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By Daniel Becerra

We all have expectations of ourselves and of the people around us – whether it be family, friends, or a partner. Some don’t like to admit it, but no one escapes it. There are certain things that we just love others to do for us and things we never want others to do. These expectations are so critical, because when we know someone expects something from us (and we care) we do our best to meet that expectation. For if we don’t, we know that loss of trust will take place. The problem is that all of us have expectations but few of us define those expectations – and even fewer state them. How could someone behave according to your expectations when they have no idea what your expectations are of him or her? How could you behave according to your family’s expectations or your girlfriend’s expectations? What about your friends? Even if you define your expectations, do you have the guts to communicate them?

When expectations are not met, then an invisible barrier begins to form and the more one tries to break it, the stronger it becomes. The reason is simple, one is trying to make up for something they are not aware of – even if they do something awesome, they are likely to make the same mistake, again and again. A very personal example is the following: I recently had a talk with one of my ex-girlfriends. It was one of those times when I felt that I really had to get to know my bad traits, so I asked her “What did you think of me? What was good? What could have I improved?”. Her answer was one of those that you know are coming but they still hurt you – “I loved everything about, you were and still are a great guy and lover, but it’s just that.. I only wished you would have taken me out more. I just wanted you to take me out more often”. I knew that was coming. I didn’t know it back during the relationship but I realized it after and my thoughts were confirmed that night. It was a nice relationship and I surely wanted to just make her happy, but I was trying to make up for expectations I had never met. There were occasions in which she tried to make up for expectations she hadn’t met, the problem was neither of us knew what our expectations of each other were!

Family, Friends and Partners

Defining expectations is not only important with your partner; it’s also critical with your friends and family. We all have expectations from friends, the problem comes when we don’t tell them. Our expectations, of course, should be reasonable and they are meant to make the relationship stronger and that the two parties benefit, not just one. It can be very hard to communicate your expectations (especially with family at times) but it’s one thing you really need to do. I will share some of the personal things I wrote in my journal so that you get the idea:

Friends

* I expect you to not betray my trust
* I expect you to listen
* I expect you to be on constant growth rather than in constant decline. It is alright to struggle (we all do) but don’t give up on yourself.
* I expect you to be able to admit your mistakes
* I expect you to have goals and dreams in life
* I expect you to be sincere with me
* I expect you to be understanding of myself and others
* I expect you to keep in touch with me
* I expect you to make time for me despite our busy schedules
* I expect you to love me for who I am, but I also expect you to be kind enough to point out where I go wrong, that’s real friendship
* I expect you to have a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself at times
* I expect you to be human and to joke around with me
* I expect you to have enough character to speak highly of others, and ignore the dirty mouths. It takes class to step above the mediocre, have that type of class.
* Specially, I expect you to keep your word, for I really want to trust you

Girlfriend (Exclusive or open)

* I expect you to be a part of my world, to discuss a book with me every now and then, to attend a seminar or workshop together. To just live a bit of my passion, just a bit of it. Just like I’ll live part of yours.
* I expect you to encourage me and support my decision for my career path, as I too will encourage and support yours.
* I really expect you to tell me what you expect of me
* I expect you to be sincere with me, especially when things go wrong
* I expect you to be passionate about something – anything
* I expect you to have a good sense of humor.
* More important – I expect you to have self-control
* Most important – * I expect you to be courageous and pursue your dreams with or without me – I’m not the center of your world, and neither are you mine. I expect us to live with each other, not for each other

Family (written from a son’s perspective – mostly)

* I expect you to divide chores in the household fairly
* I expect us to have lunch or dinner together as often as possible
* I expect us to make the sound during lunch or dinner table, and not the TV – turn that thing off
* I expect you to listen to me too, not just talk OVER me. I will listen if you listen.
* I expect you to be a role-model, and that you’re conscious that I pick up everything you do
* I expect us to lift each other up and never bring each other down
* I expect us to have moments of fun together, as a family, every so often
* I expect you to live what you preach and what you tell me
* I expect you to encourage me to dream and pursue my dreams
* I expect you to assist me in my formation of character, for it’s my goal that you’re proud of me
* I would like you to teach me values of hard work, discipline, oneness – but at the same time, I expect you to live by them
* I expect you to encourage me and point where I go wrong, but not to blame and put me down
* Most important – I expect us to be a family that lives with passion

I encourage you to define your expectations and to state them. You don’t have to sit down and say ‘this is what I expect of you’ – that can be tough. Try bringing them one at the time, do it when you’re getting to know each other, do it while you’re a conversation with a friend – do it. Don’t wait until something bad enough happens, it may be too hard to recover. Don’t succumb to fear or laziness, doing this will alter the course of your life forever.

