By Daniel Becerra

I’m walking my dog as I pass by the gym inside the condo I live in. As I’m walking I notice this girl with dirty blond hair. She was exercising and she was sweating. Guys, why is this a turn on? I don’t know. She looked like a soccer player. Long legs, hair pulled back, boy shorts and baggy shirt. Looks like a soccer player to me. I made a mental note to go back into the gym and meet this girl. Did I?

If you read this post, you’ll know that identification tops communication. Do you want further proof? Have you ever attended a seminar. I mean, a big-crowd seminar. What about a party? How many people did you communicate on these events? Tons. I don’t know about you, but I know that parties are meant to talk to people, even if that means a “How you doing man?” or “Nice to meet you, girl”. That’s talking. You may have even had a decent conversation of five to ten minutes, or perhaps even thirty or fifty minutes. Yet, when you left the party, neither of you was wishful to see the other. While another may have had a conversation of two to five minutes with a woman and the two of you just can’t wait to see each other again. Here is a little thing for you: Time spent doesn’t make the difference. But it certainly helps.

Alright, let’s move on to the good stuff. If you’re a man, it’s easier to identify with another man. If you’re a woman, it’s easier to identify with another woman. What’s tougher is to identify with someone of the opposite sex. Isn’t it? If it wasn’t, all of us would have countless females friends and vice-versa. Whether we grew up learning to identify with the opposite sex or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that you assume the responsibility for making that happen. Here is a goodie – identifying with others says a lot more about you than any DHV story. Why do you think that one who has a lot of friends in both sexes tends to be both more attractive and intriguing to the opposite sex? What is it called? Pre-Selection? Quite a brainer, isn’t it?

I would like you now to go back and read the conversation I had with the girl. Nothing out of this world. I used a dirty little trick of the phone conversation. Yes. That was meant for her to hear me speak and get familiar with my voice and existence (That’s key. Write that down). Then I proceeded to speak my mind. As Tom Church would say it “Honesty and Confidence”. Those two things will determine your success. How honest you’re and how confident you’re in saying it. Now, I want to make this clear. Not all of us have a legendary confidence to say something in a badass way. Some of our confidence may decrease if the woman is too beautiful or if we are not in state. True? Yes. But it is also true that you do not need a legendary confidence to pull things off (although that would be nice). For example, a very persistent guy I know from our website does not look, talk or move like a badass at all. Yet, the is able to attract wonderful people into his life. How does he do it? How does he and many other people go against all the “rules” yet they are able to outdo those who follow the “rules”?

He makes it because he knows that confidence is not a trait, it’s a skill. Confidence to believe that no matter what you do, you can still make it look cool. That’s confidence. Confidence is standing next to a girl taller than you and not feel self-conscious. Confidence is delivering a message that you know may not work and stand firm on it. Confidence – my dear good friend – is always getting back from a fall. That’s confidence.

Honesty and Confidence. But to spice it up, we’ll add Fascination. There my friends, lies the secret of identification. The movie “Peaceful Warrior” taught me something very valuable “There are no ordinary things” and Nick Krygier said it like this “How could anything be ordinary when everything is in constant growth and movement?”. If there are no ordinary things, that means that you can find the beauty in all things, you just gotta become fascinated about it. Fascinated enough to find those triggers that cause a person to feel identified with you. I said it before and I’ll say it again. Laughter is the best way to identify with someone. Next time you want to identify with someone, begin laughing really loud and when they ask you “What are you laughing about” – make an effort to notice how their body language changes towards you. They will be facing you more directly. Their arms and legs will be more open. Their muscles more relaxed and so on. Later on, when they associate that good feeling of laughter to something. That something will be you. Why do you think the routines and cocky and funny lines are so effective? There goes another goodie!

Honesty, Confidence and Fascination. Make it a challenge to innovate these skills into your life. Remember, they are not traits, they are skills. Being honest can be really hard and scary but it pays off. As a side note – when you begin to be honest, watch the way you say things. Don’t say “I want to do you really hard right now!”. Say “Girl, you look good tonight! BAM!”. Ain’t that a lot more playful and confident anyway? Ain’t that a much better way of identifying with a gorgeous woman? Now go do it tigers.

Is she a soccer player? I forgot to ask her. The article has that title because it will remind me to ask her if she is, when we meet up again this Tuesday.

- Daniel

P.S. Of course, this is a relatively old article. Yes. She plays soccer. I got a good instinct!

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook