Overcoming Hardships and Obstacles in My Life
I took a xanax to sleep a bit ago and while I'm waiting for it to take effect here's a little bit about hardships and no matter how hard they get you can overcome them. I'm not saying that my life has been more or less difficult than anybody else here or even globally but I want to strive home the point of how important it is to overcome hardships and obstacles.
I'm generally a very outgoing guy yet I enjoy my privacy and private life which is why I don't make many field reports or share much of my past. I will right now, however, share with you something that even my closest friends don't know about and even they only know a fraction.
I can't pinpoint the reason why I'm doing this. It could be because this week has been the best week of the last almost 3 years of my life, I just feel the need to tell my story, or because I want you all to know that almost nothing is impossible if you try hard enough. It's honestly probably a combination of all 3.
This is a chronicle of my hardships and obstacles growing up and how I overcame them:
I was born into an upper middle class family with an sister my elder by 3 and a half years. My father was a well known doctor and my mother was a nurse until I was born and had to take care of the both of us. While we seemed completely normal and function on the outside things weren't so. My father was a workaholic and worked 80 hours a week never being there, and my mother as loving as she tried to be, was manic depressive and couldn't show it. I therefore grew up really only learning about life all by myself with the exception of my sister taking care of me in that regard. We were the epitome of the dysfunctional upper middle class family with a live-in nanny. In addition with my father being a doctor, he also is a bit neurotic and thought I had a vast amount of things wrong with me and had me on a variety of unnecessary medications that I was not allowed to refuse. For those of you who have seen Garden State, that was my life up to the age of 18.
Growing up in pre-school and elementary school I was always the popular kid and good at everything. the first kid picked on the playground by the 5th graders even in 1st grade. I was Mr. Popular until 3rd grade when my mother became ill with cancer and it was terminal. Things went downhill and my father remarried less than a year later and I was moved to another school in the wealthiest area of town.
At this new school I all of a sudden went to King of the Monkey Bars to Lord of the Flies. Even so, I was considered lower on the social chain than even the weirdest kids at school. I was in 5th grade with no and if you didn't have at least $100 i your pocket, a trust fund in the millions, and already knew you were getting a BMW for your 16th birthday you were an outcast. By halfway through the year I had earned athletic standing but still no social standing as I was only given the necessities from my parents in a town where kids and my step-siblings got everything. I went through hell at home.
My father worked even more, I endured constant verbal abuse from the stepmother and physical abuse from the stepbrother of which I was punished if I fought back. By the second half of the year I transferred to a private boarding school for the remainder of the year to get away from my family where I once became the most popular kid. This time was necessary and I gained a vast amount of wisdom of how to handle my family. In 6th grade my father transferred me to another private day school and once again I quickly gained social standing soon after arriving. things went well until I wanted more of a challenge and finally convinced my father to transfer me back into the semiprivate school i started 5th grade in.
As soon as I arrived people knew me by sight and I was back at square one. Luckily I had learned a great deal of wisdom during my time away from my family at the age of 10 and now knew how to handle these situations. Within a month of arriving, I had worked my wait up the social ladder, gained respect from virtually everybody in my class and the class above me and was on my way to being the center of the "in crowd." This was until mid 8th grade of course when I got mononucleosis and was sick for 3 months. Because I had an obscure resistant strain the school tried to fail me but my father once again transferred me to yet another small private school which I had started to despite by this point and wanted to go to public school. At this point my father had remarried to an even crazier woman with constant verbal abuse
This school was a joke. it was like home schooling but the quality was horrible. I managed to talk my way into taking classes at the public middle school across the street where I decided to avoid the crowds and just make acquaintance with everybody. Now came time for high school. this was a whole new experience for me. There was no "In Crowd" as our school had over 3500 people; hell, my freshman class was just under 1000. So instead of joining one group I joined about 20 and spent my time between them until my father's second marriage fell apart and I felt all the wrath of it and was transferred mid freshman year to a school way up in northern cali against my wishes which was by far the most unpleasant school I'd ever attended. These kids were your redneck cutthroats and I literally had to defend myself in fights weekly. It finally took me gathering the support of 3 of the faculty members (who all risked their job for me and got fired as well) to convince my father to take me out.
