There are common patterns to men who get quality and quantity, just like there are common patterns to men who get quantity but low quality, and of course like the guys who get low quantity and low quality. I personally define quality as character. The great thing about defining quality by character is that character involves great looks too. Character does not discriminate looks, but good looks can fall short of character. Some people are very good looking but have very little character. Fortunately a good character attracts good character, regardless of the looks.

What’s Good Character?

Good character is looking at the heart instead of looking at the outside.

While most men are primarily concerned about the looks of woman, a rare man is first and foremost concerned about her character. This majority of men can easily ignore things like intelligence, self-esteem, sense of contribution, and so on. They fail to realize that looks wear off, but character never dies. You might initially be attracted to the looks, but you fall in love with the character. In any circumstance, when men look solely at the exterior and determine quality by it, they praise the one thing that most other men praise: Looks. Think about it – mostly everyone of your guy friends talk about “how hot that chick is” and together they praise her looks, but it’s the man who is unimpressed by her looks and more taken by her character that will win her. This scenario repeats itself over and over again.

In order to better understand the reasons behind this, put yourself in the position of a very good looking girl with strong character. Imagine being that girl and having to put up with every guy trying to grind you from behind or grabbing your arm and saying “What’s up baby girl, do you have a boyfriend?” All of these attempts are pathetic and more importantly, overused. In view of that, while all the other guys do the typical thing, there is one man who is unimpressed by the looks, but certainly curious about the character (and secretly the looks too). He knows that looks can only take someone so far therefore he wisely seeks character above all. This is what very few men know and act on, and the reason why women drool over him. It’s a rare man that sees beyond the looks and it is this quality that makes him so unique and interesting. This is a new challenge.

Take It From The Roots

Stop just treating the symptoms, cure the disease instead

If you’re well read on this site or other truthful dating sites, you may have heard that you “ought to be a challenge to women and make sure her looks don’t affect you”. While that’s true, there is a difference between achieving this with techniques or manipulative behavior and achieving it through true character. In other words, there is a difference between treating the symptom and curing it.

I’m not suggesting that you go and tell yourself one hundred times that you’re not affected by the looks of a beautiful woman, or that you ‘neg’ her to prove you’re not intimidated or to teaser her. I’m not suggesting that you treat the symptom by using techniques or band-aids for when you get rejected. Instead, I’m suggesting that you cure the disease! To cure the disease means to change your perspective instead of changing your techniques.

A change in your physical approach will bring some change, but a change in your perspective will bring massive change. Why is this so? Because your perspective on things determines your techniques and everything else! On the other hand, a change in your technique will be limited if you don’t change your perspective. A change on technique while keeping the same perspective is similar to putting an unfit tire on a car using many different tools. No matter how hard you try or how different your tool is, if the tire is does not fit, then it won’t work. Sure, massive change on technique (over time) will eventually lead to change on perspective but it might take more time than you can afford. There is no pretending on one’s perspective – eventually your behavior will give you away.

Principle-Centered Perspective

You cannot break the laws; you can only break yourself against them.

I almost feel like I’m stealing Stephen Covey’s genius, but I think it’s necessary to explain this briefly before moving on. Stephen Covey is known for his take on Principle-Centered living. His books 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Principle-Centered Leadership, and First Things First (a trilogy I strongly recommend you read) deal with principle-centered living in depth. The main idea is that there are principles for living and there are consequences when we either live in harmony with these principles or against them. For instance, one principle is that of fairness. We can try to cheat the system, violate the rules, be unfair, but at the end, life will hammer us out. But if we live in harmony with fairness, we’ll be rewarded. In short, there is a way things work. Oh how true this is… there are ways things are supposed to work. We can fight against them but we’ll never win. Let’s now apply this concept of principle-centered living to dating, specifically the…

The Perspective of Imperfect Beings and Oneness

Get used to imperfection, it’ll make you more human.

I thought about it for a long time and experience with it for even longer; if there is one perspective to have on dating is that we are all imperfect beings – that indeed we’ll never be perfect. No matter how gorgeous looking or how promising someone is, people will let us down in one way or another. But that’s not the whole equation, we need oneness in it. Oneness tells us that we must live with imperfection and accept it. We must learn to forgive, move on, and in some occasions trust again. When one adopts this perspective, then we tend to seek for character. Looks no longer make up the perfect girl. We see beyond the surface and this makes the timid uneasy and the confident feel at home. Remember that everything wears off except character. It’s one of the few things no one can take away from you.

This is not to disappoint anyone and quickly look for a person’s fault. This is to say that when the fault comes, you’re okay with it. Knowing that we’ll never be perfect makes it so that we don’t glorify looks, but at the same time, it helps us appreciate the character of others.

Skills, Looks, and Competence

Character is not visible at first sight but other things are

You may have a great character, but how will someone ever know if they were never intrigued to find out? Character is not visible at first sight, that’s why you capitalize on skills and looks. Ian Smith put it best in his brilliant article The Darn Good Reasons He Gets The Girl, when he said “Men who are successful with women are both competent in their abilities and confident in themselves”. Here is the deal: You do need the skills and you do need the looks. They are the ones that make the first impressions (and how important are those!). By skills I don’t mean you ought to be able to tell an entertaining story to dozens of people at the same time or fight a lion, but I do mean basic skills such as holding a good conversation or speaking confidently with her friends. And by looks I don’t mean you ought to look like Brad Pitt, but I do mean well-groomed, well-dressed and with an inviting smile. Needless to say, some skills are more attractive than others (per say artistic or fighting skills) and the better looks the merrier, but these are never defining. They just add to the equation.

Let me reiterate that again, skills and looks are not defining, they just add to the equation.

Conclusion

Behind the pretty [and not-so-pretty] faces, we find the same tender emotions that can either master us or be mastered by us. At the end of the day, remember the timeless advice that so many brilliant minds have repeated over and over again: They may forget almost everything, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.

By Ian Smith

1. No Fear

Fear creates resistance, resistance creates reluctance, reluctance creates… and well, reluctance creates nothing! When you do not act, you do not gain anything. Even when a man fails, he gains experience. He who doesn’t act gains nothing but a stronger sense of fear. By not acting, you are cementing that fear into your psyche. Most of the times, if you ask strikingly beautiful women if they are approached a lot, she will say no. And if you see the man she is with, you may wonder to yourself “Really? She picked him?” She didn’t pick this man because he has the best looks or the nicest car, she picked him because he had no fear, and he was  one of the few who approached her. Overcome fear, because in all reality, most of the fears you may have are really silly and illogical.

2. No reservations

This is tied closely to having no fear, but instead is more so linked to the fact that men who are successful with women aren’t tied down by much in their lives. Not much holds them back, and therefore they are able to act without being disabled by what are realistically insignificant aspects of their life. For example, I went two years of my life with a suspended license, during which time I was obviously unable to operate a motor vehicle. Some men would have taken this as a fatal blow to their ability to get girls, but instead of worrying endlessly about what I would do, I just acted. Sure, some girls were turned off by the fact I wasn’t able to pick them up for a date or disillusioned with the idea of dating a guy who was unable to drive, but for the most part this was no major roadblock.

I was honest and clear-cut with my situations and they respected the fact that I made no excuses for it. At the end of the day, it didn’t stop me at all. In fact, many of the women enjoyed playing a more commanding role in the relationship. They got to choose where we went when they would come over, and how we got there. I didn’t mind and for the most part, neither did they. Lesson being, we all have our obstacles, whether they are social, family, or material problems, we can’t let them hold us back from getting what we want.