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By Ian Smith

I’m a firm believer that there is a definite rhyme and reason to the way the universe works. While I am fairly certain that it isn’t set in stone, and that many things – including humans – create fluctuations in the way the world unfolds.

The events and situations we face everyday are cleverly disguised opportunities to realize, develop, and exercise our true potential. Now what exactly do I mean by ‘true potential’? Well, that’s simple. Each and every human being on the is planet – regardless of their physical, mental, or emotional limitations – has an indescribable capacity do to basically anything and to become anyone.

Keeping this in mind, reflect upon your own situation. I will reflect upon my own current situation to serve as an example.

- I founded this website to assist people in growing and becoming true men, while in the process allowing myself to do the same. However, I am going to prison very soon. My potential to do what I love and what also helps me become a better person on a daily basis is going to be severely cut off. I won’t be able to log-on and interact with you fine gentlemen. However, will I let this limit me? Indeed it won’t. I have taken the time to make things work, regardless of the shit I must go through. I have found care-takers and placed my faith into the co-founders and other leaders of this website to ensure it runs for everyone to use. For my own growth, I will handle that in many ways, making sure not to waste my time idly as I sit behind bars.

- Over the last few years, I have spent time on a daily basis improving my physical health. I look back at the kind of shape my body was in before, or even look around at countless people around me and I’m appalled by an overwhelming lack of respect, care, and knowledge of healthy living. When I noticed this about myself, what did I do? I didn’t feel bad for myself because I was a flabby mess, I got into a routine right away. Now here I am today, in amazing shape. I can’t remember the last time I fell ill, or wasn’t able to accomplish something physically. That is potential. Potential to be excellent.

- In high school, I was a run-of-the-mill student. I got C’s and B’s with no effort. Despite recommendations to try harder from family and teachers, I ignored them and continued doing what I was doing. Soon enough I realized that stupidity and mediocrity aren’t cool. So I started a new. Upon entering college I opened my mind, focused my intellectual energies, and started to pay attention and ask questions. And before I knew it, I was leading discussions in class, getting strait A’s, and discovered a new-found desire to learn everything I could. Today, people commend me on a regular basis about my intellectual prowess.

None of these things came easy. Nothing was given to me, and chances are, nothing will be given to you. Even when it is, you’ll wind up going back and doing it for yourself later (if you want to really know and grow). So what’s the lesson here?

Realize your true potential. If you want something, then GET IT. Don’t bullshit. Don’t sit idly resenting those who have it easier than you. Stop feeling bad for yourself. And don’t get discouraged by an overwhelming task that confronts you. You want to be an astronaut? Then be an astronaut. You wanna be the man that everyone loves, then BE that man. But get ready to WORK for what you want, because that’s just half the FUN. You can guess what the other half is!

Namaste.
Ian Smith.

Side-note: Ian Smith is already in prison, but this article is so inspiring that I decided to dig through the old files and pull it out. This guy is one of my best friends and a mentor to me.
- Daniel Becerra

Model: Our very own Kris Hansen

There is a good reason why ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ has sold near 10 million copies in the United States alone and several more million around the world (The book has been printed in 40 territories and 42 languages), and on top of that it is been considered the best-selling memoir of all time. The reason, I believe, is that it is celebrates the life of a beautiful being who faces death, and yet, for him, it was not the end, but the beginning of a new process. His death sentence, was not the end, it was the beginning. I should also mention that it was Morrie’s story that inspired to begin asking questions like “What is close to your heart?”, “What does really matter to you?”,and so on.Morrie Schwarts was a professor in Brandeis University and one of his fortunate students is the author of the book, Mitch Albom. In fact, Morrie was Mitch’s favorite professor Mitch became deeply close to Morrie, and he grew in his college years along with his professor, friend, and mentor, Morrie. Beyond all of the profound lessons that I will share in the next couple of paragraphs (which will be mostly quoted from the book itself) I can only say that I felt a bit of jealousy because I haven’t yet met a professor or adult like this. While I have read from plenty of them, I’m still to meet and spend much time with a true role model. Now, I originally planned to write about many of the lessons that Morrie shares with Mitch  as their last thesis (the book) was developed, but that would give too much away, therefore I’ll only touch on the subject that made the most impact on me and I bet will make an impact on you as well. The subject: Dying is not a sad thing, living unhappily is.

