it.

In the spirit of Morrie Schwartz, I wish you all the best.

It was Mike’s turn. You see, Mike doesn’t like to get too sentimental. He hates it as a matter of fact. “I hate crying, man. It makes me feel so stupid. That’s why I never cry”. He confessed this to me later, in an attempt to play things off a bit. I thought it was funny how he justified he never crying. I asked, “What’s one thing really close to your heart, Mike?”. Without hesitation, he mentioned “My family”. I actually knew this about Mike. His family is everything to him, even when his father says the best thing for him to do is to join the Army, because he doesn’t have a future here; and even when his sister supports his father. His mother is in Pennsylvania and he misses her very much. His family is everything to him, period. “They mean everything to me, man”. What would you do for them, Mike? I asked. “Anything”. He said it with a conviction that left me to ask no more questions. He wasn’t the type of guy to get the least emotional at any moment, but I knew what he was hiding. “Thank you, brother” I said smiling. Anytime, said Mike.

“Ask me. Ask ME” said Natalie, more like a girl in school who knew the answer to the question the teacher was asking. Indeed, she knew her answer and she was eager to answer it. She is a gorgeous, super tall, goofy girl, and probably one of the nicest girls I’ve met. “Alright, Natalie. Since you’re super anxious, I’ll ask you - Tell me one thing really close to your heart”. “My Madea” she said it with such a big smile and excitement that it was clear that she meant it, although I had no idea what ‘Madea’ meant. “Your what?”. “My Grandma, Daniel. She’s 91!” she added “We call her Madea” and then “Oh, my grandpa too! Except that he passed away in 99″. So I asked “Did they raise you?”. “Well, I grew up with my entire family, but I love them to death. They are really fun”. I continued with “Cool. Now, if you had one day with them to do whatever you want. What would you do? Where would you go?” She thought about it for five seconds. I loved her enthusiasm. “I would just go to her house (Grandma’s) and sit down with her and listen to her stories. She always told us stories. It’s always interesting because she lived through the Great Depression, the War, and all of that” She continued “She told me there was no job and almost no food.”. To which I responded “She lived through the Great Depression, that’s right. That’s gotta be awesome to hear from”. She simply said “Yep”. I added ‘And we complain about this recession, right?’ Tell me about it, she said. “Alright, Thank you, Nat. You’re adorable”.

“Melody, it’s your turn. Do you mind answering the question?” I asked. She took her time to respond. “You already know, hun. But I’ll say it anyway” She was right, I already knew the answer to my question. There was no doubt in my mind that the closest things to her heart were… “My sons, I would do anything for them.” Melody is a mother of two. She’s 29 years old and surviving from paycheck to paycheck. It flashed into my mind when she told me weeks ago “Working to this company is not exactly the job dream I wanted to do, but it helps me keep my sons alive and well off”. Back into the conversation, I asked “If you could leave them one thing, just one thing before you part away, what would it be?”. She contemplated the answer for what seemed like an eternity (which really weren’t more than ten seconds) and she said quietly “A father”. She was moved, by this time, and everyone else just watched quietly. “They need a male role model, right?”, I asked. She responded “Yeah, besides their Papi (Daddy), but he is not exactly, you know…”. I knew. The father of her kids wasn’t exactly the father we all would want to have. “They’ll be fine”, I added “I promise” to reassure her of it.

“Linda!” I shouted while I smiled. She had a smile on her face now. She knew her answer. “Do you mind if I ask you now? Are you ready?”. She responded “Yes”. Alright, let’s hear it. She responded passively “My sister”. “I had a feeling you would say that, you know?” She laughed and exclaimed “You did?”. I did know. I met Linda one night and after 2 minutes of talking, I said to her that I could see some sadness in her eyes. And I truly meant that. Although she smiled at first, saying “I’m okay”, it didn’t take too long to tell me about her sister who suffers of Anorexia. She went on that night to tell me about being really worried about her. Going back to the conversation I asked “I’ll ask you the same thing I asked Melody. If you and her for whatever reason had to be separated, what would you want her to have?”. Her answer taught me something. “Her boyfriend” She added “Since she’s been with him, she is been much better. Not throwing up, eating better. She needs him”. I see, I said. “Daniel. My sister and I have never really connected but I love her, I really love her”. ‘I don’t doubt it, Linda’ I responded. “I really care for her”. I knew. I knew she cared for her. Linda is one of those girls who can care for people a half world away. Whoever wins her over will be one lucky man.

“What about you, man?” Mike asked. In between I had told them that I would go last and that at the end of all of it, I would explain to me why I asked them these questions. I knew my answer long before they asked me.