3. Unique

Following the cookie-cutter example of what masculinity should be is only going to get you a certain type of woman and a certain type of relationship. That being, a cookie-cutter one. You are going to land yourself a ‘blah’ girl and a ‘blah’ relationship. People, in general, are drawn to that which they do not know or are unfamiliar with. If you approach a girl with the same old same old, then she is going to be unimpressed and therefore unenthusiastic in relation to you. In my years on the outside, I was told over and over again by the woman I spent my time with that they were impressed by whom I was. They were surprised when they first met me because they had expected something completely different. Once we began to converse, they were taken off guard by the fact that I was a yoga instructor, philosophy major, MMA fighter, and so on. By knocking down people’s expectations of you with a more intense and interesting illustration of the man you are, they will be absolutely drawn in, so that they may learn more!

4. Manners

There is a huge misconception that says that ‘assholes’ get all the girls. I can tell you that nothing is more false than this statement. Sure, assholes get girls, but they don’t get quality women. They get a woman who is masochistic, passive, and too submissive. What is true is that women like the ‘bad boy’ archetype, but they also want that bad boy to be a sweetheart. There is a fine balance one must strike to truly obtain Grade A women. Having good manners are an extremely important part of your persona, no matter what role you play in life. It’s really quite simple, but just like it, in these days good manners are quite rare. This again, makes you not only well-manners, but also unique.

5. Passion

Passion is a strong desire toward something of your liking. When women see a passionate men, they translate that to mean that this man will be passionate about their relationship. Passion is really the great energizer. Say you’re an animal or nature lover or you are passionate about a sport or some other activity. A woman will see that in your eyes, your words, or in your actions and she will know that this can be translated. There are different types of passion, some of which mean different things to a woman. She will see an animal lover or nature lover as a caring and compassionate caretaker, while she will see someone who is passionate about health and wellness as someone who will be a passionate lover. Knowing this can be used to your advantage in many, many ways.

6. Confidence and Competence

Often times, men walk around with a bloated sense of self-confidence when they aren’t competent – or capable – in their abilities. And other times men lack a sense of self-confidence, even when they are in fact competent in many areas of their lives. There is a balance to be struck. You cannot be confident and not be competent, because sooner or later your skills will be discovered. There is also a problem with being competent, and having no confidence. Your abilities will never have the chance to shine if you lack the confidence to display them. Men who are successful with women are both competent in their abilities and confident in themselves.

For instance, if you are an incredibly intelligent and worldly individual, but never speak up in conversation, no one will ever know this. Or if you are not intelligent, but your false sense of confidence leads you to believe you are, chance are that you may find yourself putting your foot in your mouth and showing your ignorance. Confidence drives women crazy, but over-confidence drives them away! Competence is attractive. Everyone loves someone with talents, but without the confidence to shine, those abilities will never come to light. Reflect and find your balance.

7. Honesty

Being truly honest is something that most people have incredible difficulty with. People tell lies all the time, day in and day out. Big lies and small lies. People lies so much, that many times we don’t even realize we are doing it. Whether we are embellishing a story, covering a mistake, or outright lying, it matters not. This makes honesty a rarity in today’s world. When women (or anyone for that matter) are faced with frank honesty, it is a shocker.Especially when it comes to how you feel or what you think about them. As men, we find ourselves hiding our feelings in an attempt not to be vulnerable. But from my own experiences, every time I’m completely honest with a woman, it brings good things to my relationship with her. Whether I tell her “I really like you” (she likes this) or “I am not looking for a serious relationship, but I want to continue to spend time with you” (she might not like this, but she appreciates the honesty), I always have good results. Try telling the truth; but try it all the time!

8. Deep and Simple

I have never been the guy who goes all out in an attempt to try to impress a woman. I don’t wear expensive clothes (for the most part) and my outfits are certainly not straight out from GQ. My cars have never been top-of-the-line. I’ve never confessed my love in a poem or song. I’ve never laid a bed of roses peddles with 1,000 candles in a room for an evening of romance. I’ve never gone over board with anything, though I am indeed romantic and I do get the job done. How? I try to keep my life – and therefore my relationships – as simple as possible. When I tell a woman my feelings, I don’t beat around the bush; I get right to the point. I have my likes and my dislikes, but I keep an open mind. I don’t have a lot of stuff and therefore I don’t have a lot of junk.  There is no much stress about my life, because for the most part, everything is dealt with. People enjoy being around others who are not plagued with problems and complex baggage.

From my ow personal experiences, complexity creates confusion. Every time I tried to juggle multiple relationships with women through lies and deceit, it came crashing down like a house of cards. But every time I was simply honest with these women and told them I wasn’t about to be exclusive, it was smooth sailing. It seems the simpler I keep things, the easier it is to meet new and exciting people. Perhaps it is because the more complex our lives are, the more we have to focus on life stuff; but the more simple our lives are, the more we can focus on other things – like getting girls! Try reducing all aspects of your life to minimums. Because with that reduction in both physical and mental “stuff”, there is a creation for new growth and opportunity to flourish.

9. Worldly Knowledge

No matter what you think, women do not want to talk about sports all the time (if ever!). Nor do they wish to talk about the inner workings of your last drunken fiasco with your buddies. Sure, they will talk about it from time to time, just like you will listen to her beef with her girlfriends. The idea is to make yourself knowledgeable – to some degree – on all topics. Politics, philosophy, current events, pop culture, science and technology, music, history, and so on. The more you know, the more you can talk about, and the greater your chances of having a meaningful conversation with the beautiful woman of your choice. Even if you are chasing an airhead, if you are able to relate to her (even if she can only talk about say, pop culture) you will be able to develop a rapport with her and therefore, create a relationship with her.

10. The X-Factor!

I’ve heard it a million times, and any guy who has been successful with women in the past can verify this one for me. “There is just something about you that I can’t put my finger on, but I like you” – She says. Whether it’s your kind heart under a rough exterior or witty attitude and ability to think on your feet. Or the way you walk, the way you talk, or the way you look into her eyes while she is talking. There is always something that each of us have. Reflection is the key here. What is that makes you, you? The problem of the guys who don’t get any, is that no one notices their X-factor. No one notices it because they haven’t noticed it, so they can’t show it! I could tell you mine, but it’s top secret. Find your x-factor!

By Daniel Becerra

My second year in university is now done. What a time. As a kid, I used to look forward to be a University student, and then a professional. I always wanted to be like my Dad and Mom. I wanted to be the person who knew where things were, the person who took care of things, the person who brought income to the home – a ‘grown up’ if you will.

My older half-brother and Mom actually went college as I grew up (as well as all of my cousins, which I must say, are not that many) so in a way, I’m privileged to have that as an inspiration, or perhaps, a fear of disappointing. Although, I was never conscious of it, I was – to a certain extent – afraid of disappointing my family, which is a series of professionals from doctors and private teachers to bankers and engineers and even lawyers. I never intended to be the ‘oveja negra’ (the black sheep), the ugly duck, as they say. I did not want to be the one who couldn’t get things done.

I received pressure from every side. Dad wanted me to be an engineer. Mom wanted me to be a lawyer. When I actually was able to use my brain, I first inclined toward engineering. Though, shortly after taking trigonometry, I decided math was not for me. That, I guess, broke Dad’s heart. I then developed a new passion for literature, and reasoning, so I began to lean toward Law – needless to say Mom was happy. That didn’t help to Dad’s already injured soul. Shortly after that ‘decision’ though, an innocent call took place (it always begins with a call)

And so I came to this country, the United States

And my philosophy was shaped. I met extraordinary people and heard of extraordinary thinkers. I read (and continue to read) the works of modern thinkers like Jim Rohn, Anthony Robbins, Stephen Covey, Jeffrey Gitomer, Charlie Jones, Barack Obama (yes); along with the giants of the past, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr. The list continues to grow. It didn’t take me long to decide that I wanted to do for the rest of my life was to be like one of these guys. That I would be a enlightenment thinker and that my life is meant to stir up people’s minds, souls, and hearts, so that we come together despite our differences, and that we take care of ourselves (which will help us take care of each other) first before taking care of others.