God knows that there were times where you and I have been through what seemed to be ultimate pain. I said “seemed” because the pain we feel to be ultimate is not so ultimate once we meet someone who got involved in a terrible car accident where the other person died and you have to carry with that death on your soul everyday. Now, that is only type of experience. There are parents who lost their sons, or a wife who lost her husband, or vice-versa. There are some pains that are harder to overcome than others, but the truth remains that there is no pain that never goes away. All sort of pains eventually die off, and they die off faster if you work on your soul to heal the pain, rather than just waiting for time to do so, or to pretend that there is no pain at all. The saying of “just keep living your life” is not the best advise you can give to someone.

The biggest pain, however, is living unhappily. Because no matter how much pain you go through your life, you will die. I will die. We will die. There will be a time where anyone who reads this article, will die. And that must be the suckiest part about life, but we have to accept it. It’s not like we can’t change anything about it anyway. Well, Morrie Schwartz – this incredible being – teaches us that since we all will die, then we might as well LIVE IT BIG while we are alive. Now, what does LIVING IT BIG mean? Have as much as fun as you can? Yeah, but not exactly. To Morrie, living it big means living happily and with a sense of purpose and contribution. I was amazed as to how – regardless of his sickened condition – he still contributed to the world (he came out in a night show called “Nightline” three times), to the people that read the book (he was aware the book would be published), and to Mitch, changing his life forever. I mean… the mere fact of this writing should tell you that Morrie Schwartz made a lasting impression on me and I never even met him! That’s how you know when something or someone is important

You’ll have to read it to understand because no review will ever come close to demonstrate his incredible wisdom. Buy the book, read it, highlight the parts that you like, then re-read it, and then rent the movie. You’ll love it.

In the spirit of Morrie Schwartz, I wish you all the best.

Fellow Members, I pose a question for you all.

What is a man?

Now obviously, there are simple answers to this question. Biologically, it doesn’t too mean too much to be a man; you need just to be born with the correct chromosomal match up. But this isn’t what I’m talking about; I am referring to a much deeper question. So before you continue reading this article I ask that you stop for a minute or two, and write down (or type on a notepad document) the qualities and virtues of a man. And while you write down these qualities, briefly think about why those qualities are important in being a man. Again, take your time with this, and please, think deeply when searching for these answers.

What makes a man a real man?

What I can tell you first and foremost is that the measure of a man is nothing in the material world. You are not a man because you are strong, because you are rich, or because you are powerful. While these are qualities of a man and in most cases, desirable ones, they are not essential to being a real man. The list of the extra qualities is extensive, and while they are things some of us may strive for, I repeat, they are not what it means to be a man.A man is a being of virtues, values (not value – value is something that is perceived andobjective, thereby always changing), and other fundamental properties, which I will discuss.

1. Virtue (ver-choo) noun – 1. Goodness; morality; Chasity. 2. A good moral quality, as in justice, 3. Excellence; merit; efficacy. 4. Being of a standard of rightness.

Virtue comes from the Latin root virtu- or virtus, meaning manliness, strength, and rightness. So what does it mean to be a righteous man? What are the virtues one should desire to embody? Well, there are many, to name a few:

Strength - While this can mean physical strength, more importantly it means inner strength. The type of strength that will get you through tough times, through problems, the type of strength we know as courage. The kind of strength that can show vulnerability and gentleness because they aren’t afraid of their inner side.

Discipline – Before you accomplish any goals or get anywhere with personal development, or becoming a man, you need to have the solid foundation of discipline that will keep you on track when the path gets bumpy with roadblocks, laziness, discouragement, or anything else that might knock you back into average-ness.

