By Daniel Becerra

My second year in university is now done. What a time. As a kid, I used to look forward to be a University student, and then a professional. I always wanted to be like my Dad and Mom. I wanted to be the person who knew where things were, the person who took care of things, the person who brought income to the home – a ‘grown up’ if you will.

My older half-brother and Mom actually went college as I grew up (as well as all of my cousins, which I must say, are not that many) so in a way, I’m privileged to have that as an inspiration, or perhaps, a fear of disappointing. Although, I was never conscious of it, I was – to a certain extent – afraid of disappointing my family, which is a series of professionals from doctors and private teachers to bankers and engineers and even lawyers. I never intended to be the ‘oveja negra’ (the black sheep), the ugly duck, as they say. I did not want to be the one who couldn’t get things done.

I received pressure from every side. Dad wanted me to be an engineer. Mom wanted me to be a lawyer. When I actually was able to use my brain, I first inclined toward engineering. Though, shortly after taking trigonometry, I decided math was not for me. That, I guess, broke Dad’s heart. I then developed a new passion for literature, and reasoning, so I began to lean toward Law – needless to say Mom was happy. That didn’t help to Dad’s already injured soul. Shortly after that ‘decision’ though, an innocent call took place (it always begins with a call)

And so I came to this country, the United States

And my philosophy was shaped. I met extraordinary people and heard of extraordinary thinkers. I read (and continue to read) the works of modern thinkers like Jim Rohn, Anthony Robbins, Stephen Covey, Jeffrey Gitomer, Charlie Jones, Barack Obama (yes); along with the giants of the past, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr. The list continues to grow. It didn’t take me long to decide that I wanted to do for the rest of my life was to be like one of these guys. That I would be a enlightenment thinker and that my life is meant to stir up people’s minds, souls, and hearts, so that we come together despite our differences, and that we take care of ourselves (which will help us take care of each other) first before taking care of others.

I don’t criticize universities. I think they are great institutes, of course, but sometimes I just wished they stressed the importance of several things. These are just some of them:

* Most people think of changing the world, but very few think of changing themselves – that’s not how it works. It all begins with you. If you grow, the world around you grows. So take care of yourself first, and thereof, others will be taken care of.

* You really are the average of the people you hang out with most often. Therefore, strike to hang out with the very best at all the areas needed in life. Hang out with those who know the value of hard work, responsibility, spirituality, and gratitude.

* Always do the one thing that you love. Fight for it, if you have. Your parents, your friends, and others cannot decide what you will do for the rest of your life. Don’t think about the money; for it’s better to have an empty stomach than it is to have an empty heart. Besides, you’ll make plenty of it, if and only if you do what you love.

* Money is not the root of all evil. Fear is. Some people use money as make up for their fear of rejection. This fear is not there to paralyze us, but to make us stronger. To paralyze ourselves is to succumb to evil.

* Opposite to popular belief, power is not a bad thing. Power is the medium, but the object behind it is the force. So, power to good people does good for others. Power to bad people, is always bad news.

* Most rich people (in money and spirit) want the poor to succeed.

* You can make more friends in one month by showing interest in others, than you can make in one year by trying to get others interested in you. In the same way, you can achieve whatever you want if you just helped others enough to achieve what they want.

* The 80/20 rule: All leaders must understand that 80% of a group of people only do 20% of the work, and the other 20% of the group will do 80% of the work. That 20% will produce 80% of the income, of productivity, of resilience. Don’t fight that, just work around it. Do so by spending personal time with the 20% group, and spend group time with the 80% group.

* Everything that you need to know in order to be truly successful has already been written. There is not one issue that someone else hasn’t faced before. These books are not only answer-finders, but they also shape your philosophy and outlook in life – therefore, miss a meal if needed, but not a book.

* As a nation, we lack enough ‘empathy’. If each of us asked ourselves ‘How would that feel if they did to me?’, then perhaps we would closer despite our differences. Always ask yourself ‘How would that feel?’ and then ‘What should I do then?’

* Journals are a way of getting to know more of yourself. If the idea or thought is worth writing down, then take the time to do so. Indeed, a journal is one of those treasures to pass on from generation to generation.

* Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you can never get more time. Thereof, strike to figure how to make better use of your time, not how to make more money.

* Business leadership is over rated. It is family, friendship, and relationship leadership that moves the world. So if there is a ever a place to practice leadership, it’s at home, at a social gathering, and with your partner.