I don’t criticize universities. I think they are great institutes, of course, but sometimes I just wished they stressed the importance of several things. These are just some of them:

* Most people think of changing the world, but very few think of changing themselves – that’s not how it works. It all begins with you. If you grow, the world around you grows. So take care of yourself first, and thereof, others will be taken care of.

* You really are the average of the people you hang out with most often. Therefore, strike to hang out with the very best at all the areas needed in life. Hang out with those who know the value of hard work, responsibility, spirituality, and gratitude.

* Always do the one thing that you love. Fight for it, if you have. Your parents, your friends, and others cannot decide what you will do for the rest of your life. Don’t think about the money; for it’s better to have an empty stomach than it is to have an empty heart. Besides, you’ll make plenty of it, if and only if you do what you love.

* Money is not the root of all evil. Fear is. Some people use money as make up for their fear of rejection. This fear is not there to paralyze us, but to make us stronger. To paralyze ourselves is to succumb to evil.

* Opposite to popular belief, power is not a bad thing. Power is the medium, but the object behind it is the force. So, power to good people does good for others. Power to bad people, is always bad news.

* Most rich people (in money and spirit) want the poor to succeed.

* You can make more friends in one month by showing interest in others, than you can make in one year by trying to get others interested in you. In the same way, you can achieve whatever you want if you just helped others enough to achieve what they want.

* The 80/20 rule: All leaders must understand that 80% of a group of people only do 20% of the work, and the other 20% of the group will do 80% of the work. That 20% will produce 80% of the income, of productivity, of resilience. Don’t fight that, just work around it. Do so by spending personal time with the 20% group, and spend group time with the 80% group.

* Everything that you need to know in order to be truly successful has already been written. There is not one issue that someone else hasn’t faced before. These books are not only answer-finders, but they also shape your philosophy and outlook in life – therefore, miss a meal if needed, but not a book.

* As a nation, we lack enough ‘empathy’. If each of us asked ourselves ‘How would that feel if they did to me?’, then perhaps we would closer despite our differences. Always ask yourself ‘How would that feel?’ and then ‘What should I do then?’

* Journals are a way of getting to know more of yourself. If the idea or thought is worth writing down, then take the time to do so. Indeed, a journal is one of those treasures to pass on from generation to generation.

* Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you can never get more time. Thereof, strike to figure how to make better use of your time, not how to make more money.

* Business leadership is over rated. It is family, friendship, and relationship leadership that moves the world. So if there is a ever a place to practice leadership, it’s at home, at a social gathering, and with your partner.

* The dawn comes after the dark. And the good thing is, the dawn always comes, no matter how long the dark may feel. Therefore, remember the words of Winston Churchill: Never,ever, never give up.

In the hope that you found this inspiring and you use it as a guidance for your future, I’ll leave you. Feel free to add whatever you’d like to add – after all, teaching is one of the fastest ways of learning. Be well.

If you found this article helpful, consider making a donation to our website. In doing so, we will all grow.

You what mate?! Replied a long-forgotten cockney accent. “The gentleman: that mannered, a la mode dude, well turned out but restrained.” The PUALifestyle team, although we enjoy the use of vivaciously varied vocabulary do not take well to ponsey poofy poop.  What he was trying to say is that THE GENTLEMAN IS BACK. It means that fashion for men has returned once again to the undefeated classics of simplistic, mature colors and threads.

Splendid stuff in my opinion. This makes shopping choices much easier as now there are only four choices of color to choose from: black, grey, brown and navy. I asked He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to elaborate on what exactly the concept of Gentleman encompasses. He explained that the old styles “will be vanquished by an army of gracious men in classically cut jackets, half Windsor knots and, of course, pants. Retiree chic will fade. Men will be reminded that they look better in suits than they do in misguided cardigans.”

Translated: Buy a suit. Or better still: Buy a tailored three-piece suit (like this guy). I had to wear a suit for the last two years of my education and there was something swish about sliding on a fitting jacket. Girls loved it, bar tenders thought I was of age, jobs accepted me on the spot and swear words were vanquished as they just seemed wrong.

Sadly though a suit isn’t quite backpackers apparel so they have been left hanging behind my bedroom door for over a year now. Yet this got me thinking, a large majority of the PUALifestyle Forum are guys in college and you’re hardly going to wear a suit out in Fresher’s week or to a Fraternity alcohol filled gathering are you? A teenager in a suit is just asking to be beaten up. So Mr GQ of Oz, what are those of us who haven’t got professional jobs yet going to do?

“Gentle-manliness is obviously a matter of more than mere dress. The better man isn’t the one flashing the spiffier boutonniere. (In fact, if you stuff a flower in your lapel, you’re going to have to work extra hard to convince people you’re not a bit of an ass.) Chivalry, etiquette, some ingrained personal code – they’re all part of the composite.”

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named had just stated that a fashion trend can follow without wearing the fashion. Bizarre, but understandable. To be a Gentleman you can’t just rock up to any old joint in a suit. You have to know the Top Ten Dating Manners first. You must walk the walk to talk the talk to act the part. He continued,

“One thing that links gentlemen together, across the ages or the cubical wall, is that you just kind of shut up about it. In a tell-all age, why not distinguish yourself with a little restraint? Actions speak, but in the place of pitching your coat every time a lady approaches a puddle, we have clothing for the purpose of sending out quiet messages. ”

Yet I wanted to know what this clothing apparently was for a young guy in a social environment – one full of Jaeger Bombs and Majito’s. The answer was quite simple, and I’d like to take you through the same exercise I was. Think back to the 70′s, imagine what they wore then: flared trousers with shirt collars up. Now the 80′s, introducing Nylon: Bright colors and printed designs a.k.a. the tracksuit. Now the 90′s, bit more mixed up here with denim jeans taking different shapes and t-shirts. And now? What do all the guys wear around you now? Unless you’re in a specific niche of style, the answer will most probably be a (t-)shirt and jeans.

Fashion trends tend to take the opposite of the norm with some restrictions. The casual Gentleman then wears trousers. Not jeans, not shorts, not chords, but trousers. Brown, beige (chino’s), navy or grey. You can wear suit trousers too, but actually when I went shopping yesterday, I was surprised to find that there are a huge amount of normal trousers for sale relatively inexpensive.

“Try wearing a rollo-neck jumper this Autumn.”

I must admit that at first I muffled a laugh at this, imagining myself wearing a black rollo-neck with chino’s and looking identical to Will from Will & Grace. Then He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named whipped out the latest copy of GQ Australia and showed me what he had in mind. There on the page stood a guy with chino’s and a similar coloured rollo-neck with a Gucci pattern on the front. This guy not only looked good, sophisticated (a beefcake) and cool, but actually like a Gentleman. It is possible to be a Gentleman in terms of fashion without wearing a suit whilst young and in a rowdy environment.

I’m embracing this advice upon my return to England, fighting through an addiction to denim jeans: Bootcut, skinny and straight-leg. However I refuse to wear brown loafers or black work shoes yet choosing instead my high-tops which are just sick. This is the first of hopefully many fashion-orientated blog posts for PUALifestyle, and I hope you have enjoyed reading it as I did meeting Mr GQ of Oz, and writing the encounter up.

Please let us know what you think of this article by commenting and discussing in the forum. You can discuss it here too.

In times of testing things quickly spin out of control. All of us have moments in our lives where pain and suffering occurs, perhaps not physically but mentally, psychologically, spiritually, financially or socially. Our minds get buried in the depths of turmoil, and reactionary negative emotions are created. Sadness and depression can follow suit, like two lurking devils ready to jump. When they do, it’s difficult to shake them off, or even to create the energy in order to at least try. This blog post is about taking a time out, observing the current depressive situation and creating the energy to turn things around for the better.