Balance - One of the most important qualities of a man is his degree of balance with all of his activities, qualities, skills, and everything else in his life. I’ve come across countless men who were very good with women in bed, and as a result had awesome sex lives, those same men however, had no idea how to create, nourish, nor sustain a meaningful relationship with a woman. As a result, they were very lonely, unhappy, and unbalanced. I’ve met many men who were in extremely good shape physically, but had horrible mental/emotional issues that were ignored; therefore though they looked good, were very unhealthy on the inside. The examples run on and on. Embrace your yin and your yang, your positive and negative attributes, and so on.

Control of Emotions – The idea that men are strictly rational beings, and aren’t capable of emotions is extremely misconstrued. We have been socially conditioned to hide our emotions, the most important of them being love, for the fear we may be seen as weak or feeble. Let your emotions show, learn to love those emotions, the good and the bad, learn to embrace them and finally to control them. The next time you feel angry or sad, let the feeling of the emotion brew within you, breath, and then let it pass. How did that feel? Do not be afraid of them, and certainly do not act irrationally on them. Do no let your emotions control you. You control them.

Acceptance and Tolerance - So many people in the world today are, unfortunately, so intolerant and close-minded that they don’t want to hear what people with other views have to say or how other people feel. People are intolerant of other cultures and societies without knowing anything about them. Prejudgment runs rampant and it causes nothing but confusion and more problems, not to mention, it makes you look like a jerk when you can’t sit down and have a conversation with someone you disagree with. Close-mindedness will make you likely to make an ignorant comment without your knowing, possibly offending someone you may wish to befriend.

Vision – The ability to see where you’re going. Where you’re going right now matters little to nothing compared to where you’re going. I was broke, literally broke and in debt, but I had this vision and it let it be well known, always – it was that vision that allows me to enjoy a great life today. The man who is going no where in life gets nothing. The man with plans achieves them, forever growing in a positive way. You don’t have to sabotage yourself into constantly growing, but you do need to remain aware of what your vision is.

Passion - Every successful person will tell you this. It’s a law. My passions are personal development, life, and people. Everything I do revolves around my passions. Because my passions are positive, my life remains that way.

Gratitude - If you can’t appreciate what you have, how can you truly have anything at all? Life is full of wonderful gifts. The man who knows this posesses riches beyong imagining.

Wisdom - Socrates called ‘Wisdom’ the greatest virtue of them all. Wisdom is understanding of all things, it is education mixed with intellectual and reflection. Wise individuals rarely find themselves in a situation that they can not handle. I think the book ‘Way of Peacefull Warrior’ by Dan Millan states a quote that represents wisdom perfectly. “Knowledge is knowing, wisdom is doing”, that is wisdom.

By focusing on developing these virtues (and others), rather than material objects, you are truly developing who you are as a man. Can you think of any other? If so, write them down as comments.

“Love is a choice we make from time to time”
- Barbara De Angelis

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself not being able to sleep. I rolled to the sides of my bed trying to find a position that would suit me to my best comfort. If you’ve tried this before you should know that it is a pointless attempt of getting sleep. Usually when you can’t sleep is because something is not right. I sat down and I started to meditate on all the things happening at that moment. I made a mental note of all the things I was grateful for. Picture this in your head and you will be able to see what I made a mental note of. There was me in the middle of a circle. On the edge of the circle, there were all the things that at that moment made up my life. There was books on one corner, there was my family on the other, there was school, there was girls, there was friends, there was exercising, there was the website, and that was it. At that moment, I should mention, I was going through the doubt and grief of not being able to have this beautiful woman by my side. But I begin asking myself, what is missing in my life? Is it this girl or is something else? Is it God? Is it my spiritual level? What is missing? Of course I couldn’t figure it out at that moment, in consequence my tired-self got to sleep around 5 AM.

The question of whether or not this had to do with spirituality or God remained in my head. Two days after this event, there was the Clubs fair. You know, that event in Universities/Colleges where different clubs are trying to recruit people. I came to this event knowing that I would sign up for some and also knowing that I would take the time to listen to some of the religious clubs (I surely knew there would be some) and see if any of them could say anything that hasn’t been said before to me. I’m hard-headed and I question all things, therefore telling me to just “believe” doesn’t cut it for me. I did my round and I told two religion-based clubs I would check out what they were all about and that I didn’t promise them anything. I left. As I was walking to my classroom, this guy came from behind me saying “Hey man, those are cool shoes. Where did you get them at?”. The shoes I was wearing were the Ed Hardy shoes my ex-girlfriend had given me. They have three women on the top. Needless to say, these shoes can catch some eyes. I explained that to him and shortly after I said “What do you got in there, fella?”. He was holding a bag with small papers inside it. I knew that was the catch, there was something written in those papers that he wanted to bring up.