* The dawn comes after the dark. And the good thing is, the dawn always comes, no matter how long the dark may feel. Therefore, remember the words of Winston Churchill: Never,ever, never give up.

In the hope that you found this inspiring and you use it as a guidance for your future, I’ll leave you. Feel free to add whatever you’d like to add – after all, teaching is one of the fastest ways of learning. Be well.

If you found this article helpful, consider making a donation to our website. In doing so, we will all grow.

You what mate?! Replied a long-forgotten cockney accent. “The gentleman: that mannered, a la mode dude, well turned out but restrained.” The PUALifestyle team, although we enjoy the use of vivaciously varied vocabulary do not take well to ponsey poofy poop.  What he was trying to say is that THE GENTLEMAN IS BACK. It means that fashion for men has returned once again to the undefeated classics of simplistic, mature colors and threads.

Splendid stuff in my opinion. This makes shopping choices much easier as now there are only four choices of color to choose from: black, grey, brown and navy. I asked He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to elaborate on what exactly the concept of Gentleman encompasses. He explained that the old styles “will be vanquished by an army of gracious men in classically cut jackets, half Windsor knots and, of course, pants. Retiree chic will fade. Men will be reminded that they look better in suits than they do in misguided cardigans.”

Translated: Buy a suit. Or better still: Buy a tailored three-piece suit (like this guy). I had to wear a suit for the last two years of my education and there was something swish about sliding on a fitting jacket. Girls loved it, bar tenders thought I was of age, jobs accepted me on the spot and swear words were vanquished as they just seemed wrong.

Sadly though a suit isn’t quite backpackers apparel so they have been left hanging behind my bedroom door for over a year now. Yet this got me thinking, a large majority of the PUALifestyle Forum are guys in college and you’re hardly going to wear a suit out in Fresher’s week or to a Fraternity alcohol filled gathering are you? A teenager in a suit is just asking to be beaten up. So Mr GQ of Oz, what are those of us who haven’t got professional jobs yet going to do?

“Gentle-manliness is obviously a matter of more than mere dress. The better man isn’t the one flashing the spiffier boutonniere. (In fact, if you stuff a flower in your lapel, you’re going to have to work extra hard to convince people you’re not a bit of an ass.) Chivalry, etiquette, some ingrained personal code – they’re all part of the composite.”

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named had just stated that a fashion trend can follow without wearing the fashion. Bizarre, but understandable. To be a Gentleman you can’t just rock up to any old joint in a suit. You have to know the Top Ten Dating Manners first. You must walk the walk to talk the talk to act the part. He continued,

“One thing that links gentlemen together, across the ages or the cubical wall, is that you just kind of shut up about it. In a tell-all age, why not distinguish yourself with a little restraint? Actions speak, but in the place of pitching your coat every time a lady approaches a puddle, we have clothing for the purpose of sending out quiet messages. ”

Yet I wanted to know what this clothing apparently was for a young guy in a social environment – one full of Jaeger Bombs and Majito’s. The answer was quite simple, and I’d like to take you through the same exercise I was. Think back to the 70′s, imagine what they wore then: flared trousers with shirt collars up. Now the 80′s, introducing Nylon: Bright colors and printed designs a.k.a. the tracksuit. Now the 90′s, bit more mixed up here with denim jeans taking different shapes and t-shirts. And now? What do all the guys wear around you now? Unless you’re in a specific niche of style, the answer will most probably be a (t-)shirt and jeans.

Fashion trends tend to take the opposite of the norm with some restrictions. The casual Gentleman then wears trousers. Not jeans, not shorts, not chords, but trousers. Brown, beige (chino’s), navy or grey. You can wear suit trousers too, but actually when I went shopping yesterday, I was surprised to find that there are a huge amount of normal trousers for sale relatively inexpensive.

“Try wearing a rollo-neck jumper this Autumn.”

I must admit that at first I muffled a laugh at this, imagining myself wearing a black rollo-neck with chino’s and looking identical to Will from Will & Grace. Then He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named whipped out the latest copy of GQ Australia and showed me what he had in mind. There on the page stood a guy with chino’s and a similar coloured rollo-neck with a Gucci pattern on the front. This guy not only looked good, sophisticated (a beefcake) and cool, but actually like a Gentleman. It is possible to be a Gentleman in terms of fashion without wearing a suit whilst young and in a rowdy environment.

