By Daniel Becerra

I’m walking my dog as I pass by the gym inside the condo I live in. As I’m walking I notice this girl with dirty blond hair. She was exercising and she was sweating. Guys, why is this a turn on? I don’t know. She looked like a soccer player. Long legs, hair pulled back, boy shorts and baggy shirt. Looks like a soccer player to me. I made a mental note to go back into the gym and meet this girl. Did I?

If you read this post, you’ll know that identification tops communication. Do you want further proof? Have you ever attended a seminar. I mean, a big-crowd seminar. What about a party? How many people did you communicate on these events? Tons. I don’t know about you, but I know that parties are meant to talk to people, even if that means a “How you doing man?” or “Nice to meet you, girl”. That’s talking. You may have even had a decent conversation of five to ten minutes, or perhaps even thirty or fifty minutes. Yet, when you left the party, neither of you was wishful to see the other. While another may have had a conversation of two to five minutes with a woman and the two of you just can’t wait to see each other again. Here is a little thing for you: Time spent doesn’t make the difference. But it certainly helps.

Alright, let’s move on to the good stuff. If you’re a man, it’s easier to identify with another man. If you’re a woman, it’s easier to identify with another woman. What’s tougher is to identify with someone of the opposite sex. Isn’t it? If it wasn’t, all of us would have countless females friends and vice-versa. Whether we grew up learning to identify with the opposite sex or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that you assume the responsibility for making that happen. Here is a goodie – identifying with others says a lot more about you than any DHV story. Why do you think that one who has a lot of friends in both sexes tends to be both more attractive and intriguing to the opposite sex? What is it called? Pre-Selection? Quite a brainer, isn’t it?

I would like you now to go back and read the conversation I had with the girl. Nothing out of this world. I used a dirty little trick of the phone conversation. Yes. That was meant for her to hear me speak and get familiar with my voice and existence (That’s key. Write that down). Then I proceeded to speak my mind. As Tom Church would say it “Honesty and Confidence”. Those two things will determine your success. How honest you’re and how confident you’re in saying it. Now, I want to make this clear. Not all of us have a legendary confidence to say something in a badass way. Some of our confidence may decrease if the woman is too beautiful or if we are not in state. True? Yes. But it is also true that you do not need a legendary confidence to pull things off (although that would be nice). For example, a very persistent guy I know from our website does not look, talk or move like a badass at all. Yet, the is able to attract wonderful people into his life. How does he do it? How does he and many other people go against all the “rules” yet they are able to outdo those who follow the “rules”?

He makes it because he knows that confidence is not a trait, it’s a skill. Confidence to believe that no matter what you do, you can still make it look cool. That’s confidence. Confidence is standing next to a girl taller than you and not feel self-conscious. Confidence is delivering a message that you know may not work and stand firm on it. Confidence – my dear good friend – is always getting back from a fall. That’s confidence.

Honesty and Confidence. But to spice it up, we’ll add Fascination. There my friends, lies the secret of identification. The movie “Peaceful Warrior” taught me something very valuable “There are no ordinary things” and Nick Krygier said it like this “How could anything be ordinary when everything is in constant growth and movement?”. If there are no ordinary things, that means that you can find the beauty in all things, you just gotta become fascinated about it. Fascinated enough to find those triggers that cause a person to feel identified with you. I said it before and I’ll say it again. Laughter is the best way to identify with someone. Next time you want to identify with someone, begin laughing really loud and when they ask you “What are you laughing about” – make an effort to notice how their body language changes towards you. They will be facing you more directly. Their arms and legs will be more open. Their muscles more relaxed and so on. Later on, when they associate that good feeling of laughter to something. That something will be you. Why do you think the routines and cocky and funny lines are so effective? There goes another goodie!

Honesty, Confidence and Fascination. Make it a challenge to innovate these skills into your life. Remember, they are not traits, they are skills. Being honest can be really hard and scary but it pays off. As a side note – when you begin to be honest, watch the way you say things. Don’t say “I want to do you really hard right now!”. Say “Girl, you look good tonight! BAM!”. Ain’t that a lot more playful and confident anyway? Ain’t that a much better way of identifying with a gorgeous woman? Now go do it tigers.

Is she a soccer player? I forgot to ask her. The article has that title because it will remind me to ask her if she is, when we meet up again this Tuesday.

- Daniel

P.S. Of course, this is a relatively old article. Yes. She plays soccer. I got a good instinct!

