By Ian Smith

I’m a firm believer that there is a definite rhyme and reason to the way the universe works. While I am fairly certain that it isn’t set in stone, and that many things – including humans – create fluctuations in the way the world unfolds.

The events and situations we face everyday are cleverly disguised opportunities to realize, develop, and exercise our true potential. Now what exactly do I mean by ‘true potential’? Well, that’s simple. Each and every human being on the is planet – regardless of their physical, mental, or emotional limitations – has an indescribable capacity do to basically anything and to become anyone.

Keeping this in mind, reflect upon your own situation. I will reflect upon my own current situation to serve as an example.

- I founded this website to assist people in growing and becoming true men, while in the process allowing myself to do the same. However, I am going to prison very soon. My potential to do what I love and what also helps me become a better person on a daily basis is going to be severely cut off. I won’t be able to log-on and interact with you fine gentlemen. However, will I let this limit me? Indeed it won’t. I have taken the time to make things work, regardless of the shit I must go through. I have found care-takers and placed my faith into the co-founders and other leaders of this website to ensure it runs for everyone to use. For my own growth, I will handle that in many ways, making sure not to waste my time idly as I sit behind bars.

- Over the last few years, I have spent time on a daily basis improving my physical health. I look back at the kind of shape my body was in before, or even look around at countless people around me and I’m appalled by an overwhelming lack of respect, care, and knowledge of healthy living. When I noticed this about myself, what did I do? I didn’t feel bad for myself because I was a flabby mess, I got into a routine right away. Now here I am today, in amazing shape. I can’t remember the last time I fell ill, or wasn’t able to accomplish something physically. That is potential. Potential to be excellent.

- In high school, I was a run-of-the-mill student. I got C’s and B’s with no effort. Despite recommendations to try harder from family and teachers, I ignored them and continued doing what I was doing. Soon enough I realized that stupidity and mediocrity aren’t cool. So I started a new. Upon entering college I opened my mind, focused my intellectual energies, and started to pay attention and ask questions. And before I knew it, I was leading discussions in class, getting strait A’s, and discovered a new-found desire to learn everything I could. Today, people commend me on a regular basis about my intellectual prowess.

None of these things came easy. Nothing was given to me, and chances are, nothing will be given to you. Even when it is, you’ll wind up going back and doing it for yourself later (if you want to really know and grow). So what’s the lesson here?

Realize your true potential. If you want something, then GET IT. Don’t bullshit. Don’t sit idly resenting those who have it easier than you. Stop feeling bad for yourself. And don’t get discouraged by an overwhelming task that confronts you. You want to be an astronaut? Then be an astronaut. You wanna be the man that everyone loves, then BE that man. But get ready to WORK for what you want, because that’s just half the FUN. You can guess what the other half is!

Namaste.
Ian Smith.

Side-note: Ian Smith is already in prison, but this article is so inspiring that I decided to dig through the old files and pull it out. This guy is one of my best friends and a mentor to me.
- Daniel Becerra

Model: Our very own Kris Hansen

By Daniel Becerra

This is not an either-or matter. Do not be fooled by the title. This article aims to clear up one of the things that I am sure has happened to you, is happening to you, or will happen to you.

What happens when you want to improve all areas of your life and you simply just don’t know where to begin? What happens then? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had so many things you wanted to improve that at the end you just ended up confused and improved nothing at all? Or what about wanting to improve one aspect of your life more than the others, yet you were afraid you wouldn’t take good care of the others? It has happened to me and plenty of people I know and if it happens on this side of the world, I’m sure it happens on your side as well.

What does it come down to? I will call it “Focus vs Balance”, I’ll explain why now. For sake of understanding, I will call “Focus” the one thing that you have decided to improve the most, the one thing that you want to improve in this new year, or maybe in the next 6 months. And ‘balance’ will be not messing other aspects of your life because you’re ‘focused’ on another particular aspect. For instance, someone who is trying to do a lot of business may have a tough time finding the time to exercise or to spend time with his family and so on. Or if you’re studying or working for long amount of hours, then you may not have an awful amount of time to hang out with friends.

The Focus

There is a difference between focusing and balancing. FOCUSING is a special focus. It’s that SHOULD turned into a MUST. It’s that one thing you must do everyday because it’s what is most important to you at the moment. I find that the best option is to select one aspect of your life that you will FOCUS on and let every other aspect just balance. What do I mean? For instance, the aspect I will focus next is Finances and Wealth. I plan to read books on how to earn money, read biographies of self-made millionaires or billionaires. I plan to do experiments, write on my journal about it, and so on. Does this mean I will drop public speaking (Toastmasters), this website,spirituality, friends, and school? Of course not (even if it means researching until 2 am, and waking up at 8 am). Although if I did and focused entirely on finances, then I’d learn much faster. But I will not do that because other things also need to be done. I think Zig Ziglar said it best “Do what you need to do, so later on you can do anything that you WANT to do”. No matter how much you hate it, some things just need to be done.