I’m embracing this advice upon my return to England, fighting through an addiction to denim jeans: Bootcut, skinny and straight-leg. However I refuse to wear brown loafers or black work shoes yet choosing instead my high-tops which are just sick. This is the first of hopefully many fashion-orientated blog posts for PUALifestyle, and I hope you have enjoyed reading it as I did meeting Mr GQ of Oz, and writing the encounter up.

Please let us know what you think of this article by commenting and discussing in the forum. You can discuss it here too.

By Ian Smith

I’m a firm believer that there is a definite rhyme and reason to the way the universe works. While I am fairly certain that it isn’t set in stone, and that many things – including humans – create fluctuations in the way the world unfolds.

The events and situations we face everyday are cleverly disguised opportunities to realize, develop, and exercise our true potential. Now what exactly do I mean by ‘true potential’? Well, that’s simple. Each and every human being on the is planet – regardless of their physical, mental, or emotional limitations – has an indescribable capacity do to basically anything and to become anyone.

Keeping this in mind, reflect upon your own situation. I will reflect upon my own current situation to serve as an example.

- I founded this website to assist people in growing and becoming true men, while in the process allowing myself to do the same. However, I am going to prison very soon. My potential to do what I love and what also helps me become a better person on a daily basis is going to be severely cut off. I won’t be able to log-on and interact with you fine gentlemen. However, will I let this limit me? Indeed it won’t. I have taken the time to make things work, regardless of the shit I must go through. I have found care-takers and placed my faith into the co-founders and other leaders of this website to ensure it runs for everyone to use. For my own growth, I will handle that in many ways, making sure not to waste my time idly as I sit behind bars.

- Over the last few years, I have spent time on a daily basis improving my physical health. I look back at the kind of shape my body was in before, or even look around at countless people around me and I’m appalled by an overwhelming lack of respect, care, and knowledge of healthy living. When I noticed this about myself, what did I do? I didn’t feel bad for myself because I was a flabby mess, I got into a routine right away. Now here I am today, in amazing shape. I can’t remember the last time I fell ill, or wasn’t able to accomplish something physically. That is potential. Potential to be excellent.

- In high school, I was a run-of-the-mill student. I got C’s and B’s with no effort. Despite recommendations to try harder from family and teachers, I ignored them and continued doing what I was doing. Soon enough I realized that stupidity and mediocrity aren’t cool. So I started a new. Upon entering college I opened my mind, focused my intellectual energies, and started to pay attention and ask questions. And before I knew it, I was leading discussions in class, getting strait A’s, and discovered a new-found desire to learn everything I could. Today, people commend me on a regular basis about my intellectual prowess.

None of these things came easy. Nothing was given to me, and chances are, nothing will be given to you. Even when it is, you’ll wind up going back and doing it for yourself later (if you want to really know and grow). So what’s the lesson here?

Realize your true potential. If you want something, then GET IT. Don’t bullshit. Don’t sit idly resenting those who have it easier than you. Stop feeling bad for yourself. And don’t get discouraged by an overwhelming task that confronts you. You want to be an astronaut? Then be an astronaut. You wanna be the man that everyone loves, then BE that man. But get ready to WORK for what you want, because that’s just half the FUN. You can guess what the other half is!

Namaste.
Ian Smith.

Side-note: Ian Smith is already in prison, but this article is so inspiring that I decided to dig through the old files and pull it out. This guy is one of my best friends and a mentor to me.
- Daniel Becerra

Model: Our very own Kris Hansen

By Ian Smith

Today, I needed to write about something that is very important to me – and should be very important to all of you. I’m going to try to keep this as structured as possible, but I will be ranting. So hang with me here.

Everyone walks a different path through life. That being said, everyone is going to have different experiences through life. Some easier than other, some more difficult than most. However, no matter who you are, you will face adversity at some point in your life. The thing that separates the best from the rest, is how you react to this adversity.

Like I said, how will you react to the ‘daily struggle’? Will you let it overwhelm you and get the best of you? Will you let adversity define who you are? Or will you FIGHT to be the best – no matter what? Will you lay down and die? Feel bad for yourself? Or stand up tall, fists clenched, ready to tackle anything stopping you from achieving excellence? Will you woe in self-pity asking ‘why me’? Or will you stare it right in the face and scream “BRING IT ON!”?

