By Tom Church

A gentleman is a rare thing these days, so much so that the attraction towards one has never been greater. To be called a ‘real gentleman’ is an honor, one that you should take pride in and cherish. How many men do you know that hold a door open for a lady, send hand written thank-you notes, attend every event without fail and always maintain good conversation? How many men do you know that are thought of everyday by ladies as they talk about their social circles and the gentlemanly attributes the men in question inhabits?

Well, from today, you have the opportunity to know one man: Yourself.

Top Ten Dating Manners

1. Say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’. It’s so simple, yet forgotten by so many. It’s courteous and polite to say these words of good faith, it keeps the mood positive and removes any possible conflict. When you’re out at a bar, ordering a drink, start your sentence with “Please can I have…” If you’ve ever worked behind a bar, you’ll know how much of a pleasure it is serving a genuinely nice person for a change.

Social proof is more attractive than being a hard-nut, and so by saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, you’ll gain more smiles from the people around you. More smiles equals greater rapport, and the more rapport you have with others the higher your social proof. Girls enjoy being secure, so build a comfortable environment by befriending everyone around with these effortless words.

2. Conceal your dislikes and disgusts. Nobody likes a moaner, and especially not on a first date. After spending the most part of an hour or more getting ready: hair, make-up, clothes and shoes (not to mention accessories), the last thing a girl wants is to hear you tell her about your disgust for politics, feet and all things fluffy. Keep things positive by talking about the things you love instead.

Besides, the whole point of this first date was to try something new, explore new opportunities and to live life in great company. So take this further by making yourself open to changes in your own beliefs. Maybe, just maybe she’ll have the most beautiful feet you’ve ever seen that secrete majestic perfume.

But when something does arise that you feel strongly against, do yourself a favour and use your other gentlemanly skill of conversation to digress onto a new topic that’ll provide some entertainment.

3. Be a good listener because she will value that so highly it’ll set you way above the rest. Most men get bored very easily listening to a lady talk about female topics because they have no initial interest. If you already have a bit of knowledge on the topic, it’ll be easy to stay engaged. If you don’t, here lies the perfect opportunity to gain some.

Two ears, one mouth. Aim to listen twice as much as you talk, and not only will you find that it makes your night easier, it also develops comfort and trust as the more she talks to you, the more willing she becomes to tell you more. Yet this doesn’t mean sit there in silence nodding your head like a pigeon, ask intelligent questions that require some thought. Engage in a deep topic, and bring it up to a higher level so that nothing seems off limits between you.

4. Hold the door open for every lady that walks by. You’ll get bored, frustrated and wonder what on earth the point is, until you get that one smile and glimpse of feminine beauty as she graces unhindered through the doorway. Whether it’s huge handbags, gigantic prams, or mammoth shopping bags, girls will always have stuff with them. As you stand there, waiting for your date to hurry up in the restroom, make yourself useful and open the door, everytime.

If your date happens to see this, all the better for you. She has now visual evidence that you are a gentleman, someone that will help her when she has a towering load of stuff. On a deeper level, by opening doors you are increasing the flow and connectivity of the world; removing resistance and hampers.

How to Be a Gentleman: A Timely Guide to Timeless Manners

5. Don’t answer that phone. As a precaution, you should turn it on silent or turn it off completely before the date. Answering the phone, or sending a text will abrupt everything. Every laugh, smile and previous conversation will go dead. And the only way to revive it is to say, “so, where were we?” No, you’re here for a reason, and that’s to connect with this girl, not to speak into your phone.

If you can feel it vibrating in your pocket, ignore it. Lot’s of girls will exclaim excitedly, “Oo! Vibration, look who’s got friends” as they take out their phone but that doesn’t mean you should. Stand for your own beliefs. But if a time comes when it’s imperative to answer, at least have the courtesy to let it ring until the conversation has finished, or to take it in the restroom.

6. Give up your seat to anybody in need. Old or young, pregnant or not, if they need your seat for whatever reason, give it to them with a smile. Even if they’re young, and don’t need assistance, give it up for a girl. It may be the kindest thing that’s happened to them all week. But take caution, when on a date, this doesn’t still apply to the same extent.

There are many benefits to giving up your seat, and they include burning more calories, gaining stronger leg muscles, having the opportunity to begin conversation with the recipient and showing everyone a good example of how a gentleman should be.

7. Never use vulgarisms. This means don’t swear, ever. You should never feel the need to swear in the first place, if you do, then you’re not in control. Swear words are harsh sounding, piercing to the ear and automatically associate yourself with people lower language quality. The spoken word should maintain a steady timbre; a beating rhythm that is only heard when you listen closely. Don’t break this rhythm with a single word.

8. Give sincere compliments because this is the surest way to develop trust. You know not to smother a girl in praise, adoration or affection because this will lower the value of each compliment, possibly to the extent that she is repulsed by them. If you think your date is beautiful, then pluck up the courage to tell her so.

Compliments have a scale though. Saying “wow, you’re beautiful” has a much greater effect then “aw, you’re cute.” So change the frequency of compliments in relation to their scale. Use them with honesty and humor, but always keep in mind that she’s probably heard it ten times before. Somehow then, your compliment has to be worth the most. How do you do this? By having belief.

9. Have good eating habits. Too many dates go horribly wrong when a piece of fish or something similar gets stuck on your chin, just where you can’t see it. Sadly, the girl is embarrassed to tell you, so for hours this piece of fish sits quietly on your face. Avoid it happening by chewing with your mouth closed, not speaking whilst eating, taking smaller bites and using your napkin.

At the same time, set the example. Always point out to the girl if she has something on her face, show that you don’t talk until you’ve swallowed, and wash it down with a hearty gulp of water. Remember to use a knife and fork, and whilst we’re at it, keep elbows below karate style heights.

10. Be patient. Whether she’s ten minutes late, or there are no taxis about, stay calm. There’s nothing worse than ruining a perfectly good evening by huffing and puffing about the delay on the train home. There are two ways of looking at it, you can either believe that the government has not funded enough money into the public transport infrastructure, or you can take it as a great opportunity to talk for longer with your date, possibly even go for a romantic walk whilst you wait, or even have another drink. Who knows, maybe she’ll invite you back to hers as it would be so bad for her to leave you stranded after such a nice night out.