05-04-2008
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Moderator
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Location: Brisbane - Australia
Age: 22
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RDH (Relationship Distancing Habit)
RDH is the single biggest cause of relationships to fall apart. Followed by infidelity. RDH is caused by an infinite amount of factors, trust issues, unhappiness, regret, denied feelings and unaffection, to name just a few. Conquering RDH is difficult for many many men to do. This article will serve as an informative guide to identifying RDH and conquering it. As modern men, it is in your best best interest to prevent it from occuring. You may relapse, but after reading this you will be better equiped to identify it. RDH can last from anywhere between a few minutes to months.
RDH is defined as the incidental distancing of one or more members of a reationship or friendship group, in a subconscious effort to inform the opposing party of your unhappiness with the current situation. Women experience RDH aswell, which they use to manipulate men. We use it unconsciously, and from a place of hurt and dissapointment. For those of you who are still unclear a practical example follows..
Mark and Jane have been dating for 3 weeks, the wild rush that is created at the start of a relationship or the 'honeymoon period' has ended and Jane frequently acts out accidently which causes Mark to distance himself from her (RDH). Jane has a lot of male friends, who are physical with her in a 100% friendly way, Mark trust Jane entirely but is embarrased and irritated when she pays them more attention than him. Mark responds by distancing himself, he acts huffy and stays away from her talking to another friend all night. He trys very hard to be very subtle with her, ie not putting his arm around her like he used to.
Mark has entered the worst place in RDH, what should Mark have done? Lets address 2 of the best ways to conquer RDH..
1. Talk to her about it!
If you feel you are being neglected by her, and are beginning to experience RDH, it is in Your best interest to fix it as fast as possible. RDH can and frequently does cause a breakdown in the relationship. Miscommunication can have one party thinking something that is not the trust, ie He dosent trust you, where as he is actually uncomfortable with your public display of close friendship with another male when he is around. Talking to the other party is the best course of action (not always, see 2.) the key is to be firm but collected. 'Dear, I trust you 100% but it makes me and our friends uncomfortable when you do ... it reflects poorly on both of us, I dont like it.
2. Rationalise and get over it
You and your girlfriend run into an old flame in public and, they know each other, your girlfriend says how much she dislikes your old flame and (in anobviously jokingly way) comments on how you are sloppy seconds. You once again retract and experience RDH. This is an instance where without an Angry Fahrenheit there to tell you to man up you pussy, you have to do it yourself. You can still take route 1, explaining that you dont like being reffered to as sloppy seconds and how when she told you something embarrasing about her past you were sympathetic and understanding. Method 2 involves you rationalising that the ordeal was not something you should be worried about and that what you are experiencing is a weakness in your usually confident exterior. This is when the best thing to do is (possibly against your wishes) go back to your outgoing self. What you risk here is bottling up, if you cant get over it without harbouring regret then the best method is #1.
RDH is basically a problem with communication and confidence. Being open with your partner is the best way to establish trust and respect, dont close up and distance yourself and make your partner doubt herself.
Remember: RDH is different from a freeze out.
Namaste
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