There are two options. Only two. Fight….or Die. There is no middle path here. There are no negotiations. There is no easy way out. Life is not a lazy river made for you to float around until the end of days. Life is a war.

But that’s the beauty of it. Accept it.

Take every situation you face and make the best of it. Focus your creative energies on solutions, growth, and conquering these mountainous adversities.

Here are some examples from my own life, where I have taken lemons and created delicious lemonade from them.

1) 3 Year Suspended License – Due to recent events, my license has been stripped from me for three years. Now, many people would find that as an excuse to become lethargic, lazy, and to watch tons of T.V. It seems like it would be a good one “I can’t get to work it’s too far, I don’t have a car/ride”. Instead, what do I do? I bought a bike, and I ride my ass everywhere. I rely on nobody for a ride, or to help me. I get up early every morning and ride – rain or shine – to work, school, and anywhere else I need to go to remain a productive member of society.

Great things have come of this. 5 months into doing this, I have dropped 20lbs of fat from my body. Magically, I have a 6-pack. My legs have gone from two flabby meat sticks to two rock hard limbs. My endurance has sky-rocketed. I have also learned many things: I can ride a bike like a champion and do a variety of neat tricks, I ride at night a lot and have spent much of my time looking at the stars as I ride in the deserted streets of my town, it also gives me plenty of time to sit and think about whatever is on my mind at the moment. While everyone is busy whining and moaning about gas prices (not so much now), I ride on happily by as the cash in my pocket continues to stack up! This list goes on and on and on.

2) Tragic automobile accident – For most of you, this may be a shocker. Last year, I was involved in a tragic automobile accident that took the life of an innocent young man. My life was spared, for reasons that still elude me to this day. And because of this, I have been charged with Vehicular Manslaughter of the 2nd degree. A serious charge that carries with it a 5-10 year prison sentence. Admittedly, this is by far the most intimidating form of adversity I have ever faced. There are so many levels on which this effects me as a person.

The guilt, remorse, and grief of knowing that someone died as a result of a dire mistake I made will haunt me for the rest of my days. The fear and unknown of going to prison haunts me every single waking hour. The pain I have caused in the hearts of his family, friends, and loved ones is indescribable, it simply cannot be put into words how bad I feel for all of this. I meant none of this, I love humanity, I would never intentionally set out to hurt anyone – let alone cause their untimely death. However, I have done so – mistake or not.

For months afterwards, I felt like nothing mattered anymore. I sat in a puddle of self-pity asking myself over and over again “Why me? Why me? Why did this happen to me?” Until one day I realized how lucky I was, how lucky I was to still be here, despite whatever else I had to face in the coming years. I was still alive. I was here. And nothing could be better than that. Upon further thought on the subject, I realized that great good could come from this most terrible of tragedies, and that I owed it to not only myself – but more importantly – the young man who perished that day. I owed it to him, and his family to create a better world from this. And that is what I will do forever more.

I started with myself first. I needed some work. So I got to work and revamped myself in every way possible. Once I was able to workout again, I got into a regiment that has sculpted my body into a highly tuned biological machine. Then I worked on my inside. The guilt. The fear. The pain. The negativity. I became stronger through all of this. I looked deep inside for the answers, and low and behold they were all there. Every single one of them was there. And those questions I couldn’t find complete answers for, I looked elsewhere to friends, family, and fellow humans for help. And they helped, with great pleasure. People have flocked from all over to help me through this tragedy. Teachers, friends, family doctors, family friends, loved ones, new friends, and even complete strangers.

Despite the fact that I am going to prison, I have continued to remain a productive member of society. I attend college as a full-time student, I have an internship, two jobs as a waiter and a yoga instructor, volunteer at a hospital, I write for the school newspaper, I run this website to help myself and others grow, and still manage to find time to hang out with the people I love.

Once I had worked on myself, it was time to give back to the world. I needed to tell my story, the tragic story of how this accident happened. While I am ashamed of my actions, I know with every fiber of my being that it was without intention and I know that great things can be learned from them. So I tell everyone I meet about who I am. I have no secrets, only stories. I publicly speak to students and other young people so they do not have to make the same mistake I did. And you know what? It feels AWESOME. The feeling I get telling my story (even though it is a sad one) is absolutely AMAZING. This has made me a better, stronger person, and I hope that by telling other people it will do the same for them.