At the lowest of moments, you may be feeling that there is a lack of love in your life. Yet this is not true. There is love everywhere. Everything and everyone shares love for you: Your parents (dead or alive), your siblings, your friends, even the PUAlifestyle team wants to share love with you. The paintings and the pictures radiate love, the carpets and the curtains have love for you. Love is everywhere, you only have to look hard enough. We all need love, we all want it. Some may deny it but deep down there is unsettling unrest. When feeling depression, recognize this desire and embrace it. Take this moment to breathe in, to surface and to watch the sun rise with all it’s glory, enlightening the love available for you to embrace and to return. You are loved, remember that.

Recognize your achievements. Often when everything around us goes wrong, it feels horrible. It’s like you’ve done nothing right, that nothing ever goes the way you want it, nor even the way it should. All efforts to rectify the situation either fail or make it worse, and it’s not just a hole you’re digging, it’s a cavern. Once again however, think about the following. This very second you are reading fluent English. There’s a success. You are reading it off a computer, so you have capital, on the internet thus access to a second world full of information. There are two more achievements. You have survived in a world full of ups and downs, you have overcome every obstacle thrown at you to date. You have smashed through every wall of resistance to get to where you are now standing. That is a mighty success.

You are educated, with the ability to communicate, befriend, socialize, learn, love and be loved. You are beautiful both in physical form and mentally. You deserve to be in this world. You belong here. Achievements are littered across your past, but we tend to ignore them, searching instead for a distant goal that is quite hazy even to the wisest of men. When feeling low, lift your head and start recognizing your journey thus far. It hasn’t been easy; nothing is easy, but it has happened nevertheless. You have achieved a great deal! Give yourself a pat on the back, smile and take the time now to appreciate and be thankful for the amount of hard work you have already given. By reading this now, you are a winner. Opportunity awaits winners.

As a winner you belong in this beautiful world. You should be here, you ought to be here, you deserve to be here. To wake up everyday to see the sun rise into the vast open skies is a privilege given to you, it’s colors radiating across the cities and fields. So create a sense of belonging, because without it you will drift. Understand that as a human, a beautiful creature either in Gods view or as a result of evolution you are wonderful and belong to the tribe. This tribe is wherever you seek it. They are in the offices, the schools, the parks, the libraries, the clubs and even the dumps. We are all part of a tribe, and this tribe is interdependent with the horn of plenty.

Life; this force of great joy and perceived evil, will throw many hardships at you, some of which you may be feeling now. These hardships most often come in the absence of things: money, possessions, family, friends, work, a spouse and pleasure. For a happy life, one where you make balanced choices that are central to your core you must take all of these on board. When lacking money, look at what you do have. Do you have a family? Do you have a friend? Do you have work? Do you have a spouse? And then look at your abilities: Are you able to create a family? Are you friendly? Can you work? Are you able to love, and be loved?

Every characteristic that you already inhabit will help you stay balanced during times of hardship. Friends will help, family will love and pleasure will be found in different ways. There are always solutions to every problem, and things are only a problem if you look at them as such. Remember that everything ALWAYS turns out OK. Take comfort in your strength. You have already climbed each and every hurdle that life has tested you with. You have become stronger with each falling, you have got back up again, and will continue to do so because you are a survivor, you belong here in this world, you deserve to see it’s beauty and magnificence, you deserve to be here.

This hardship, and everyone after it will only make you stronger.  As a person, as a friend, as a lover, a parent and a child you will grow. With desire comes the ability to create belief and faith. These three combine to develop an unbeatable force that will lift you out of any crash, bust, low or depression to soar high into the skies of opportunity. Here you can find your passion, your call for life and it’s purpose.

Ask not what your purpose is in life, but what life’s purpose is for you.

1. Your language

The great Jim Rohn taught me “If there is one thing not to be lazy about; it’s language”. Words are just so powerful- how could they not be when words are what we use to communicate! You don’t need to be the next Shakespeare but it’s always delightful (and rare) to hear from a sophisticated person. It’s not so much the words that make the difference but the confidence and the ability that an extended vocabulary will give you. Exclude words such as “smart” and use “intelligent”, turn”talks good” into “well-spoken” and so on. I have noticed that the more I read from intelligent minds, the more intelligent I ‘feel’ and bit by bit, I have less trouble writing a speech that is not only eloquent but also engaging and inspiring. Work on your language by reading extensively and writing as often as you can. It will pay off, I promise you. It wasn’t too long ago that I couldn’t write an essay to save my life but now I have no problem doing so (especially when you consider that English is not my first language). I continue to work on my language because I’m seeing results, and the results are good.

Make the effort to research a word that you don’t know while going through a book or article. The words and discipline add up. They pay very well. Almost effortlessly you’ll be presented with more and more opportunities simply because of the power of your words. Trust, an extensive and sophisticated languages pays off very well.

2. Your voice

The great and controversial philosopher Friederich Nietzsche said that “we often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us”. It doesn’t take twenty philosophy classes to realize this is true – we DO pay attention to voice more than we do to words. Have you ever heard a girl say “He sounds hot” when they have merely heard a man’s voice and not seen his face. It happened to me once. It was this experience that made me wonder what voice can do for you. Of course I can tell you over and over again how important your voice is, but you won’t really understand until you speak in front of an audience and actually get them focused on you. Just to give you a preview, I challenge you to record yourself and then listen – 9 out of 10 who read this will realize that you actually sound much different than what you thought.

Don’t be lazy about your voice. Take a public speaking class (offered everywhere) or a course (Toastmasters) to pave your way to a more appealing voice. Practicing in front of the mirror is not a silly thing to do, do it. Take every opportunity you have to speak in front of others as an opportunity to improve your voice. I know what it can do. Most of you know of my accent, it was a little worse before, not it’s just ‘not-so-bad’! An appealing voice can move masses and no man should ignore it. Again, take every opportunity to speak up and do it. Not only will you practice your voice, but you’ll also become more noticed.

3. Your looks

You only get to make a first impression once and whether we like it or not, that’s the way it is. As I said on this video “You wanna be prepared always, always, so that you don’t HAVE to get prepared when the opportunity shows up”. Always look your best, look sharp, look ready. It will reduce the chances of others doubting your ability to get things done. Yes, it is true that some people walk the walk and talk the talk, but are not very good at getting things done – but that doesn’t have to be you. Be the best of both worlds. Invest in your clothing. Invest in your image. Shower daily and shave to look great. Work on your body language and practice your smile in front of the mirror if needed. Just like your voice is important, your looks and the way you present yourself are as important. Don’t be lazy about them.

4. Self-Marketing

While it’s one of those things that I’m still learning, I know one thing very clearly – all marketing begins with exposure. You GOT to be out there. Think outside the box and be outrageous in your actions. Recently one of my friends (part of the same campus organization I’m part of) had a tremendous idea to get publicity for our semester party. It was International Women’s Day and as a way of honoring them, we gave roses to 12 girls in each organization in campus. It was a genius, outside-of-the-box idea and it paid off. Everywhere, girls talked about it and it helped us sell all of our tickets (quite fast) and still needing more to sell! Our reputation follows us because of this great idea. Exposure combined with outside-the-box thinking pays off. Speaking or acting with wit and intelligence during social gatherings is one of those things that give you an edge over everyone else. If you’re doing what everyone else is doing for ‘safety’, then you’ll have mediocre success at best. You don’t want that.