He is a Bible-Study lecturer (and also a computer programmer). Hungry for knowledge as I was that day, I asked him to explain what his philosophy was on the Bible and he had something very interesting to say: “The Bible is up for interpretation, the problem is, most people interpret it to their convenience. This distorts the Bible’s reality”. That made sense. I proceeded to explain him that although raised a Catholic, I became an Atheist because no one ever game me the straight answers I was looking for. I explained him that I had become disappointed not with religion, but rather with the cynicism that revolves around it. I explained that I respected people of all types of religion and that as a matter of fact, some of my closest friends are very devoted to Christianity. I also explained him about my passion for Personal Development and how I believed to be very similar to Christians, in that both seek to help people and do as much good as we can. He was an excellent listener. He listened patiently and didn’t interrupt as I spoke. When he did speak, they were solid points about misconceptions of religion and how it is understandable how many people were given a distorted reality of religion. Here was a guy who wouldn’t give up! In short, the guy sold me before I could sell him.

I can not tell you that I was really excited to meet up with this guy, but there was something inside me that triggered me to call him. I thought that trigger came from my interest in getting him to work with me by programming the website, but I knew that in turn I would listen to him and the things he had to say about the Bible. In all honesty, something tells me that my sub-conscious was more interested in listening to what he had to say, rather than I could learn about computer programming. We met up for the first time along with one of his friends, and surprisingly, the discussion went for a good time. It was interesting to see in how many levels we agreed, we both learned from each other that day and needless to say I was pretty satisfied. We decided to continue the weekly discussions ever since. It’s been a couple of weeks now and we meet once a week to have our discussions. Each week we learn something new and it’s been amazing. I can honestly say that I have rejected religion for so long not because I disagreed with it, but rather because for a long time my vision of it was a unfair one. One that had wrongly been distorted as I grew up. I’m not a devoted by no means and I’m still learning about Christianity, therefore I’m in no position to ask you to consider it, but I can tell you, it is certainly starting to make sense now that I’m being given the straight answers from someone who is living the message. I think I came to completely realized when this guy shared with me a story about Napoleon Bonaparte. The story is about what Napoleon Bonaparte had to say about Jesus Christ.

When Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled from France to the rock of St. Helena. He found himself calling Count Montholon and asking him “Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?”. Count Montholon declined to answer. So, Napoleon countered: “Well, then I’ll tell you” he continued “Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him”. The rest of the story can be found on the link above, but this bit of the story sums it up. While Napoleon built a legacy based upon force and violence, Jesus Christ built a legacy upon love. And I believe that regardless of religion, ethnicity or gender, we shall all strike to cultivate just that, LOVE. I’m not a Christian yet, but I’m certainly begin to see things more clear. I learned that “Christian” derives from “Chirst”, from Jesus Christ. A man who died being nobody, but whose life and principles were preached, praised, and celebrated after his death and continue to be to date. This article is meant not to talk about religion but rather to show you that the principle of Love can very well be the most powerful principle of life. You need no further proof than that powerful belief in love that has lived and continues to live for centuries. Please, understand that I’m not praising religion here. I’m praising love. The story of Jesus Christ was meant to show you that love is so powerful. This man became a legacy that lives to date because of his message of love.

There are many Catholics, Christians, Jewish and many other religions (forgive me if I did not mention yours), and even Atheists that live by this principle of love and that’s really all that matters. Love is what brings these people together. The label for the religion is just that: a label. I encourage you to follow the principle of love. Follow the example of that man, Jesus Christ, who changed the world based on love only. I still don’t understand how Jesus Christ is connected to God, but I hope I do one day. I want to become as aware as possible of the things around me. I plan to read the Bible as well and I encourage you to do so as well. There is a reason why many successful people recommend it and why it has been the book that sells the most through all these years. Spread love around you. As Steve Pavlina mentions in his book “Love is more than an emotion, it’s the decision to connect with others”. It’s to recognize that we all can connect with each other in way or another. That’s the truth. And the closer we get to the truth, the better we’ll live.