“People” I continued “My passion is people. Well-known friends, family, or just known acquaintances differ in nothing in my eyes. I’m learning and trying to see everyone equal” Bit by bit, although I get off track quite often I’m learning to love more. “That’s what is closest to my heart. No longer do I believe in achievement, money, sex, cars, etc. That will go away once I’m gone. If there is anything I want to leave behind is a legacy. At least a bit of change in the world. I want to leave people with a better connection and acceptance of each other. That’s what I want” And it’s true. No matter what color, what religion, what sexual orientation, what political views - we are all equal. Death makes no distinction, none of these things matter when it comes to death, we all die the same way. Our heart stops beating and then Goodbye. And what when we are gone? What is being left behind? A legacy of love, acceptance, and truth, or a legacy of hate and rivalry? One of my mentors said it to me very clearly “A relationship can die physically, but it’s worked out well while we are alive, then it will last forever in the spirit. The spirit never dies. If your spirit dies, you may as well die now”. Think about it for a second if you must.

“Now, I told you earlier that I would explain why I asked you these questions, right?”. Mike (per usual) was the first to answer “You sure did!”. It was time to tell them, and if they can know, then you, the reader, can know too.

“A friend of mine” - Someone who is close enough to my heart and far enough from my mind - “is very ill. If she doesn’t respond in the next three months to a treatment, she may then be dying” There was a silence, of course. And for a second, I felt like letting my eyes get watery, but I didn’t. I got my composure back on and I continued “I feel extremely hopeless because all I want to do is help her and at this point, I’m doing nothing.” Sometimes she is so closed up and it’s understandable. She is scared. She doesn’t want to give up dancing, even though her body may be asking her to do so.

There were some “Aww’s” as I spoke, as well as some stares of compassion and admiration. But I had to continue, I was very close to my goal, one that I had set at the very moment I began to ask the questions. “Beyond all of that, the reason why I asked you these questions was because I would like you to see that everyone has a story. People that we see everyday has a story and we just don’t know it. Had I not asked you these questions, you probably will not know much about each other, but now you do and it was quite quick, right?” They smiled. “If we could just get more people to tell us their story or at least feel comfortable enough to tell it, imagine what a better world we would live in”. No one said anything, so I continued “I think… that… we begin to live when we face death”. Natalie said “I agree, Daniel”. I continued, ignoring her comment for one second, and said “We fail to realize that no relationship lasts forever in a physical way. So if we just realized and internalized this belief we would all appreciate everyone else a lot more”. Mike added “It’s not that easy, man”. I told him, “I know, brother. I know”. I went back to Natalie saying “Nat, you mentioned something about death. Have you faced death or encountered it in a way of a relative close to you?” She responded “Plenty of times, but it’s not something I want to talk about right now” and she smiled. I respected that and so did everyone else. No one tried to persuade her into speaking and I knew we were understanding each other a lot more by now. And even though no words of “I understand you more” were spoken, a lot more things were being said with silence.

Melody went on to say that she too had faced too many deaths in her family. Linda added her fear that her sister may go extremely bad if her boyfriend left her. Mike added that he needed to find his purpose in life, and I told the story of my mother crying uncontrollably the night I left her to come to this country and the shame I had for not crying and for not hugging her as hard. I confessed to them that today, I just wished to have her here one day so I can give her that big guy I didn’t give her the night I left. We continued to share a bit more of stories and some laughs. There were some teases and some remarks.

“I’m sorry, girls, did I bore you?” Almost simultaneously, they responded firmly “No” and I was relieved that they did. “I don’t need to ask you, Mike. You have to listen to me anyway” I said laughing. “Yeah, jerk, whatever” he laughed too.

Death is a scary topic. It makes us uncomfortable and often we avoid it, but we forget that sooner or later it will get to us, no matter how long or how successful we are at cheating it. Of course, I want to cheat death for as long as I can, but if I accept and you accept that we can be gone at any moment, then we would appreciate our lives and the lives of others a lot more. Not only would we appreciate others more, but also we would have this incredible ability of getting so close to them and in their shoes, so that we too can understand them. As Stephen Covey said “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood”. Understand that some people will be in a situation that will not help them try to understand others because all they can be wondering about is why something is happening to them - accept these people and help them see things more like they are really, and there will be two winners, rather than two losers - that person and you.

Now, ask yourself: “What’s close to my heart? And what am I doing for it?”

Note: Names have been changed for privacy

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.

By Daniel Becerra

Silence is death. When we keep things to ourselves, then they become missing truths, and a missing truth is equivalent to a falsehood. Through personal experiences and the testimonials of many people around the world, it is safe to assume that not speaking up means pain and sabotage, and even beyond that, it means not growing, ever. The trick, of course, is in learning to speak up to yourself and to others so that you do more good than damage. Let’s explore how not speaking up can damage and has damaged the world.