My summer consisted of working for minimum wage and applying to prep schools on the east coast which included phillips-exceter, Deerfield, St Johnsbury, etc. Of course I don't get my choice and get sent to another small school which was almost as bad as the last. but made my standing playing 3 varsity sports to keep me busy. During a game I got offered athletic scholarships to two different high end prep schools but once again was transferred for my junior year to another small year round east coast school that wasn't even on my list.
For those of you who've attended boarding school it can be quite fun, but only if it's your choice to be there. The first year was miserable for me despite playing 3 varsity sports here as well and being the star soccer player, the star defensive man on the basketball team, and the home run leader for baseball. I had plenty of friends but didn't care as I was still following the Garden State storyline. By senior year I decided to make the most of it and did so. I got a girlfriend, was the center of almost any social circle at school and never was short of things to do until the summer came around and I had enough credits to graduate but I was forced to stay through the summer giving me less than a week of break between high school and college.
Instead I didn't go back for the summer quarter resulting in being cut off by my father and hopped from friend's house to friend's house while I obtained my diploma through independent study and because of this my father decided to pay for my college. My top 3 choices misfiled my application and the rest were too close to home so I went to Santa Barbara with the hopes of transferring to UCLA. As for Santa Barbara, for those of you that have been there you know what it's like and for those of you that haven't you need to visit.
This was the first happy year of the first 20 years of my life. Until I found out that the UC system dropped my major and the classes I took were now pointless. I transferred to Arizona to pursue marketing where they messed up my classes, my transcripts, my housing, and just about everything else. There was only one guy who got it worse and he didn't even get housing. They refused to accept any of my previous classes but after 2 months of fighting it they were all transferred and things were going well.. that is until my father had another midlife crisis during his 3rd marriage and cut me off mid semester to which I drove back to San Diego with my only possessions being what was in my storage unit, my car, and 500 bucks in my saving account since I wasn't allowed to work if I were going to go to college. I normally would be able to continue college but my father had it in blue chip stocks, lost it when they crashed and wrote it off on his taxes.
This is where the fun starts as of May of 2006
After 2 months of living with my best friend I get a job working for a marketing firm and move into an apartment with some cool guys off of craigslist. I stay for 2 months until the guy on the lease gives me a 30 day notice because I used the dishwasher and he only wanted dishes washed by hand (i kid you not). As I'm in the process of moving the client fires my boss and so I get laid off as a result. I pick up an odd job here and there and move into a new place and get a job working directly for the client of the previous job. My new place was great until the new roommate moved in and as it turned out my new roommate had roidrage and assaulted me randomly one night after he woke himself up snoring. this resulted in a hospital visit and me moving into another place.
This new place was nice, pleasant, and allowed me to focus priorities again. I was getting less and less hours at work so I quit that job to work for another marketing firm 60 hours a week. Life was great now, I was making money, able to have some fun, go out and make new friends without the worry of money, and try new things. This lasted for a day under 6 months until my boss had a mental breakdown and closed up shop all of a sudden leaving me jobless again and ineligible for unemployment benefits. Once again I'm hit by another streak of bad luck. I had to move again because the lease was over and the new place I move into is a drug dealers den and the home of one the biggest gangbanger who's sister lived there. The day after I move in there's a driveby on the house and once again I'm forced to find a room and a new job.
The room was the easy part as I found a temporary loft and I used my charisma to get a job working as a backserver at the #1 restaurant in town and things were looking up. I was making money and starting to get back on my feet. Unfortunately this lasted until the end of the summer when the owner decided to lay off everybody who started that summer to let some people a manger fired a year before come back and work. This happened once again at the same time I had to find a new place to live. At the same time I had to go to the Emergency Room and without insurance it cost me in excess of $4000 which was more than I had. At this point I also start building a relationship again with my father again.
