Not sure what to do...

[dmacfour]

I'm going to make this as short as possible because I am low on time. I have known this girl for 2 years now. Things have never worked out, and we were never single at the same time until recently. Needless to say, I pretty much assumed a long time ago that she and I are just friends. despite this, I have always had a crush on her, one that I have tried to ignore. As some of you guys are aware, it's damn hard to ignore these kind of feelings. And now I am just confused as shit because of recent events. I'm receiving extremely mixed signals. Here's some random info:

-We've always been flirty with each other, and she's a cuddly person. It makes it very hard for me to tell when she's hitting on someone, or just doing what she usually does.

-We've done some one-on-one stuff in the last week or two; movies, eating at Zips.

-She's told me in the past that she finds me attractive physically.

-We've had discussions about the "friendzone" randomly in the past, and she has told me she never feels that a door is permanently closed (meaning she doesn't think the friend zone is a prison).

-Yet then I get the just friends vibe again when she complains about the guys she likes/has hitting on her/turns down. She told me she made out with a guy she likes last weekend.

-Last weekend when I was drunk I ended up telling a bunch of people that I've had a crush on her, and I'm pretty sure she knows I like her.

-People keep on telling me that we look like we would be a great couple, that we have great chemistry, we look like we should be together, bla bla bla.

Well now I don't know what the fuck to do. I hate having to keep things secret, but I feel as if I come right out and tell her I have feelings for her, I will make things awkward as shit.

bleh bleh bleh bleh.

[NickH]

Thats a tough spot to be in.

On one hand, you can tell her how you feel and how you two should be, it can work out and be fine.

One the other hand it can really mess things up. Theres always that chance she doesnt feel the same way as you and even though she says you guys can still be friends, it will always be awkward.

Decision that needs to be made would be 5 years from now, what are the chances that you to will still be friends, talking to each other ect. You are going to wish you had that conversation to know what the "what if" could have been.

Tough decision, I dont know if I could personally muster up the balls, but then again im no in your position nor have I been, so I cant speak from experience. Dont know if it helped, but this is just what I think.

[dmacfour]

Well it finally came out. We had a deep conversation about life, and the ****ed up relationships we both have had. We talked for 4 hours and I eventually mentioned I have had a crush on her for awhile. It was after she mentioned that all of her friends were telling her to go out with me (mine were too).

She said exactly what I was expecting:

-I'm her best friend and she doesn't know what she would do if we ****ed our friendship up with a relationship (I am seriously a deeper friend to her than the people she's been friends with since elementary school).

-She's hung up on an EX and another guy that friendzoned her, and she doesn't think it would be fair to be in a relationship with that still going on. She tried to go crawling back to her Ex but he turned her down.

-I'm not in the friendzone in her eyes (wtf does this mean?), but she doesn't even know why I am attracted to her after a lot the things she has told me about her past relationships (she's super insecure about a lot of things).

We talked about it like it was normal sh!t and we went about business as usual afterward. IDK what to think. She's told me she never thinks a door is closed, but it sounds like she values our friendship too much to consider a relationship. I didn't exactly get the definitive answer I wanted, because she worded her answers like she still has a relationship as a possibility.

[NickH]

Yeah thats a tough spot to be in, you know it would be one hell of a relationship if it worked out, but if it doesnt you guys probably wont be the same. Theres a chance you could remain friends or it would just break what you guys had. But Ive heard that in the long run, like later in life that guys that are friended sometimes end up marrying the women because usually they are great guys, just not what she wants while shes young, but when it comes time to settle down, they are perfect. Not saying thats you, but sometimes it works out like that.

[dmacfour]

Yeah, that's what's annoying. We are both psych majors, and we've both been told many times that the best relationships start as friendships.

[tonatiuh8]

Maybe shes waiting for you to go for it. That is why your getting the mixed signals. IF you really do want her fuck it go after her, cause in the future you will think WHAT IF...

[NickH]

Guess so...you only have one shot at life, no second chances.

[Nicholas Fahrenheit]

You're too close of a friend to risk ruining that with a relationship. <-- This is the biggest cop out line in the history of male and female interactions. Everybody knows that if a girl actually fell in love with and dated her best friend theyd be together forever. The first time I got told this line by a girl I accepted it and it exploded at the last minute because I couldnt handle it.

Then I realised it was garbage, from then on id been told once. I said great. So i dodged her calls and didnt talk to her for about 6 months until she exploded and called me selfish and a bastard and all of that for just abandoning her. I wasnt such a good friend after that.. So she decided shed be attracted to me instead.

What im trying to say is.. NEVER accept that line. If you like her and she dosent like you back, stop hanging out with her until she changes her mind.