It’s scary to do self-marketing, very scary. True. I still remember being worried about the embarrassment of telling my friends and new people I met about the writing that I did. While I did tell them I ran a website, I didn’t market myself great enough for them to be excited about the idea of visiting this website. Things have now changed. I found two things 1) People are now hungry for refreshing content, more than ever before (especially college students) and 2) That the basic principle of getting others to ‘buy’ into what you say is to get them excited about what you do in less than 20 seconds. Seriously. If it’s not engaging and exciting during those 20 seconds, it will be rare that you get them excited later. Just think of the roses examples. Seeing a group of guys holding roses is engaging by itself, THAT took a fraction of a second and it paid. Be outrageous enough in every you do, from your clothing to your words and ideas. Be careful though, don’t cross the line from outrageously genius to incredibly silly.

5. Bi-lingual or Trilingual, or “XXXLingual”

I’m fortunate. Very fortunate. I spoke Spanish most of my life. And then I came here. Teaching myself English was not easy, but it paid off. There were plenty of embarrassing and funny moments. Believe it or not, I still tend to forget certain words, but my English today is eloquent and well-pronounced for the most part. Of course, I don’t claim a lot of credit, you have to be an idiot not to speak the language well after five years of being surrounded by people who speak that language (everyday, every time). In our global economy, the demand for multilingual speakers is ever-growing. The entrepreneur who can communicate in multiple languages is one step above. These extra languages are just too valuable to ignore them.

I find myself amazed when I meet a girl who can speak two or three languages; it is just such a turn on and it shows much intelligence and hunger for learning. It also shows cultural knowledge; which, of course, always helps. What a great thing it is to speak more than one language. Tom Church – a very special friend of mine and writer on this site – is currently on a backpacking trip exploring many different countries and he thought of writing this incredible piece “Languages are sexy”. Tom can tell you from experience how important extra languages are.

6. More Than One Skill

Elbert Hubbard has a great quote, he says that “One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary people, but no machine, oh no machine, can do the work of ONE extra-ordinary person”. What a simple truth! Man, because he was created to the image of God, will always have the greatest ability of all living beings (and computers) and that is the ability to think and solve problems. Schools (for the most part) don’t teach one how to live, how to make money, or how to love. They only teach you the skill(s) that are relevant to your field. But how much are they worth? How much can they help you when all of your class mates are being taught the same thing? They only help when you complement them with additional skills, such as the ones described in this article.

Learning how to do accounting is one skill. Learning how to accounting AND finances is higher paying skill. Learning how to make the accounting and financing enjoyable is even much more valuable. Go for that extra skill. No excuses.

7. Team Leadership

Getting people excited about something that you believe in is critical. Not only in business, but for regular Thursday, Fridays, and Saturday nights too (If you’re a party hardy, Sundays work as well). As a member of several organizations right now, and having passed through others, I can tell you that whoever is able to get more people excited about something is the one who is seen as the leader. Titles don’t matter a single bit. I have met ‘Presidents’ who had no control of their organization once o’ ever. It was usually someone else who was the leader and the one people looked up to. People follow the one who can get others to believe in his vision. They will go to that person for help. They will trust him. That person will be the man to go to.

It ain’t easy to become that person. While it is an honor to be the team’s leader; it is also a responsibility. The burden of leadership is heavy, but so are the rewards. However, realize that living is leading. We are always leading either for the good or for the bad. If you’re already leading, you might as well choose to lead for the good.

8. Know your field better than anyone else

Knowledge commands respect. Ignorance triggers mockery. Know your field, prospect, or act very well. The more you know about a certain subject or person, the more flexible you can become. While knowledge is not complete power; it IS the beginning of power. Ian and I started this website knowing very little, but our hunger for knowledge took us a little higher than we expected. We were able to quickly stand out because of the amount of knowledge we possessed. That knowledge empowered us and gave us confidence. It does the same for everybody.

This is why the website is heavy on books. We encourage book reading because it gives you so much knowledge condensed in one book. The experts have already traveled the journey you intend to travel, why don’t read what they have learned so that you save yourself some time? Choose your field – the one you love – and get started on it. Devour books on it and begin to experiment. Whatever it is that you do, be the best at it.

9. Learning to Inspire

Motivational speakers are not very well-paid. Inspirational speakers or figures are. In one of his letters, Ian Smith pointed out to me a phenomenal statement and I want to pass it on to you: “Motivation is ego-driven, while inspiration is love-driven. Motivation is temporary. Inspiration lasts a lifetime.” I believe that learning to inspire is the highest paid skill of them all, and not just in money. This is where all the Jim Rohns, Tony Robbins, Donald Trumps, Will Smiths rank. They are not only excellent in their business or career; they are also an inspiration to thousands, if not millions.

If you can help people see themselves better than they are, then you’re inspiring them. You’re not helping them ‘feel’ better. You’re helping them envision themselves to become better so well, so powerfully, that their vision alone drives them to action. Of course, there is no tricks or shortcuts to inspiration; perhaps this is why it’s such a high-paid skill. It takes years of preparation and character building. It takes hard work. It takes being a serious student. Learning to inspire involves ethics and it involves staying on track even when you want to give up.

When I write these articles, my purpose is not to inform or to marvel someone with temporary motivation. My purpose is to inspire others. It is to awaken the driven force they all have in their hearts. It’s not easy, but I’m happy to say it has worked a couple of times with a couple of articles. One person being inspired is quite enough. I encourage you to learn this skill. There is no measure for it it is just that important.

If you find this article helpful, consider making a donation and we’ll grow together.

Hard work pays off. Writing and thinking instead of just watching and hoping pays off. Preparation and dedication instead of leaving things to chance pays off. It may not be right away, but it will pay sometime, someday – do not worry, because it will. However, even then, suggesting that you work hard and that you dedicate time to thinking, preparing and writing does not cut it. There are strategies, there are ways of doing things correctly.

The pain of ignorance can bite you badly if you ignore it long enough, and the hardest part is that ignorance can be there even when we don’t believe it’s there. One of the most common mistakes is being just a follower and not a student. You will hear someone say “I’m a student! I read plenty of books on plenty of topics!”. Yes, you read them, but the question is “Do you study them?”. It is easy to get caught up reading plenty of stuff and yes, some stuff will stick in your unconscious and you will act accordingly, but that’s your unconscious and it’s only triggered on certain occasions. The best things happen when you design them intentionally. Not many great things occur because of luck, if any! Therefore changing your thinking, behavior, and beliefs will take more than just reading books. It will take right strategies and procedures. It will require you to be a serious student, and not a serious follower. The difference is key.

Let me show you the Cone of Learning.

Yes, the cone dates to 1969, but the measurement is still pretty accurate. Common sense should tell you the same thing. Don’t you remember more when you watch a movie than when you read it. Don’t you learn more about something when you see it done instead of just being told how it’s done? Chances are you do. Now, if you KNOW that reading is the most passive way of learning and realizing, then why are you only reading (Also, why is the school system still using reading as its number one source of learning?). I have advised my readers for a while now to not just read what I write, but THINK as they read what I write. Charlie Tremendous Jones taught me this through his books and presentations and it has changed my life. Chances are that a day from now you will not remember a single thing from this article, but you WILL remember what you thought of it. Therefore, think through it, rather than at the end of it. When you just read, you memorize; but when you think as you read, you REALIZE. Reading is just the beginning of the learning process! Get excited because there is a lot more to it than just reading!

It is not surprise that more often than not a person who has been working for years with little college education is more qualified than fresh college graduate with no job experience. Real learning comes from withIN and not from a book. The book is simply an incentive, but they can be magical. I love books for this reason, they will help you see things as the author saw them, and that alone saves so much time. Of course, it goes without saying that you need to study what you read and not just read it. Take notes, discuss the book with someone, listen to it on audio if you can, record your own notes from the book, stimulate what the book or article suggests to do, and then do the real thing. THAT is studying.