I find a new place and a job easily working another restaurant job but was barely able to pay the bills so no fun for me. By new years I pick up a serving job and by may of this year things were looking up. I was making money, getting ready to pay off my loans and things were looking even better. I quit my first restaurant job to get another serving job and as my two weeks is up gas shoots past $4/gal and the economy goes to hell causing me to not get the second serving job. Of course Murphy's Law hates me and at the same time my landlord comes into my house and tells me i have 30 days to move out because she just sold the house to which I immediately find a new great place that said they were keeping the house for awhile. Life is going well now for a month until of course I have to get food poisoning and miss out on 2 weeks of work, have another crapload of medical bills to pay and no support from anybody. As I'm recovering, I'm told by new landlord that he's now selling the house and I need to find a new place. Less than a week later I learn that I no longer have my serving job and am jobless, soon to be homeless, and am losing hope. My stress level is so high I can't function.. my appetite disappears. i lose 20 pounds.. i can't exercise... i can't even leave my room except to eat, drink, and use the bathroom for 2 weeks. By this point I realize I need to do something and fast making this the biggest turning point as of yet
At this point I realize I have to take charge or I'm going to be living on the street for real this time. I can't function, I can't eat, I can't exercise or go out and look for a job. My stress levels were so high that I actually became immuno-compromised. I have 200 dollars to my name and am in big trouble if things don't change in the next week. This was the second to last week of july. So what do I do? nobody is hiring right now, not even burger king and the places that are have a 3 week hiring process.
July 17th 2008
I go to the doctor and he prescribes xanax for the stress. The reason it's xanax over anything else is because stress effects sleep and i needed sleep to function. unfortunately it had side effects
July 19th 2008
I'm on the verge of being homeless within the week. I have to move out in a week, every place I look at falls through even when I go to sign the lease. Most places because I have bad credit due to being defrauded by well's fargo whom i'm still trying to fix things with. I'm literally at my limit. That one point of hopelessness where you literally are a stone's throw away from giving up altogether when I get an idea which I advise all of you never to follow in my footsteps by gambling in this position no matter how good of a player you are.
My friend takes me to the casino and offers to lends me 400 so I sit down at a poker table. I literally can't win a hand despite the ridiculous run of top notch hands I get and bust out within an hour. He then hands me a few more bills and I get my Rockets cracked my third hand in and it's over once again and I save the last 160 for the house game a few days later which I also can't catch a card. Now I'm about 800 in debt and have 200 to my name. Things are looking even worse. I'm an good poker player and usually win 90% of the time. It's just a bad run that people have. I then was invited back to the next house game a few days later.
July 22nd 2008
side effects from the medication cause lack of appetite so I'm ordered to stop taking it. The resulting side effect is insomnia. In these last few days causing me not able to get more than 4 hours of sleep even after being awake for over 30 hours.
July 25th 2008
it's the last few days of july and i'm just about done. My friend offers to let me try to work off my debt in blackjack (of course if i lose i can take up to a year to pay it of) I end up winning almost $300 which came off the debt.
July 26th 2008
In a fit of desperation I go to the next home game with half of my last $200. I buy in for $20 and get busted my first hand with the second best possible hand to the nuts. I take a break, buy in for another $40 and win just under $600 that night even outplaying a guy who makes over 100k/year playing online poker. things are looking good. I can at least pay rent now for the next month and have an extension until the end of august to find a new place.
July 29th 2008
I go back to the next house game with $40 and once again win $300 paying off my debt to my friend.
July 30th 2008
It's now the 30th of July and during the last 3 months I had been building a relationship back up with my father and I talk him into loaning me money of which he loans $1000+interest to help me get on my feet. Many of you may say what the fuck is up with that but in all honesty it's unprecedented. I now go from having $200 to $1600 and I used this money to pay off my credit card bills which brings me to a total of $450 to my name. Just enough to pay rent and to find away to make enough money to move into a new place. I call my father later that night to discuss everything that has perspired in the last 2 years since I moved back and we agree to meet the next day.
