By Tom Church
The Ego is your
self identity, it is who you think you are and the first step to achieving growth is to find it; to explore your personality, behaviors and characteristics because in one way or another they influence the opportunities presented to you in life.
In Brief: Learn about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses so that you can work on them. When opportunity comes, you’ll be able to grasp it with less difficulty. This long article contains three techniques to explore your personality:
1. Ask questions
2. Analyze life experiences
3. Find your reflection
Introduction
‘Ego’ derives from the Ancient Greeks to mean
I am. Ask yourself now this question: Who am I? When learning foreign languages one of the first things you are taught is how to present yourself by name, but what does this
really mean? When Robert Hawkings, a physicist of Stanford University, USA asked me to tell him about myself, I began with descriptions: Things I enjoy, preferences, sports, music, stories and skills. Contrary to what a name suggests, who you are is not a single entity but rather a combination of complex factors that create a personality.
I met Robert Hawkings and we became instant friends when I shared my enthusiasm for a book he was reading,
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Whether we would have ever become acquainted without my previous reading of the book one will never know. But it is
how I came into possession of the book that is interesting. Through the willingness to explore my
self-identity in Bangkok I was able to find several opportunities which beautified my life.
During a rural excursion in Chiang Mai, North Thailand, a chemical engineer named Aaron explained to me the possibility that our decisions in life are derived from a genetic level. That we (in terms of human body and mind) are
survival machines, and that all our choices are created from their (the genes) desire to survive. He recommended Dawkin’s book which I read with a fascinated earnest.
An openness to change and knowledge allowed me to develop a previously nonexistent passion for science. So when Hawkings sat next to me on a busy bus, I saw the opportunity and grabbed it. What followed were multiple conversations, hours in length long into the night about the universe and CHAOS theory. I woke up that next morning with a new perception of the world: A better one.
From this encounter my
self-identity had changed (or perhaps even improved). By exploring your personality;
Who you are, one is able to promote greater levels of self-development.
1. Ask Questions
The easiest way to learn about yourself is to ask questions and answer them truthfully, to the very best of your ability. By exploring your
self-identity you will find your strengths and weaknesses which can then be used to develop wealth and success.
This was made apparent to me whilst relaxing at a Raggae bar in Langkawi, Malaysia. Accompanying me was an English girl who asked a question I had never heard before, “What is the last thing you tell people about yourself?” It took a long while before a truthful answer was given and afterwards in bed I contemplated the question. Many of the answers which flashed before the mind had no logical reason as to why they should be kept secret, and so in my travel journal I wrote a list of questions in an attempt to learn more about myself.
Daniel explains in
How To Use A Journal that asking yourself constructive questions constantly is a profitable exercise that requires very little effort. He argues that although your subconscious may have all the answers, they are muddled in such a way that they make no logical sense. Fragmented memories do not conjoin in a sequential order and so often irrational beliefs are created. Beliefs that are negative and deconstructive.
Meditation allows you to experience this first hand. Sitting in a circle of twenty men and women I watched thoughts flutter by in a Buddhism class. Buddhist meditation teaches to be a witness of your thoughts, to stand high on a hill and watch the clouds go by. At first these clouds are sporadic, random in shape, color and size, but then after a while they become calm. A Thai Monk Liu Nii, agreed with Daniel’s advice, saying that often he (Liu Nii) exercises in a
Question Injection routine where by during meditation he would fire a single question into his mind, and then witness all the sub-conscious thoughts come forward. Then using the conscious mind he could fragment the clutter and find an answer to the question.
This powerful exercise can be done just as well with a piece of paper and a pen. What follows is a list of ten questions that will enable you to explore your ego. Try to answer them in depth, and don’t stop until they have all been completed. If you do find difficulty in answering one, note down possible reasons for the hesitation.
1. What do you think your strengths are and why?
2. What do you think your weaknesses are and why?
3. What are your interests and why?
4. What are your fears?
5. Where do you see yourself in two, five and ten years time?
6. What do you over-indulge yourself in and why?
7. What are your goals, dreams and ambitions?
8. What are the interests of your friends?
9. Does anyone in particular inspire you?
10. How would you describe yourself to a blind man?
Write these answers truthfully and store them so that once you have finished this article, you may come back in a week or month and answer them again. The difference will be astounding.
2. Analyze Life Experiences
Asking questions is one way of learning about your
self-identity, but another equally powerful tool is that of analyzing life experiences. During unpredictable moments of your life, one’s true colors are shown. All those subconscious thoughts, emotions and memories are instantly put into play. They way you react gives a clear insight into your Ego, your core beliefs, strengths and weaknesses. These moments are rare and unforgettable.
At that same Raggae Bar I approached two girls and asked if I could join them.
“Yeah, of course!” Chirped back a long-blonde haired Essex girl merrily. For a few minutes we built rapport and held decent conversation. She then inquired into “[my] story” to which I replied, “Well I’m actually at the very beginning of my trip. Maybe you could give me some words of wisdom. What’s the craziest thing to have happened to you?” What followed was quite a surprise.
“I was raped, twice.”
When people tell me shocking things, I tend to take it as a factual statement, which it is, but I never portray emotional horror. “Where was that?”
“North Thailand” she explained, going into the details of how her drink was spiked and how she woke up next to the guy, freaked out and ran around the streets half naked crying. “The nicest family ever took me in. I love them, they came outside and brought me in. They gave me warm clothes, food, everything for a week. The doctor came and said I was OK but should go for hospital checks.”
“STI’s?”
