That guy that doesn't fit into a stereotype?

[Chikito]

Last weekend I ran into a girl from one of my lectures in Fabric a big drum and bass night club here in London. She was thrown off her feet when she saw me, surprised that I was even there.

This girl is one of those who needs to have every guy under her thumb, total control and dominance over the men. She loves to exploit her sexuality and basically her boyfriend is totally her bitch, nervous/suspicious of every guy that talks to her because well he is never quite sure if she's truly his, she would never let him know.

Anyway this girl is pretty hot a 9, and I've seen her in my lectures quite a few times in the last 2 years. The thing is, I take my education quite seriously. When I'm in my lectures I ask questions, answer things and generally get all of them right or when I get answers wrong I don't feel embarrassed, I don't care, I just learn.

This is the thing, does this happen to anyone else? They don't really fit into any conventional place? They are smart but party a lot, get good grades but get into trouble? Im not saying all of these are good things just curious?

Anyone else here find that people don't know where to put you? That your personality doesn't fit in anywhere yet fits everywhere?

[SilverStreak]

all the time my man. all the time. hah

[YoungBuck]

I get that alot. I've been told of girls that they can't figure me out. Sometimes I nice, courteous even (holding doors open etc, which I always do for girls) and sometimes I'm extremely mean and sarcastic. Sometimes I can have deep conversations with people, and sometimes I'm totally quiet and withdrawn, and then alot of the time is spent laughing and messing around.

I 've been like this since I stopped trying to put MYSELF into a category. I'm not just a rugby player, a student, a son, a brother etc. I'm ALL of these things. I just go with it, basing myself on the feelings of the moment.

[Sloaner92]

Last year, I went on a school trip to Spain. I was always with this one group of people which had my best friend and a lot of people he was friends with but I wasn't close with. My roommate (a different guy) asked me one night why I was always hanging out with them. Was I trying to get them to accept me? Was I trying to fit in? What was it?
I responded that I wasn't trying to be like them or anything. I just WANTED to be there because I liked them. But this was a group that I didn't always feel comfortable speaking my mind around because some of them would judge me all the time. My roommate's usual group, although they would traditionally be labeled as being lower on the social totem pole, I found myself better able to talk to, but I didn't want to be with them.

Basically, how you define yourself is all about perspective. I wanted to be in group A but didn't relate to them. I didn't want to be with group B but better related to them. Group A was the "popular" people, while B was the "losers," so to speak. I've gotten to the point now where I can be friends with a lot of people in both categories, and I can relate to both groups, but unless I'm in a one-on-one situation, I'll usually just keep to myself.

I 've been like this since I stopped trying to put MYSELF into a category. I'm not just a rugby player, a student, a son, a brother etc. I'm ALL of these things. I just go with it, basing myself on the feelings of the moment.

Love this. Don't limit yourself by putting yourself in a category. Go with the flow and just be YOU.

[Tom Church]

Isn't that where most attraction comes from? Being part of overlapping categories and therefore being anomalous, ambiguous and potentially taboo?

[YoungBuck]

Yeah, Im guessing so. The brain doesn't have time to fully figure out everyone in detail and every individual aspect of each person, so it creates stereotypes so it can "order" the world that we live in. When you're running around, 'contradicting' the stereotype people give you (especially women) their brains fizz. They want to know WHY you're so different. Hence, mystery. Thus, attraction.
Being figured out is boring to women. Being a mystery isn't.

[Chikito]

Isn't that where most attraction comes from? Being part of overlapping categories and therefore being anomalous, ambiguous and potentially taboo?

Hahah here comes the Anthropology.

[Hector M.]

That's me.

I'm the one that cannot be labeled. I am my own original creation.

Not sure how I came to be, but I think it had to do with me having an interest to define my own trends, and go against the flow, or something. =\.

...but I feel you Chiki. Be you man. Revel in not being able to be identified.

[Too much too young]

God you boys love your philosophical love fests . . .

Few things I see wrong with these posts.

1) The bitch/boyfriend is still the one shagging the "9". While you smugly are not shagging her.

2) No-one is a stereotype. If I were you boys, I'd stop feeling superior to everyone else because you're a "mystery". Who isn't? And even people who aren't "mysterious" are intelligent/successful/attractive/everything you lot think you are

3) Judging from a couple of answers on here. Some of you havn't a bastard clue about women.


Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes the iron fist is better than the velvet glove.

[YoungBuck]

Too Much, what's your real name? It wouldn't begin with a 'T' would it?

[Hector M.]

Originally Posted by Too much too young

1) The bitch/boyfriend is still the one shagging the "9". While you smugly are not shagging her.

True, but the subject is not about "shagging" her. It's about "stereotyping". While he's not shagging her, he may be shagging others. The "shagging" aspect is none of our business. The issue of "Stereotyping" is.

2) No-one is a stereotype. If I were you boys, I'd stop feeling superior to everyone else because you're a "mystery". Who isn't? And even people who aren't "mysterious" are intelligent/successful/attractive/everything you lot think you are

You're right. No one IS a stereotype. People FALL INTO stereotypes. It's the characteristics themselves that define a stereotype.

Also, who said any of us are superior? Your aggresive demeanor implies YOU being the superior one. Perhaps you are or aren't, doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter if your mysterious, predictable, outgoing, repressed, blue, pink, right, wrong, one-armed, or ridden with cancer...Everyone is good at something. What do you think YOU'RE good at? What's your "Stereotype"?

3) Judging from a couple of answers on here. Some of you havn't a bastard clue about women.

No one has a bastard clue about women. Only those who admit they know NOTHING about women...know everything about women. We just happen to know more than others, cause we study and experiment with stuff every day of our lives.

..but we try. The journey is what counts, not the end result. If the end result was all that mattered, we'd have quit a long time ago.

Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes the iron fist is better than the velvet glove.

No harshness taken. Be yourself, as you were right now. Good shit.

BUT...true tact doesn't come from favoring the gauntlet over the mitt. It comes from knowing WHEN to use WHICH.

[Too much too young]

Young Buck: No, why?

Nice repost Hector M. Glad you didn't take the the easy option and fight with me. The thing that got me about this thread was the blatant air of smugness coming from it, like you all were/are superior than everyone else because you're "mystery" psssh.

And sorry, but

We just happen to know more than others

is contradicted by

When you're running around, 'contradicting' the stereotype people give you (especially women) their brains fizz. They want to know WHY you're so different. Hence, mystery. Thus, attraction.

Total rot. This logic assumes I can be a serial killer infront of her and she'll find me attractive, because I don't fall into the stereotype of a "non-killer" (and don't come back with the bad boy myth).

Let me answer your points now, if I may.

In relation to your reply to my first point, I never said shagging her was the goal. It was the naming of her bf a "bitch" without knowing him, as if to imply he was somehow better. Thus I pointed out yes, "This is the thing, does this happen to anyone else? They don't really fit into any conventional place?" this is true. It's like being a bitch and getting the 9 that everyone wants.

Second point, no-one said you were superior. What I read implies it. And I think you're making the same point as me . . .no-one is superior. We all have stuff we're good at.

Third, this did make me laugh. We've got kids making threads about women, people theorizing, not getting women, but that's ok because you "know" everything about women. There's a difference between knowledge and action.

BUT . . . True comprehension comes from knowing when someone is TRYING to tactful . . . and when someone isn't.

[SilverStreak]

lol, as much as I slightly disagree over some things with you man, your harshness has got a point and I'm totally down with what you're saying. That's why this forum honestly has become a lot less active in the past few months though, people have been out doing things instead of here theorizing.

But as much as I somewhat feel you're going to extremes, there is definitely a lot to be learned from what you're saying man.

But DAMN those words can be harsh - I definitely would've fought them if I hadn't decided to wait before responding. hah

[YoungBuck]

You remind me of someone I know.

[Chikito]

Yes that was pretty harsh but I guess as you say; Iron Fist.

Thanks for pointing these things out, now that I've re-read my post in a different perspective I can definitely see what your saying. I do sometimes feel superior to other people and its a fault that I do my best to check but sometimes things just float under my radar.

A few bones to pick though:

This site is mainly compromised of guys 16-23, when we say women, generally we are talking about females the same age as us. Obviously things are different when your talking about women who are in their late 20's, 30's and 40's.