There is a need to be clear about what aspect of your life you will FOCUS on next and more importantly for how long will you do it. Some people FOCUS for a period of one year, others for 6 months, others for 3 months. You have to commit these periods and whatever aspect you work on to paper. That is how it’s done. Write it in your journal or Google Documents which is free and you can put as much as you want. It was stated before, when you commit things to writing, that is a sign that you’re taking your studies seriously. So right now (or as soon as you finish reading this article), I would like you to do this:

* Take out a piece of paper. Draw a triangle. Flip it over, so that the widest part is at top and the peak of it on the bottom.
* Divide it into anywhere from 4-10 parts. These parts will be the aspects of your life. You can break it into whatever number of aspects you want to break it. If you visit the forum, then you can have a clear idea of how to break it down.
* Take your time on deciding what truly is the most important for you to DO right now. It may surprise you that you will actually take some time doing this.
* The most important part should be on the top, and then work your day down.

You can see what it will look like if you look at the Cone of Learning. So let’s say that the most important thing to do right now for you is your college education. Then that should be on top. It will signal that’s the most important thing for you and the area where you will spend more time. In other words, it’s your top priority. Other areas will follow, of course. Here is the trick though, every other aspect of your life must be improved as well, because you cannot improve your work if you don’t improve your family or social life, they actually complement each other. Just like your fitness level complements your productivity in the workplace or at home. In God’s infinite wisdom, when we improve one area of our life, others improve as well. They all are connected. The trick is in doing all of them, but putting more time in that aspect that is really important. For instance, my cousin is a relatively muscular guy and he exercises, no doubt that’s important. If you look at me, however, I am not muscular , but I do exercise, a relatively fewer amount of time because that is not my priority. I get enough exercise to keep my head clear but not to grow massive muscle. In my cousin’s case, he exercises to grow massive muscle, and reads enough to keep himself hungry for knowledge. See the difference? My cousin’s priority is obviously different than mine. His is fitness, mine is knowledge. We both do exercise and read, but at different levels.

Another example, I remember clearly the days where my good friend Jamie Craven took seriously his goal on losing weight and gain enough muscle to make it as a model for a prestigious brand, as an underwear model. Did he do it? Of course! Not only did he go from slob to sexy, but also he was featured in a prestigious magazine. We spoke often during those days. He spent hours researching, feeding his mind with the knowledge required for that specific goal. He read everything from how many calories each food has, how many snacks to have, what burns more calories, and so on. He took notes. He asked people. In short, he took seriously. That aspect of his life (fitness) was his priority at that point. (And boy, he made it clear!). But he still made time to hang out with people, talk to friends, feed his mind with other knowledge, help in the website, and so on. He focused on something, and he just…

Let the rest balance

Jamie just let the rest of it fall into place. He did what mattered the most first and still kept with all of his other responsibilities. Follow his example. As busy as your schedule may get, you will notice that when you put your FOCUS first, all the other things will balance. Like I said for me this year, it’s about Wealth and Finances, so I will do whatever it may take to work on it. I’ll do whatever it takes so that I find time for everything else I have to do. For instance, I’m also studying the Bible and reaching a new level on my spirituality, so if I find it hard to read the Bible during the day, then I’ll make the effort to wake up earlier just so that I can catch a glimpse of it. On days where I’m busy and I don’t get much time to read, then I could buy an audio on businesses while I exercise. There are so many alternatives. When it’s a must, you will find your way to get it done and all the other commitments will take place on its own.

If you want it, you’ll find the way, believe me. On the other hand, if you don’t want it enough, if you don’t have a clear sense of purpose and mission, then you’ll find yourself wasting more time, and you won’t even be busy! As corny as it may sound, it’s not the circumstances but rather how you adapt to them. Listen to motivational stuff while you exercise, clear your room, or drive. Wake up earlier to finish a task you may not get enough time for otherwise. Read that book with your girlfriend and ask her to test you on it. Exercise with your girlfriend to kill two birds at once. If you’re trying a new diet, ask her for support and to check on you. There are so many ways, you just have to get creative to find them. I’m not sure who said it, but the message was clear, if you want to get creative, you must remain positive, and if you want to remain positive, you must remain DOING things!

Ultimately – time management is a myth. You cannot manage time. It’s the only thing you will never have control over. What you can manage is your priorities and that you make sure that you commit to them. Something magical happens when you put your priorities first. It’s as if everything was just on your side. Do not focus on time management, it’s a waste of time. (See what I’m saying?) Focus on flexible planning, focus on prioritizing, focus on getting others to hold you accountable, focus on developing a sense of purpose, focus on those things, and time will be your friend, rather than your enemy. Lastly, commit it to writing. I cannot stress that enough. Commit it to writing. When you write it, you focus. When you focus, you balance it. When you balance it, you have amazing time management. That means you’ll have time for the things that matter. And when that happens, you’ll experience… happiness.

No doubt, journals are crucial. After I recorded the video Clarity in 2009 (mind the bad lighting for this one), I received some emails specifically about the journal part. Like I said in the video, I understood the importance of journals, but I wasn’t necessarily using it to its full potential. This article explains how I made transition, it’s pretty lengthy (2956 words), but it’s worth reading it. It took me almost 7 hours to finish it. If you don’t have the time to finish it now, feel free to print it out and take it for reading somewhere else.

