Maintaining an exciting relationship

[Tom Church]

Now, although this is not strictly PU, it is, I believe, a fundamentle part of the community which is often, if not always left out. There are a lot of young men on this site...beginning at 14 I believe, and I too am young, 17 turning 18. Therefore, what I am about to write will mainly apply to the younger people, as the nature of relationships change with age - jobs, living together, opportunities for sex etc.

If you are starting to learn PU from an early age, you must be careful not to think of women as targets. Recognise this danger. If you make it a habit that you only think of women as targets, you will die a lonely man, unable to befriend anyone.

Keeping an exciting relationship on the phone
When you are still at college (this means high school in England, not University), it may be difficult to see your partner often as she is in a different college. You may be restricted to once a week, or perhaps less. It is important then, to make the most of these short time spans. As, during the week, both you and her become frustrated with each other and subconsiously start anchoring bad feelings towards eachother. This is sometimes known as losing the "spark".

To start with the basics, never let yourself be predictable to her. Don't start making a routine of calling every night, or sending a good night text...or any shit like that. Text her during the week, if she doesn't respond to one, don't call or text for 2 days. Let there be consequences. Be the one that wears the trousers in the relationship.

When you call her, make sure the conversation is fast-tempo'ed, funny, exciting, emotionally wearing. Tell a story of what happened earlier in the week, it doesn't matter what, if it's funny, she'll laugh. Then tell another about a sad event, that'll create sadness, then tell a final story about her, make it a little insulting, make her a bit angry (C&F).

Silence in a phone conversation shows trust, it's stimulating, ride with it. Or, be really funny and pretend to make the dial tone noise of the phone, "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeee BREATH NOISE BEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Don't hesitate to leave the convo, even if you don't want to, it DLV if you can't go...it shows NEED. No, that is not correct. You WANT her, not NEED. If you hesitate, you are not trusting yourself. And if you can't trust yourself, how can you expect her to? This skill of leaving the convo efficiently is one I had to learn quickly. I noticed myself lingering...thinking desperatly of something to say so I didn't have to go. It shouldn't be like that, a short, emotionally charged, exciting conversation will leave both of you feeling a lot better then one that ends in a dreary mundane tone.

Keeping it exciting when you meet

Depending on the time length of the meeting (20 minutes - all weekend) you should again keep it emotionally charged. At the beginning of the relationship it'll be hard to keep your bodies apart. If you are living at home with your rents, it is difficult to maintain a very sexual relationship (depending on the "laxness" of your parents). What you should do, to minimise this problem of lack of privacy is to know your area like the back of your hand. The normal town you meet up in, quiet spots, secluded spots, secret areas, beautiful areas. Look on google earth, write down all the cool places you have been, or had a sexual experience in. This sounds like a dodgy thing, but it can be a very serious problem! Examples:

Graveyard (understandably controversial)
Massive Hill that has an awesome view, very quiet in the dark
Clean Toilets where people can't see you both going in
A secluded bench in a park
Behind a big tree where there is little risk of being seen
Hay Bails in a farm
Farm (NOT with animals)
Down a footpath with few people around
Forest (normally beside a footpath)

Special mention to forests...if you ever have the chance to explore a forest near you, do it. Nearly all forests have streams/ponds or clearings or just really strange things. In a forest near me, I went for a run, and found a huge open metal structure, like a massive shed...it had car seats and stuff in. I found a bridge going over the stream, but no path leading to it.

However, you must build trust in your partner to take her there. And don't just have one agenda (sex), be a man of multiple traits: have other interests, for example,


Graveyard - Interesting tomb
Massive Hill - awesome view
Clean Toilets - cool taps/flush mechanism :S
A secluded bench in a park - you need to find somewhere to tell her a secret
Behind a big tree - lie. Say there is something really kl carved, but get her and show your true emotions - caveman
Hay Bails in a farm - climbing is really fun/birds nest on top
Farm - Go stroke some horses
Down a footpath - it's unknown to you and her, "lets go on an adventure"
Forest - Really kl bridge

Some of these are lame examples that i've just thought of on the spot, but they are just to show you what I mean.

