By Ian Smith

Fellow Members, I pose a question for you all.

What is a man?

Now obviously, there are simple answers to this question. Biologically, it doesn’t too mean too much to be a man; you need just to be born with the correct chromosomal match up. But this isn’t what I’m talking about; I am referring to a much deeper question. So before you continue reading this article I ask that you stop for a minute or two, and write down (or type on a notepad document) the qualities and virtues of a man. And while you write down these qualities, briefly think about why those qualities are important in being a man. Again, take your time with this, and please, think deeply when searching for these answers.

What makes a man a real man?

What I can tell you first and foremost is that the measure of a man is nothing in the material world. You are not a man because you are strong, because you are rich, or because you are powerful. While these are qualities of a man and in most cases, desirable ones, they are not essential to being a real man. The list of the extra qualities is extensive, and while they are things some of us may strive for, I repeat, they are not what it means to be a man.A man is a being of virtues, values (not value – value is something that is perceived andobjective, thereby always changing), and other fundamental properties, which I will discuss.

1. Virtue (ver-choo) noun – 1. Goodness; morality; Chasity. 2. A good moral quality, as in justice, 3. Excellence; merit; efficacy. 4. Being of a standard of rightness.

Virtue comes from the Latin root virtu- or virtus, meaning manliness, strength, and rightness. So what does it mean to be a righteous man? What are the virtues one should desire to embody? Well, there are many, to name a few:

Strength - While this can mean physical strength, more importantly it means inner strength. The type of strength that will get you through tough times, through problems, the type of strength we know as courage. The kind of strength that can show vulnerability and gentleness because they aren’t afraid of their inner side.

Discipline – Before you accomplish any goals or get anywhere with personal development, or becoming a man, you need to have the solid foundation of discipline that will keep you on track when the path gets bumpy with roadblocks, laziness, discouragement, or anything else that might knock you back into average-ness.

Balance - One of the most important qualities of a man is his degree of balance with all of his activities, qualities, skills, and everything else in his life. I’ve come across countless men who were very good with women in bed, and as a result had awesome sex lives, those same men however, had no idea how to create, nourish, nor sustain a meaningful relationship with a woman. As a result, they were very lonely, unhappy, and unbalanced. I’ve met many men who were in extremely good shape physically, but had horrible mental/emotional issues that were ignored; therefore though they looked good, were very unhealthy on the inside. The examples run on and on. Embrace your yin and your yang, your positive and negative attributes, and so on.

Control of Emotions – The idea that men are strictly rational beings, and aren’t capable of emotions is extremely misconstrued. We have been socially conditioned to hide our emotions, the most important of them being love, for the fear we may be seen as weak or feeble. Let your emotions show, learn to love those emotions, the good and the bad, learn to embrace them and finally to control them. The next time you feel angry or sad, let the feeling of the emotion brew within you, breath, and then let it pass. How did that feel? Do not be afraid of them, and certainly do not act irrationally on them. Do no let your emotions control you. You control them.

Acceptance and Tolerance - So many people in the world today are, unfortunately, so intolerant and close-minded that they don’t want to hear what people with other views have to say or how other people feel. People are intolerant of other cultures and societies without knowing anything about them. Prejudgment runs rampant and it causes nothing but confusion and more problems, not to mention, it makes you look like a jerk when you can’t sit down and have a conversation with someone you disagree with. Close-mindedness will make you likely to make an ignorant comment without your knowing, possibly offending someone you may wish to befriend.

Vision – The ability to see where you’re going. Where you’re going right now matters little to nothing compared to where you’re going. I was broke, literally broke and in debt, but I had this vision and it let it be well known, always – it was that vision that allows me to enjoy a great life today. The man who is going no where in life gets nothing. The man with plans achieves them, forever growing in a positive way. You don’t have to sabotage yourself into constantly growing, but you do need to remain aware of what your vision is.

Passion - Every successful person will tell you this. It’s a law. My passions are personal development, life, and people. Everything I do revolves around my passions. Because my passions are positive, my life remains that way.

Gratitude - If you can’t appreciate what you have, how can you truly have anything at all? Life is full of wonderful gifts. The man who knows this posesses riches beyong imagining.

Wisdom - Socrates called ‘Wisdom’ the greatest virtue of them all. Wisdom is understanding of all things, it is education mixed with intellectual and reflection. Wise individuals rarely find themselves in a situation that they can not handle. I think the book ‘Way of Peacefull Warrior’ by Dan Millan states a quote that represents wisdom perfectly. “Knowledge is knowing, wisdom is doing”, that is wisdom.

By focusing on developing these virtues (and others), rather than material objects, you are truly developing who you are as a man. Can you think of any other? If so, write them down as comments.