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

By Daniel Becerra

It was my second day of class at  university. I had already talked to some people, nothing special. I decided to take a seat near a tree and begin reading a book. I sat down on the shade and I let myself fall immerse into countless captivating lines and soon enough, I found myself not thinking about anything, the only thing I was focused on was that which my eyes were looking at: The Book. It’s a rare feeling. A feeling in which everything around you looks beautiful. Everything around you seems to have more meaning than the usual. All of the sudden you can notice all the little details in a woman’s laugh, in her smile, in her walk. It is indeed a rare feeling and I don’t know how other way I can put it. Anyway, I sat down there for a good 45 minutes and I seemed to have achieved a piece of mind, a genuine smile and a positive – although seemingly neutral – energy. Something amazing happened at that moment. I stood up and I looked around and I saw what I hadn’t seen had I not been in the state I was. I saw a bunch of beautiful women sitting alone. They were all approachable. And I knew it. I knew it. I sensed it. But I tell you this – and I can put my word on it – had I not been in that state, I would’ve thought they were not approachable.

I headed toward a petite red-headed wearing sunglasses, sitting on a bench just looking around. Empty your head.. I didn’t think. I didn’t think about what I would say or how she would react. I knew from the moment that I walked that I wasn’t going to “attract” or set “comfort”, but rather I was going there to share a moment with another human being. I was going there to sit a doing simple thing in an extraordinary way. There lies the success of everything: Doing simple things in an extraordinary way. I was going to identify with a stranger. And I knew that in order to identify with someone I need not the words, but the focus on offering what she wanted. I’ve been sharing this secret with a few people, but it wasn’t until that day that I felt the power of it – the secret is this: You can get enough of what you want if you only helped others get what they want. And often what they want is the real you. If they don’t want the real you, they want something that isn’t you. Run away.

Daniel: Hey, do you mind if… I sit here with you?
Petite Cutie: Sure
Daniel: Yeah. After all, it’s much better to waste time with someone than wasting time alone!
Petite Cutie: [giggles]
Daniel: Notice I said “wasting” time. Alright?
Petite Cutie: [giggles] I know. My break is too long. Are you on break too?
Daniel: Yes, I am.
Petite Cutie: How much time you got?
Daniel: You and I got about 30 more minutes for conversation.
Petite Cutie: You and I? You like to assume, don’t you? (Oh, a tester!)
Daniel: What would life be if we didn’t assume?
Petite Cutie: You sound like a geek.
Daniel: I’m the sexiest geek you’ll run into.
Petite Cutie: [Loud Laugh] (Her laugh is cute)
Daniel: C’mon. Let’s walk around.

It takes more than smooth talk to be able to identify with someone. Remember that when we identify with someone we can say a great deal without saying very much. But if you don’t identify, you can say all you want and still part away like strangers. How many times did you “game” someone and soon enough you weren’t able to reach that person. You want to know how to tell if you’re good identifying with people? Look at your relationships with the people you live with. Not your closest friends, it’s obvious that you identify with them, that’s why you’re friends. But look at the people you live with. Have you ever wondered how many families live together their entire lives but they don’t know each other at all? You want to know how you ARE identified with someone? I can tell you how. Sit next to someone in silence, and check if the situation is awkward. If it’s not awkward, then you’re identified with that person. Notice how when you sit next to your best friend, you can be in total silence and not feel awkward.

You may ask, how do I identify with someone?. I’m a believer that if you want to identify with others, you must get them to open themselves up to you. And in order to do that, you must first open up to THEM. And I tell you there are many ways to open up to people. And in my experience, the most powerful of them is the tool of humor and laughter. Being able to smile a little at yourself and getting others to do the same is the most powerful way to get them to identify with you. Setting that atmosphere is a crucial expect, the rest is being real. Don’t be a I-can-do-it-all-ass when you talk to a woman, be simply real. Some of the guys that I’ve seen to be most successful in Night Clubs have a great sense of humor about themselves and getting the girls to laugh at themselves. For example: Calling her a dork, or a little sister and so on. Once the atmosphere is set, it is easy to escalate sexually. I mean, easy.

When you’re talking with women. Don’t be a smart ass, be down to to earth. Don’t be an I-can-do-it-all, be real. Don’t give her a lecture on self-development because that’s just knowledge. Wisdom is doing it. For instance, you know that laughter is good for the soul. Therefore make her laugh. But you also know that there is a difference between sense of humor and a dancing monkey. Knowledge is knowing, wisdom is applying (Thank You Bruce Lee) Are you ready to be wise?

A Final Note

You can meet women in every corner of the planet. But in order to do that, you must do simple things in extraordinary ways. Don’t practice just pick up. Practice everything. Relax and achieve a peace of mind. Don’t focus on getting what you want out of them, but rather what could you give to them. They are out there. They are in parks, coffee shops, in a bookstore, in school, at work. Everywhere. It doesn’t take a big man to get a woman, it takes a real man. To become real, you must be real with yourself. You must learn to recognize yourself. Watch your thoughts, watch your emotions, watch your body movement. Become aware of all of them and once you know them. accept that they are yours. And if you don’t want to accept them, then change them. And once you change them, accept them.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.