Now you can't always to meet to release your bodily fluids...no matter how much you'd want to. So what you need to do is to keep these meetings exciting too. Find exciting things to do in your area:

Swimming with huge diving board
Shopping for fancy dress
Going to a chocolate shop
Playing Lazer Quest
Watch a Scary film

Of course, meeting at parties/clubs/social events is quite different, you socialise with different people as well as her.

So these ideas alone, assuming that you see her about twice a week, or three times (remember grandads that some of us don't have the opportunity to say, "come back to mine") (Ooo that's a point, Learn to drive ASAP. Cars are mobile pussy wagons. If you can't drive, become V. Good friends with someone that does have a car, it comes in handy)

Try out weird stuff
Think of it as, "I want her to remember me by having loads of experiences". I go out hoping to make the world a better place, by sharing positive experiences with others.

When she talks to her friends about you, (which she will, a lot), you should be able to give her a hell of a lot to talk about. You want her conversations to be interesting!

Hence the subtitle, 'Try out weird stuff'. This is in both sexual and non-sexual terms. And sexual does not mean weird fetishes...though that would be interesting, by all means, bondage, tit-jobs, foot-jobs, role-play...it's all healthy. But she won't talk to her friends about that (much). Instead, at parties try pulling with vodka in your mouth. Tell her to stick out her tongue as far as possible and suck it. Go caveman and be amazing.

Non-sexual ideas would be both wearing ski goggles as you go shopping together. Or running naked around your town outside at 4 am when no1 is around....(I guess that's sexual) You get the drift.

Keeping a fufilled relationship

Now, there will come a time when excitement is not the answer. You or your partner is upset, in a crisis, whatever. Be there, do NOT be square. I'd rather her not remember me being there, then her rememeber me not being there (this might take a few times to read to understand. It does make sense).
Read Chikito's post on making a Soul Mate moment. When she is upset, pace her (NLP technique); this means match her pacing of words, breathing, body actions, then once strong rapport has been built, gently lead her; increase your breathing, let her follow, increase the tone of your voice to a happier one, show her the options she has, lead her down those paths of thoughts to happier outcomes. Make her follow you up out of her depression. Don't be aggressive, and don't be sympathetic without any advice. We all hate someone saying, "Are you OK?" OF COURSE IM NOT FUCKING OK. Be a man and make this world a happier place.

Jealousy Plots
It will happen. Some time, she will say, "i'm going for dinner with Dave tonight", or "i'm going back to Dave's to watch a film" or some shit. Initially this will fuck you over. Learn to laugh at this, it is perhaps the toughest thing to do, but you can laugh. Don't let it affect you. And if it does, don't let her see you do that. Now, if you honestly suspect her of cheating on you, then follow your own choice of action. I'm talking about little comments she gives just to test you or keep you guessing. Don't care.

In the same way, in my opinion, you should do it too. Keeps a healthy relationship. My friend observed last week that me and my GF have a little routine at parties; we will greet eachother, spend 5 mins with eachother talking w/e, then we'll both fuck off and flirt with other people, then spontaniously we'll end up together and just get off (at which point alcohol is flowing). It's like we're both saying to eachother, "we could get with others if we wanted to." This mentality I think is quite healthy, it keeps you mentally sharp, don't turn into an AFC, which is why I still come onto this site.

AFC times
However, there are times when you can be an AFC when in a relationship. Although these should be rare, because of your C & F personality, an AFC gesture e.g.
"wow, you look beautiful tonight" or buying gifts, is actually appreciated more.
Though you may actually need to learn how to look sincere, as many responses are often, "I never know when to take you seriously". Birthdays and Xmas are obvious occasions when you do give presents, but even with these, try to make it exciting. Perfume / necklace is a standard AFC present that every BF gives. A remote controlled vibrating egg isn't though (there's a post on here somewhere...)


All in all, when and if you break up, you want to be THAT ex, not AN ex

Calvin