Those are only two forms of adversity I have faced in my life. And despite the worst of it, great things have come from them. Sure, it sucks that I have to deal with it. But one thing I have learned from this is that someone else will always have bigger problems than you will. So learn to love your problems for what they are – embrace them – and conquer them!

Much love everyone.
Ian Andrew Smith.

R.I.P.

Words: Ian Smith

Note: Ian Smith is already facing time prison, but he is still an active person by writing letters to us and ocassional articles for this website. We all owe a great deal to him.

By Daniel Becerra

Steve Pavlina gets to the core of Personal Growth, not just the surface. His book ought to be an award.

I’m honored to be review this book, and although it is a little late, I wanted to make sure that I’m absolutely fair with what I’d write. I have read the book “Personal Development For Smart People” by Steve Pavlina, twice. The first time to learn as much as I could, the second time to check for anything I may have missed. It took me longer than I expected. As you will learn when you buy this book, it is necessary to stop, clear your mind, absorb the concepts, and then continue to fully grasp the philosophy of this book. So much is cramped on it, that is hard not to miss something at first sight. Not to praise Steve, but credit should be given where it’s deserved.

As a young man fascinated by personal development, I can tell you that this book has exceeded my expectations by far. In order to make things easier for you, I will not describe the principles of the book in this blog (although they will later be discussed in the forum), but rather I’ll give you a different perspective and why I believe this book is a must in every library. Not just a self-improvement one, but in all Universities, High Schools, and maybe even Middle Schools. Although I believe this book is not for everyone, I will urge every single person who a) Has a minimum curiosity of living a fulfilling, conscious life; b) Has been into Personal Development for some time now; c) Doesn’t believe in Personal Development, to read this book. Although Steve does an genius work in bringing the seven principles of conscious growth (truth, love, power, oneness, authority, courage, and intelligence), I think that he excels furthermore in connecting all of them. And even beyond that in connecting all the Personal Development philosophies out there.

I can not think of it in any other way, his book is what connects the dots. It really makes sense as you read it. Yes, it is packed with helpful information about self-growth, journaling, goal setting, life purpose, and so on; but what is amazing about this book – in my opinion – is that it connects everything together in such a beautiful way. It connects things not just within the book, but with everything that I’ve read before. I furiously wrote ideas, realizations on my journal (which hopefully should soon be switched to a software journal ) as I read the book, and I assure you that if you find a quiet, peaceful place to read this book, your experience will be similar to mine.

As Steve puts it on his book’s cover. The book is a guide for conscious pursuit of personal growth. I’m almost sure that you will be inspired by the book’s content, but realize that inspiration comes from realizing your possible greatness, and Steve Pavlina’s book does that magical thing – it enables you to realize your greatness. I have personally been more than inspired to keep blogging more actively, to keep reading Personal Development books to the kids I mentor (even if the staff wants me to read them fairy tales), to work on my speaking skills, to contribute to others by living – by really LIVING. As I read the book, I realized that conscious growth is harder than what I thought. It surely takes some serious self-discipline and guts to passionately do the things you love (at least for me). It is very easy to get distracted when so many things are available to you, but with the guide of a great book, things can be done much easily.

The two chapters that really hit home for me were “Chapter 12: Relationships” and “Chapter 13: Spirituality”. If you’re a pick up artist, social skills master (or whatever you ought to call yourself), you shall read these two chapters – they will change your life. As a former Atheist, and now possibly becoming a Christian (not sure yet), the chapter on Spirituality has made it clear to me that no matter what religion I stand on, I’m still me. Furthermore, it has confirmed that spirituality is on giving, loving, and thanking. I’m very thankful for that. As a social skills blogger and coach, I tell you that I knew little to nothing before reading this book. Yes, sure enough I have skills, but it all makes much more sense once you learn how relationships align with Truth, Love, and Power.

Just for the note, I would like to repeat that I honestly believe this book is not for everyone. In a nutshell, it IS for smart people. And by smart I obviously don’t mean 4.0 GPA in school, but rather an open mind, and willingness to experiment. This book can infuriate some people who are afraid to face their fears in one way or another, so be aware when you read those reviews from other people.