I’ll finish this article with another excerpt from the story: “This phenomenon (love) is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man’s creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame (love); time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range“. Regardless of this story being true or not, the point is clear that what has preserved this legacy of Christianity through years is the principle of love. Perhaps this is why Zan Perrion says “A man who truly loves women is of course, loved by women”. Time can not destroy love, neither can aging. Love is the only thing that time can not destroy. You can be a young man who really loves women and you watch how young or older women will find you attractive. At the same time, an older man who loves women can get both, younger or his age. Coincidence? Of course not. You can love someone so much and have that person remember you with passion for the rest of his/her life. Don’t tell me that love isn’t powerful, because it is! Love is the moving force. Let your hunger for spreading love be greater than your fear of approaching or achieving. The minute that you truly recognize that you love something is the minute that you begin to act upon it. The minute that you recognize your love for something or someone is the minute that something or that someone begins to unveil its/his/her secrets.

I’m really beginning to believe that a man’s success is not based upon his achievements but rather upon how much love did he live by and how much of it did he spread. How loved he was by his family and the people around him. Someone may say “But, how do I love others?”. Honestly, I can’t give you a better answer other than “to choose to do it, to choose to love”. I’m currently doing what I love, but always what I love involves doing some things that I don’t enjoy so much. I love helping people, what I don’t enjoy so much is spending so many hours of my time working hard. But hey, the love for helping others makes it seem like an effortless task. In the same way, making a conscious effort to love life and others can do the same for you – make life seem so effortlessly enjoyable.

As far as believing in Jesus Christ, I will tell you that the image I have of him right now is that he is the most influential man in history. There is proof that he existed and I’ll give the benefit of the doubt and believe that he did exist, but whether or not he did exist, what still remains alive is the principle of love. If the principle of love made a man be remembered and influential for centuries, wouldn’t you be excited to begin applying it? I hope so.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow on Twitter and Facebook

You cannot step into the same river twice.

When you learn to become aware of the ever changing nature of constants, and that everything is actually dynamic, one gains a greater appreciation for the complexity of the Universe. With appreciation comes understanding, and with understanding comes respect.

An exercise taught to me (although not a new one by a long shot) at my first Buddhism class, was that of becoming self-aware – physically. We were instructed to close our eyes, and imagine a scan crossing our body. Our minds being the scanner.

You begin to feel things that were never there before: itches, aches, pains, drafts, tension, your heart beat, changing pressures, moving hairs, relaxing and contracting muscles as well as the weight of your head on your neck.

After a while (around 30 minutes) we were told not to scan, but rather to allow the moments to happen, and just to witness them. The number of individual inputs (i.e. feelings felt) was astonishing, increasingly so as time went on. Indeed, time becomes distorted as you become disengaged with the external environment.

However, the important lesson learnt was that these aches and pains appear and then pass. They are simply moments. When we accidentally try to focus on something, we are attempting to cling onto something that cannot be clung to. This is how attachment begins.

Taking this concept into the external environment of our lives; understanding the nature of this allows us to accept failures, problems, sorrow, negativity truthfully for what they are: moments.

Whenever we try to build up mental resistance against a certain thought or desire, we find conflict and it leads to negative emotions. For example, if you were trying to give up smoking, you will gain the desire to light a cigarette. You create resistance in your mind, leading to an irritable self. However, if you accepted the desire and allowed it to pass through you, then negative emotions would be avoided, and replaced by a positive aura.

Accepting the moment, as I have already mentioned, leads to respect. Comparatively to negative issues being prolonged and multiplied, positive moments result in the opposite. When an event takes place that causes good, beneficial results, often this leads to a greater feeling of happiness. Joy then influences further decisions and thoughts made, which often lead to even more positive gains.

Try to think of time as a continuous flow of events. There is no beginning nor end as we have been taught with dates, years and times. Simply close your eyes and you will feel hundreds of different influences in your body. When something bad happens, try to accept that it was just a moment. When something good happens, also accept that it was just a moment. Only then can you truly begin to embrace life for what it is: dynamic.

We are in a passing with the Earth. We are the Earth. The Earth is us. Yet as the Earth and us are constantly changing, how does this challenge our definition of self?