Health

In the 1970’s, AIDs entered a nation but no one spoke about it. It could have been fear, it could have been shame. We waited for a leader, but none came. The President of the Nation did not dare to speak up! It wasn’t until too many deaths from all walks of life took place. It was a moment where artists, doctors, children, and the elder came together for one common goal: To speak up. It was the act of speaking up, world wide, that enabled treatment of AIDs. It gave hope. And it all began with speaking up.

Your body needs proper feeding and proper cleaning, as do your mind and spirit. Do not wait for something horrible to occur to take action. Exercise regularly. While many people will argue that you have to push yourself to truly develop physique, I will argue against that and tell you that 30 minutes of running or fast-paced walking (as in being out of breath a bit) combined with proper nutrition will do you plenty of good. Keep in mind that what the type of exercise you do is not nearly as important as what you eat. Recognize the truth of your body, what you like about it, and what you dislike about it. If you have some symptoms of illness, don’t stay quite, speak up. If you fear you may have caught something in a sexual encounter, fear nothing and go get checked.

Someone once told me that God or life gives you situations in which you’re able to solve or prevent a particular mistake, but if you don’t fix that mistake, a greater one can occur. You don’t want to happen. Fix one thing at once. Speak up to it. Do not stay silent. If you do, no one can help you but yourself, and opposite to popular belief, you can not do everything on your own.

Social Skills and Relationships

When proper communication lacks in a relationship, then both sides suffer. I have found myself in this situation several times way too often and I can honestly say that I’m just beginning to learn. I’ve never had those deep meaningful conversations, in which we explore each others’ side of the story, with a partner before. I’ve had plenty of them with friends, which is why I’ve kept friends for longer than I have kept lovers. The reason why I have never had those type of conversations with lovers before is because I never tried hard enough to keep someone in my life, but it wasn’t until now that I realize that communication is so important. Not the communication of “where I am”, “what you do”, and the like, but rather the communication that leads to identification and communion.

It all begins with speaking up. Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right in a relationship that is just forming or has existed for a long time, then say it. You don’t need the right words, but you do need the right attitude, if you work with your partner, friends, lover as a team, rather than rivals, the words will flow naturally. I recently was in a situation in which me and this beautiful girl told each other everything that we wanted to tell each other and the wall that had separated us is falling down bit by bit, and we are connecting a little more each day. Sure, there are still many things that disconnect us, but they will be solved.

As a man, you’re to prove your unconditional love and strength. You must lead and assume the consequences of whatever actions you may take. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, you must be willing to risk losing her if you truly want to win her. When you speak up what you feel, there is a chance that an hidden truth will create risk, but risk is necessary. You must go through that risk of losing her to bond stronger. Again, trust your instincts. They may fail you once, or twice, but they will be of great power once you begin to exercise them regularly. Speak up.

If you’re trying to improve your social skills, that is approaching, talking, flirting, seducing, and so on, then be true to yourself and admit what is it that you need to work on. Get a friend or wing man and agree to point out each others’ mistakes truthfully. In the process of getting a wing man, you have to be really careful about how honest this individual is to himself.

Personal Development

Nothing attracts more failure in personal development than not truly acknowledging your own truths. Whatever situation you’re in right now, you must accept it and begin with it no matter how awful or dim the future looks from that perspective. This was one of my biggest blocks. I couldn’t gather up enough guts to acknowledge my faults to myself, let alone to others. Furthermore I couldn’t do enough things to fail to show me some truths that I couldn’t see. Until recently, I have been sharing my shame and faults with others and it’s working so well. Of course, there is resistance for some, but others are encouraging me and congratulating me.

Despite other people’s reactions, the outcome for you will always be positive if you accept the status quo as something that can be improved, not the end of the world. Stay true to yourself and if you believe in a God, stay true to him as well.

There is a price to personal development and truth and that price is this: In order to really learn something, you have to immerse in it. You have to make it a habit. It’s not a thing that you do every now and then. You have to become it. Just like when you learn language, you learned it because you spoke it so often and within a couple of years (maybe 10) you had an almost full grasp of it. Same applies with any other area, it takes time and persistence. I found that it is really easy to sit down, read some books every now and then of great content and do nothing about my personal growth. But when I became completely immersed in it by reading for long amounts of time, listening to presentations, writing about it, and so on, I actually begin to take action. I could feel the drive in me, and it all occurred because I became immersed in it. Getting immersed to improve in something is not an option, it’s actually the only path. As one of my friends said when I asked him about his successful life, and he said “You have to be committed”

A Final Note: Don’t you stay silent

You can build your power by beginning to speak up now, one inch at a time, by stating what appeals to you and what does not. If it feels like too much of a step to say “Enough is enough!” all at once, then begin by listing down things you dislike about whatever it is you’re trying to get rid of. Soon enough, you will have enough reasons to kick it out of the window and out of your life. But again, even writing those things down slowly takes commitment, for which, you can use some help by immersing yourself in whatever area you’re trying to improve. Buy books, listen to tapes, join a club for the purpose you’re pursuing. People who share a common goal can be of extreme help when it comes to build power.

