10-30-2008
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Yes. Totally. I carry those human needs on my mind as much as I can. I intend to make it a habit.
For instance, last night, as I had a meeting with the officers of a club I belong to - one that is relatively new but are definitely looking to improve - I asked: "You're the leader right now, but imagine for a second that you're a member of your own club (which really you're), so what would you expect of yourself". This got them into deep thinking. And some of the responses were:
- I'd want to feel like I'm being listened to. (SIGNIFCANCE)
- I'd want to feel like my actions DO matter. (SIGNIFCANCE)
- I'd want to be sure that every time I go into a meeting I will learn something new. (CERTAINTY)
- I'd want to feel like I am connecting with the other brothers in there (CONNECTION)
- I'd want to feel that they are prepared for what they are doing and really know their stuff. (CERTAINTY)
- I'd want to have fun activies (funny enough, the guy who is in charge of social events said this) (UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY)
- I'd want to feel that I can learn and grow from them. (GROWTH)
One of them in particular said:
- I'm in the club because I feel that I'm contributing to others and at the same time learning for my profession (which was conseouling for University/College students) (CONTRIBUTION)
When you ask these powerful questions, that is if you work on them often, you are really able to touch the deep values of a person, even some they may not be completely aware of. And the best part is, that by one of the principles of NLP, they will be anchoring those good feelings to you, consequently desiring your presence a little more.
Other questions to ask are:
- What's your dream? Like your real dream, what is one thing that you dream of being or doing?
- If you could have one thing in the world, and only one thing, to be completely happy, what would it be?
One time a girl said to me "As harsh as this sounds, it has to be money, I need to be financially secure". Did this mean she was greedy? Of course not! It just means that she values safety/certainty more than any other things, so in forming a connection/relationship with her, you have to make her feel safe in your process. Most human beings value certainty more than any other human need. That's why girls love a man who can make them feel safe. Then again, there are some girls who don't need you to make them feel safe, because they are carefree. So watch out for that.
- What do you really want in a relationship?
And Chiki, I think that your question also falls into "Connection". Sunny day often relates to nature and we all (or most of us) can really connect with nature, because it puts us in a state of peace.
More than anything, I think of questions with the intent I have in mind. If I want to see her again, I have to discover what triggers her to want to see a guy again. If I want to make business with someone, I have to discover what motivates this person to say "YES!", rather than "why?". And so on. You ask the questions, so you get answers that you can immediately capitalize on.
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