“Yeah, the main worry being AIDs of course. For the next thrity days I was in and out of there. I wanted to be checked for everything, every
fucking thing.” her tonality wavered, emotion seeping through.
“Did they catch him?”
“No, he was a holiday maker so probably gone home.”
“Shit that’s bad, I don’t know why but I assumed he would be a local. You didn’t go home no?”
“No. If I had gone home, it would have been like giving in. They win, you know. I didn’t want it to stop me, I’m a strong girl and I wasn’t going to let them put me down.”
After that night, I lay down on my bunk bed contemplating what she had told me. So honest, so open. These experiences, although terrible in their nature, they had made her stronger. There’s always a bright side. It inspired me they way she didn’t care about what people thought or said. She had no fear of
criticism now.
You will learn much by asking constructive questions and you should do so often. Yet sometimes, there are occasions in life when an unpredictable event will take place giving an opportunity to directly explore your self-identity. These opportunities are disguised and not easily found. They can be hidden behind great pain, distress and anguish but with an openness to learning about the Ego they can be found.
A clear example the majority of people can relate to is that of grief.
It’s when we grieve for a loved one that we fully realize our love for that person. We discover previously unknown feelings and passions that would have greatly altered our lives if they had previously be known. Our lives change with beliefs. If you believe you are strong, then when a test of weakness arises you are more likely to win. Beliefs shape our lives, positive beliefs lead to growth, success and wealth. Negative beliefs hinder all growth, reject opportunities and lead to a life of disappointment. By exploring the question
Who am I? you can strengthen those that are constructive, and change those that are not.
So far then, we have discussed that by asking questions of oneself, and analyzing life experiences you can learn about your Ego or self-identity which, in turn can lead to a greater awareness of positive opportunities. Another way to discover your Ego is by looking at your reflection…
3. Find Your Reflection
How we see the world reflects how we see ourselves. I expressed this concept to a telesales marketer in Bangkok after he stated, “it’s a dog-eat-dog world where only selfish leadership survives” I disagreed saying, “that’s just the way you see things. You see every move, every invitation and opportunity as a threat when really they are not. you told me earlier that you’ve been wanting to start your own business for many years now and yet it hasn’t happened. You need to change the way you view the world, because it is one where many friendships can be made, open up and let these ‘dogs’ attack because after all, what do you have to lose?”
When and if you get angry at something or someone, pull back and ask yourself why. Anger is an emotion, if you are feeling it you have
chosen to be angry, you are allowing this moment to have a negative influence. A choice always exists. Our cultural lenses are the perception through which we see the world. These lenses can never be removed for every moment of experience adds to them. All negative perceptions are like taints or blotches on these lenses. They physically hinder your view, cause blemishes and result in a false perception that restricts growth. These lenses are built from your characteristics, habits and traits. When analyzed they can reveal your ego; your self-identity.
Through the acquisition of knowledge and understanding; a desire and willingness to explore the ego; one may expand and clean these cultural lenses so that they give a broader perspective of the opportunistic horizon. Change the way you view the world and you yourself will grow.
After traveling around SE Asia for the initial few months I called my
Bambino back home to share with her my latest adventures. She asked me whether I thought I had changed; the answer to which I was unsure. She voiced her opinion, explaining that just through my voice tonality I seemed calmer, less excitable and less prone to immediate conclusions (that thus lead to emotional fluctuations - but don’t worry, her way of speaking is much more feminine). Contemplating this afterward, I realized that not once had I ever been angry nor sad so far on my trip. For such a long duration this was abnormal, as I would at least get slightly grumpy once a month at home.
Speaking to other single-travelers we shared the same revelation and pondered why happiness should be so abundant in an alien environment whilst traveling alone. It wasn’t long before answers came. We
chose to be positive. When something goes wrong, we couldn’t blame the external environment because we didn’t understand it. We couldn’t blame anyone else because we all traveled alone, and we weren’t exactly going to put ourselves down as that worsens the problem. So, the only thing we could do during a negative situation is to turn it around, change it into a positive experience.
An example of this was when I arrived in Railay, South Thailand to learn how to rock-climb. In a longboat six of us were dropped off on the beach late at night as monsoon rains poured from the skies above. Carrying heavy rucksacks we slipped and trudged our way across the beach not knowing where to go. A power cut across the village meant that we couldn’t see anything, and the mud roads had turned into rivers so there was no way we could seek shelter. Hearts sunk, we gathered under a tree cold and wet. It was a negative situation that could easily result in negative emotions. We couldn’t blame the weather, for no one can choose that; we couldn’t blame the people, because there were none; and we wouldn’t blame ourselves for that’s self-destructive. Thus the only choice was to either sulk in the damp, or turn it around.
Dumping our bags we stripped out of our soaked clothes and ran into the sea. Embracing the rain (perceived negative factor) we chose it to be a positive situation, one that induced laughter and fun long into the early hours of the morning.
Conclusion
Changing the way you view the world can change the way you think and (re)act. Over time these actions turn into habits; and habits develop into characteristics - fundamentally changing your self-identity. To explore the ego, analyze the way you interact with the environment and the situations it throws at you. Knowing who you are, including all weaknesses and strengths will build your confidence, self-esteem and discipline for it will enable you to seek out new opportunities.
As a final thought provoking teaser, here is a list of the most common fears mankind inhabits. Do you maintain any of these?
1. Fear of Death
2. Fear of Poverty
3. Fear of Loss of Love
4. Fear of Rejection
5. Fear of Criticism
6. Fear of Ill Health
Explore the Ego
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