I hope that you realize that staying silent can kill. It can kill a relationship. It can kill your health. It can kill your growth and dreams. I can not think of any other way to emphasize it more. Speak up!

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.

By Daniel Becerra

I’m stoked for the guys that have recently been writing their goals and sharing them with us, absolutely stoked! As a result I have the urge to share some stuff regarding goal setting and achievement. It’s a dirty little trick, a faster way of achieving your goals, not a slick or lazy way, but rather an intelligent, unique approach to it. Goal setting has been covered to death in other places in a peculiar way, that includes deadlines, where to tape them, how many times to read them and so on. This is a different approach.

This website is for intelligent people. My definition of intelligence is the ability of solving problems, therefore an intelligent person is one who solves problems well, or works on himself to solve those problems constantly. An intelligent person is also looking for way to getting an edge and more important, an intelligent person always aims high. He/she aims not to just solve a problem, but to also get the best result out of it. Intelligent people aim high, even though they know they might miss because they know that if they aim low, they can easily hit it - but they can’t call that success. For example, a student who can easily get an A in a regular class, decides to put himself to the test and go to the honor class. That student is aiming high, that’s a sign of real intelligence. Having that in mind, the first step is to aim high, to think big, to dream big and to never deny yourself the things that you want - no matter how unreachable they may seem at the moment.

Now hold that thought (of aiming high) there. Hold it, make a mental note of it. It’s important as we continue.

Awareness and Intelligence

Intelligence - in my opinion - is developed as you make decisions. Notice I say intelligence, not knowledge. The more decisions, the more intelligent you become. The harder you try and fall, the more intelligent and experienced you become. It is great to fill your brain with information. We all do that. But information only raises our level of awareness. Making a decision raises our level of intelligence. For example, if you read enough about Pick-up, to the point in which you have a clear understanding of it, then you’ll be able to detect the signals of a woman being attracted to you or you can detect that she is intentionally dressed up to attract other males. These are things you hadn’t noticed before, you now do - that’s awareness. But awareness isn’t enough.

It is when you act on this awareness that you become intelligent. When you make the decision you become intelligent. Chances are, your decision will not be right, but once done, you can make it right, because it’s your decision. You understand the root of it, you know what you want the outcome to be. You have a first step and a goal, point A and point B. It will take only a couple of steps and adjustments to get to point B. Let’s use the example above. If you notice a signal of attraction and decide to act upon it, chances are that your calibration (performance) will be a bit off or you can even make it good enough, but you know it can be better. You know that if you adjusted some things, then you can develop bigger trust, stronger bond, stronger sexual tension and so on. The decisions you make to get better results are in direct proportion to your intelligence. This is exactly why a large part of intelligent people are so successful. Because they began by making a decision, and chances are that they were not right, but they made them right along the way. Again, intelligence is not the amount of knowledge you posses, but rather your ability to get what you want with the knowledge you posses.

Now, bring that thought of aiming high back again and see how that concept and developing your intelligence are related. The higher you aim, the more driven and motivated you will become. So decision making (intelligence) will get you to your goals, not at once by the way - never at once, but the funny thing is that they are directly proportional to your goal achievement. Meaning the more decisions you make, the more intelligent you become and that intelligence becomes even more productive as you continue to make decisions. Make a decision today and carry it. You’ll be wrong - most likely - (as we all are) but it only seems wrong at that moment, because if you live by that decision, you will eventually get to achieve your goal. Bit by bit, you will achieve more goals.

The Dirty Little Trick

Let’s get to the good stuff. The long essay above is an introduction to this. It was needed. So take the time to read it thoroughly. In my post How to get started and not stop, I wrote about that moment in which you know that you have it. That moment in which you know you’re ready and that finally you know you will not stop. That moment is a defining one and it’s a key thing in what I’m about to explain - so hold it in mind.

Side effects is the dirty little trick. Side effects are often ignored. For instance, working solemnly on your game to get a better dating life, instead of working on yourself is such a dumb thing to do. Because while one allows you to develop in more areas than the other, you still get the same (or better) results, so why wouldn’t you take the one that develops more areas? Think about it for a second. A modern man will attract women in multiple places because he has his life in order, he aspires and works to achieve more, he is in good health, he has a social life, he is intelligent and so on. These are the conditions that one must show while working on their “game”, while the person who works on his “game” may achieve showing signs of that condition, they will not only be temporary, but also they will be just an illusion, because he focused on creating the illusion of these conditions to get specific responses from women, rather than getting the real conditions themselves.