I first began to journal with the Lifestyle Challenge that Ian Smith and I created almost a year ago. Later, I was reminded of it when I attended a seminar hosted by SUCCESS magazine (excellent event). I actually got a free ‘Jim Rohn Leadership’ journal there and I began to jot down thoughts, ideas, and emotions on it; but after a while, I grew less motivated to do handwriting. So I moved on to computer journal and I started my journal in a Word document, but still I lacked a bit of discipline in keeping up with it, although both forms DID help me bring more clear answers to the questions that before wandered in my head without answers, or sometimes, questions that I asked other people, yet their answer wouldn’t satisfy me. But when I really started getting the hang of it (you never get the hang of it the first time), I started asking questions in such a way that I would answer my own questions, either as I wrote, or later on in a sudden moment. (By the way, now I use Google documents, it is much easier to keep up with and it allows you to do an easy ‘Search’ function.)

There is some sort of magic that takes place when you ask yourself well-worded questions – well, it’s really the beauty of the mind and body. These well-worded questions not only help you connect with yourself, but also to really connect with others. We have a journal section in our forum that members use to track their progress or tell a particular story. And it won’t take too many questions to ask so that you know that the use of a journal is incredibly efficient. For one, many of them share that writing their story made them realize something they hadn’t realized before. Second, one member’s journal entry can be read by others, making them closer and also, seeing a real life experience (it’s a lot easier to learn that way, instead of the ‘do this, do that’). I think it’s safe to say that in this forum, members know each other better than in any other . Now, let’s explore what well-worded questions are, and why they are so efficient.

Well-Worded Questions

The first thing we need to realize is that well-worded questions do not give immediate answers. In fact, most of your initial answers will only serve to clear up that which doesn’t work. Well-worded questions are true seekers. They find what is true for you. You can also use well-worded questions or well-worded statements to make someone else find what’s true for them, and you watch, they will love you. Only you can ask yourself these questions. You WILL meet some great people who will ask you great well-worded questions and will change your perspective completely, but that will not always happen. For most of your life, it has to be you who does it. Yes, there will be a point where you can ask questions to others that are so deep, that will have powerful realizations, but it all must begin with you.

Second, these questions take some time, do not give up. At the beginning you will ask questions that are not so appealing, but with time you will ask yourself some killer questions. You must immerse yourself into your journal. You will feel silly at the beginning, but that will evolve, sometimes in the course of 5 minutes, sometimes in the course of 5 days. For instance at the beginning, I asked myself ‘How can I make this routine work?’, but of course, I didn’t find any inspiration for the answer, yet as I kept writing, the questions evolved to ‘Why a routine?’, ‘What makes a routine work’?, ‘Can I use something else besides it’?, ‘Why am I so worried about making this work?’, ‘Why do I want it to work?’, ‘What will I accomplish if it works?’, ‘If it works, is it fulfilling’? you know the rest of the story. It’s a funny feeling, really. When you begin writing these questions, you actually find it a bit hard to stop at times and others, hard to continue – keep going, the answer will pop up. Here are some questions directly pulled out from my journal. It is safe to assume that the wording of these questions are appealing to me. And they may not be appealing to you, but they will get the point across.

I began with these questions

Are the people in my life real?
Am I being completely honest with them?
I want a beautiful girlfriend with a certain number of traits. What are those traits?
Am I being thoughtful to my friends?
Am I being as human as I can be?
Am I constantly seeking to make friends?
Why am I so focused on making friends?
I have to talk to more people. Attend to more events. And be THERE.
What do I want my life to be like? What do I want my life NOT to be like?
Am I understanding people more each day?
Am I identifying with them?
Am I being true to my family? Am I calling them enough? And doing enough for them? Am I being a good son? A good brother? A good role model?
Am I ready to commit?

Here is how they evolved

* How can I be completely honest with people? Why do I need to be honest with people? What will be the consequences if I’m not honest with them?
* How can I meet AND keep the woman I will deeply fall in love with?
* How can I be more thoughtful to them? What are some good and simple ways to show appreciation to them? ‘Thank you’ cards, random text messages wishing them a great day or good luck on their exam when they are not expecting it, an email with an e-card that makes the smile, treat them to a nice dinner every now and then.
* How is one more human? How does one get rid of the masks we are conditioned to have? What will happen if I’m not human? What will happen as I become as human as I can be?
* I wanted to seek to make friends, why? How will I make friends? What traits do I want these friends to have? How will I keep a great friend? What will be the nature of a friend relationship? It’s clearly not someone who only comes to see you when there is a beer at home. How then?
* How can I understand people more? What questions or statements I can make to understand them more? To get to know them more? To get them to trust me? How will I know once they have understood me? What will happen when I have the ability to understand people more? What will happen if I don’t?

The list goes on, but I’ll cut it off there for now, or the article will be too long. I think you can see some notorious differences. The first entry was a sort of auto-evaluation, it’s a way of getting in touch with truth. It will help you figure out where you stand. This is not science, by the way. You don’t have to be a super genius to answer those questions, but you do have to trust your instinct. Don’t sabotage yourself over the answers either. I wrote the answers separately, of course. Those answers (some that can come in writing, others come in your head in an instant) led me to write down other questions, better questions. And as I wrote those questions, more interesting things happened. What happened? I got answers. And these answers gave me me a clarity that I hadn’t felt before. I’m more driven. I’m more determined. And I gotta tell you, while the journal didn’t do it all by itself, it certainly was one of the most influential parts of it.

Note: It is obvious to assume, that you must use your own questions.

