By Daniel Becerra

This book is amazing. It’s a book that will give you a deeper understanding of communication in relationships. Of course, not just “communication”, but REAL communication (identification). If you have ever wondered why you kept doing things to show your love for somebody only to then find out that person didn’t feel loved at all by these actions. Yet, when someone else did another small detail – which seemed smaller in your eyes – it meant the world to that person. What is it about people that makes us respond to certain things very well? And very lightly to others?

Traditional dating ‘experts’ will tell you that what matters behind every action is the intention. Well, that’s nice, tell that to the one who is doomed to fail in relationships forever. While the intention matters, the way you communicate your love matters even more. Dr. Gary Chapman calls this the Five Love Languages. He presents this statement “You gave her flowers, when she really wanted was a hug. You kissed her when what she really wanted was a home cooked meal… It’s not your love, it’s your love language!”. The point is simple, we have different love languages and we respond to different things. If we learn to communicate in the love languages of our parents, friends, potential business partners, and so on, we are ensured to enrich our lives with fulfilled relationships. Here are the five love languages:

Words of Affirmation

Do you know someone who responds to words of encouragement really well? Or someone who constantly needs to be reminded that he or she is loved? On the other hand, have you ever told someone ‘I love you’ and even if it was true, he or she just didn’t believe it? All verbal expressions matter, but they matter more to certain people. Some of us respond better to words of affirmation, while others do not. Try saying phrases “Girl, you look beautiful tonight”. “You’re looking sharp!”. “Boy, do you ever know how to dress to impress!”. “Your work out is really beginning to apy off”. Of course, your words need to be sincere. You won’t tell someone he looks sharp when his shirt is wrinkled or not properly tucked in. Use what Tom Church said “Be honest in your confidence, and be confident in your honesty”

Quality Time

Sitting at the beach and watch the sun come down while youre talking about your childhood experiences. Or sit under the stars and talk about your dreams and vision of the future. Cooking a meal together and having a small food fight. Having silly games that bring you back to childhood for a minute. Having thought-provoking conversations. All of these thigns can be considered as quality time, and while there are countless others, you should not ignore trying a variety of different things.

Acts of Service

One of my ex-girlfriends recently told me “I loved when you used to take out the trash” with a big grin. Quiet a girlfriend, right? Some people just respond better to those kind of things. Most of us are plain flattered when someone does something for us, but there are certain acts of service that REALLY flatter other people. For instance, my aunt feels loved when I cook instead of having her cook. My friends love when I invite them to eat a home-cooked meal. Simple little details ca REALLY mean a lot. Just yesterday I bought a 30 cent scantron for a friend because I knew she had forgotten hers and she was so thankful and felt so loved. What did it cost? 30 cents. What were the results? Priceless.

Receiving Gifts

Some people just love receiving gifts. For them, it’s the way they feel loved and connected. It’s their channel to their soul. Don’t be scared, you do not have to buy expensive gifts. If you’re struggling financially,c creativity and being street-smart can get the job done. Common sense will tell you what you can give according to your income (and also what the other person deserves). Expressing love and affection for someone by buying them a necklance of diamonds within a week is not really love; it’s self interest. A love note in the mail. A rose. Now, from person experience I will tell you, if you give a gift and you nail exactly what she loves or likes, then you’re in for a big treat. The rewards will be huge. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Invest in your love and relationships for they will pay off very well.

Physical Touch

A rub in the shoulder. A slight spank in the butt, and yes pardon the bluntness but I love to do this . Holding hands from the car to the entrance to the mall. Putting your arm around her as you walk. Picking her up  as she screams for you to bring her down and so on. All of these are examples of physical touch and some people respond to it very well. Learning how to touch someone is an art. There  is no specific way to touch everyone, we all respond different to touch in different places, so investing the time to learn where your partner likes to be touched is so crucial. Don’t be afraid to touch people of the same sex. For instance, a manly touch on the shoulder is a great way to make someone feel more familiar with you. Some guys do not react well to it and that’s alright, not everyone will. Just like not every girl you meet will react well to a certain touch. Learn what turns on and off who.

The outcome you will get from investing in this book will far exceed the effort you do to get it. Buy it, read it, and let it change your love life.