As I sit here locked in my cell, I have little choice but to listen to the endless ramblings of the other men around me. To say the very least, I am disgusted by the content of the stories they tell one another. Above all their vile stories, the ones that wrench my stomach the most are the stories about their conquests and treatment of women. All men tell each other tales about the women they have slept with. I personally see nothing (terribly) wrong with that. But after three weeks of listening to these morons, I’ve come to realize a huge distinction between two types of men: Those who respect women and those who do not. There is no in-between here, and there is no third type – either you do or you do not.

1. It is possible to desire multiple women, and have respect for them
It does not logically follow that by dating or seeking the company of more than one woman, that you’re disrespectful towards them. So long as you’re REAL and truthful with them about the relationship that the two of you have. You do not necessarily have to say “I’m dating other women”, you can make it clear that while you enjoy her company, you’re not interested in a serious relationship at the moment.

2. Women are NOT to be called derogatory names
Under no uncertain circumstances are you ever to call a woman a bitch, a slut, whore, trick, or any other negative term. Admittedly, I’ve been one to say things like “Damn, this bitch is hot!” and until hearing it come from these assholes in prison did I realize how terrible of a word it actually is. I don’t care if she just shot you down or even if she has acted rudely for no apparent reason. Referring to a woman by any of the fore mentioned names or any others is a direct cause of that individual viewing women as an object and not a human being.

3. Women are not to be viewed as sexual objects
Viewing them as such means that you have no respect for them. Objects are not entities to be respect, they are to be used. There is however a difference in viewing them as sexual object and viewing them as a sexual being. The latter of which is not only okay, but is encouraged. Viewing them as such acknowledges their other (more important) qualities first, while leaving plenty of room for you to admire her wonderfully attractive features.

4. Never strike or bring physical harm to a woman
Until now, I had thought this was a rule that everyone knew, and I quite sure that most of you reading this knows it. But, some of the stories I heave been listening to include men bragging to each other about occasions when they brought physical pain upon their female companions. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING makes you less of a man than doing this.

5. Be truthful at all times
That goes for all of your relationships, male or female. Lying to someone indicates a low level of respect for them in any number of ways. Whether you think they are stupid, that they can’t handle the truth, that they don’t deserve it, or that you are just blatantly tricking them. It shows you have little to no respect for them. As I’m writing this I think of a possible objection to this rule: “Do I look fat in this dress?”. My answe is this: There are ways of being truthful, without putting yourself in an awkard position. The correct answer to that question is not “Yes, but”. It would be something like “No, but I don’t like it on you” – or something to that effect. Most important, never tell a woman that you love her when you don’t. I’ve heard numerous storiesof guys in here telling women they love them to get sex, or just to keep them around while they mess with others on the side. This is terribly disrespectful for any number of reasons

6. No matter what personality type they are, always be a gentleman
It doesn’t matter if you’re a bad boy, tough guy, nice guy, or whatever – infuse the gentleman into your behavior. Compliment (truthfully), open doors, let her go first, open her car door, seat her, take her coat, give her yours, and so on and so forth. Not all of these need to be done every time, use your judgement and common sense. One thing – an older woman I dated, told me – that a man should always do is walk outside the sidewalk (closest to the road). This was new to me, but it’s for a reason – her protection. As I said, use judgment, too much is try-hard.

7. Give a woman her personal space
He who has respect for a woman will not smother her nor be jealous and/or suspicious of her. If you trust her, it means you have respect for her character, and therefore, her. If you have a woman you need to watch over for fear she is cheating, etc – then you have the wrong woman.

8. Understand her
In all aspects of her feminine nature. Whether you want it or not, you should, even the things you don’t want to know – like how her cycle affects her. Understand what makes her tick, smile, sad, happy, scared, interested, and bored. Only when you really have a solid understanding of someone or something can you truly have respect for it.

9. Love not only a woman, but women in general
Enjoy and embrace your feminine side, and all of your female companions. Strive to understand the feminine aspects of life. Love all women and all of the things they bring in this world.

Obviously, this is not a complete list, but these 9 guidelines set the groundwork for a man who truly respects women. A real man.
Enjoy, add to, and discuss

Be well!

Words: Ian Smith

Photography: Calvin Wallace. You can check more of his art in his page.