(Inspired by J The Ripper's work, kudos to you)
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Where the fuck has Daniel Becerra been?
Why the fuck isn't he writing anymore?
My apologies.
I gotta be honest, I haven't been able to write for weeks. I dragged myself to put an essay together and I felt it wasn't as great as it could've been. But today, today is different. Today is one of those days where I just feel free enought to let go of certain things and express my deepest thoughts and feelings. I had the privelege to coach once again, I hadn't coached someone in weeks, maybe months. I can tell you the pleasure of seeing a guy smile because he approached some women is almost equivalent to that of having a beautiful woman by your side. It is that sensational.
I'm going to reveal a different side of me tonight. The romantic side. I'm a romantic, a hell of a romantic. I love people. I think that this world is full of wonderful people. I have met some mind-blowing people in my life. These people have shaped my life.
There was Kelly, a 16 year old who I started dating when I had just turned 14. I kid you not, this is the woman who taught me how to make out. I once had this 17 year old girl put her tongue down my throat while playing 'Spin the bottle'. She was no where near as good of a kisser as Kelly was. She taught me to take my time, caress her face and play with her hair. She taught me to bite and to whisper in a woman's ear. She taught me to look at someone deep into the eyes. If it wasn't for this woman, who knows where I would be today.
There was Maria, a 17 (who sooned turned 18) year old girl. My asshole self cheated on Kelly with her. Maria is the girl I lost my virginity to, and guess what? She worked at my house as a maid. In Peru, mostly everyone can have maids. She was young, hot and agressive. Everything a 14 year old boy could desire. The whole neighborhood knew about it, except my Mom and Dad. I even had nightmares about my mom rushing towards me crying and beating me up because she had found out I was fucking the maid. She had a boyfriend, we still fucked after that. I greeted the man as a friend. I guess I was destined to be an asshole.
There was Luis and Eli. My two greatest buds back in Peru. We were geeks, three of the smartest guys in the class. Eli was such a wise guy. I learned to dance with him, I learned to fight with him, I learned to be modest with him and the most important, I learned to appreciate others. Luis was the opposite. He was like a baby, a tall one. I must have reached his neck the last time I saw him, but it was always my job to defen him, to stick out for him whenever one asshole tried to mess up with him. That was until he got everyone's respect by saving our assess in our soccer tournament. I remember him crying when I departed from Peru, his final words were "You're my brother and I'm never going to forget you. You show then gringos what we are made of".
There was Rosmary, an overweighed teenager. Rosmary was a unique case and she showed me what friendship could do. We met in 4th grade, I was 8 years old. She must have been at least 1 1/2 my size. I was small, I still am. One day my mom is talking to me and she says: "I was talking to Rosmary's mom and she told me that Rosmary prays every night and that you are in her prayers" When I think back to it. I wonder how many people love you and you don't even know it. In the innocence of her 8 years of life, Rosmary wanted the best for me, even if I never acknowledged it, this is the power of innocence. After a couple of months, she became my best friend, and I still remember her to this day.
There is my mom. My mom is the strongest woman I have met in my life. She had a son at the age of 16, my half brother Alex, who is now married and has one beautiful daugther. My mom had to work her ass off when she was young to support my brother. She is from the rural area of the country, my dad is from the city. She faced a lot of adversity from my dad's family when they met her, but she didn't care, the love was too strong to let go. After a year of marriage, she gave birth to me (Be glad my mom existed fuckers) and raised me like no other. She finished High School and that was it. After she raised me, my brother Diego and my youngest baby brother Luis Felipe, she went to university to study law. She is today one of the most recognized lawyers in the city. You tell me one can't progress when the world is agaisnt you and my mom will shut you up. I miss you mom and you're my greatest inspiration. I never told you this, it's so hard. I hope you know that. I will not let the tears be in vain.