Take this example a little further and you will understand. If your goal was to have a real better dating life, then the side effects of that goal once achieved would be: Not chasing women, because if you have a great dating life, then why would you chase. Not being afraid of rejection because you know (from your real life situation) that another one will come. And so on.

Another much better example is the following. I’ll use my good friend Jamie “Chikito” Craven. If you haven’t noticed yet, the guy has gone from chubby to incredibly fit. . Take him as an example. When he made the decision to lose weight and become fit, what determined his improvement was not the ability to lift a weight or do some sit ups because these are skills that can be easily developed. What determined his improvement was his identity shift. His brain. His mind. You get it. If you were to put Jamie’s identity into a fat person’s body, his mind will automatically look at that new over-weighted body and say “Oh my God! This is not me! I gotta exercise, I gotta start my diet and I’m starting right now!” Where as to another identity would say “Oh, it’s not that bad”. Do you see the difference? Jamie’s identity would not accept that body as his, therefore he would work extremely hard to get to his desired shape. He would avoid fast food, change the entire food in his household, get a gym membership and so on. Do you see how this gap is closing?

It is imperative that before setting to achieve a goal, we have absolute clarity what our goal is. Clarity is powerful and it will drive you to your goal and you will feel when you’re on the right track.

A Final Note

You will know that you’re going to achieve it once you feel the urge to do it. That feeling is key. You will know what I’m talking about. That feeling is the identity shift. This is why I said that it’s okay to fail, but you must try again. Eventually when you try again, you will be hooked.

Start looking for the side effects of your desired goal. Once you recognize them, work on them and soon you’ll find yourself achieving your goals faster. See those traits in the people that are successful in doing what you wish you did well. If you want to improve your fitness, look for the side effects of a person who achieved his goal in fitness. If you want to improve your social skills, looking for the side effects of a person who has achieved his desired goal. Do that and you’ll have a sweet shortcut, and an edge that will give you such an advantage over the competition. The more side effects you detect, the more gap you will close. And once you detect them, don’t forget to write them down.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.

Model: Our very own Kris Hansen :)

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Fellow Members, I pose a question for you all.

What is a man?

Now obviously, there are simple answers to this question. Biologically, it doesn’t too mean too much to be a man; you need just to be born with the correct chromosomal match up. But this isn’t what I’m talking about; I am referring to a much deeper question. So before you continue reading this article I ask that you stop for a minute or two, and write down (or type on a notepad document) the qualities and virtues of a man. And while you write down these qualities, briefly think about why those qualities are important in being a man. Again, take your time with this, and please, think deeply when searching for these answers.

What makes a man a real man?

What I can tell you first and foremost is that the measure of a man is nothing in the material world. You are not a man because you are strong, because you are rich, or because you are powerful. While these are qualities of a man and in most cases, desirable ones, they are not essential to being a real man. The list of the extra qualities is extensive, and while they are things some of us may strive for, I repeat, they are not what it means to be a man.A man is a being of virtues, values (not value - value is something that is perceived andobjective, thereby always changing), and other fundamental properties, which I will discuss.

1. Virtue (ver-choo) noun - 1. Goodness; morality; Chasity. 2. A good moral quality, as in justice, 3. Excellence; merit; efficacy. 4. Being of a standard of rightness.

Virtue comes from the Latin root virtu- or virtus, meaning manliness, strength, and rightness. So what does it mean to be a righteous man? What are the virtues one should desire to embody? Well, there are many, to name a few:

Strength - While this can mean physical strength, more importantly it means inner strength. The type of strength that will get you through tough times, through problems, the type of strength we know as courage. The kind of strength that can show vulnerability and gentleness because they aren’t afraid of their inner side.

Discipline - Before you accomplish any goals or get anywhere with personal development, or becoming a man, you need to have the solid foundation of discipline that will keep you on track when the path gets bumpy with roadblocks, laziness, discouragement, or anything else that might knock you back into average-ness.

Balance - One of the most important qualities of a man is his degree of balance with all of his activities, qualities, skills, and everything else in his life. I’ve come across countless men who were very good with women in bed, and as a result had awesome sex lives, those same men however, had no idea how to create, nourish, nor sustain a meaningful relationship with a woman. As a result, they were very lonely, unhappy, and unbalanced. I’ve met many men who were in extremely good shape physically, but had horrible mental/emotional issues that were ignored; therefore though they looked good, were very unhealthy on the inside. The examples run on and on. Embrace your yin and your yang, your positive and negative attributes, and so on.