By the way, it doesn’t always have to be those kind of ‘generic questions’. You can also apply them for whatever instant moment you want. For example, in sales, there is this saying that goes “He said something, but he was saying something completely different”. This simply means, someone can say something, but they mean something completely different. Well, I kept asking myself “How can I figure out what he is saying, instead of what he says?”, there were plenty of answers that begun with the list of patterns on the movements every prospect would make. So I wrote those down, then I wrote down how I worded the questions I asked (I must say sometimes we don’t realize how poorly we ask questions), and then I begun to see patterns that allowed me a bit of more success and understanding in sales. It’s the same with the opposite sex, especially women *cough*. Write down your questions, and stay on them until your questions are so powerful and specific that you can not help but to be inspired by them.

The Answers to your questions

If you thought the questions were tricky, wait until you try to come up with your own answers. It can be a lot trickier and a lot more frustrating. For instance, once I wrote this question “Why is it that I stop trying when I see something getting away from me?”. This was not really the proudest moment in my life, but I share it here because I know there will a be reader or two who can relate to this question. The answers that came up at first were vague. They were usual one-liners. ‘I’m scared’, ‘I’m not used to this’, ‘Maybe I don’t have interest’, and obviously none of the answers felt right. I remember this particular question took me days to figure out. I would write and think about it, often. More often than usual. The answer came to me one day when I asked my dearest friend “Tell me one thing about me that I probably don’t know”. She took a couple of seconds to make up her mind and study my face and she calmly said “I think… that when you commit to a relationship, your vulnerability will show and you will become weak. That’s why you don’t commit to many. Other people may buy it, but not me”. I had my answer.

That answer by my friend was key. I can clearly remember saying “She told me this and how true is that? She probably knows me better than I know myself, how many things about myself am I not aware? How could she know this? What experiences have we had that can lead her to this conclusion?” Well, we did date shortly and later slept together several times, not just that, but we’ve had those intelligent conversations often. So she does know me pretty well. I remember saying “So, it is true. I’m afraid”. Beautiful, I was sure now and I just needed to know why. As I was in the treadmill one night, the answer popped into my head. “You’re scared because you’re afraid of investing time again and not seeing results”. Now, this sounds like a pretty common answer, duh, but there is a big difference when the answer comes from WITHIN rather than outside. Huge difference. The answers from outside helps you memorize and act it out to go from there, while the answers from inside help you to realize and live it out. What a difference.

Be aware, as you write, some ideas will come to you in crystal clear words and you’ll have an ‘Aha!’ moment, others will be pretty blurry in your mind and your job will be to write it down until you figure it out. For instance, if you ask yourself “What does a magic moment look like?”. You can surely picture a magic moment in your head (Chances are you’re picturing one right now) but can you live that magic moment at once? Maybe not. If I asked you to describe how a magic moment can occur, then you may have a bit of trouble doing so, even when you can see it clearly in your head! Isn’t that crazy? But if you begin to write, and write, and write, you will get to a point where you can actually describe and feel pretty accurately how that magic moment can be created. You will have gone from imagining a magic moment to having enough knowledge and within-education to know how to CREATE that magic moment. In other words, you will take the invisible and make it visible.

The difference that makes the difference

Writing it. Writing it makes the difference. Someone said it “Writing is the beginning of wealth”. I’m by no means very wealthy, but writing has enriched my spirit so much. When you write it, you remember it. It’s so crucial. Jim Rohn said it “If an idea is worth listening to, worth reading, worth remembering it, then it’s also worth capturing it in your journal. And there are many reasons for making the effort to capture good ideas, not the least is the simple fact that the simple act of writing something on paper helps to make the idea firmer in our mind.” Of course, it’s not just ideas, but questions, quotes, pictures, and realizations too. Write down everything as it comes into your mind. Don’t focus about organizing it by segments. Let it flow and soon you’ll be more organized than you can imagine. My entries actually have quotes all over them, because I will happen to read something and I just know I have to write them down because if not now, they will be helpful later. You can go back to your past journal entry pretty easily and see how you thought back then and compare it to how you think now, or you can check for unanswered questions that you’d like to answer now. You can check it for a great idea that you couldn’t apply at the moment, or you forgot to apply it, but now you’re free and able to apply it. But if you had never written that idea down, you could never apply it – then or months later.

I will re-state the question I asked in the video I linked you earlier, What could be more important than improving things so that they give you the best result? What could be more important than writing down my questions to ask the next girl you meet, or the next prospect you’ll help? What could be more important than writing down your presentation or a new funny line or a new way to make her day, or his day? What could be more important than understanding yourself? Is it worth doing so? You better believe it. Whether you want to improve your dating life to get one girlfriend or if you want to live it like a playboy, the advise is the same, get a journal and write on it. If you’d like to share a public journal – one than you can always easily go back to – then join our forum and I’ll create one for you. If not, go ahead and use Google documents, it’s the best that I found. If you can afford it, I recommend “The Journal” software too.