[dmacfour]

Well, the situation is getting almost unbearable for me. Over break she texted me a lot saying how much she missed me and other stuff. We got back on Sunday, and ate breakfast together. Monday, we spend nearly the entire day together. We went running in the morning. We walked around town for a couple of hours, sitting by a secluded stream, sitting together on baseball bleachers talking about life. It seemed perfectly romantic, other than her bringing up her ex at one point. The next night, she came over and watched the movie Perfume: The Story of a Murderer with me. At one point, she made a jerking movement as if she was going to reach for my hand, but then she pulled back as if she suddenly changed her mind.

Speaking of her mind, I have no idea what's going through it. This semester she's dated random guys she doesn't like that much, stringing them along and then not do anything with them. She tells me she can't get over her ex, even though he already has a new GF. She's still into her crush, even though he friendzoned her. All of her and my friends are scratching their heads right now. They can't understand why she doesn't just date me; it's the classic, "perfect guy right in front of you, but you won't (for whatever reason)" situation. Everyone tells me that we would be amazing together, that we have perfect chemistry, etc., and that just makes me depressed. I can't go after other girls without thinking of her. When she talks about other guys it's like someone stabbing me in the chest.

I've been down all day thinking about it. It's come to the point where I need to be completely blunt with her. Either we stop playing games, or I stop being around her until I can get over her. I don't know if I can be around her as a just a friend without getting down on myself. But even then, we have very similar schedules, and the same group of friends, so I couldn't just escape. It's painful to say, but I don't think I've been this into a girl before. It made think ten times worse after I told her I like her; she just gave me a bunch of BS vague answers that confuse me (like telling me I'm not in the friendzone). Also, I don't think she knows how much I like her; for all she knows, I just have a crush on her.


I can't stop dwelling on it.

[tonatiuh8]

Nicholas is right sometimes is not worth trying to get a friend cause it could ruin a great friendship. But in your case I think you really do want her and you rather try then to say what if. And I think you hit it spot on, you have togo balls out and make the move. She is either a tease or could be confuse and maybe even scare to also ruin the friendship of shit don't work out. So go for it is what I say.

[dmacfour]

So if I get the chance, I am going to talk to her again today about what's been going on. I'm going to make sure that she know keeping me hanging like this is torturing me mentally. I'm going to make sure some of the stuff she said last time wasn't just her trying to be nice... I'd rather have the blunt truth. I'm mentally prepared to get a "just friends" speech, but obviously hope for better.

Here goes nothing.

[dmacfour]

So I talked to her again today.

Actually, she started it out. She asked me if she was preventing me from dating other women. I told her I was still confused after out talk before break. She basically rehashed most of what she said before, but explained to be what she meant.

-She is still not over her ex, a guy who friendzoned her, and her summer fling. She says that if we dated, she couldn't be 100% committed to me. She did the same thing to her last unofficial boyfriend. Obviously, if I got involved with her, I'd end up getting my heart stepped on. Probably a good thing not to.

-She told me she likes that she can be around me even on the days she doesn't want to be around anyone, and "looks like crap". That screams friendzone to me.

-So then I was like, "Why did you tell me I am not in the friendzone?" She told me that she doesn't ever believe that doors are closed. So basically she wants to keep me as a backup plan for the future. bleh.

-I was like, "I don't like this vague stuff; am I just a friend, or not?" As far as the present and near future is concerned, I am just a friend. That's what I needed to hear.

Now that I'm done with this confusing bullshit, I can move on to other women. I actually feel pretty relieved.

[Nicholas Fahrenheit]

haha, stop bullshitting. Its been 2 weeks since that post, have you moved on? End her, shes keeping you on the hook, which is exactly where she needs you. She obviously has terrible self esteem and seeing you gives her an ego booste. Which she needs all the time because other guys are treating her like crap.

Its time for you to avoid her, and even start making her dislike you. Treat her horribly, exclude her from friendship things, make it entirely obvious you want zero to do with her. This might seem harsch, but to be honest, shes a bitch. As soon as you come to see it like that, you'll be glad you treated her like that anyway. Start it now, if you havent already. Thus begins the era of no girl putting your heart through a shredder.

[dmacfour]

Well I'm pretty Fuking excited right now.

A could of hours ago, what I was waiting for since the beginning of the semester happened.

We had been talking for a couple of hours, having a deep conversation about life in general, cuddling, etc.

We were facing each other, and I had a gut feeling that she wanted to kiss, and not long after, she leaned in and we made out for awhile.

I feel fuking awesome right now. I've been waiting for that moment for so long.

I'll be cautious, but things are looking better.

[christopher]

I have read all the things which you have written here and I think you really love her very much.Personally I am believe that whatever the situation is but we should express out feeling once in front of her without any doubt.While we are expressing ,the way should be very romantic and seem true and innocence.If she also have same feeling for you then her answer would be satisfactory.