July 31st 2008
I see my doctor before meeting with my father. The doctor is unclear about how I managed to sleep less than 30 hours in 10 days without any damage or negative effects. I go off to meet with the pops after over 13 years of not having a relationship with my father we meet up and have our first good discussion over 15 years. Since my credit is still in the process of getting fixed he's agreed to loan me money to help me go back to school and even subsidize some of it from the lost college fund I had. I've now gone from having $200 and just about living in my car to only having to worry about getting a job in order to fulfill my side of the deal.
I go home and look into jobs to apply for the next day and in the process happen to run across an ebay ad for a free store promotion and another ad for collectibles I have. I decide to open a store and list a bunch of items.
August 1st 2008
I go out and look for jobs but with no luck. I then look for a place to live and find the perfect place for $550 a month including utilities which in San Diego the room should have cost me an easy $800. In addition, he tells me that he'll give me a commission to sell his $10,000+ of junk and collectibles sitting in his garage which is enough to pay my monthly rent for over 4 months.
August 3rd 2008
I have now registered for my first class in 3 years and am excited to go back to school. Now I'm waiting on my transcripts to sign up for the rest.
I now have a place to live next month, it will literally only cost me $550 in rent for the next 5 months all for an hour a day of work, and a daily 3 mile run to and from the post office.
August 4th
I get a call from the company where I got food poisoning telling me they will cover my medical bills, lost wages, and a little extra in a short amount of time. This is mainly because the incident was handled improperly from the start.
August 7th 2008
I wake up to find myself happy and in the best spirits of any day in the last 2 years and check my email as usual only to find out that I've made over $400 the first week selling my collectibles. I ready more auctions and after doing the math I realize i can make another $2000 this month once I finish listing the auctions today and an additional $2000 next month. In addition, I have another $2500 coming most likely by the end of the month from the food poisoning incident which will allow me to pay off the $4000 I'm still in debt from my first emergency room visit costs since I lost my job with enough left over to start school with over $1000 and time to find a stable job. I go to list more auctions on ebay but the listing site is down for the night so I start packing for the move.
August 8th 2008
2:00am
It is today's date and I'm still awake after taking the xanax. My body has become reliant on it to fall asleep as I literally cannot fall asleep without taking it. Right after i take it I get a call from a friend who tells me he's been promoted to manager at abacrombie. He then tells me I can get a job there or he has a friend who manages a footlocker who most likely can also get me a job to hold me over until school starts and more better paying part time jobs are available. We talk until my phone dies.
4:30am
I sit down to type this out for all of you to read
5:30am
I get off the phone with my friend and proceed to attempt to sleep only to find out that my tolerance has already exceeded the maximum suggested dosage and figure I'll finish typing this out while I watch the sun rise.
Since I have things to do today I must end this on a short note after pouring my heart and soul into it (well not really but I like the term) or else I could continue writing this into a full page novel nonstop for the next week.
There's plenty more that I've left out but my life has been one long hardship. Even since I've moved back to my hometown two years ago this will be the 8th time i've had to move and this new job will be the 9th job I'll have had to take with not a single move being sustainable long term until this current one and only one job that I any involvement whether direct or indirect of leaving.
Call it bad luck. Call it cursed. Or just call it Murphy's Law.
I much like O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law in which he stated "Murphy was an optimist."
I've been through hell and back more times than i can remember and always pull through regardless of both the physical and emotional pain I may go through. Despite it all I've gone from nothing to starting up my life again all in about a week through what I will tell you are the simple facts of life that I've used to survive and now succeed.
According to every doctor I've ever seen I statistically should be either on the streets, doing drugs, be in jail, a hospital, or dead based on what I've been through. But I'm not because there's always a new path you can take to the destination of your choice. It may be a shortcut or the scenic route but remember that it will eventually get you there and to never lose hope.
I had a back injury 5 years ago which ruined my chances of playing pro soccer. I've even had a torn/ripped muscle in my back for the last 6 months to which I won't have the time to have surgery on until next year. Do I wish I could do it sooner, yes I do, but it's also part of what drives me to keep going.