I encourage you to be a professional. A professional is a serious student, one that studies his or her entire life, not just one who goes to work everyday for a paycheck. Be a serious student of your life by jotting down ideas, quotes, feelings, questions to your personal life, questions for your relationships, your goals, and even to-do lists. When I’m outside, and I hear something amazing (it happens often when you expose yourself) I write it on my cell phone and when I get home, I write it on my computer. You should do the same. I used a pocket-notebook before for notes outside home but I have switched to cell phone now – you know, technology . If you’re going to attend an important event where there will be need to use something besides your cell phone, and cannot take a laptop, then definitely take a notebook. You’ll be amazed at how many ideas you can collect in a week when you begin to write them down. Write them, before you forget them. There is nothing as effective as the answers that you can come up with, because you will feel an automatic drive to apply them. There is no telling in what you can realize when you write. There is no telling in what you can become if you keep a journal. There is no telling what you can do if you live as a serious student. I know you want to be one. If you finished reading this, then you definitely want to be it. Congratulations.

By Daniel Becerra

I’m stoked for the guys that have recently been writing their goals and sharing them with us, absolutely stoked! As a result I have the urge to share some stuff regarding goal setting and achievement. It’s a dirty little trick, a faster way of achieving your goals, not a slick or lazy way, but rather an intelligent, unique approach to it. Goal setting has been covered to death in other places in a peculiar way, that includes deadlines, where to tape them, how many times to read them and so on. This is a different approach.

This website is for intelligent people. My definition of intelligence is the ability of solving problems, therefore an intelligent person is one who solves problems well, or works on himself to solve those problems constantly. An intelligent person is also looking for way to getting an edge and more important, an intelligent person always aims high. He/she aims not to just solve a problem, but to also get the best result out of it. Intelligent people aim high, even though they know they might miss because they know that if they aim low, they can easily hit it – but they can’t call that success. For example, a student who can easily get an A in a regular class, decides to put himself to the test and go to the honor class. That student is aiming high, that’s a sign of real intelligence. Having that in mind, the first step is to aim high, to think big, to dream big and to never deny yourself the things that you want – no matter how unreachable they may seem at the moment.

Now hold that thought (of aiming high) there. Hold it, make a mental note of it. It’s important as we continue.

Awareness and Intelligence

Intelligence – in my opinion – is developed as you make decisions. Notice I say intelligence, not knowledge. The more decisions, the more intelligent you become. The harder you try and fall, the more intelligent and experienced you become. It is great to fill your brain with information. We all do that. But information only raises our level of awareness. Making a decision raises our level of intelligence. For example, if you read enough about Pick-up, to the point in which you have a clear understanding of it, then you’ll be able to detect the signals of a woman being attracted to you or you can detect that she is intentionally dressed up to attract other males. These are things you hadn’t noticed before, you now do – that’s awareness. But awareness isn’t enough.

It is when you act on this awareness that you become intelligent. When you make the decision you become intelligent. Chances are, your decision will not be right, but once done, you can make it right, because it’s your decision. You understand the root of it, you know what you want the outcome to be. You have a first step and a goal, point A and point B. It will take only a couple of steps and adjustments to get to point B. Let’s use the example above. If you notice a signal of attraction and decide to act upon it, chances are that your calibration (performance) will be a bit off or you can even make it good enough, but you know it can be better. You know that if you adjusted some things, then you can develop bigger trust, stronger bond, stronger sexual tension and so on. The decisions you make to get better results are in direct proportion to your intelligence. This is exactly why a large part of intelligent people are so successful. Because they began by making a decision, and chances are that they were not right, but they made them right along the way. Again, intelligence is not the amount of knowledge you posses, but rather your ability to get what you want with the knowledge you posses.

Now, bring that thought of aiming high back again and see how that concept and developing your intelligence are related. The higher you aim, the more driven and motivated you will become. So decision making (intelligence) will get you to your goals, not at once by the way – never at once, but the funny thing is that they are directly proportional to your goal achievement. Meaning the more decisions you make, the more intelligent you become and that intelligence becomes even more productive as you continue to make decisions. Make a decision today and carry it. You’ll be wrong – most likely – (as we all are) but it only seems wrong at that moment, because if you live by that decision, you will eventually get to achieve your goal. Bit by bit, you will achieve more goals.

The Dirty Little Trick

Let’s get to the good stuff. The long essay above is an introduction to this. It was needed. So take the time to read it thoroughly. In my post How to get started and not stop, I wrote about that moment in which you know that you have it. That moment in which you know you’re ready and that finally you know you will not stop. That moment is a defining one and it’s a key thing in what I’m about to explain – so hold it in mind.

Side effects is the dirty little trick. Side effects are often ignored. For instance, working solemnly on your game to get a better dating life, instead of working on yourself is such a dumb thing to do. Because while one allows you to develop in more areas than the other, you still get the same (or better) results, so why wouldn’t you take the one that develops more areas? Think about it for a second. A modern man will attract women in multiple places because he has his life in order, he aspires and works to achieve more, he is in good health, he has a social life, he is intelligent and so on. These are the conditions that one must show while working on their “game”, while the person who works on his “game” may achieve showing signs of that condition, they will not only be temporary, but also they will be just an illusion, because he focused on creating the illusion of these conditions to get specific responses from women, rather than getting the real conditions themselves.

Take this example a little further and you will understand. If your goal was to have a real better dating life, then the side effects of that goal once achieved would be: Not chasing women, because if you have a great dating life, then why would you chase. Not being afraid of rejection because you know (from your real life situation) that another one will come. And so on.

