Don't over-complicate things

[Ian Smith]

A problem I see among many people who have embarked on personal development journey - in whichever are of their life they choose improve - is that in becoming fully conscious of the aspects within that area (PUA for example) the trend is that most will tend to over-complicate the whole situation.

This idea applies to many different forms of personal development, but I will further explain it in terms of becoming successful with women.

In other words, by dedicating so much attention and energy to learning how to be successful with women, we cloud the issue with over-rationalization and too much thought. The side effects of this include nervousness/anxiety, going down the wrong path (usually as result of second guessing yourself), loss of intuition, dedicating too much thought to something that isn't complicated, wasting your time, and so on.

Contrary to what most guru's in the community would have you believe, there is no right way - there is a general wrong way - but in reality there is no right way to do things. Only a ball-park figure of what works, but for the most part this is a rather ambiguous thing outlined only lightly by a medley of tested social theories, attitude, situational factors, and accepted/unique patterns of behavior - among other things. With this in mind, you should feel liberated to take that playbook you've been clutching onto and studying endless and chuck it the fuck out the window.

I can say this, because I've seen both ends of the spectrum, extensively. Before discovering the PUA community, I had tremendous success with women from a very early age. Once I discovered the community I re-learned everything in depth, and became completely conscious of what I was doing. I strayed away from routines and methods, but I understood the theory behind it all and applied it to my life. Soon, I noticed that I was beginning to drive myself berserk with the endless amount of thought I was putting into everything. Instead of picking up the phone and calling when _I_ felt like it, I was waiting 3 days like a jerk-off because some other jerk-off declared some kind of golden rule. Instead of telling a woman how absolutely beautiful I thought she was, I was busy conjuring up new ways to neg her. And instead of learning to be real with people, I was learning how to manipulate them.

About 6 months ago, right around the time I launched my own personal development website, I came to the conclusion that while knowing this information certainly helped me, the way I was applying the knowledge was in fact detrimental to my persona. So I stepped back, keeping the rough outlines of what works in social situations, and began doing what I had done all along. And that was to be myself.

But now I knew one essential thing. People are people, there is no reason for all these rules and procedures for social interaction. No-one is going to hurt you, and if they do, thats only because you let them. Now, I have more success than ever with both men and women. I bought a girl I have been seeing for less than a week a nice arrangement of Oriental Lillys the other day. Is it because I'm a sucker? No. It's because I fucking felt like it, and she's a delight to be around. So why the fuck not? Did that make her think I was a chump? Of course it didn't. She jumped and smiled with joy and told me I just made her week. Which of course, is exactly what I wanted to do.

It's all about how you handle things. Keep it simple guys. With the right attitude, perspective, and ideas you can do anything you want. Don't concern yourself with all these guidelines, methods, routines and what have you. Find that ball-park figure, and once you do, embrace it. Then let it all go out the window. I've got dozens of stories of outrageous ways I've brought women into my life, and I can assure that not one of them starts with "Hey Ladies, can I get your opinion on something" (not that this won't work, because we all know it does)

Have faith in yourself, and just fucking do it. If you're nervous about this beautiful woman you see, GOOD! That means shes worth your time. So feel the fear and do it anyway. Life is all about 'just doing it'. So relax, throw your hands up, and enjoy the ride. And let the haters do the over-rationalization while they try to figure out why the women were more receptive to the guy who speaks his mind instead of them, the guys who rehearsed out a conversation ahead of time and are baffled at why it didn't go as planned.

Again, this lesson applies to all walks of life.

Namaste.
Ian Smith.

**Note** I'm not implying we shouldn't rationalize and analyze situations, theres a difference between healthy thinking and excessive thinking. One promotes growth, one stunts it.

[NickH]

I bought a girl I have been seeing for less than a week a nice arrangement of Oriental Lillys the other day. Is it because I'm a sucker? No. It's because I fucking felt like it, and she's a delight to be around. So why the fuck not? Did that make her think I was a chump? Of course it didn't. She jumped and smiled with joy and told me I just made her week. Which of course, is exactly what I wanted to do.

Applauds...fuck the "rules"

[Daniel Becerra]

Excellent read Ian. This is exactly what I had in mind to write, but you got ahead of me. Grrr. Kudos brother, kudos!
P.S. I always wondered how you're such a good writer. Do you make a list of points you want to touch on or do you just go for it, doing mutiple drafts before clicking the 'Submit' bottom? Seriously though.

PUALifestyle, the punk forum of the community. "Radically different ideas since '07"

LOVE it.

[Ian Smith]

Originally Posted by Nate Valenta

We've got to remember the rules are like the ones in the matrix, many can be bent, others can be broken. It's all in how you carry yourself in the situation, having rock solid belief and trust in yourself.

That's an excellent summarization of my thoughts on the matter - regarding success with women or any other facet of life.

Originally Posted by Daniel Becerra

P.S. I always wondered how you're such a good writer. Do you make a list of points you want to touch on or do you just go for it, doing mutiple drafts before clicking the 'Submit' bottom? Seriously though.
LOVE it.

I free-write honestly. I've never been one to out-line anything. Instead I just start by thinking for a few minutes, begin writing, then adjust my writing accordingly as I re-read what I just wrote a couple of times.

[LINK]

I CONSTANTLY see this happening on forums especially.
Guys just simply do not know what to do, they can't make decisions for themselves anymore. Instead they post asking everyone how to handle the situation and what exact words to say to the girl. Damn kid, just go talk to her already!!

[DWhite]

I guess most of us can see we are guilty of this. Great post by the way.

Now that I'm thinking about it, wow, I've been thinking way too hard about things lately. I was forgetting the real reason why I was learning all of this. I was forgetting to have fun. To feel happy, and share that happiness with someone else.

Haha I'm starting to remember when I first learned about this stuff now. Honestly, I was just looking to get laid whenever I wanted to. I'm sure a lot of us were thinking the same thing when we first started. Now I understand why we are all here talking, teaching, and learning. It's all about us. Even though we are discussing how we can strengthen our relationships with women, our main goal is bettering ourselves.

I have to say that no other website can compete with us now. The fact that we have people who actually discuss and teach others what everything should be like, and not what we should actually say is unlike anything I've ever read outside of this site.

I'm telling you Ian, it has to be a Jersey thing, haha. I just want to say thanks for all of the dedication towards helping all of us here become better people.

[spencert]

great post Ian.

[tonatiuh8]

bump

[Sloaner92]

Great post. Thanks for the bump!