Control of Emotions - The idea that men are strictly rational beings, and aren’t capable of emotions is extremely misconstrued. We have been socially conditioned to hide our emotions, the most important of them being love, for the fear we may be seen as weak or feeble. Let your emotions show, learn to love those emotions, the good and the bad, learn to embrace them and finally to control them. The next time you feel angry or sad, let the feeling of the emotion brew within you, breath, and then let it pass. How did that feel? Do not be afraid of them, and certainly do not act irrationally on them. Do no let your emotions control you. You control them.

Acceptance and Tolerance - So many people in the world today are, unfortunately, so intolerant and close-minded that they don’t want to hear what people with other views have to say or how other people feel. People are intolerant of other cultures and societies without knowing anything about them. Prejudgment runs rampant and it causes nothing but confusion and more problems, not to mention, it makes you look like a jerk when you can’t sit down and have a conversation with someone you disagree with. Close-mindedness will make you likely to make an ignorant comment without your knowing, possibly offending someone you may wish to befriend.

Vision - The ability to see where you’re going. Where you’re going right now matters little to nothing compared to where you’re going. I was broke, literally broke and in debt, but I had this vision and it let it be well known, always - it was that vision that allows me to enjoy a great life today. The man who is going no where in life gets nothing. The man with plans achieves them, forever growing in a positive way. You don’t have to sabotage yourself into constantly growing, but you do need to remain aware of what your vision is.

Passion - Every successful person will tell you this. It’s a law. My passions are personal development, life, and people. Everything I do revolves around my passions. Because my passions are positive, my life remains that way.

Gratitude - If you can’t appreciate what you have, how can you truly have anything at all? Life is full of wonderful gifts. The man who knows this posesses riches beyong imagining.

Wisdom - Socrates called ‘Wisdom’ the greatest virtue of them all. Wisdom is understanding of all things, it is education mixed with intellectual and reflection. Wise individuals rarely find themselves in a situation that they can not handle. I think the book ‘Way of Peacefull Warrior’ by Dan Millan states a quote that represents wisdom perfectly. “Knowledge is knowing, wisdom is doing”, that is wisdom.

By focusing on developing these virtues (and others), rather than material objects, you are truly developing who you are as a man. Can you think of any other? If so, write them down as comments.

Words: Ian Smith.

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.

By Daniel Becerra

You may already be done with finals (good for you!), or just in the process of them, or maybe (like me) just a week away from finals, so here are ten very useful insights that I gathered from personal experience and from friends who keep a really high GPA. In the hope that you have excellent and very badass results, here they are:

1. Distinguish Important From Urgent

First and foremost important it is that you sit down and establish what is really important to you during finals week. It is obvious that finals is one of them, another important thing could be your work out or your blog, perhaps, but a night out with the friends or that obligatory phone call or club meeting may not be as important as they are urgent. It’s easy to fall into the trap of club meetings, hanging out with the buddies and what not, and all these may seem urgent to do because of all the pressure on you, but they are not really important. Learn to say no to those things that are not important to you, so that you have enough power and time to say yes to those things that ARE important. Let some people be upset if you don’t attend a meeting or the ‘mandatory’ one hour phone talk. This is finals week, damn it, you can talk all you want once you’re done with them.

2. No clarity, no nothing

Nothing tires more than the brain workout. It’s easy to get tired when studying for long hours while not moving any muscle but your brain, and that’s okay, learn to use this to your advantage. When you’re studying, don’t push yourself to the extreme by studying when you’re half asleep or simply not able to focus. Take a walk, or a 30-45 minute cat nap, eat a fruit, or listen to music, anything that works for you. You’ll get more in 30 minutes of study with a sharp brain than one hour of study with a tired one. Eat fruits and veggies, not fast food (at least for this time of the year) and I assure you that your energy level will be kept high. Fast food will only make you more tired.

Use the thumb rule. No clarity, no nothing. This doesn’t mean quit if you don’t understand it. It means if you can’t get focused, take a break so you can then tackle the problem with a clear head.

3. Knock Distractions Out

I personally can not study in my bedroom for more than one hour. I touch the computer, I touch my cell phone, I lay on the bed, not good. I’m aware that I need a quite place with little to no distractions. You may be different from me, so do what works for you. But this is necessary:
- Keep your room clean if you’re going to study there
- Turn off your phone
- No eating DURING study time

Don’t study and surf the net at the same time. Study only. It’s easy for me to surf the net if I’m in my room, that’s why I prefer to stay away from it :). If I can, I’ll grab those individual tables in the library and justreally focus. It saves time and effort. If group study is your thing, then go for it, but if it’s not, then don’t follow the trend just because you feel pressured to it. However, I strongly recommend having at least a partner to test each other out once you’re done studying. It really helps to keep things in your head. It doesn’t need to be a class buddy, it could be anyone.