I came here at the age of 14 (almost 15). I cried for days, weeks when I installed myself in a luxurious apartment in the city of Bellflower. I didn't have friends. I didn't speak english and to be honest I didn't want to relate myself to the want-to-be-gangsters who only spoke spanish. I missed my family. What the fuck was I doing here?. I cried for days every night, but I didn't tell anybody, I kept it to myself. I dreamt of holding my baby brother who kept asking me 'When are you coming back?' and believe me, I wanted to come back. But I had come for a reason, to succeed. There is a prize to success, you never know what it is or how big it can get. That doesn't matter, keep at it and don't give up. Things eventually got better, I got some friends and some girls. There was George, an argentinian christian who wasn't trying to act like a gangster and kept inviting me to his church. Javier, a modest mexican dude, translated my spanish to english when I couldn't say things or understand my Algebra teacher. There was Mayra, Marianna and Ashley. Women that guys jerked off for and kept trying to get drunk so they can fuck them. If only they knew what went on their minds. I knew these women well, maybe too well.
On my very first day of school, I met Silvia, a young girl who greeted me into her group table. You know how it is, the first thing in High School people ask you when you're new: 'Let me see your schedule'. She spoke spanish and had a pretty smile, I was glad. She said 'Tu naciste en Enero 14? (You were born in January 14?)'. I was. 'Yo tambien
! (Me too!)' This must be the reward for one month of not seeing my family. We were born the same day, the same year. Jan 14, 1989. She was born 6 hours before me. She at 6 AM, me at noon. I liked this girl, I wanted her to be my girlfriend. A couple of days later I get her msn and we start chatting. I was a kid, an immature one who lived trapped in the fantasies of novels and maybe romantic movies. I asked her out, she said 'Let's be friends'. It was the first time in my life I had heard that line and it sure hurt. A year later as we talked on MSN again, I find out she had a boyfriend and her mom was agaisnt it, she was with him when I asked her out. I felt much better after that time. A couple of months later, we were both 16. I had changed. Girls liked me and I got the respect of some guys. Even the cool guys. Silvia and I started dating. I was a happy boy, I felt like a novice all over again, I had never been with a girl who I liked so much. Things went wrong with her mom, we got caught by her and things ended. I couldn't smile nor talk the day she repeated those damn words again 'Let's just be friends'. I worked out, joined soccer, fucked other girls. It took me about 2-3 months to stop thinking about her, but she was finally gone off my mind. Silvia is not a bad girl, she taught me so much. She was brave, funny, smart and cute. She taught me to lie, to sneak out, to make silly faces. Things that I do very well to-date. I recently re-started contact with her. We are both now 19 and I'm obviously different from who I was 3 years ago, so is she. We are great friends, the best type of friends, if you know what I mean
. I respect this woman and I'll be there for her at any point in life.
Then there was Paola, Sonia, Kristine, Heather, Samantha, Cecilia, Ana and about 30 or so more, whose names escape me. These girls didn't shape me much, other than the obvious. I hope you're all doing well.
There is M.L (I will keep her name for privacy). An artist, red-hair young girl. The girl I took to Prom and gladly introduced to all my friends. She was the reason I bragged about working my ass off to become a better person. My latest serious girlfriend and a woman who I spent 6 months of my life with. She showed me off to her friends. People were jealous just seeing us walk by. She mde others girls jealous, I made other boys jealous. There was always a smile on her face as she walked holding my arm. I call it the 'Be jealous, I have a real man by my side look'. I loved this girl and I miss her, but I will not go back with her. I broke things off and she did her best to get with me, I ignored. When I realized how much I missed her, it was already too late. I will never ask her out again, I need to experience new things. Be well. The beautiful city scene you drew for me is still hanging on my wall.
There is Ian. A guy I have never met in person, but who I talked to on almost a daily basis. This motherfucker is a wise guy. The wisest white kid I have ever met in my life and I have met many. No offense to you my white fellas there. The only guy I have met who is able to attract women just by the way he writes (Now there is also Ripper and Hank from Californication
). What haven't I learned from this kid? I'm going to keep it short, or I'll run the risk of being called gay. Man, you're an inspiration to many. We'll never forget you and we will be waiting when you come back from paying for that accident that changed your life. I promise you that.
I hope you enjoyed and I'm feeling like a new man again.
Next Volume, we'll talk about Romance at deep levels. (This will be in my Contributor forum)
'An insight of my past and Romance' Volume 1
Linear Mode