Another much better example is the following. I’ll use my good friend Jamie “Chikito” Craven. If you haven’t noticed yet, the guy has gone from chubby to incredibly fit. . Take him as an example. When he made the decision to lose weight and become fit, what determined his improvement was not the ability to lift a weight or do some sit ups because these are skills that can be easily developed. What determined his improvement was his identity shift. His brain. His mind. You get it. If you were to put Jamie’s identity into a fat person’s body, his mind will automatically look at that new over-weighted body and say “Oh my God! This is not me! I gotta exercise, I gotta start my diet and I’m starting right now!” Where as to another identity would say “Oh, it’s not that bad”. Do you see the difference? Jamie’s identity would not accept that body as his, therefore he would work extremely hard to get to his desired shape. He would avoid fast food, change the entire food in his household, get a gym membership and so on. Do you see how this gap is closing?

It is imperative that before setting to achieve a goal, we have absolute clarity what our goal is. Clarity is powerful and it will drive you to your goal and you will feel when you’re on the right track.

A Final Note

You will know that you’re going to achieve it once you feel the urge to do it. That feeling is key. You will know what I’m talking about. That feeling is the identity shift. This is why I said that it’s okay to fail, but you must try again. Eventually when you try again, you will be hooked.

Start looking for the side effects of your desired goal. Once you recognize them, work on them and soon you’ll find yourself achieving your goals faster. See those traits in the people that are successful in doing what you wish you did well. If you want to improve your fitness, look for the side effects of a person who achieved his goal in fitness. If you want to improve your social skills, looking for the side effects of a person who has achieved his desired goal. Do that and you’ll have a sweet shortcut, and an edge that will give you such an advantage over the competition. The more side effects you detect, the more gap you will close. And once you detect them, don’t forget to write them down.

Model: Our very own Kris Hansen

Developing an Enlightened Lifestyle takes time and dedication. It is infinite, there is no physical boundary or cut off point, dividing ‘enlightened’ from ‘average’. Only you as a person can know when you have or haven’t achieved this zonal stage, and once you have, you’ll understand that it requires constant maintenance.

However, how do you get there? What is this perilous journey like? Where and what is ‘there’? And why do you want it?

These are all questions that everyone asks themselves, and most begin the journey without answering them first, resulting in a lack of dedication and an early exit after having deemed failure. Without clear intentions, goals and ambitions, it is impossible to achieve. How can you score a goal in football without a goal? You’ll end up playing for ever until one is made.

Yet perhaps the most important, and difficult question to answer is, where do I begin?

At the beginning. Standard, simple answer that gives no guidance what so ever. But it’s true, ask yourself this, what made you want to change in the first place? Why do you want to change your lifestyle? What brought you here? For me, it was a lack of satisfaction with my current lifestyle, brought to light by the lifestylechallenge 2.0. Intelligence, sociability, health and well being, spirituality amongst a whole host of other factors, all of which I knew I could improve. I wasn’t on par.

By answering this, you have already covered many bases. You have your motives (for me it’s improving these areas of my life because I feel unsatisfied), and you have your goals (Increased intelligence…). However this may in fact leave you feeling that this is even more daunting than previously perceived. Problems tend to stack up, almost like in a snowballing effect as your mind links you from one thing to another with effortless ease.

For example, you may have poor health, so people see you as less attractive, which knocks your confidence, leading to pessimism, in turn depression, combined with anger, resulting in monetary instability, giving you stress…

It’s endless. Yet the brilliant thing is, just like how one problem leads to another, it’s exactly the same with solutions. Every improvement and solution has a multiplier effect, benefiting different areas of your life you may never have imagined it too. For example, you might have bad skin. Your doctor tells you to stay outside for 20 minutes a day, so that UV light develops more vitamin D to combat what ever it is. What they don’t tell you is that on the top of your head are sun ‘receptors’ that convert UV into Serotonin, the natural drug that modulates anger and sexuality. In laymen terms: the natural happiness drug. You become happier, less depressed, more optimistic, and more attractive (also resulting from gaining a tan). Transmission Mechanism…

Still, where do you start? What should your first goal be?

Well, why does everyone insist on starting with one thing? Rather than step forward, why not jump? Remember, it’s all about the multiplier effect, and jumping is going to take you much further than stepping. So my advice is this: start with two things.

Make them basic, achievable, goals that can be completed in the short term, but have long term consequences. Now, we’re discussing how to begin to develop an Enlightened Lifestyle. What would be two small goals to get you started on this path?

Mine were as follows:

1) Converse at a greater-than-normal level with everyone I interact with.
2) Greet everyone who makes eye-contact and is within audible range verbally.

My main motive behind this?

To meet new people, converse with them and learn.

Starting at the beginning should be about going down below the surface of things to the core of humanity. To me, this is communication. What sets us most apart from other living things? Our ability to communicate and think consciously. This is one of the first things we learn to do as a child, but yet, arguably, as we grow our skill and learning ability actually decreases. Where did approach anxiety come from? Fear, social and media conditioning.

Saying ‘Hi’ to people isn’t difficult, take a guess at how many times you’ve said the word. Probably in the tens or hundreds of thousands. It’s the perceived difficulty that one has to surpass. And that’s why it’s important to keep it simple. Say ‘Hi’ to everyone that makes eye contact.