Statistics show that students who take notes, record heir notes, and discuss a subject in group are more likely to get better grades in college and university – that should tell you something. If you’re serious about REALLY becoming more sophisticated on your languages and manners, then take notes. If you’re serious about REALLY improve your dating life, then hang around the people who have a great dating life.

Getting a Mentor

“In order for you to be a compelling person you have to put yourself in a compelling situation.” – Dr. Renford Reese

If there is anybody who influences you in a positive way in any aspect of your life, you have the chance to become a better person; but you have to MEET and GET TO KNOW that person. So show interest and approach that person, email them, be interested in who they are and request them to mentor you, to teach you things. Once I discovered the incredible power of just asking someone to shed some wisdom in me, it made a remarkable difference. Books are a beginning and they will put you in the track to change your mindset and as your mindset changes, so will your ability to attract people who think like you. Engage this people and learn from them.

Be a student, and not just a follower. Be serious and you will succeed.

]]> http://pualifestyle.com/blog/student-not-follower/feed/ 1 http://pualifestyle.com/blog/beingsocial/ http://pualifestyle.com/blog/beingsocial/#comments Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:27:23 +0000 Calvin Wallace http://pualifestyle.com/blog/?p=1474 By Calvin Wallace

Have you ever gone up to a random person, just to simply talk to them? It’s amazing and I love the feeling of meeting someone new. Everyone has a unique story and identity that makes them who they are. You could meet them at any point in your life, but why right then, right now? Did I make a positive impression in their life? I sure hope so. That is my goal everytime I meet someone is to leave them better off than when I found them.

I love the feeling when two people connect. There’s no bitchy attitudes like at the clubs. Most girls are pretty friendly when you talk to them. Connect as a person, be true to yourself and your identity. There’s no smoke and mirrors, there’s nothing to hide. Just be a sociable person and people will be drawn into your life.

Today I met Katie (Above right), from the International Play Association & Play Around The World (UofA Student Group). She was promoting unique and different ways to play, and develop children, communities, and families. The activity they had set up was for children to build an igloo with ice sculpting tools. It was really adorable to see all the kids interacting and developing this igloo together. She was helping the kids meet each other and work together and it was such a great moment to be a part of. It was unique and exciting because kids don’t normally get to do these things.

She asked if I could email those pictures to her and I agreed enthusiastically. I would love the chance to be able to promote such a great cause! I am happy whenever my passion for photography can be used to influence others in a positive way. I feel a lot better knowing that I am helping other people out.

My point is that people are naturally sociable and eager to tell their story. We are a people that enjoy interacting and talking. Often people get so trapped in their own world that they don’t stop to help random strangers. It feels good, so I encourage everyone to just get out there and chat up anyone around you. I think you’ll get a positive reward/experience from it at the very least.

- Calvin

http://www.physedandrec.ualberta.ca/play.cfm

http://www.ipacanada.org/home.htm

P.S. Enjoy this short video

“The glue that holds all relationships together — including the relationship between the leader and the led is trust, and trust is based on integrity.”

“For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe” – H. L. Mencken

Trust is the most essential component of any relationship – business or romantic, it makes no difference. Trust has to be there. Many components can be there, but if trust isn’t one of them, not many things will get done. For instance, a girl may find you attractive, but if she doesn’t trust you, you are not going anywhere with her. You may have a million dollar idea but if the people who can help you don’t like you AND trust you, you will not go too far. Trust doesn’t pop out of the blue;  it’s built with questions and acts.

The deeper and more personal the questions and acts are, the more trust that will be built. Fear not asking personal questions. Do not just settle for the superficial ones. Ask for opinions, ask for feedback, ask them to be sincere. Don’t just ask them how many siblings they have, ask them how close they are. Ask her first if she is comfortable with you asking. You may begin with “Do you mind if I ask you something more personal?”. Don’t go straight into a super personal question, let the ball be on the other person’s court. If she feels comfortable with you asking that, she’ll give you the green light to keep going.

First Truth: Trust yourself.

“Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

As mentioned in the article of leadership, you cannot trust others until you trust yourself – let alone others trusting you unless you trust yourself. That won’t happen. When you go ask for that sale, dive in with conviction and power that you trust in yourself and your product, and more important that the customer will benefit for it. When you go for that girl, go in there convinced. Trust yourself. Trust that you ARE indeed the best option for her, because indeed you ARE the best option for as long as you believe it.

Trust your belief system. There is no way to fool your beliefs. How could you? If you don’t believe that you can sell, then you won’t sell. If you don’t believe you can get that girl, then you won’t. The opportunities and signs will be there, right in front of your face, and yet, you won’t see them because your belief just doesn’t let you see them. Beliefs are that powerful. There are several things that affect your beliefs, but the most important of them all is the people you associate yourself with. Do your family members believe in succeeding? Do you enjoy your work and workplace? Do you believe in your boss or manager? Do you believe in what you do? If you don’t believe in it and if you don’t love it enough, then you will not get others to trust you there. Never, ever, ever.

Trust your thoughts. If you’re thinking about something, dive in. Take action soon enough before you become too doubtful. With time, you’ll be sharp enough to make the decisions that are best for you.

Second Truth: Trust others first, and yes, it is risky.

“Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him.” - Booker T. Washington

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” – Frank Crane

I have been let down, burned, and slandered several times, especially when I first began my ‘career’. There was a gentleman who consulted with me several times through email about issues that he had and I gladly helped. One day, he asked to be part of the ‘team’ and I told him no because he wasn’t mature enough yet. He became angry and cut off any communication. Weeks later he started posting that I was scamming people and I was only interested in money. There have been other times where I trusted girls, co-workers, and even friends for this website, only to be let down. Yet, today I’m beginning to see much more positive results. I’m more often blessed than disappointed. I have met extraordinary people who I’ve become really close with and all because I began trusting them. I trusted them before anything without expecting anything in return. And boy, it has paid. You see, there is something magical about the people you attract. The law of attraction doesn’t fail; you attract that which you think of most often.

The most important component in Trust: Honesty.

“The man who cannot endure to have his errors and shortcomings brought to the surface and made known, but tries to hide them, is unfit to walk the highway of truth.” - James Allen

There are two types of honesty – one with others and one with yourself. The former is easier, the latter is complicated. It’s a lot easier to be honest when everyone is seeing what you’re up to, but it’s more tempting to cheat while you’re by yourself. You can justify your dishonesty in whatever way you want and no one will judge because you’re all there by yourself. For instance, you can go talk to that girl because of all the pressure your friends are putting on you, but will you do it once you’re by yourself? You may not cheat on your exams, but are you stealing essays from the internet for your homework? If so, are you really being honest? You can post all you want about your achievements, but are you really doing productive things when you’re alone? How real is your honesty? Tom Church mentioned in his amazing article “Honesty and confidence”, “Be honest in your confidence, and be confident in your honesty. I’m glad to have him as a friend, I couldn’t have put it better myself!

Here are some things you can do to begin exercising your honesty, and thereof, your trust. Have a conversation with a trustworthy friend and ask him to be completely honest with you about how you behave. What things you can improve. Recall old scenarios and bring the truth out. Keep in mind, not necessarily your best friend or the person who won’t hurt you, but rather someone who you can trust being honest – in short, someone who can get down to business. Keep your cool as there may be plenty of stuff you won’t like. Don’t be a douche by starting to yell at them for telling you the truth. Let them speak, do not cut them off. LISTEN. Oh, there, listen is another essential key to trust. Are you listening well?