Also, Steve’s book is not just empowering, it’s also humorous. If not, just ask him about the time he did Calculus with crayon on a card box. Or you could also ask him about training to run the LA Marathon so hard just to find out that the marathon was the same he was supposed to get married (an evil eye is enough to make a smart decision) . I had a good laugh at those particular stories.

“Personal Development For Smart People” will have a special place on my tiny book shelf and the phrase “Awesome – 5 out of 5″ will be written on a Sticky Note attached to it. I recommend you read his book description, as this review is for it has done for me (it can do the same or more for you), not for its content (too many bloggers have done that already).

(To steal the words of Steve Pavlina) Live Consciously.

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

As men, and as humans in general we should constantly be striving to drastically improve and expand ourselves in every area of lives. One should be the master of not only his physical, but his mental, intellectual, and spiritual realms. No human is complete without these. There are specific things in life that can and will enrich your lives in one or more of these areas. Please realize, that not all of these need to be done to be a complete person, there are many different paths to take. Please also realize I am just serving a few examples that work in my life, there are many more positive activities and things of the sort you can bring into you life to be the best man you can.

1) Health and well being - I strongly feel that my physical body is the most important aspect of my life, because as far as I know, nothing else in my life can exist without it. My thoughts, emotions, mental health, are all dependent on me being alive and well in the physical realm of existence.

- Physical Fitness is one essential part of my life, I maintain an active lifestyle in general, but make it a point to workout at least once a day, however it is usually twice. Initially, some people have trouble enjoying working out, but I have learned to love it. And you should too. Your body is your gift from whatever God/Power you feel created you. Take care of it, learn about anatomy and physiology, appreciate the fact that you are, by far, the most complex life-machine on the planet. Your body is THE pinnacle of evolution on this planet. You can run, jump, swim, fight, play, act, dance, do back-flips, play guitar, and so much more. Enjoy this. Strive to get in the best shape of your life, in any way you can. Explore your options. Weight lifting, martial arts, yoga, pilates, sports, iso/plyometrics, calisthenics, cardiovascular, you name it, you can do it. All of these wonderful activities will bring discipline, energy, and an over increase in well-being and life expectancy.

- Maintaining a healthy lifestyle doesn’t just include physical fitness, you should stray away from unhealthy activities, foods, and habits as well. I quit smoking cigarettes, by far one of the best things I’ve ever done. They are completely and utterly pointless. They have no positive effects on your body, they are a complete waste of money, they smell horrible, they pollute the environment, and they fund big corporate interests that don’t care about you as an individual. Stop eating crappy food. Learn to appreciate all the wonderful healthy foods that this world has to offer. Fruits and veggies are an untapped resource among most men. Why? They are delicious, they are great for you, they are cheap, and easy. Stop eating genetically modified foods or foods that are over processed, both of these will deteriorate your body and overall physical over long periods of time. Don’t watch T.V or play video games that often, neither of the two are very productive activities, and lead to a lazy and rather unhealthy lifestyle.

2) Mental and Intellectual- Just as important as your physical health, is your mental health. And just as equally important as that is your intellectual capabilities. You can be a strong and good looking as you want, but if you are a nut-job or a emptied-brain person, you’re not going anywhere with yourself. But think of the possibilities that open up to you as a beautiful, healthy, wise, and clear-minded person. The sky is truly the limit in these cases.

- Mental Health is absolutely key. Ninety five percent of people have some sort of mental blockage that warps and distorts their world view in some way. We all have things thrown in our path from time to time, but we need to move past petty arguments, past experiences, embarrassments, wrongdoings, and things of the sort. Most people tend to suppress things like these which throw them into your subconscious where they will continue to haunt you until you acknowledge, accept, and release them. Fears, regrets, feelings of hatred and other negative emotions will only limit you as a person. They cause all sorts of mental instabilities which are then reflected from your inner world, to your outer world. Causing psychical discomfort of all sorts from violent anger to dramatic fits. I used to be a very angry, pessimistic person at one point, because I had not accepted the my past and I wasn’t ready to face my future. But once we acknowledge these negative forces within ourselves, we can move past them and continue with our lives in a positive and productive direction. All of this is very general, but I think a lot of you may know exactly what I’m getting at.