Words: Tom Church

I have to admit it. I’m losing hair. It’s a sad reality and up until a few months ago, few people noticed it. Mostly girls noticed it. They are the ones who pay attention to every little detail. It really used to bug me quite a bit when people would notice it, because let me tell you – it is not the most attractive thing in the world. I realize it’s not use to get upset about it. It’s something I can’t control at the moment (remember you will never have complete control), so rather than whining about it, I choose to poke a bit of fun at myself, to inspire others to do the same. For instance, when I meet a girl and she notices it. I’ll say:

1. Yeah. But I didn’t notice it. They fell one at a time.

2. I wear great t-shirts with great designs because I know no one will say: Daniel, great hair! And… You DID look at my shirt first! (And they usually do)

This would have the girl and people not only laughing, but also letting themselves loose. They would feel in the company of a person that can actually open himself up without expecting others to open up. You see, some people easily open up to others. For others, it’s not so easy. But begin learning this right now – if you want others to open, begin by opening up yourself to them first. Another example would be my height. For those of you who met me, you know I’m not the tallest dating/personal growth instructor. I’m quite short but I ain’t telling you my height. So when I meet a girl I’ll say: “The first thing I liked about you was your height. You’re short. So we match”. It usually gets more than a laugh.

If you’re familiar with the concept of Cocky & Funny – which was originally brought up by David DeAngelo – then you will have a certain idea that humor is powerful. It wasn’t David D who created this concept though, the concept has existed for a long time, therefore Cocky & Funny, or the power of humor is not a new concept. Make certain that I don’t point out the former to bring down the guy (as a matter of fact, I have a tremendous amount of respect for him), but rather to show you that it doesn’t take any super skill to master humor, or have a small sense of humor at the very least. Everybody has a sense of humor, if you don’t use it, you may as well not have it.

Humor is not only attractive, it also has healing powers. Nothing like a good smile or a good laugh to get you out of a negative state. It goes further than that though. Humor is a key to enjoy life. If you can laugh at your own failures, then you can capitalize more on them. The job of a leader is to not only laugh at himself/herself, but to also inspire others to laugh a little at themselves. A great leader is the one who can make you smile at yourself and the one that makes you think “I can’t believe I was whining about this tiny problem. Life is much better than that!” When you adapt the mentality of laughing a bit at yourself, all of the sudden you release stress. I was not feeling that great even after a very productive week. I had let external factors affect my internal game. Well, that happens to most of us. We shall strike though, for affecting the external reality with our internal game, and not the other way around.

Now, you don’t have to be a comedian to be successful. You don’t have to laugh all the time and be the center of the group to be great with women, but you have to be damn insensitive not to realize that a good smile or laugh can make that girl better, instead of bitter. And your job as a man, is to make people better. Tell me a better, cheaper way to make a person better or to create a good atmosphere than a good laugh! WOOOOHOOOHH! So right now, as you’re reading this. Practice! Practice now! When you feel like laughing, let it out! Let it out! WOOOOHOOOH! You, my friend, get this to your head. You don’t have to be a great laugher or an incredibly funny person, but you shall know that humor is a very powerful tool for the mind, the soul and the heart. Therefore, I urge you to become a student of humor.

You can be a student of humor through reading, watching stand up comedians, or some hilarious TV shows. For example: Friends or the 70′s show. Which reminds me, you know that guy Fez from the 70′s show? Well, people often tell me I sound like him. I often reply to them “He is lucky to even sound like me!” Find situations to be able to laugh and smile at yourself. Laughing at yourself doesn’t mean you like to fail or to be the point of everyone’s laughter, but it means that for one, you capitalize on things that others wouldn’t and two, you have more confidence than those who choose to get upset. Laugh. Laugh at your own frustrations. Laugh at your bad luck. Laugh at the fact that your girlfriend dumped you for being needy. Laugh at the fact that you wasted many years of your life chasing something not worth the effort. Laugh. Forever, keep a sense of humor. Keep a sense of humor specially about yourself and others will remember you forever.

There is no excuses not to learn humor. No excuses not to learn anything at all, really. The resources are out there for Garfield’s sake. You just need to use them.  I hope you create a wonderful day. I hope that you make some people laugh or smile after you read this. Tomorrow I go back to University and I can not wait. Have a wonderful time, my family!

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook