Zen Master

[Ricosuave]

Ok, so not really sure where I am supposed to post about daily life occurrences, but this forum seemed to be the right place. If there is another place, kindly let me know. Sooooo this is my first forum post and I think I need to add a little bit of background to this thread. Last semester in college, I had a great amount of trouble getting a date to this formal I was going to. Half of it was that I was unsure of who to ask, so I delayed the decision, and the other half was that I would ask a girl out to dinner, so to ask her to be my date there, but I kept getting shot down. Well, without much surprise to anybody, and lot of these girls have labeled me as creepy and needy. You can probably guess that I don't want this to happen ever again, so I'm trying to be very careful about not repeating my mistakes. Among them were: how quickly I called, how often I called, how I would phrase my invitations to dinner, and how there was absolutely no push-pull therefore no invested interest. Well that is where Zen Master comes in. This is the phrase my friends and I made up to keep ourselves (and mainly me) in check. See every time I want to text/fbook/IM a girl I'm interested in, I pause and think to myself: "Is this too often (like did I text her yesterday?)" "Can this be seen as creepy?" "Will this benefit me?" Well, there is a good and bad side to this new strategy. On the plus side, it has made me calm down a lot, so I won't ruin my opportunities. I have run into a lot of girls I haven't talked to in a long time and had great conversations with them, and I hope they will be potential targets in the future. "Being" the Zen Master keeps me patient to wait and see what the day will bring. On the other hand though, I feel like time is flying by. The days can turn into weeks and I'm still waiting. Now it is very hard for me because I am an action person. I want to be texting/calling/IMing but I have promised myself to not be overbearing. Yet, how can I create interest and get a response from girl soon? See if I wait too long, I imagine she forgets, or gets a new guy, or something happens that prevents her from seeing me.

And now for the story at hand.
My goal for this year was to go to gym at least 3 times per week. Well I'm doing 4 times and its the 2nd month of the year. Yay me. Going with a good friend of mine makes it so much easier. Well as I was working out, I ran into a really cute girl that I knew. After finishing, I went over and said hi. We chatted a little bit about her dancing (she is extremely fit b/c of it wow :] ) and then I left. I was a little flustered because I felt like I had just blabbered on and to make things worse I didn't even have her number! I know it won't be hard to run into her again, since this campus is not THAT big but I do wonder how I am going to create a situation where she will want to text me. I want to able communicate with her frequently without coming off too strong.

[Nick Krygier]

If you are needy/clingy and you force yourself to play "games" with the girl the way that your friends have told you to then you will never be able to connect with a woman completely because your foundation is on lies, incongruency and deception. Be who you are right now, but you say that doesn't attract women because you are needy. Well, you need to address that in some way shape or form by having a life of your own rather then simply masking the problem. But that's only if you really want to change, if you just want a quick fix then yeah keep doing what your doing it's fine either way, whatever makes ya happy. Also, if you continue to wait and do what your friends say there is a possibility you might even start to fill up that extra time with 'life' rather then have it be a 'waiting period' which would be totally awesome too. Sometimes action, or lack thereof can, because it is still change can shift our perspective- but don't always count on it