4. Grab one thing at once

Don’t study Math And Communication by mixing things up and having both books or notebooks open at the same time. Grab a paper and pen and write down what you’ll study first and stick with it until you’re finished or until you need a break. As you finish one subject, cross it out, take a break and move on to the next one immediately.

Writing papers for a class or blogging is very similar to studying. If I stop writing and go to something else that requires equal effort, I’ll just find it hard to get back to it. I prefer to finish all at once and then later, read and re-read to do some editing. In the same way, study, read, take notes, and then when you come back to study, test yourself. But don’t study one subject and then go to another to then go back to test yourself on the previous subject. If you’re on math mode, stay on math mode until you’re done.

5. Don’t Cram Things To Last Minute

This one is quite obvious. It’s simple, don’t plan to digest it all in a couple of hours or even if one day or two. Take an entire week to study previous to when your exam is held and you’ll walk in more confidently and prepared. Don’t even worry at planning day by day (that usually does more damage than good). Just grab one subject based on level of importance (how hard it is) and study on it at once. It’s alright if you don’t finish on one day (of course you won’t!), but you’ll get a chapter or two out of the way. Next day you grab one, two or three other chapters. A day or two before the exam, you can simply review rather than stressing yourself. Use flexible planning for your finals. I use it for my website and it’s working wonders.

6. Set High Expectations

This may very well be the hardest of them all (it is for me). Don’t go in thinking ‘Oh let’s hope it’s not that hard’. Go in saying ‘I’m going to get an A on this bad boy!’ If you go in hoping ‘the exam is not that hard’, then you’re basically settling for the exam, not for your knowledge. Not good.

7. Reclaim Wasted Time During Classes

Let’s face it, some classes just don’t teach us anything. Sometimes one of my classes will play a video and if the video doesn’t catch my attention, I’ll step out and go nap somewhere else or if I have an exam or a project to finish, I’ll get my hands on that. Especially on finals week, you cannot afford to waste time on something you don’t need. It may sound disrespectful to walk out of class, but really, sometimes it’s needed. I know that if I was to stand and speak in front of a group of people and they don’t pay attention to me, I too would feel horrible, but I would assume that I’m bringing no value to that person’s time and if that is so, then I must respect it. Same goes for the professors.

8. Use Quizlet.com

This may not help you a lot for your Math final, but it’s extremely useful when it comes to terms and definitions. It’s basically flash cards. You put the information in: Terms and definitions. And it will do the testing for you. You can review your words as many times as you want and it can even be shared! So if you and your buddy cannot meet up, you can share your flash cards through quizlet.com. Here is an example of how two people can put a study guide together and share it online: Literacy Test.

Use it if you find it convenient. If you don’t use quizlet.com, at least buy flash cards and study with that. DO NOT ignore the flash cards. It’s a nice investment.

9. Experiment A Bit

As I write this article, I’m actually listening to some Immortal Technique’s ‘You Never Know’ at a low enough volume to enhance my thinking, rather than to distract me. I enjoy music to study sometimes and sometimes I don’t. In this case, music is not a distraction, it’s an enhancer. If music works for you, then go for it. If it doesn’t, avoid it. I have a friend who studies by walking around and saying things out loud to herself. I personally can not stand that, but she can, so if it works for her, perfect! Experiment a bit and see what works for you. Remember that you do need something that will keep you motivated. Don’t sabotage yourself with a super quite study if that’s not your thing.

10. Exercise

You don’t have to kill yourself with a two hour work out, or even an hour, or even set up specific time to exercise - but as America’s beloved doctor, Dr. Oz says, do try to speed up your walk a bit while going from class to class, to the point in which you’ll be a bit out of breath. This will keep your head sharp and aware. You definitely want that. There is really no excuse - exercise, at least a bit.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.

By Ian Smith

Today, I needed to write about something that is very important to me - and should be very important to all of you. I’m going to try to keep this as structured as possible, but I will be ranting. So hang with me here.

Everyone walks a different path through life. That being said, everyone is going to have different experiences through life. Some easier than other, some more difficult than most. However, no matter who you are, you will face adversity at some point in your life. The thing that separates the best from the rest, is how you react to this adversity.

Like I said, how will you react to the ‘daily struggle’? Will you let it overwhelm you and get the best of you? Will you let adversity define who you are? Or will you FIGHT to be the best - no matter what? Will you lay down and die? Feel bad for yourself? Or stand up tall, fists clenched, ready to tackle anything stopping you from achieving excellence? Will you woe in self-pity asking ‘why me’? Or will you stare it right in the face and scream “BRING IT ON!”?

There are two options. Only two. Fight….or Die. There is no middle path here. There are no negotiations. There is no easy way out. Life is not a lazy river made for you to float around until the end of days. Life is a war.

