Feel better, but there is a disconnection

[A New Me]

I have isolated myself from the negative influence, I greet them and all but I'm honestly too hurt and I feel too disconnected with this family (except with my cousin). I have tried to understand them, but i can't. Like i said in my previous post, i'm just going to work on myself and hope that cheers their moods up, although i'm aware that there is something i must do for them too.. which I don't know what could be.

Anyway, since i made the decision of working on myself, i have isolated myself and i'm reading books, magazines and stuff from this website and others, so that i can surround myself with positive energy, and I can already feel a disconnection. It's a disconnection between them and i, i want to improve, they want to survive. i want to what i love, they want to do what gets them by. I just wanna say "DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY!!!", but i don't get enough guts to tell them that, yet. This disconnection can be felt, I dont know how they feel it, but I sure do... everytime I hear them speak, my heart just gets filled with "right, keep thinking that way and you'll lose yourself" kind-of-thoughts. that can't be good, because I know that growing involves accepting, yet sometimes you cant help looking down on someone... HAVE ANY OF YOU EXPERIENCED THAT BEFORE?

What can I do to heal this disconnection? I mean, i want to help, but i can't help them if i can't help myself yet... it's like a fake pick up artist teaching pick up. Any tapes or authors you recommend on to help me with this?

P.S. I also did my first couple of approaches today, I'll write that on another section

[Tom Church]

Wow, you really are improving fast. I had this problem to a smaller extent with a few of my friends. They were and still are (to an extent) quite naive and arrogant. Small examples of racism and sexism would arise occasionally to which I just shook my head, voiced my opinion and then moved on. Examples would simply be statements such as, " The Chinese are all weird". Or things much, much worse. These are bloody ridiculous and based on thin air.

The only thing one can do, is voice your opinion, let them know that you think they are wrong, prove it with a good arguement/evidence (but never get angry). And then provide a solution, for example, "what you should say is that this one Chinese man you met was weird." This isn't a real example but it serves the point.

At the end of the day, you can't directly help those who do not want it. As you have already said, you can only try and lift the mood/energy around you by bringing yourself up i.e. helping them indirectly. Listen to their problems, and if you want to help, think of an indirect way of helping.

Perhaps they are jobless, pick up a job advertiser newspaper, and leave it on the table.

[Daniel Becerra]

You're doing well so far. I think that you're taking steps correctly. While many guys try to change all of the sudden, you're first reading, preparing yourself for two reasons: To know what to do and to know what to avoid. That's - in my opinion - the best way to begin.

Stay at it and as far as your household, there isn't really much you can do or at least, not one I can provide. Just become a valuable person first and then once you're ready - offer value to others. If you follow, they lead.

[tonatiuh8]

A New ME im going to call you ANM ok!!!

Your not alone. I still have this problem. When people start talking all negative and Im just thinking to myself " With kind of thinking your not going anywhere". But one thing that helps is I change my frame. What I do is if im sitting I actually stand up and move into another location and smile. I look back at the spot that I left, and say this words " I will not go back to that state" and then just keep listening to the conversation. Also voicing your opinion is good.

[Chikito]

I will give you something to think about. Something that my NLP teacher put to me and made me think very hard about my priorities in life and where I wanted to go and the company I would keep.

He told me to think of myself as a Crab. Yes a Crab. And that I am in a bucket. And if I don not escape this bucket I will be cooked and made into delicious Chili Crab (local delicacy). In the bucket I have a friend who is also stuck. He told me that I wish to climb out of the bucket and save myself but I do not have strength to carry both the my crabby body and the other crab. And that sometimes in life you have to decide do you leave another crab behind in a bucket or do you try to pull him out and both die.

Now I am not saying abandon your friends and family and become a selfish millionaire. I am however saying that your life is your responsibility and theirs is theirs. Be it family or not your priorities as a young man lie in yourself first. Lead alone so to speak.

But this does not mean you have to isolate yourself from them or that you have to abandon them. You can simply co-exist for now until you have procured the mental agility to motivate them to change as well. For one you do not need their approval to master your own life, your mind and body is yours to craft, however you do need their approval to try and change their lives as again their mind and body is theirs to choose to do with whatever they wish.

In short I am suggesting that you do not worry about what others think of you and also to stop worrying about the stagnant lives of others. Unfortunately most people with deep seated beliefs that lead them to failure need walking living proof and a hard slap to change their lifestyles. For now I say you worry more about you and less about them and remember that this does not mean you do not love them.