Set your goals and continue fighting for your dreams. If those dreams don't pan out have a backup plan. There's way too many fulfilling paths to take in life that I never want to hear you say your dreams are ruined.
The average person has 36 dreams a night. These dreams are drawn from your subconscious desires. If you can have that many dreams every night there are thousands of fulfilling paths you can take to have a happy, full, and successful life.
Things may seem rough for me now but it's been no different my whole life. I've never had it easy despite my upbringing and through hardship i've gained
-wisdom and understanding of the world beyond my years
-the ability to read people and behavior very well
-an appreciation for all that is good in the world
-a hard yet very stable psyche
-an understanding, empathy, and the ability to relate to almost any hardship a person can go through
-an intolerance for stupid people (i think this is unrelated though)
-a high tolerance of anything that could negatively affect me.
-It's almost impossible to annoy me, make me angry, even get on my nerves
-the ability to meditate in a way without standard meditation or learning techniques. I can go for a run and lower my heart rate to under a 55 fairly quickly
-a high tolerance for stress and pain (the pain is actually some cool mysterious disorder the docs are trying to figure out. I'm not producing enough of certain neurotransmitters that make you feel certain types of pain)
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I'VE LEARNED HOWEVER IS:
The ability to resolve almost any conflict quickly with logic and without violence which is completely unnecessary.
As ironic as it may seem, violence should only be necessary in self defense. Therefore, the aggressor is always at fault regardless of the situation. Yeah, your feelings may get hurt but if you have to resort to violence you're worse than everybody else.
This is why the different forms of martial arts exist, they are avenues to compete and this includes every sport regardless of the aggressiveness needed. These sports are our outlets and should be our only outlets
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What you all need to learn from this is that no matter how many obstacles and hardships you face regardless of personal, family, race, or religion: You need to know that all you have to do is think ahead. My choice of playing poker despite my skill level was a bad idea and I should have started the ebay store sooner. I can't take that choice back but fortunately it ended out on a positive note.
Remember:
You always have a support system. Know what it is Whether it be your your family, your coworkers, your friends, or just your willingness to succeed; find out what it is. My support system was my willingness to succeed, my resourcefulness, and my friends. While I never had family support pretty much my whole life I've always had a few best friends who were in essence surrogate families. It's like having 6 families which in some cases is better than having one, even if none of them are your own. You're never alone no matter how much it may seem that way.
Keep your options open You may have to make choices that you don't want to make and that hurt your pride and ego. SUCK IT UP and keep working at it.
Be resourceful Problem solve. Learn from others. If each person took 10 seconds out of their day to share with/teach everybody they met one new positive quality, aspect of life, idea, or fact imagine how much different the world would be
Don't be afraid to ask for help
As men, the last thing we want to do is damage our ego and ask for help (especially for directions if we get lost). Swallow your pride, trust me. It will save you a lot of pain and suffering and the pride isn't worth it.
As women (one of you can fill this in for me if you read this)
It's never the end No matter how hard things may get, you can always find a way out if you put your heart into it.
Ian Smith and I used to have frequent discussions about why we even joined the PUA community in the first place as we didn't need help with seduction at the time, started this forum, and will always attempt help anybody in need regardless of our situation. We try to pass on one positive aspect of self improvement to everybody we meet, not by force, but my charisma and enthusiasm for life and self improvement.
I've come to realize in the last 2 hours of writing this to you why this is. It's not just Ian and myself but many others here as well, which is why we can all relate to you. We've been through similar life experiences that you have. We understand hardship to the fullest extent and because of this we have joined and participated as much as possible in order to help make sure that none of you ever have to go through these kinds of hardships as no person ever should: And if you do happen to go through them then were here to help you.
I hope this helps you all and I will try to participate as much as I can as I will be busy packing, moving, unpacking again, finding a job, going to school, working, and helping one of my friends in a similar situation.
Things will settle down for me in early September so I will be around regularly again come September.
__________________
I'M AN ASSHOLE AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
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Confucius say "seduction like boxing match, he with most blows wins."
Last edited by Bob; 08-09-2008 at 06:45 PM.
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