You can learn and read all you want, be up-to-date on the world economy, cultural views, revolutionary technologies, cures and relationship advice. But all of it is useless until you can communicate. Who’s ever heard of a 100% communication-less relationship? And yes, I did just make up that word, but you still understood me, that’s the power of communication

That’s not to say you shouldn’t do all of those things, but firstly, learn to communicate. Once you have engaged in your first conversation, that’s when you start learning.

People are fascinating, you’ll find that you can learn so much more from conversation in 1 minute than a book in 10 (depending of course on the quality of both the book and conversation). When you converse with others, you learn about yourself, and the more you understand yourself, the more jumps you can take towards an Enlightened Lifestyle as these understandings are your foundations, your building blocks.

Yet, before I conclude this short How-To, I’d like to finish off on something very important: Taking it one day at a time. Making goals 3 years in the future is useless most of the time. You lose sight very quickly and give up. You may find that the method you use isn’t right for you, so live in the present. Take every moment as it comes, and use it to your full potential.

How To Start From Scratch

In one sentence:

Start communicating more.

Words: Tom Church, the creator of marketing website Flabble

Remember a couple of articles ago when I mentioned something Nick shared with me on our way to San Francisco a while back? He said to me: “You gotta be careful with the meanings you give to words, they can fuck you up”. (Yes, Nick Krygier, ladies and gentlemen). I was aware of this to a certain extent, but since that day the words have rang true every time I speak. On this occasion, I would like to share with you one of the greatest and simplest insights of growth. It’s so simple that it can be written in one paragraph or even one sentence, but since I like to make big deals and write much, I’ll do that.

On the first Lifestyle Challenge Ian and I created, there seemed to be one major obstacle – besides us having no clear idea of what we were doing – the major obstacle was that we did not focus on helping you realize the difference between hard and challenging. For instance, someone would say: “I write in my journal, but all the other tasks are hard and I don’t have time for them” or they would say “I don’t know where to find the girls to talk to” and so on. I don’t blame you guys. We all tend to associate certain words with certain meanings and the more of that particular meaning we give to that particular word, the more you convince yourself that what you think has to be right. For instance, if you told yourself you won’t have time to stop a stranger for a picture or to tell a girl “Thank You Honey” after she serves you (assuming she works behind a counter or restaurant) then chances are that you will make that happen. You will design your time, so that you don’t have time for it! or even worse, to sell yourself into believing that you didn’t have time for it! You will begin saying: “Well, I wanted to approach her the right away and that may be taken a bit of time, which I didn’t have, so I guess it’s okay to not do it”. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like me a couple of months ago.

The truth is the following: Approaching a girl or taking a picture with a stranger is not hard. Your perception of that event is hard. Not the events themselves. Just like 200 pounds on its own is not heavy, but rather your perception of it is what is heavy. While it may be heavy for you, it may be nothing for a well-beefed up dude. No event or act on its own is hard, but some of them are certainly challenging. They are not challenging to pull off either (not on their own) – they are challenging because it takes a challenge to get yourself into a state that will allow YOU to pursue your desired outcome. THAT is the challenge.

Talking to a girl is not a challenge. Asking for her number is not a challenge. Exercising or reading a book are not challenges on their own. Any one can do that, yes? We all have the skills and intelligence to say: “What’s your name?”, “What’s your number?” and so on. So none of these things are challenging, the challenge is on getting yourself to believe it. The challenge is on getting yourself motivated even when nothing seems to work on your favor. THAT is the challenge. A much greater challenge is to get yourself motivated every single day of your life. Talk about a challenge!

To prove that the challenge is on getting yourself to believe it, I’ll ask you to reflect upon this simple thought: “Have you ever had success in seducing and marveling a woman? At the very least, success in identifying with her?” All of you have, at least once. If you did it once, you’ll be able to do it again. And when you did it, it’s not because you had the skill for that particular moment. It’s not that. What you DID have for that particular moment was the state; it wasn’t the skill, it was you being able to believe that you could pull off that skill. Athletes do it all the time. They fail at times, not because they don’t have the skill, but because they are not in the appropriate state. Look at Michael Jordan, greatest basketball player of all times, he missed and quite a bit, and he definitely did not lack the skill, but he failed when he couldn’t get himself on state and he won when he DID get on state.

It is clear now that doing the tasks are not hard, they are challenging. And that the challenge is not in the task itself, but rather in you believing that you can do it. My friend, don’t you give this only-reading non-sense a lot of time. Don’t just read, think as you read. Don’t you just read to memory, act it out and go from there. Think to realize and live it out. What a difference! (That’s actually a quote by Charlie Tremendous Jones, just a bit modified). Think as you read. Get excited about this realization and begin living. There lies another challenge: LIVING. When you LIVE, you LEAD. That’s your goal and dream after all, isn’t it? Talk about hitting two birds with one rock!

Are you getting excited and enthusiasm about learning from your failures? About life in general? About this website? About yourself? Are you?

Words: Daniel Becerra. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook

By Ian Smith

Many of the men that I have met, taught, and befriended have been close to giving up due to the fact that they weren’t catching on as fast as others. They become very frustrated and talk about quitting, thus returning to their underachiever ways and just crawling back into their holes. Very quickly, I would like to go over a few examples of famous people who achieved great things in their lifetimes. They all could have quit when they faced the challenges of life, but they didn’t, and it paid off.

