BBC reports that positive statements make you feel worse. But what if you’re stating the wrong things?

Self help is sometimes given a bad name. On July 3rd, the BBC reported that Canadian researchers found that ‘those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves.’ (read article here)

Yet I believe this only happens when one tries to motivate themselves to do things that are not  in their true interests or they don’t combine positive statements with active progress.

A UK psychologist said people based their feelings about themselves on real evidence from their lives- whenever we feel that we have low self esteem, it’s based on real life experiences. Sounds obvious to me. So simply saying repeatedly to yourself, “I am confident. I have high self esteem” without real evidence will not work. Repeating positive statements derives from Victorian Samuel Smiles 150 years ago in his book ‘Self Help’.

Autosuggestion, made more popular by Napoleon Hill in ‘Think and Grow Rich’, is a ‘term that applies to all suggestions and all self-administered stimuli that reach ones mind through the five senses. Stated in another way, autosuggestion is self-suggestion.’

Hill noted more than 70 years ago that ‘the mere reading of the words is of no consequence unless you mix emotion, or feeling, with your words.’ In what seems like a forerunner to the Canadian research, he writes, ‘If you repeat a million times the famous Emil Coue formula, “Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better”, without mixing emotion and faith with your words, you will experience no desirable results.’ (italics included). Faith is belief, and as we’ve already noted belief comes from real life experience. In order to believe you are ‘getting better and better’ you have to prove it to yourself by making active progress.

• Relevant forum post: Think and Grow Rich Book Club

What do I mean by active progress? This entails that you are making a conscious effort to improve your circumstances. That you are not just repeating positive statements, but combining them with different activities with the aim to further your position.

Imagine for an instant that you’re terrible at making money. You’ve never earnt much, you’ve always spent more, you can’t save nor invest. You believe you’re renegade gambler, and everyone else believes it too. Just by autosuggesting ‘I will make some money, I will save, I will invest’ will not get you anywhere. You will not have faith until you actually start earning and saving: Make active progress.

• Relevant forum post: Use the power of now

Simon Gelsthorpe, a psychologist with Bradford District Care Trust and spokesman for the British Psychological Society, said self-esteem was based on a range of real life factors, and that counseling to build confidence – rather than telling yourself things are better than they are – was the solution.

Find your true interests and say the right things

Many self help guides simply explain to tell yourself that you are confident before and after you sleep. Yet what if confidence (or whatever the subject matter is) is not your true interest? How do you find what’s really the cause?

To find your true interests or where your problems lie ask yourself for the evidence. Let’s assume again you believe you’re terrible at making money. Where’s the evidence? At first you may think that the evidence is on the bank statement, but actually this does not show directly that you are bad at making money. How many times have you really, really tried to make money? How many times have you developed a plan to provide positive value to others, executed it, and failed to earn? List your real evidence and then take a step back.

• Relevant blog post: Explore the Ego

For every single thing listed explore it and ask yourself why you failed. It may be the case that you lacked confidence to make that one sales approach, or that you messed up your organisational roles. Perhaps you didn’t have a well defined goal, or that someone else in your team didn’t pull their weight. Either way a new true interest has been found. It’s not that you need to learn how to make money, it’s that you need to improve your confidence, organisation or motivational skills. Autosuggesting these right things will have a far greater impact as you have evidence and thus faith.

True interests help stick you to that goal

It is often the case that we set ourselves goals that dwindle out of existence. I’ve experienced this over and over again (some of which you can read in my online journal) because I haven’t aligned myself with true interests. How many times have you woken up one day and said, right this is it. I’m going to be dedicated to this goal until it’s achieved! Only to give in ten minutes later? Images of resisting video games to revise during high school exams pop up here. Once a true interest has been found you must set a clear, defined goal.

Napoleon Hill has these three steps for autosuggestion:

1. Go into some quiet spot (preferably in bed at night) where you will not be disturbed or interrupted. Close your eyes and repeat aloud (so you may hear your own words) the written statement of the amount of money you intend to accumulate, the time limit for its accumulation, and a description of the service or merchandise you intend to give in return for the money. As you carry out these instructions, see yourself already in possession of the money. For example: suppose you intend to accumulate $100,000 by the first of Januray, five years hence, and that you intend to give personal services in return for the money in the capacity of a sales representative. Your written statement of your purpose should be similar to the following:

‘By the first day of January 20… I will have in my possession $100,000, which will come to me in various amounts from time to time during the interim. In return for this money I will give the most efficient service of which I am capable, redering the fullest possible quantity and the best possible quality of service as a sales representative of (describe the service or merchandise you intend to sell). I believe I will have this money in my possession. My faith is so strong that I can now see this money before my eyes. I can touch it with my hands. It is now awaiting transfer to me in the proportion that I deliver the service I intend to render in return for it. I am awaiing a plan by which to accumulate this money, and I will follow that plan when it is received.’

2. Repeat this programme night and mornign until you can see (in your imagination) the money you intend to accumulate.

3. Place a written copy of your statement where you can see it night and morning. Read it just before retiring and upon rising until it has been memorised.

• Relevant forum category: Effectiveness, Goals and Intentions

Conclusion

Those with low self esteem will not feel better until they address the right problems, find their true interests and then make active progress towards them whilst repeating positive statements. Saying ‘I am confident’ will only work if you have evidence and thus faith. Even if it’s only the tiniest of things that you’ve done, saying it then will have a far greater weight and influence because no matter how small, it’s significant. Positive thoughts need actions to anchor them. So now that you’ve read all this – and I thank you – do you think that you’ve ever ’suffered’ from self help?

• Relevant Wikipedia page: Neuro-linguistic programming (anchoring)

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