Do what’s important before that which is urgent.

By Tom Church

Those of you who are well read in self-improvement material will be accusing me of stealing this concept from Stephen Covey. And I’m guilty as charged. I had to share this with you though:

Covey explains that urgent matters are those we write on to-do lists, post-it notes, stickers on the fridge and highlighted scribbles on last night’s Thai takeaway napkin. Urgent things must be done ASAP, they have deadlines and consequences. Yet important events take a lower priority. These include building relationships with friends, family, colleagues and even your pet dog. Important issues may sound trivial, (who would consider taking out your neighbour’s trash to be urgent? ) but they hold a stronger significance than sending that email to a business consultant before dusk.

Imagine a regular scenario in life whereby your girl friend plans a dinner for you both. The day arrives and whilst you’re at work the boss asks you to stay behind to discuss next month’s profit forecasts. Two options go through your mind: On the one hand you can gain greater respect and trust from your boss if you stay behind, possibly get to know him better at a personal level to further your financial career. On the other hand you say ‘no’ and go to dinner, thus showing your partner that she comes first which develops your relationship with her. It’s a tough choice, one that you should think about before making a firm decision.

What’s Urgent and What’s Important is the question you need to answer. Can the profit forecasts be discussed early morning the next day? Can the dinner be re-scheduled with minimal fuss? What does your girl friend think? Ask these questions then make a decision. If you decide to continue with the pre-arranged plans i.e. the dinner, then explain to your boss the truth: That you had already promised to take her out for dinner, and that you shall present the forecasts tomorrow morning at breakfast.

Important issues often regard family. Many of PUA Lifestyle readers are studying at University, and it is a familiar occurrence when a parent or loved one asks for a phone call soon. Yet when you wake up and look at your never ending scroll of a to-do list: assignments, revision, reading, tutorials, partying and sex, the phone call to Mum is the last thing on your mind. It’s the most important though. Family is your back bone and it is important to maintain regular ‘emotional bank deposits‘. Carrying out these important issues are crucial in determining your characteristics. By doing the important rather than the urgent, you develop trust with others; trust which grows slowly and strongly.

The same applies with friends. Imagine that your best mate is feeling a bit crap. His girl friend has just dumped him publicly over Twitter, and the last thing on his mind is to go to the party happening that night. This party is huge, all your other best friends, the chick that you’ve wanted for months, the best DJs, free drinks and you’re a VIP. Your other mates say that’s it’s imperative that you come, it’s absolutely needed, wanted, desired, and absurd if you don’t go. After all, SHE’s GOING TO BE THERE. Staying with your best mate is important, going to the party is urgent.

Your best mate tells you not to be a wet-bag and to go to the party. So you take his advice and go. Turning up with smiles and laughs your friends ask you of your mate. They’re glad you came, but slightly surprised you left him. Then the girl of your dreams walks straight up to you and asks where your best mate is…”You left him at home? Oh…” and then walks off. You’re muttering out, “he said I could go…he said he didn’t want me…come back!” But it’s too late. If you had stayed back, yes your other friends would have given you a tiny bit of stick, but they would all be appreciative of the fact that if it were them in a similar scenario, they could trust you.

In your job, whether it be a corporate firm or your own small-scale business the same principals apply. Lunch with a regular customer, or three phone calls to potential new clients? It’s important to maintain good relationships with existing customers, and it’s urgent to find new ones. I hope this message is becoming increasingly clear now, and that you find it pretty easy to determine which option you should choose.

Urgent matters have short term benefits. Important affairs have long term benefits. Handing in that essay on time will stop you from sticking out like a sore thumb, but talking to the professor for an hour after the lecture will perch you high on a pedestal. Going to the gym will prevent the loss of synchronization with your protein shake diet, but walking in the park with your sister will develop your relationship. Next crucial episode of Desperate Husbands or a conversation with your house mate? Urgent or Important? Covey says that it’s all about growing from independent to interdependent.

I received  an email from a certain girl back in England a few weeks ago explaining that she had a formal to attend yet had no date. She had asked several guys but they had all been taken, and this is a beautiful girl so it was quite surprising news. Being on the other side of the world I wondered how I could help, and the answer was obvious: Change a few flights and make a dream come true. I told her not to ask anyone else, and to trust that I would be there. What I sacrificed is irrelevant because I knew what was important to her and I.

As Daniel explains in Ten Tips For Finals Week,

“Learn to say ‘no’ to those things that are not important to you, so that you have enough power and time to say ‘yes’ to those things that ARE important.”

Distinguishing between these two variables is an important part of developing your characteristics. You can be the man that always have things done on time, you always perform well at work and you always go to parties…Or you can be the man that everyone trusts when they really need you, that they respect for prioritising relationships over social status, and admire for taking the time to understand before seeking to be understood.

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