Be honest to yourself when being alone. Do not give in the temptation. For instance, two days ago I fell into juvenile behavior by watching pornographic content. I have made a commitment to not do it, and although I have reduced it dramatically, I still fall every now and then. What about you? Are you telling someone something but doing something else when you’re alone? Telling someone you read when you didn’t read anything? I know it’s tempting, but do not give in! If you didn’t read, tell that person you didn’t read. Better a small disappointment now followed by great pride in honesty, than you being disappointed at yourself and no pride of honesty at all.

Trust Violation

“If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens,regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” – Abraham Lincoln

Once trust is violated, it’s very unlikely to return. If you’ve been bankrupt before, how long was it before banks and companies gave you credit? 7-10 years? If you have hurt someone before, how long was it or what did it take for that person to trust you again (if that ever happened)? You may talk to someone, you may be even friendly with someone, but can you trust someone who broke the trust you had in him or her? Trust is that important. I can only remember the redhead girl that I so much loved. We both broke each others’ trust and even though the effort was made, no one could trust each other anymore. The relationship of course went downhill. If trust evaporates, you can BET the relationship will die. It’s quite simple, yet so difficult to understand, even more accept. Trust is precious, take good care of it.

And yes, I still encourage you to trust others, no matter how risky it is. They can violate your trust, but so can you. I write this so that you get an insight into how hard it would be for someone to regain your trust. If it’s hard for someone to regain your trust, wouldn’t it be hard for you to regain someone’s trust as well? The answer is yes. NOTE: It’s hard, but not impossible.

Trusting bit by bit

“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Question for you – Do you go tell someone you just met your most obscure secret? Of course not, you wouldn’t tell some things in a lifetime, there are things she can tell right away like how many siblings she has or what she does for a living, but there is usually a process – luckily, you can get better and faster at it. Bit by bit, people will trust you. They test the waters first. They want to feel safe. When women sleep with you, they first need to feel safe and secure. They need to know you won’t make a huge deal out of it, that you won’t brag about it, that you won’t give her any STD’s, even more important, that your attitude toward her won’t change after sleeping together, that either you won’t leave her or that you won’t become obsessed with her. How long it takes her to trust you with this is an estimate of how long it will take for her to trust you with sex.

Some girls take a little longer to trust and that’s alright. Be patient. Some customers take longer to say “Yes” to your order and that might be because they have been hurt in the past or because they need extra re-assurance that what you’re telling is truth. Character, integrity, and honesty will get the job done here. If you really have their best interest at heart and you persist long enough, you’ll get what you want, and help them get what they want at the same time. On that note, whenever someone begins to compare you to another person, then you’re in trouble, buddy. She trusts that person more than she trusts you. You better get going on that case

Credible VS Incredible

Passionate: Whenever I coach someone (contact me for this, I had stopped for a while but I have re-taken it now), we deal with “Credible Vs Incredible”. You can do one credible thing and build trust one brick at the time, slowly… OR you can do one incredible thing and build an entire wall quite rapidly. Ever wondered why sticking up for what you believe to be right (especially when it involves danger) is so attractive? There is your answer. You do not need to do incredible things everyday, of course, but I suggest you exercise your courage often and develop your passions – when combined, these things will be extremely attractive. Or maybe if you’re familiar with the seduction community and its tactics, then you know how effective real alpha behavior is.

Genuine Surprise: Equally or even more effective is the act of surprise. Surprising someone (in a genuine way) builds trust. Do you think sending a ‘Thank You’ card when that person is not expecting it leads to trust or makes trust stronger? Yes. Do you think sending your girlfriend flowers when she is not expecting will make her love/like you more? Yes. Surprise her. This is a good time to ignore the idiotic ‘rules’. Fear nothing. I can remember vividly when I received a huge thank you card for my efforts – I trust that person even more now. If you feel like you could surprise someone and make that person’s day, then go ahead and do it. The price? Anywhere from 3-20 dollars. The outcome? Priceless. It’s simple, go and do it.

Superior skills: We are all fascinated by people who are really good at what they do. If you’re into the pick-up-community, you would definitely trust the ‘sound’ names such as David DeAngelo, Neil Strauss, or Mystery (if your favorite is not here, pardon me, I haven’t read on the community in months). If you want to learn to dance, you would trust someone who is really good at it. If I had to recommend a dance coach, it would be Crimson Lena Mortimer, that girl can shake it! . The examples are countless, but the point is one only – superior skills lead and build trust and admiration. We trust those who have superior skills on a particular area.

Boldness and being fearless: You know that dude Jeff Hardy from WWE? Girls dig him. They love the guy. He seems fearless. You know that guy in the club who will take a woman away from a group, when she was previously surrounded by 10 or more guys? Do you know that bar scene from the movie ‘Hitch’? – THAT kind of move. That’s bold. That’s creative. That’s authentic. My friend, Nick Krygier, shared a story with me about a beautiful girl in a nightclub being surrounded by 5 guys. One of his friends stood in front of the group and said something ridiculously bold to the girl; he did loud enough for her and all the guys to hear. He attracted her within seconds. He WOW’ed her. She trusted him from there on. A couple of more ‘girl tests’ and she was his. I met one of my girlfriends at the mall. She was working behind the counter. I walked up to say and after a few words, I looked back and there was a long line of people waiting to be served. I said “I’m leaving as soon as I get her number”. With that, I turned around and said “What’s your number?”. She trusted me from there on, and two days later we were on a ‘date’. Do I make myself clear here? Boldness and creativity. No need to be an asshole, just be bold.

Passion and Kindness: Nate Trimmer is an incredible guy. He is part of the world wide organization ROTARAC. I met him in my Business Law class. I knew I ‘could’ trust this guy from the get-go. There was just something about him that told me this guy was trustworthy and I was correct. Nate is very passionate about serving others and volunteering his time for others. Actually, as I write this (February 14, 2009 at 1:09 AM) he is in Mexico, probably sleeping now, but in the morning he’ll be providing medicine to kids in poor areas of Mexico to make sure they don’t get deadly diseases. I tell you, I TRUST a guy like that. What makes me trust Nate Trimmer more? We have to read the Wall Street Journal for that same class (Business Law) and what does he do? He brings the paper to campus everyday and saves it for me to just pick it up. Isn’t that incredible? I’m very thankful to him and I let him know it more often than not. I value his friendship, and again, I trust him. Nate too is beyond credible, he is an incredible being.

Genuine Friendliness: Shaun McMillan is my spiritual mentor. He doesn’t charge me a dime and I have written briefly about him in the article “The Principle of Love”. Shaun met me (He found me) during week of welcome (the week where there is sign-ups for clubs and orgs in University) and there was something about this guy that had “Genuine caring” written all over him, so I decided to meet up with him a week later. Now, we meet up weekly (to the best of our ability) and he makes it so easy for us to meet. We have served food to each other and so on. Sometimes I feel the burden of becoming more spiritual and responsible, and Shaun lets me know it in a very subtle way. However, I know and I trust that he has my best interest at heart. His friendship meets no requirement or condition and I can be absolutely sincere with him. His spiritual advice is also sound. He has helped me regain my faith in God (You gotta meet people like Shaun to realize that God does exist). For that, I trust him. Shaun – in short – has acquired trust with me because of his genuine caring and friendship. He too is incredible.

Fear not a single thing. Speak when you want to be heard. Act when you want to get things done. Train yourself when you need to succeed. Be genuine and do good without expecting things in return or recognition. Don’t just be credible, be a bit incredible too.

Trust dictates your reputation

Word of mouth is the most powerful maker or breaker of them all. This website has gained its readership based on the trust the original members have toward it. That built a reputation. They told their friends about it and more people kept on coming. Plenty of successful bloggers have followed the same procedure. These are the nice type of stories. There are also the not-so-nice stories, such as the type of stories when a man gains horrible reputation because of cheating or because of his failure to keep promises. Your reputation is in direct proportion to the level of trust people have in you. Unfortunately, it takes some time to build trust, but only one minute of wrong thinking to destroy that trust, and maybe a lifetime to regain it – indeed, the finest things are hard to keep, even harder to be regained. Don’t believe it? Would you want someone who is always clingy and coming back despite how bad they are treated? There is your answer.