You have obviously categorized us as keyboard Jocky's. And I never claimed (nor anyone else here) to 'know everything' about Women. In fact the reason we are here typing on this forum is because we knew/know nothing about Women and want to change that through sharing experiences and asking questions - just like the one at the start of this thread...

Yes I was cocky but you haven't actually said anything particularly constructive yet, only pointing out where we have faults. We could do this dance and waste everyones time with pointless internet arguing where we battle over who has a better arguing skills and who has the moral high ground. Who has what kind of personality and whos going to fall for each others traps to prove their point.

Simple fact is I just wanted to know if anyone else here experiences a similar phenomenon where people, and not just girls. Are surprised by the kind of company you keep and the places you frequent.

[Trapstar]

yea bro I know a guy like that at my school, my teammate on our baseball team, he got a 4.0 gpa last semester and still gets chicks like crazy. kinda like some guys can get chicks but are dumb as fuck, and others get 4 points and are still virgins.

it's good to be able to relate to the so called "nerds" and also fit in with the "jocks" and be a ladies man too

[Hector M.]

Originally Posted by Too much too young

Total rot. This logic assumes I can be a serial killer infront of her and she'll find me attractive, because I don't fall into the stereotype of a "non-killer" (and don't come back with the bad boy myth).

A "bad boy" is merely any human being who knows and loves themself enough to garner attitude and positive momentum, defying the (imaginary) "odds" set about him, and allowing even the most unappealing of people to score.

As for "serial killer"...are you saying it:
A)As if she KNEW you went around killing people
Or
B)As if she didn't know, because you didn't give off a "serial killer" vibe.

In relation to your reply to my first point, I never said shagging her was the goal. It was the naming of her bf a "bitch" without knowing him, as if to imply he was somehow better. Thus I pointed out yes, "This is the thing, does this happen to anyone else? They don't really fit into any conventional place?" this is true. It's like being a bitch and getting the 9 that everyone wants.

He didn't call him "A" bitch persay. He said he's "her" bitch, since her attitude is that of a girl who does her thing, and doesn't get attached to one guy at a time (Girl player, whatever...). A good majority of guys have a reason to be nervous and scared. The simple answer is to not give a shit. She flirts with other guys, you flirt with other girls. Balance tends to work.

Second point, no-one said you were superior. What I read implies it. And I think you're making the same point as me . . .no-one is superior. We all have stuff we're good at.

Glad we see eye to eye on that.

Third, this did make me laugh. We've got kids making threads about women, people theorizing, not getting women, but that's ok because you "know" everything about women. There's a difference between knowledge and action.

Hold your horses there Iron Fister.

I didn't say we/I know EVERYTHING. If I knew everything, you'd think I'd be here typing this right now? Cmon bro. =p.

These "kids" you speak about are normal, decent guys looking to improve a facet in their lives (Which happens to be getting with girls). Proven, in the long run, it's EASY AS SHIT (It really is when you boil it down), but some guys have had rougher experiences that fucked up their mind. I'm no Psychologist, nor do I have any medical degree or professional certification, but I know enough to say that some guys had it good early on, and some struggled. Some guys were blessed to have higher self esteem, and some had the unfortunate setback of questioning their own existence. It is what it is.

...maybe some don't do shit about it. maybe some go out every weekend. You have proof as to who talks and who walks? I can say you know your shit, or, you could be an angry keyboard jockey as well. From how you APPEAR, you sound like someone who knows his shit and is comfy with himself, but for all we know, you could also be full of shit, and just an angry tormented soul.

Then again, appearances are what count, so technically, you're how you present yourself.

BUT . . . True comprehension comes from knowing when someone is TRYING to tactful . . . and when someone isn't.

True tact is covering a Velvet Glove over an Iron Fist.

[rjmlvv]

Well, I don't give a rat's ass about what other people think about me talking to people that they don't consider "cool" or "their kind of people".
I make it a point that no-one feels inferior or superior around me.
My reality is "I can talk, have a fun, interesting, serious, or 'whatever-kind-of' conversation with anyone".
That throws people off balance. Because they see me talking to every one.
In actuality, they see me do something they can't imagine doing themselves (yet).
I do hope, that by showing it CAN be done, other people will start to do it as well.