- A smart man, will dominate in any situation, guaranteed. And I’m not talking book-smart. I’m talking about savvy, wise, men who have their wits sharp and their eyes open. Real life smarts. A jack of all trades, someone who knows whats going on at all times, whether it is in his small social circle of friends at a party, or the latest political-world news. You can’t react if you don’t know what is going on. Learn everything you can. Whether you are really interested in it or not, chances are, you’ll use it down the road. I used to be forced to help my step-father do all sorts of home-improvement as a kid, but guess what? When I ever had a woman (or even another clueless man) who needed their lawnmower, sink, toilet, light fixture, dishwasher, water heater, etc fixed, I could handle the job with ease. That is an example of things that women especially look for when finding a real man. That serves as just one example, we can also look into the fact that any woman I have a conversation with, that has some brains about her, is getting herself into a deep, meaningful, and exciting conversation. Why? Because I’m intelligent. I read a lot. I do a lot. I speak a lot. I take knowledge from anything and anyone I can. You can take lessons from other people’s mistakes, misfortunes, good behavior, good examples, successes, failures, anything. Just pay attention, analyze, and store.I’m telling you, this stuff is simple.

3) Spiritual and Religion - A complete man must have some sort of structured world view. I encourage anyone who has studied or followed a certain religion their whole lives to seriously consider looking into others. Please do not limit your spirituality to the doctrines of a certain school of thought. Just as you don’t want to limit yourself in any other area of life. If you’re a Christian, pick up a few Eastern religion books, even if it is just to have a browse. Chances are you are going to find something in there that will help you in one way or another.

- Spirituality is an awesome part of human existence. We are the only species on this planet to ponder such deep thoughts like the meaning and/or purpose of life, our creation, demise, etc. A well-rounded man has his feet planted firmly on the ground, but his head should remain in the clouds, metaphorically speaking. Whether you are a materialist, dualist, taoist, pagan, christian, jew, muslim, or whatever else you can come up with, enjoy the fact that you are a deep thinking mammal who can indulge in such spectacular activities. The path to enlightenment is different for each individual, blaze your own path, and you shall find the answers you seek. I cannot say much more about the joys of spirituality, because it is something that is better understood when it is explored and felt, rather than dictated.

4) Friends and Networks: Another enabling factor, a very important one are your friends and networking capabilities. For instance, if I want to go on a second date and need a good place, I have the restaurant I work at. It’s extremely nice, I am extremely close with the bosses, and its an overall great place to be; sports players and big shots in there all the time. Or one of my buddies has a massive house. We all have connections like this, and if not, they are easy to obtain. If you don’t have good friends, and all they do is sit around all day, tell them to follow, or get out of the way. Your friends will make you or break you. There is no need to be a prick but you must be learning to drop some people who are a negative influence on your life. Find people who are on the go, always doing something fun. Do little things like have a conversation with the cops that you see in your local convenience store or the male or female sitting next to you on the bus. The more people you know, the more you are capable of. I can just think back to what a good networking move it was to speak with my now very close friend, Daniel Becerra. I think you all get the point.

5) Activities, Hobbies, and Talents: The more you keep yourself active, the more opportunities you will be presented with. Simple things like going to the gym, playing basketball, being active in your community, going with friends to local parks and city gatherings, and so much more. All of this will open you up to more and more experiences. One of the coolest chicks I met was on a white water rafting trip, I didn’t plan on meeting any women there, but it turned out we had many similar interests and bonded quite quickly during the trip. Even if you don’t meet any women during all this, it is something to talk about and use as a demonstration of value, and shows a fun on-the-go action packed life. Something that is very appealing to most people these days.

6. Possessions: Many (not all) people place a high value on what kind of possessions a man has in his life, whether it be money, a good job, a nice car, or whatever. For example, my friend drives a porsche, and when we go out, it doesn’t take much to get a conversation going with some girls. In fact in most cases all it takes is rolling down the window at stoplights, parking lots or leaving clubs. Now, obviously not everyone can have a Porsche, but there are things everyone can do that will enable you to have an easier time. Having a nice house, that is decorated with passion. A well-kept bedroom with true character. All of these things are qualities of a tremendous lifestyle. Whether you like to admit it or not, we live in a material world – so if you’re going to play the game, then play it right. Make sure you have nice things, and when you have nice things, keep them nice. This is one very important aspect of building ‘The Lifestyle’.

Overall, a fun, enlightened lifestyle is one that will not only enable you to attract fun, enlightened people, but also keep them in your life.

Words: Ian Smith.

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.