Exercises:

1. As usual, I’ll emphasize the use of a journal. When you discover things by yourself, you actually discover them; unlike discovering them by just reading them from me or anyone else. Take the time (and I REALLY mean take the time) to write down a list a characteristics of what makes the relationships with the people you trust, trustworthy. In short, why do you trust them? Why do they trust you? Write it down in a journal… It won’t take more than 5 minutes. I’ll still be here by the time you’re done.

2. Now that you have these traits or principles, how would you apply them to your life? How can you gain more trust with the girl sitting next to you in class? What kind of deep, personal question can you ask her during class so that she’s convinced to see you AFTER class? What can you do to establish trust with a customer in 30 minutes instead of 3 hours? How can your friend trust you more? Do you have the guts to trust something in them, so that they can trust you back? Can you tell her “You look great today!” so that they can see you trust yourself? Write all of these things down!

The Art of Asking Questions to Build Trust

I have written about this several times here and even made videos on it here, and also here. The art of asking questions is truly a remarkable skill given that very few people have it. I’m far from being an expert on it, I’m a beginner student but I can tell you from personal experience that writing down my questions, preparing them, and practicing my delivering have made a difference. Write down your questions, just like you’ll write down your responses and punchlines. Be a student. Practice your delivery and record yourself. Test them and see what you can do to improve your effectiveness in this art.

Some powerful questions to ask are:

* Tell me something really close to your heart
* What is one thing that absolutely needs to be there for you to connect with a guy?
* What is one thing that always makes you excited? How often do you do it?
* What was the happiest day of your life? Ask her to be descriptive
* How is the relationship in your family?
* What does your ideal date look like? Ask her to be very descriptive
* What is your dream? How do you plan to go about it?
* Can you give me your honest opinion on my personality?
* What’s your view on religion? spirituality? politics?

There are plenty of them and you can make them as you study your personality and the type of girl you want to attract. It goes without saying that common sense should tell you if they are being honest with you or not, if they are really thinking about it or not, and so on. If they are not responding well, you’re not asking the right way. Learn the right way.

A Superior Level of Trust

You know you’re trusted when you begin to receive emails, phone calls, letters that ask for advice. I’m far from that, but I can use some examples. I obviously get emails and phone calls and what not, but I’m little, I’m a newbie. Let’s talk about the big guys, the guys that inspire thousands and that thousands TRUST even though they may have never met them. There is Anthony Robbins, Jim Rohn and so on. However one guy who I take my hat off to, and would delightfully applaud is Mr. Charlie Tremendous Jones. This guy IS truly incredible – incredible as a person, role-model, and speaker. I made a video to express my condolences for his death. Check out his website and you can listen to one of his presentations for free. Buy his book “Life is Tremendous” and learn to live in a TREMENDOUS way.

Moving on… you will get to a point in which people will seek to you for advice time and time again. There will be a point where you can touch people with your wisdom, your personality, your character. There will be a time where very few people will be able to escape your influence. There will be a time when the guy you look at in the mirror can smile back and be proud of the reflection. It will happen. I promise.

Special thanks to the beautiful Crimson Lena for her picture.

I must confess I was nervous to do this, but it helped to then figure “Why not write about it in the blog, so that everyone becomes aware of the importance of sales!?”. And so I will do. Keep in mind that I’m not trying to give you a course on sales, but rather on why ‘sales’ are so important and why ‘sales’ is part of YOUR daily life. As the great Zig Ziglar would say “Selling is everything. And everything is selling”. Yes, everything is selling. As a matter of fact, I’m selling you right now. I’m selling the idea that everything is selling and oh, you’ll buy.

I’m a salesman in Business and Life

I’m very proud to tell you that this website was constructed all upon sales, even though we haven’t sold any single product nor do we charge a single dime for the content. How is it sales then? I was sold in the idea that the blog would reach more people. I sold Ian on the idea that I would take care of things and he bought, and now I’m delivering. We sold you on the idea that we would deliver amazing content and you bought, and now we are delivering. That’s business. Let’s talk about life. I sold my aunt earlier that I would cook the meal today and she bought – I delivered what I sold, even though it didn’t taste as good . I sold this girl that if we met up tomorrow, we would have a great time together – she bought. I sold my professor earlier through an email so I could get extra time – he bought twenty minutes later. Have you ever ‘sold’ like this? Of course you have. This is the good side of sales.

There is another side of selling and this is the one that most people are familiar with – the unethical one. Today’s culture makes it easy for us to notice the bad, but almost impossible to notice the good. News speak of ‘scams’ in which a salesman tricked someone into something, but news don’t tell you of the salesman who dug long and hard for the perfect house a family desired. Or how a salesman went out of his way and time to solve a family’s problem. News don’t speak of that. To top it off, the ‘classic’ called Death of a salesman gave the sales person in America the worst image. The novel exemplifies everything a salesperson does not stand for. I have no idea what Arthur was thinking when he wrote it, but surely I wouldn’t like the people I surround myself with to think that way.

Sales People Make It Happen

Do you realize that there wouldn’t be free enterprise without sales people? Do you realize that Disneyland, Six Flags, the nightclubs you go to, or the restaurants you frequent most often wouldn’t be there if someone hadn’t sold on the idea of them? What if you’re preparing a project right now and you were to need a white board as part of it. You would need to go buy one to the store, right? When you go, there is ‘security’ that you’ll find one, right? Who do you think put that board there? Who was the brain behind all of that? Who sold the store owner on the idea that this white board will be bought? You got it, a salesperson did.

Profit is the essence of a company or business. If there is no profit, then the business dies. And if the business dies, people lose jobs, and people lose jobs the economy goes down, and if the economy goes down… well, you know the rest. It is sales people that makes things happen. Jesus, the most inspiring to ever live, was a salesman and the most effective marketing manager that ever lived. He taught his disciples what was on his mind and heart, and after his death, they went on to spread this message all over, and rather quick! Because of this holy ‘salesman’, there is conscious spirituality all over the world today.

There are many sales representative who are pushy, aggressive, and downright careless. On top of this, they are mainly driven by the money and disregard what their costumers’ problems may be. These sales people give the worst image to the hard workers that make things happen. Their behavior harms a country, the sales people, and more important the customers. They harm the attitude customers have toward sales people. When the media portrays these type of sales representatives, it is no surprise that the image of sales people has been downgraded.

There is little that can be done about these sales representatives, so I won’t make a ‘call for action’, but I do would like to remind you that there are also great salespeople out there and that we do care for your well being and satisfaction. Forget not that they play a key role in the economy – from the sales representatives who knock door to door to the high level executives who must sell their ideas in order to negotiate.Treat them with respect as there is honor in being a salesman.  As a salesman myself, I would like to apologize for all the unethical sales representatives one may have to deal with. I promise you, not every sales representative is that way.

A Little Reminder and Tip

This is not just for sales people or business people, so pay close attention. There is no such a thing as a business relationship, there is only relationships. No one will make business with you if they don’t like you AND trust you. A successful business person is not feared, but rather loved. Now, with that in mind, whenever you meet someone whose influence you can benefit from, get their address and within one or two days send them a “Thank You” card. They sell these ‘Thank You” cards everywhere, you can get 20 of them for 6 or 7 dollars. Send one to someone you would like to stay in touch with, and watch what a difference that little card will make. Don’t do emails, unless it’s absolutely necessary.

In hope that your attitude toward salesmanship has become or increase more positive – I wish you to create an excellent week.

Love is the moving force.