1) The basketball super-stars Michael Jordan and Bob Cousy were both cut from their high school basketball teams because they weren’t performing well. Jordan once said, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed.”

2) Abraham Lincoln, (our fellow on the left side), a hero of the civil war and one of the greatest American Presidents ever, went to war as a captain and was demoted to the rank of a private. He was a terrible businessman and failed miserable at law as well. When he tried his luck in politics, he was destroyed and mocked in his first attempt to run for congress. He was defeated in his first 5 attempts at any type of public office. However, this did not discourage him, he went on to live forever in the history books of the world with his radical stance on keeping the country united, no matter what.

3) WWII hero Winston Churchill failed the 6th grade. He lost every election for public office until the age of 62. He later wrote in his memoirs, “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up.” If he would have given in, the course of world history would have been quite different, perhaps WWII wouldn’t have ended the way that it had.

4) The great philosopher Socrates was called “an immoral corrupter of youth” because he asked questions and provoked thought that was not good for the rulers at the time. Even after he was sentenced to death for his so-called crimes, he kept teaching and seeking enlightenment. His story and teachings have inspired great minds that followed him for 1,000s of years.

5) The famous psychologist Sigmund Freud was booed and mocked from the podium when he first presented his ideas to the scientific community of Europe. He returned to his office and kept on writing, eventually becoming the founder of many theories that set-up the structure for psychology as we know it today.

6) Charles Darwin turned down a up a medical career and was told by his father, “You care for nothing but shooting, dogs and rat catching.” In his autobiography, Darwin wrote, “I was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect.” Clearly, if he had accepted failure and went the way that everyone said he should have, the world would not be the same today.

7) Thomas Edison’s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 10,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 10,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 10,000 steps.” This ‘non-productive’ man has changed the world forever, because he didn’t give up.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” – Confucius

9) The scientific, philosophical, and social genius Albert Einstein did not speak until he was 4-years-old and did not read until he was 7 years of age. His parents thought he was mentally challenged and one of his teachers described him as “mentally slow, unsociable, and adrift forever in foolish dreams.” He was expelled from school several times. He did eventually learn to speak and read. Even to do a little math. And quantum physics.

10) Henry Ford’s initial designs failed and he went dead broke over 5 times before he developed the highly successful Ford Motors Company.

11) R. H. Macy, the founder of Macy’s Departments stores, failed seven times before his store in New York City caught on, and when it did, he became ridiculously rich.

12) When the Bell telephone was struggling to get started, its owners offered all their rights to the Western Union company for $100,000. The offer was laughed at and replied with “What use could this company make of an electrical toy?” I guess the joke is on them now.

13) “Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly.”
- Robert F. Kennedy

14) “It’s not whether get knocked down or not, it’s whether you get back up.”
- Vince Lombardi

15) Baseball Hall of Famer Babe Ruth is famous for his past home run record, but for decades he also held the record for most strikeouts. He hit 714 home runs and struck out 1,330 times in his career. The man who broke his record for home-runs, Mark McGuire, also broke his record for strike-outs. Funny, huh?

16) Baseball Hall of Famer Hank Aaron went 0 for 5 his first time at bat with the Milwakee Braves. Later to become one of the biggest sluggers of all times.

17) Johnny Unitas’s first pass in the NFL was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. Joe Montana’s first pass was also intercepted. And while we’re on quarterbacks, during his first season Troy Aikman threw twice as many interceptions (18) as touchdowns (9) . . . oh, and he didn’t win a single game. You think there’s a lesson here?

18) After Carl Lewis won the gold medal for the long jump in the 1996 Olympic games, he was asked to what he attributed his longevity, having competed for almost 20 years. He said, “Remembering that you have both wins and losses along the way. I don’t take either one too seriously.”

19) The first time Jerry Seinfeld walked on-stage at a comedy club as a professional comic, he looked out at the audience, froze, and forgot the English language. He stumbled through his act, was booed terrible, and walked offstage. He returned the next night, started fresh, and was wildly loved by the audience.

20) Beethoven couldn’t hold the violin properly and played his own compositions instead of improving his technique. His teacher called him “hopeless as a composer.” And, yet he went on to write five of the greatest symphonies of all time, while completely deaf.

21) Various Paris art dealers refused Picasso shelter when he asked if he could bring in his paintings from out of the rain. Stupid move on their part, yes?

22) Van Gogh sold only ONE painting during his life, and it was to one of his friend’s sisters for 50 bucks. One painting out of over 800 that he painted in total throughout his lifetime.

23) The famous poet Emily Dickinson had only seven poems published in her lifetime. Now, you can’t open an American Literature textbook without reading her name several times.

24) Twenty-seven publishers rejected Dr. Seuss’ first book, To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. He goes down in history as THE CHILDREN’S STORY writer.

25) American Philosopher and Writer Jack London received six hundred rejection slips before he sold his first story. He later goes on to write such famous novels as “The Call of the Wild” and “White Fang”.

I hope these 25 examples shed some light for those of you who find yourself frustrated with failure. There are countless other stories of success through staying on track and not letting failure get in your way. Feel free to add them or comment on the ones I have provided.

Now, don’t you ever give up.

Words: Ian Smith