But that’s the beauty of it. Accept it.

Take every situation you face and make the best of it. Focus your creative energies on solutions, growth, and conquering these mountainous adversities.

Here are some examples from my own life, where I have taken lemons and created delicious lemonade from them.

1) 3 Year Suspended License - Due to recent events, my license has been stripped from me for three years. Now, many people would find that as an excuse to become lethargic, lazy, and to watch tons of T.V. It seems like it would be a good one “I can’t get to work it’s too far, I don’t have a car/ride”. Instead, what do I do? I bought a bike, and I ride my ass everywhere. I rely on nobody for a ride, or to help me. I get up early every morning and ride - rain or shine - to work, school, and anywhere else I need to go to remain a productive member of society.

Great things have come of this. 5 months into doing this, I have dropped 20lbs of fat from my body. Magically, I have a 6-pack. My legs have gone from two flabby meat sticks to two rock hard limbs. My endurance has sky-rocketed. I have also learned many things: I can ride a bike like a champion and do a variety of neat tricks, I ride at night a lot and have spent much of my time looking at the stars as I ride in the deserted streets of my town, it also gives me plenty of time to sit and think about whatever is on my mind at the moment. While everyone is busy whining and moaning about gas prices (not so much now), I ride on happily by as the cash in my pocket continues to stack up! This list goes on and on and on.

2) Tragic automobile accident - For most of you, this may be a shocker. Last year, I was involved in a tragic automobile accident that took the life of an innocent young man. My life was spared, for reasons that still elude me to this day. And because of this, I have been charged with Vehicular Manslaughter of the 2nd degree. A serious charge that carries with it a 5-10 year prison sentence. Admittedly, this is by far the most intimidating form of adversity I have ever faced. There are so many levels on which this effects me as a person.

The guilt, remorse, and grief of knowing that someone died as a result of a dire mistake I made will haunt me for the rest of my days. The fear and unknown of going to prison haunts me every single waking hour. The pain I have caused in the hearts of his family, friends, and loved ones is indescribable, it simply cannot be put into words how bad I feel for all of this. I meant none of this, I love humanity, I would never intentionally set out to hurt anyone - let alone cause their untimely death. However, I have done so - mistake or not.

For months afterwards, I felt like nothing mattered anymore. I sat in a puddle of self-pity asking myself over and over again “Why me? Why me? Why did this happen to me?” Until one day I realized how lucky I was, how lucky I was to still be here, despite whatever else I had to face in the coming years. I was still alive. I was here. And nothing could be better than that. Upon further thought on the subject, I realized that great good could come from this most terrible of tragedies, and that I owed it to not only myself - but more importantly - the young man who perished that day. I owed it to him, and his family to create a better world from this. And that is what I will do forever more.

I started with myself first. I needed some work. So I got to work and revamped myself in every way possible. Once I was able to workout again, I got into a regiment that has sculpted my body into a highly tuned biological machine. Then I worked on my inside. The guilt. The fear. The pain. The negativity. I became stronger through all of this. I looked deep inside for the answers, and low and behold they were all there. Every single one of them was there. And those questions I couldn’t find complete answers for, I looked elsewhere to friends, family, and fellow humans for help. And they helped, with great pleasure. People have flocked from all over to help me through this tragedy. Teachers, friends, family doctors, family friends, loved ones, new friends, and even complete strangers.

Despite the fact that I am going to prison, I have continued to remain a productive member of society. I attend college as a full-time student, I have an internship, two jobs as a waiter and a yoga instructor, volunteer at a hospital, I write for the school newspaper, I run this website to help myself and others grow, and still manage to find time to hang out with the people I love.

Once I had worked on myself, it was time to give back to the world. I needed to tell my story, the tragic story of how this accident happened. While I am ashamed of my actions, I know with every fiber of my being that it was without intention and I know that great things can be learned from them. So I tell everyone I meet about who I am. I have no secrets, only stories. I publicly speak to students and other young people so they do not have to make the same mistake I did. And you know what? It feels AWESOME. The feeling I get telling my story (even though it is a sad one) is absolutely AMAZING. This has made me a better, stronger person, and I hope that by telling other people it will do the same for them.

Those are only two forms of adversity I have faced in my life. And despite the worst of it, great things have come from them. Sure, it sucks that I have to deal with it. But one thing I have learned from this is that someone else will always have bigger problems than you will. So learn to love your problems for what they are - embrace them - and conquer them!

Much love everyone.
Ian Andrew Smith.

R.I.P.

Words: Ian Smith

Note: Ian Smith is already facing time prison, but he is still an active person by writing letters to us and ocassional articles for this website. We all owe a great deal to him.